HAPPY WOMEN'S DAY.. to all of us!!

Yesterday was International Women's Day.. nice that they call it international.. makes it truly inclusive and includes women all over the world! I am fortunate to have met and gotten to know women in different parts of the world.. some casually and some otherwise.. All of these women are different and similar in certain ways.. they may be rich or poor.. educated or illiterate.. working or homemakers.. beautiful stunning or average looking.. brilliant or clever.. street smart or savvy.. BUT.. what stands out like a shining beacon about ALL these women is their strength resilience confidence integrity generosity patience and above all.. compassion..

Today's blog is a celebration of and tribute to all the very special unique and wonderful women in my life that I can't imagine my world without..

Let's start with the woman I owe my very existence to.. my mother Vasant Dalal.. or Vasu as we used to affectionately address her! She was one helluva woman.. way ahead of her time and absolutely her own person.. Although she wasn't a graduate with a degree from any college.. I say confidently and proudly that she lived life on her own terms and told it like it was.. often a tad outspoken and called a spade a shovel! She taught me to believe in myself.. and I remember asking her once before going to a party "Mom.. do you think this top is a little transparent?" To which her reply was "If YOU aren't comfortable wearing it then don't.. but don't think about what anyone ELSE is going to think or say!" She drove my friends and me home from Shanmukhananda Hall one night in torrential rain without headlights horn and wipers.. talk about a rockstar!! Thank you Mummy for the deep reserves of courage..

And then let's talk about my Head of Department from teacher's training college.. Jana Mahadevan who was (and continues to be) truly passionate about children.. the environment in which they should learn.. HOW to create it and make it a JOYFUL experience.. Thank you Jana for awakening a similar passion in me.. and for pushing lazy me above and beyond my limit to excel and truly be the best teacher I can be.. 

My friend Roshan and I met a really long time ago at a seminar on Professionalism in Education where she attended and appreciated two of my workshops! We're almost a generation apart but there's a "karmic connection" and almost all major events in our lives happen at around the same time for us both! Roshan, thank you so much for showing me how important it is to be thorough and get to the crux of a matter..

A heartfelt "thank you" to my friend Dinaz Stafford who's always encouraged me to spread my wings and fly! She's incredibly committed to everything and everyone in her life! Will be eternally indebted to you for seeing my potential and abilities and entrusting your precious Salaam Baalak Trust children and "Didis" to me! Thank you Dinaz for showing me how to "jump in at the deep end" and still swim!

Another inspiration would have to be my bestie Anu Thyagarajan who tells the BEST stories in the world! She's the best teacher I have ever known and possibly of the the nicest human beings I know.. super high on both IQ and EQ.. in Singapore for the last 26 years but an integral part of my daily life.. Thank you Anu for always believing in me (more than I believe in myself) and teaching me how to think before I speak..

Have to mention my oldest friend Varsha Shinde who I've known and loved for over 52 years now.. another woman of substance who married before the age of 18 into a big joint family and has evolved into the quintessential "centre of the family" who manages a husband family and agriculture with great aplomb! Thank you Varsha for teaching me how to celebrate every little joy in life!

In 1979 it was "Prefect's Day" in Queen Mary School when the girls in standard 9 and 10 used to go to the junior classes and handle them for the whole day.. thanks to that I met Shriti Kapadia who's consistently been the most sensible and practical person I have ever met.. with a heart of pure gold! Thank you Shriti for always giving great advice.. being my voice of reason and leading by example!

I was incredibly lucky in college to meet and befriend Smita Mankani Parul Jhaveri Lavina Roy and Kavita Khanna! Smita is someone I love like a sister or even more.. her house is my house and we don't keep any secrets from each other.. She's just been through a major health issue and dealt with it beautifully.. Thank you Smita for teaching me that in gentleness and pure goodness of heart lie the greatest strength! 

Parul is another person I can not begin to imagine my world without.. she is calm collected organized and NEVER hurries.. also one of the biggest supporters to me on my spiritual journey and someone who I can talk to about ANYTHING with no fear of being judged at all.. Thank you Parul for teaching me how to hold up a mirror to myself analyze what I see and work on changing it.. I love you!

