DON'T DISCOUNT THE SENIORS.. they are treasures!!

Am I a baby boomer or a millennial or a Gen Z or a whatchamacallit? I am clueless and all that I know is that I was born in 1963 and that's all there is to it! The other thing I know for sure is that I am a senior citizen.. and very happy to be one!

You're obviously wondering what this blog is about.. so let me tell you.. I was chatting with a friend last week and she was more than a little hassled with a senior. citiizen in her family.. She happened to mention the phrase "This generation can't handle it when they come up against someone who's smarter than they are" and that instantly irked me and set me thinking..

We were discussing someone who is 90+ years of age and I had all these thoughts.. How quickly do we judge seniors? How ready are we to discount and dismiss their words and wishes in the blink of an eye? How reluctant are we to understand them and try to look at their point of view .. especially when it happens to be different from ours?

Let me use my own father as an example to illustrate what I mean.. He was an extremely intelligent man but in his twilight years.. slowed down a little mentally and physically.. could be extremely stubborn at times and unreasonable to deal with.. but incredibly generous loving and kindhearted most of the time!

There were times when I felt he didn't WANT to understand or look at a situation from my perspective and that was irritating as hell.. but in retrospect.. it was MY ego thinking that I was right and it HAD to be what I said!

This was a person who started from scratch and struggled to buy his own house in a well constructed building that was conveniently located in a prime area in Mumbai! It wasn't easy for a salaried man to do that.. and it called for a lot of sacrifices which he made very happily in order that his family should be comfortable safe and happy! He never once mentioned the sacrifices to us but I know for sure that they existed and were made!

We would make plans to go out for dinner or a movie and at the last minute he would refuse saying he wasn’t up to it! What did I think of? The time I had spent booking the tickets online.. or the difficulty I had had making the reservation.. again.. it was all about ME! Maybe he was genuinely unwell.. or the movie reminded him of something he wanted to forget.. or he was anxious and awkward about using an unfamiliar bathroom.. and I couldn’t see that!

When we were getting some renovation done in the house he would ask (seemingly) trivial questions about what cement was bring used.. or whether the bathroom fittings were made of brass (to avoid rusting) and seeing where we could save some money.. while I was only looking at the aesthetics of the whole thing! So many of those questions come back to me.. and I am flooded with memories about his attention to detail and his wide understanding of so many things people and situations in life..

He spent days on doing so much research before making investments and the benefits came to us in the form of meals at fancy restaurants.. nice clothes and generous holidays! Did all this happen magically? It was all the honest reward to the blood sweat and tears of one man who worked so diligently for so many years.. Am I anyone to judge him?

Whether it was sorting out disagreements within the family.. or how to negotiate a good salary at work.. or how to make the most delicious hand-churned ice cream at home.. he always had a solution for every problem! That was because he always TOOK TIME.. to think things through.. look at it from everyone's point of view.. and then do what was ultimately fair and right to all..

We (the people of my age and younger) are often looking for "quick fixes" and like to believe we know it ALL.. but I would like to make a case for all the 80+ and 90+ people I know here..

Let's keep in mind that they have seen a lot more than we ever will in our lives.. are much wiser.. have faced struggles that we never will.. understand relationships commitment and love without the irrelevant "add-ons" of Valentine's Day.. have the most amazing stoties to tell.. and are storehouses of a wealth of wisdom that we should tap into at every possible opportunity!

A wise person once said that the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person and that is so true.. so let us put aside our egos.. and get from them those time-honoured life lessons.. the tried and tested recipes.. the unique character building traits and learn to cherish the simple joys of life as they have always done!

However successful you may be.. however much money you make.. wherever you may live and whatever you may do.. always be patient and do remember to ALWAYS honour and respect the seniors.. Never discount and dismiss them lightly.. they are absolute treasures! THEIR blessings are what remain with us long after they leave us so please cherish them today!

Thank you as always for reading and please remember to share your name at the beginning or end of your comment (should you choose to write one)!

 

I KNOW I AM SUPER BLESSED.. all because of you!!

Life is a kaleidoscope of emotions and experiences.. and they are dynamic so they keep changing all the time.. It can be an absolute roller coaster ride which is fun when the "high highs" are happening and you're on top of the world! 

When the "low lows" happen.. that's a whole different story altogether! What I am saying is basically that it happens to all of us at some time or the other.. and the good thing is that the whole emotion..feeling..experience or whatever it is.. it doesn't last forever! (even though it may feel like it sometimes)

My life has been a bit of a merry-go-round over the last month almost.. there has been  travel.. birthday celebrations.. surprises.. disappointments.. presents.. dinners.. lunches.. hugs.. messages.. love.. and for some strange reason.. also a deep sense of loneliness..