Lavina is someone I have HUGE respect for.. with constant stress and an incredibly busy life.. she still manages to "be there" as the proverbial "rock" for her friends and family and runs two houses brilliantly! Her children are my children too and we share a wonderful friendship! Thank you Lavina for showing me how "friends become family" and for being family to me!

Kavita is the real life representation of Superwoman.. work family home friends faith and everything else.. she manages to rock it all and "be there" for everyone and everything! She and I can spend hours talking and laughing about anything and everything and time just flies! Thank you Kavita for showing me constantly that it doesn't pay to take life too seriously..

Last but by no means the least are Ami Thakker and Alefia Zoomkawala who have been my "partners in crime" while teaching street children or participating in my wild fancies or getting involved in worthy causes! Both of these women are gentle softspoken and amazing wives mothers mothers-in-law and still rocking in their own right! Thank you for the trust and for always participating so completely in everything we do..

I could go on and on because the list of women who have inspired me taught me learned with me and just BEEN with me through the good bad and ugly is dauntingly long.. suffice it to say I am abundantly blessed.. supremely grateful for all the wonderful gifts you bring to my life.. and am committed to all of you in equal measure! Thank you for being the (some or all) wild wacky weird and wonderful women you are and for everything you bring to the table! The world celebrates us on the 8th of March but I say to our great sisterhood.. let's just promise ourselves to celebrate each other.. support each other.. straighten each other's crowns.. feel free to reach out to each other and just keep rocking it every single day! 

As the R K Laxman joke goes.. She asked him "Why did you create only the common man and not the common woman?" He smiled and said "because a woman can NEVER be common!"

Remember that you are unique.. one of a kind.. and have some truly exceptional qualities that make you very special.. so stand tall.. keep smiling.. stay positive and keep believing in yourself.. for it is genuinely YOU who makes our world a wonderful place to live in! God  bless and much love always!!

and of course.. Happy Women's Day!!

FREEDOM.. is a hard choice sometimes!

By birth I am Indian and India is a free country.. American is often referred to as the land of the brave and the free.. and it often makes me wonder.. What IS freedom and what does it REALLY mean to be free? Freedom in India according to the Constitution means freedom of speech thought and action (within reasonable limits obviously).. and it is a gift that is constantly trying taken for granted.. overused.. abused and misinterpreted..

I liked to believe I was free too.. and I WAS.. until I got married! The in-laws were orthodox in their thoughts.. my (ex) husband was a raging alcoholic and physically abusive as well.. I was far away across the oceans and locked up in the house alone.. It was the most difficult and frightening situation I had ever experienced.. and since I had no idea or understanding of WHY it was happening.. I just took it!

In retrospect there is a realization that a number of events had taken place (falling down and fracturing my tailbone.. my in-laws at the last minute demanding that we display my trousseau) and all of them universally pointed to the fact that this was a bad idea and shouldn't happen.. but being an incurable optimist I kept thinking (hoping and praying) that things would work out and went ahead and got married! Humans are blessed with a strong gut instinct and when we ignore the gut is when we get into trouble.. bigtime!

To cut a long story short.. on the surface.. we had a fairy tale wedding.. everyone I loved was there.. the arrangements were impeccable.. the venues for various functions were beautifully decorated.. the food was outstanding.. and a good time was had by all! My husband went back to California promising to get the paperwork started at the earliest.. instead of which within a month.. the weekly phone calls (that I literally lived for) were full of “I don’t know you’re gonna adjust and settle here.. it’s a whole different ballgame etc..” and then all of a sudden “I love you so much.. can’t wait for you to get here” etc.. Bizarre right? Alarm bells going off? They should have for me as well.. BUT.. I was Papa’s princess.. innocent naïve and trusting.. and kept believing that once I got there and we were together.. everything would be alright!

I finally got to Los Angeles airport.. super excited with dreams in my heart and stars in my eyes.. only to find everyone being picked up by someone.. that is.. everyone except me! I waited and waited.. and he finally got to the airport and with a perfunctory hello and a brusque “Hurry up and get in the car.. I don’t wanna get a ticket” and REEKING of whiskey! I realized that I was possibly in trouble here!

We got to the apartment.. he called my parents and told them I had reached safely.. and then went back to the office! I was locked into the house (because he hadn’t had the time in 10 months to get a set of keys made for me).. In a matter of days, I realized he was an alcoholic and an abusive one at that! He didn’t eat at home but we went to a nearby bar every evening where he drank.. got drunk.. and then would bang my head against the wall.. slap me.. beat me up.. burn me with a lighted cigarette.. and then come and apologize profusely saying he loved me etc.. To say that it was scary would be an understatement and it finally came to a stage where he wasn’t willing to seek professional help.. his parents were in denial.. and I just couldn’t take it anymore! I was a prisoner in an apartment that didn’t feel like home.. had no friends to meet.. nobody totalk to.. nowhere to go.. and nothing to do except keep cleaning the house!

I slept with my passport money and jewellery in my pillow case under my head every night.. and the day I called him to say I was leaving, he said “I am like this and I am going to remain like this.. if you want to stay, stay.. and if you want to go, go.. Am very busy at work and have important stuff to do!” My aunt came to fetch me and he didn’t even call for 4 days! I consulted a lawyer and she suggested getting an annulment since we hadn’t been married for even a year!

Suffice it to say that it was an unpleasant day at the courtroom, primarily because he came to court drunk and was fined for contempt of court.. for mental physical and emotional abuse.. and on the 27^th of February 1995.. I was finally FREE again! Free to laugh.. to smile.. to meet friends.. go where I wanted.. do what I wanted.. and most of all.. freedom from FEAR! It was a   hard fought battle for me since I was not the person I am today.. was much quieter.. not as bold or brave.. very overprotected.. and terrified out of my wits! It must be confessed that once I got the Decree of Annulment in my hand, that was definitely a WOW moment!

It was the happiest day of my life and the beginning of my journey of self-growth, strength and resilience! It is a day that I celebrate every year because it has taught me to value freedom and acceptance above all else.. the freedom to choose the people I want in my life.. the freedom to take my own decisions.. and the freedom to live safely and away from toxic people! When I look back, there are no regrets and in a weird way.. there is gratitude for getting to learn these life lessons firsthand because in the words of Abraham Lincoln “only the test of fire makes fine steel”..

Counting my blessings is something that comes naturally to me.. and among them I always include a special mention of gratitude for the freedom to live life on my own terms.. and we should all do that! Biggest takeaways for me from this debacle have been not to give the control for my happiness to anyone else.. and believe that “If God brings you to it.. he also brings you through it” so no matter what.. just keep the faith strong and keep believing in yourself!

Cheers to freedom.. and to being ourselves!!

Stay brave happy blessed and safe!!

 

 

MAKE IT A HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY.. you can and must!!

 The 14th of February.. at any age and any stage.. this date awakens feelings and smiles in us that have been (sometimes) dormant for a very long time! Second only to my birthday, this is absolutely my favourite day in the year.. reason being that it's an opportunity to spread love and sunshine! If we are open to it, this day helps us to evolve into a better human being and also to appreciate the efforts and existence of those who are always "there" for us - to support love care for and understand us.. no matter what!

The person we reach out to doesn't need to be our girlfriend/boyfriend/significant other or even spouse.. it can be anyone from our family or friends.. because it is a day to celebrate love respect and affection.. At a spiritual level, this day gives multiple opportunities to inculcate empathy, charity and kindness towards others.. we just need to be aware and do the needful without wasting the opportunity!

Growing up in the USA as a little girl has been a blessing in more ways than one - firstly, I learned to THINK in English without the difficulty that most children from a bilingual or multilingual house face.. thinking in another language and then mentally translating AND looking for the specific words in English and then SAYING it! Secondly (and more importantly I think) it was a joy growing up in a small village where feelings of love affection and friendship were expressed very openly and without any "politically correct" filters!  

My Dad was never a really expressive person verbally.. but he evolved into the "perfect" Dad for me because he did what all the other kids expected from their Daddies.. However awkward he may have felt about it, he submitted to near-strangling hugs at school pick-up and drop-off time.. at good morning and good night times.. AND even learned to hug me back! He came to every school meeting and concert and applauded my efforts enthusiastically (even if my role was the modest one of a bumblebee in a garden)! My Mom.. she was even less expressive and thought saying "I love you" was silly and completely unnecessary.. thankfully she used to say "I love you" to my Dad so that was good!

Indian fathers (brothers, husbands and men generally) in the early 70's (and a number of them even now) found it very difficult to say those three little words "I love you" and my Dad was guilty of this too.. I, of course didn't give him a choice and it was literally "baptism by fire" and would DEMAND that he said "I love you too" whenever I said "I love you" to him.. so the poor man indulged his princess and actually started saying it on his own as time went by! Not that I feel guilty in the least for making him learn to say "I love you".. it's SO important!

In a world full of highly learned cultured and erudite people with excellent vocabularies, it amazes me (not in a good way) that so many people are so "backward about coming forward" when it comes to saying "I love you"! They either don't say it.. or else they make do with an offhand (and totally inadequate) "Love you" which is NOT what they WANT to say! Saying "love you" in my opinion.. is like saying you love pizza parasailing chocolate etc.! We love the people we love because they have certain qualities that complement ours.. complete us.. and keep us secure and happy! Isn't that alone good reason to express our feelings?

Psychologists counsellors and mental health experts are constantly surrounded by people who are unhappy maladjusted and seeking "closure".. who are then taught and trained to "verbalize" their thoughts and feelings which will ultimately help them be at peace.. Obviously there are accompanying factors that make the situation even more challenging, but I am a big advocate of expressing my feelings in words.. some people say they can't.. but that's usually nothing more than a lack of effort! The visitor's book at my home in Lonavala bears mute testimony to this.. some pages have a line or two while others are completely filled! 

Considering the levels of stress that most people live with on a day to day basis.. my suggestion is.. just as yoga is good for your mind and body.. simply learning to say "I love you" and celebrating the people you love (with or without chocolate flowers or presents) will transform every day into Valentine's Day! Hearing those words generates the "happy hormones" endorphins serotonin dopamine and oxytocin and creates a magical feeling of euphoria.. so.. What are you waiting for? Tell the people who enrich beautify enhance and make your life better that you LOVE them.. today!!

Lastly, in the words of Paulo Coelho.. 

"When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too."

Hearing those three little words words generates the "happy hormones" endorphins serotonin dopamine and oxytocin and creates a magical feeling of euphoria.. SO.. What are you waiting for? Tell the people who enrich beautify enhance and make your life better happier and more comfortable that you LOVE them.. today!!

IT'S BEEN 5 YEARS ALREADY.. can't believe it!!

 My email id is princesspallu@gmail.com and this has evoked all kinds of reactions from disbelief to amusement.. incredulity to amazement.. derision to delight.. not that what anyone thinks of it makes the slightest difference to me! Everyone knows that I have been.. am.. and always will be Papa's princess.. BUT.. they don't know the truth of the matter.. and THAT is..       I am a princess not because I have a prince, but because my father is a king! 

The internet defines a king as "If you describe a man as the king of something, you mean that he is the most important person doing that thing or he is the best at doing it." Bingo! My father was the king of parenting and the best Daddy in the world.. spoken like the true blue doting and devoted daughter right? It happens to be the truth.. the whole truth.. and nothing but the truth so help me God!

My childhood was special and unique as in.. I have way more memories of doing things with my Dad.. and he was just always "there"! When I was a little girl, all too often (usually on a weekend) I'd wake up in my pajamas tucked into my "rajai" on the back seat of the car and ask, "Where are we going?" Dad would reply with a one word answer "Mahabaleshwar.. Poona.. Surat.. Khandala" or some such.. It would be an adventure and sometimes a 5 star one.. and sometimes a 2 star one.. but always great fun! He pampered me with meals at the Taj.. and also made me stay in "dharamshalas" with smelly mattresses.. all because he firmly believed that we (my brother and I) should grow up to be "rough and tough"!

I was thoroughly pampered as a little girl.. he had a special nickname for me (which I am certainly NOT sharing here).. used to make up songs especially for me and call home telling my Mom to bring me to the phone (even as a baby) and sing them! He taught me a lot of Gujarati folk songs on our road trips (of which there were many) and a few Bengali ones as well.. and never once made me self-conscious about not being able to sing well.. or not having a sense of rhythm.. sadly I am totally unmusical.. but I love to listen!

Sometimes it was almost like he had a split personality.. that of a strict disciplinarian as well as an indulgent and loving father! Every Saturday morning was writing table, cupboard and room inspection.. and if anything was untidy or out of place - NO pocket money! He told me once in no uncertain terms, "If I know how to make you sit on my head.. rest assured I know how to get you off twice as quickly!" and he wasn't kidding! He was firm but fair.. also my champion who forbade my Mom from opening and reading my letters saying that children's privacy MUST be respected.. not that it made much of a difference to her! He UNDERSTOOD that we had crushes and needed to put up posters of them so made a huge bulletin board in our room.. and explained to my Mom that it was normal and an important part of growing up!

As I grew up, we became very good friends and had a lot of very interesting conversations! He didn't necessarily approve of my choices of places of employment but didn't try to change my mind.. allowed me the opportunities to learn from my own mistakes (for which I am very grateful) and was my #1 friend philosopher guide protector and defender! Am told that I take after him and am strong headed at times.. and we definitely had our differences of opinion.. sometimes he conceded.. sometimes I did.. and occasionally we were at a stalemate! No matter what and come what may.. it was mostly a democracy at home!

My thirteenth birthday present was - don't hold your breath - not one but TWO cardboard cartons stuffed to bursting with abridged versions of the classics.. William Shakespeare.. Charles Dickens and all those great people! I got a remark for untidy handwriting in school and promptly he made sure I did two pages of copywriting from one of them.. which he would check and ask me questions about later! Our amusement at a restaurant was being given paper, pencil and the menu.. we had to correct spelling mistakes in the menu and ask the meanings of words we didn't understand.. both my brother Sunil and me!

He was, without a doubt, the most stubborn human being on the planet but I loved him to bits! Most of my friends remember him as someone who would come and say hello.. chat for 2 minutes and then go back to his own room! Not that he talked much (except about the good old days) but he connected with a number of people.. which has always surprised me! He taught me how to be neat organized and methodical.. and I am eternally in his debt! Despite being a workaholic, he always gave us enough time and was a willing repairer of household gadgets.. singer of songs.. dispenser of advice.. and so much more! He taught me to believe in myself.. fight for my rights.. not give in when I'm in the right.. never to accept injustice.. and always encouraged me to just "BE the best version of MYSELF that I could be!"

Daddy went through multiple hospitalizations and a great deal of ill heath.. all with a good grace and tremendous patience! He's been the strongest influence in my life.. was my hero.. my champion.. my idol.. my inspiration.. and as time goes by.. am just trying to do what he would have done.. and make him proud! 

It's now 5 years since he left this world.. and there isn't a day that I don't miss him.. get misty-eyed and wish he was here! I really miss his quiet sense of humour.. his wisdom.. his problem solving skills.. and gentle hugs and kisses (as opposed to my slightly ferocious ones) and STILL have days when I don't know how to go on without him! It's been 5 years and yet it feels like yesterday that you left me.. but I know in my heart that you're still "right here" with me.. watching over me and protecting me.. like you always have! February 3rd is always a heartbreakingly difficult day for me.. simply because I miss you so much!

In the immortal words of Sigmund Freud, "I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection." Love you hamesha papa and miss you even more.. and thank you for everything you have done for me.. am SO proud to be your daughter!! It's impossible to think that 5 years have gone by so quickly.. but be at peace Papa.. until we meet again..

WHO'S BRINGING WHAT TO YOUR LIFE.. make sure you understand!

 One of the nicest feelings in the world is putting a smile on someone's face and making them happy.. right? Definitely.. for sure.. I agree 100%.. BUT.. Have you ever stopped to go out of your way to do something to make YOURSELF happy? Most of us would plead "Not guilty your Honour" to that accusation.. and THAT is such a sad thing! 

The way I see it, we grow up as children with everyone pampering us and doing things to make US happy and making US feel special (because we are children).. and then.. all of a sudden (and this holds more true for women as compared with men, particularly in India).. you're "all grown up".. old enough to be married.. old enough to take on the responsibilities of keeping not merely a husband.. but often the in-laws.. the staff.. children.. friends of the family.. etc. looked after comfortable AND happy as well.. That's what I call a really tall order! AND.. you're expected to just hop into the saddle and do it all brilliantly!

Okay.. so here you are.. at any and every age and stage in life.. trying your best to be super efficient obliging understanding and helpful to anyone and everyone around you! Overwhelmed? Exhausted? Irritated?  Frustrated? That's a given.. and here's the reason why (in my head at least)..

 This has everything to do with being aware about the people you have in your life.. and more importantly the people you ALLOW in your life!  Also.. do take some time to introspect about the people in your life in terms of WHAT they bring to it.. Are they bringing security and comfort.. stress and tension.. negativity and sorrow.. love and laughter? 

For the longest time I had this tremendous "need to be needed" and it overshadowed everything else.. I was a people pleaser and would go to any and all lengths to do things for others and make them happy.. at the cost of my health.. of displeasing my parents.. of people laughing at me.. it was almost like being desperate for a word of approval or a smile or a kind word.. I just WANTED to be liked and have people say nice things about me!

Not being exceptionally academically brilliant good looking or creative especially as compared with others.. it was an uphill battle.. I realized that I had the ability to communicate my thoughts and feelings clearly.. and to connect with people that way.. so I concentrated on making good friends! The good thing that happened was that my good side and good qualities came to the surface.. but the bad qualities still stayed put.. and I didn't realize that THOSE were the ones I needed to work on.. impatience.. being intolerant egotistical and having a short temper.. for a long time..

Life teaches us so much.. if we choose to learn and fortunately for me.. some people came into my life and helped by accepting (and rejecting) me JUST the way I was.. warts and all! They gently (and not so gently) held up a mirror to my heart and I realized that unless I was happy and accepted myself.. no one else was going to! 

A bad marriage taught me not to depend on anyone for my happiness.. good friends taught me to be optimistic.. some heartbreakingly difficult conversations taught me that it was time to change NOW.. and my good friend Porus taught me it's all about getting in touch with your inner self and your energies! 

He gave me two books.. some very insightful and thought-provoking conversations.. asked some deep questions and created the stepping stone to my journey of personal spiritual growth.. Ever since I started.. there has been no looking back.. every day is a day of some new thought.. a small realization.. some decision based on a better understanding.. for all of which he has been the catalyst and I will be eternally grateful..

We are surrounded by people.. friends family neighbours staff colleagues etc.. and EVERY single one of them brings something different to our lives! I have been hurt and learned the hard way that there are people who are "energy vampires".. seemingly very nice on the surface but am just drained after meeting them! They feed off our energy and go away energized and leave us completely depleted.. and others who are a quiet presence but who boost our confidence without seeming to do anything except believing in us! There are also the people who can bring a twinkle to our eyes and a spring to our step with just a message or a two minute phone call..

A doctor once told my father "Remember that lifetime medication doesn't mean lifetime dosage.. you need to check every six months because your body may start reacting differently".. and am going to draw a parallel here.. Human beings are dynamic and so are their relationships and energies.. so it's a good idea to sit down quietly perhaps once in six months.. think about the people in your life and the energies they bring to it.. and analyze who is bringing what to your life.. realize.. recalibrate your mind and heart.. and  THEN.. lift your chin.. square your shoulders.. be at peace with yourself.. and carry on being your highest spiritual self and live the most beautiful life imaginable because you KNOW.. you just KNOW.. and you come always from the space of consciousness and awareness! 

ACCEPT YOURSELF.. FOR EVERYTHING YOU ARE.. and aren't!!

"When I was just a little girl.. I asked my mother "What will I be?

Will I be pretty? Will I be rich? Here's what she said to me..

Que sera sera.. whatever will be will be..

The future's not ours to see.. Que sera sera.."

Doris Day's iconic song comes to mind so often especially in times of uncertainty.. which we're getting an overdose of these days! Is is the Delta? Is it Omicron? etc.. 

All little girls and boys dream of growing up to be pretty or handsome or rich.. meeting Prince Charming or their Queen of Hearts.. falling in love.. getting married.. and living happily ever after! Is it really that simple? Is it?

Let's start at the very beginning.. What will I be? The great big all-important I.. I.. ME.. and MYSELF.. Before we think of what we WANT to be.. let's think of what WHO and WHAT we are today! A number of us (including me sometimes) don't like looking at ourselves in the mirror.. We invariably end up thinking thoughts like "Ohmigod.. I've put on so much weight.. my nose is too big.. my skin is a mess.. my dark circles are even worse than they were a couple of days ago.. I'm having such a bad hair day etc.. etc.."

There is another mirror I want you to look at yourself in.. the mirror that shows you your soul.. your mind.. your thoughts emotions.. faults and failings and fears.. concerns.. insecurities.. and your deepest feelings.. look at the mirror WITHIN you.. and.. What do you see? When you sit quietly with yourself, do you see yourself as a happy well-adjusted and calm person.. or do you see a nervous wreck who's terrified of change.. the unknown.. possible illness.. a looming financial crisis.. or do you see yourself as someone who is lost insecure and struggling to cope with whatever life is going to throw at you next? Do you see a person who you wish was a little smarter.. better looking.. confident.. efficient.. a person who is ENOUGH? Or do you see your inner beauty.. your kind heart.. sensitive soul.. your organizational skills.. your cheerful disposition.. your wellspring of positive energy.. and all your incredible qualities that set you uniquely apart from others? 

The "gyaan gurus" (motivational speakers etc..) are always telling us "You can do it.. if you try.. You are capable.. just focus and make it happen.. To my mind, they're forgetting to ask us a couple of simple questions.. the first one is.. Do you love yourself? Do you think people accept you for who you are? Given a choice, what are the three things you would change about yourself? And THAT"S when you fall into the trap! The trap is self-doubt and it's a horrible place because it's infested with nasty things like low self-esteem.. insecurity.. tension and diffidence.. none of the things you need to live a happy fulfilling life! A number of us (including me until sometime ago) would often get the feeling of "I wish I was as confident as ABC.. or Why can't I tell jokes like XYZ or.. How come I'm not exceptionally good at anything?"

STOP!! Stop it right now!! Please know that the MOST important emotion in life is love.. and to be very specific.. self-love! Self-acceptance is the only way to truly experience self-love. To achieve this, you need to accept who you are and always be true to yourself. Then and only then will you be able to fully love yourself the way you deserve to be loved. Through self-love and self-acceptance, you will be able to set boundaries to determine how others treat you. If you show them that you are worthy and love yourself, they will treat you that way. This in turn ensures that they see that you won’t accept any treatment other than kindness and love.

Each and every one of us have some amazing qualities.. maybe we are fantastic cooks.. or have perfect bodies.. or are magicians with the computer.. have elephant-like memories.. are super high on empathy.. and ALL of us have areas that we need to work on.. maybe we need to be more organized.. lose weight (me).. remember to pay our bills on time.. are awkward in formal social situations (me me).. have two left feet on the dance floor (me me me)!! Just remember that you need to be AWARE of your strengths.. and challenges.. and ACCEPT them.. Once you accept them, the next steps of working on them and seeing things fall into place will just happen magically! Obviously, keep your goals and targets realistic and achievable.. and do it one step at a time!

In the words of Steve Maraboli "Love yourself.. enough to take the actions required for your happiness.. enough to cut yourself loose from the drama-filled past.. enough to set a high standard for relationships.. enough to feed your mind and body in a healthy manner.. enough to forgive yourself.. enough to move on.." You must do what it takes to be happy. This means cut the people out of your life that cause drama and let go of the situations caused by that drama. Expect your relationships to be fulfilling and joyful. Be willing to live a healthy life, both emotionally and physically. Forgive yourself for things that you’ve done wrong, and move on from the past.

Last, but by no stretch of the imagination is this the least.. start expressing love through your thoughts.. deeds.. AND words.. It worries me that people are so uncomfortable and reluctant to say "I love you" to their parents, spouses, siblings, family members and friends.. WHAT IS IT?? WHY?? Speaking for myself, it makes me very happy to hear these little words from the people I love! Indians are generally not brought up to be emotionally expressive.. and men even more so.. but this is something we all NEED to learn to do! It's so simple.. when we part from friends, we usually say things like "See you soon.. Drive safe.. Take care.. all you need to do is add a heartfelt "I love you" before leaving parting or hanging up!

I sign off hoping you didn't find my first blog of 2022 very preachy.. but it was a message I wanted to share with you all.. As always.. thank you for reading.. and know that you are loved and your presence in my life is cherished! God bless.. stay safe.. and keep loving yourself.. and those around you!

WHO ARE YOUR HEROES? Tell them!

When 2020 was over we rejoiced.. it was the end of the Covid 19 pandemic we thought.. now it's all over and life will get back to normal.. No need for masking.. we can freely hug our favourite people.. and no need to live in fear.. BUT.. as we all know.. THAT definitely didn't happen.. and NOW we have Omicron to deal with! "When will it end? We are sick of it.. We have had ENOUGH of it now.. We want our normal lives back.. We are sick and tired of work from home because it never ends.. etcetera.. " These sentences pop up and seem to have become omnipresent in every conversation we have these days! 

How do we cope and manage to stay afloat inspite of all these challenges? Are the people we care about going to want to meet us if we become "walking-talking complaint boxes" all the time?! Finding fault and complaining are the easiest things in the world to do.. and sometimes it feels like I know people who have a double Ph.D. in them! On the flip side.. I am also blessed to know people who say "It is what it is.. but thankfully we weren't locked down this year.. we got to meet friends.. also started going to office.. the balance sheets improved.. we are sleeping better.. the weddings were small but intimate.. we have understood how to cherish the special people in our lives etcetera.." 

Heroes don't always wear capes uniforms badges and masks like Superman Batman and Captain Marvel.. most of the time they are dressed just like you and me! 

THESE are my heroes.. to name a few.. ALL the frontline workers are jostling for first place at the top of that list as well - doctors.. nurses.. hospital staff.. and equally the BMC guys who work in sanitation and drainage to keep us healthy.. sweepers who clean the roads.. garbage collectors who barely constantly exposed to toxicity.. my staff at home who do everything they possibly can just to keep me happy and comfy.. friends who call just to check up on me since I live alone.. family who checks in to make sure I'm ok.. our soldiers at the borders protecting us from attack.. vendors who are thoughtful and kind enough to call and say "I have the freshest green peas of the season today.. shall I send some across"?

As I was contemplating my last blog of the year.. simultaneously I was thinking of WHAT to write as a new year message.. and Eureka! The thought realization and idea came to me.. let me do a mini analysis of WHAT I admire about the people in my life.. and WHAT is it that makes me want to emulate them at some level.. and WHAT is the genuine compliment I want to pay them that I have perhaps wanted to give them.. but just felt a little awkward about saying in so many words right until now? Let me overcome that little bit of awkwardness and just DO it

and so I started! 

First of all I called an aunt who I don't speak with very often at all.. but I see her posts on Facebook very regularly.. I'm 58 and she's definitely older in chronological years.. but very young at heart! She's now learning ballroom dance and thoroughly enjoying it.. I love the openness to new experiences and that she's having so much fun! I called her up yesterday and told her in so many words and she was super happy! Am blessed to have another aunt who is gorgeous and a great dresser.. especially when she wears traditional Indian wear.. she is the epitome of charm and grace.. and someone I hope to be like perhaps 10 or 15 years from now.. so I called and told HER in so many words as well.. she was utterly delighted and we had a short and sweet chat!

For 2022 Happy New Year wishes.. rather than sending a generic or forwarded message.. let's try reaching out at a one to one level to the people who really matter.. and TELL them why they mean so much to us! Some of you (I know) will immediately think "Oh! I'm not good with words.. can't express.. don't know what to say.. etc" so I'm saying.. There's always a first time for everything.. and when you do it from the heart.. the words just flow! You'll never know what you can do.. until you try!" Reach out and touch someone's life.. put asmile on their face.. say what you FEEL.. and make their new year a joyous one! 

Seeing that this is my last blog for the year.. with tremendous love gratitude and folded hands.. I would like to thank each and every one of you for reading.. commenting.. texting.. appreciating.. and sharing stories of what the blog has done for you.. perhaps it's made you think.. smile.. laugh.. comforted you or started your day off on a good note..  Writing this blog is something I thoroughly enjoy and it's such a wonderful way to remain connected with all of you.. it's been a great channel of self-expression.. and it restores my energies! 

For now.. keep reading.. stay happy and just look ahead to another great year! Wishing you a truly magical 2022 filled with all your favourite things and people!