Nobody is to blame.. nothing specific has triggered it.. but it has been disturbing in the extreme and more so because I (who am usually quite expressive) just couldn't pinpoint the feeling or explain what it was to anyone.. because I couldn't understand what it was myself! 

I was quiet.. unsuccessfully introspective and then because I was frustrated.. became snappy and was very rude to my best friend (who I love more than anyone in the world)! I didn't ever imagine that I could ever be so nasty and she (being the sweetheart that she is) just listened to my unreasonable and illogical talk patiently without judging or giving me advice..

Ultimately found the reasons for my (mis)behaviour and firstly said a thank you prayer for wise and patient guidance along with a non- judgemental listening ear given to me by my guru.. so blessed and grateful for your presence in my life GKG..

Taking a nap in the afternoon always helps me see thenworld differently.. and here I am.. as good as new (whatever that is)! Did my usual stuff and just got off the phone after a 21 minute long call with my bestie whose name I can't mention here (because she is very quiet and shy)! 

I talked my heart out to her and apologized and explained what had happened and what did I get in return? Love.. love and more love! Reassurance that she and all my other friends are always "right here" to support me and help me in any way they can.. and I should never feel lonely and keep quiet about it! 

You know who you are.. so all I will say is THANK YOU for always being the brightest shining beacon of light in my life.. and you are such an exceptionally pure soul who doesn't even know how much your light illuminates my world! God bless you and I love you and hope everyone is fortunate enough to have a friend like you to go through life with!

Sending love to all those of you in my life who care for me.. share with me.. understand me.. accept me and love me (even when I am not loveable)! Know that you are special and that you matter.. and I am so thankful for your presence in my life!

Thank you as always for reading and please remember to include your name at the beginning or end of your comment (should you choose to write one)!

God bless all those who commit to friendship and abide by it no matter what.. keep shining your light as bright as you can!!

MAKE TIME TO DO THE LITTLE THINGS.. they aren't so little!!

When the weekend beckons all of us feel happy and look forward to a leisurely two days of taking life easy and not doing very much at all.. right? Right! How many of us are doing pure physical work that is so exhausting thay it warrants two full days of rest? None!

Speaking for myself.. and remember here that I am NOT employed and do NOT have a job at all.. 9 to 5 or otherwise! I just LOVE the weekends because thats when I get to meet the people I love who are usually busy through the week..

I have a very dear friend (actually my soul sister) in Poona.. she's older than I am and has been very unwell and thankfully is home from the hospital and recovering well now.. Yesterday I had this feeling that I MUST meet her so texted and asked to which she vwry graciously and sweetly agreed and asked what I would like to eat for lunch! 

My trusty driver Dinesh and I left at 8:15 am with some fruit and a few treats for her.. I was fast asleep in the car so he took the "Missing Link" (which I was dead against since I didn't know what condition it was in after the rains) and lo and behold.. We arrived at the house at 10:45 sharp! Mumbai to Pune in 2.5 hours.. in my opinion that's awesome!

She was resting when I reached but came out in 15 minutes and we spent an absolutely delightful and enjoyable few hours telling each other stories of our lives.. catching up on the latest happenings and generally just loving our time together! As always there was a delectable lunch to partake of and time passed slowly (but at the speed of light if you know what I mean)!

Before either one of us realized it was 2 pm and time to leave for Mumbai.. My feet dragged and reluctantly I got.up to leave.. but I know she needed to rest but she gave me the warmest hug when I left and said she felt so much better and happier for seeing me.. that made my day!!

A friend in Mumbai texted when I was on the way back and said "Hats off to you" and when I asked her "For what?" She replied saying "Doing a Poona trip in one day can be exhausting" but I am far from exhausted.. and this "once in a month" visit is a commitment I have made from the heart! 

To be honest, I am refreshed revitalized and so genuinely happy that the travel didn't bother me at all.. What a wonderful privilege it is to have someone special who welcomes me with a genuinely happy heart and smile.. who looks forward to meeting me and gives me such a lovely afternoon! I feel blessed and so grateful for this bond and friendship..

The next time you can spare the time.. go a little bit out of your way and do something nice for a pwrson who isnt expecting it.. Give the people you love the gift of time.. and they will be on Cloud 9.. really! 

Send flowers for no reason.. drop in just to "chill and chat".. just make that little effort.. and take it from me.. it isn't so little after all! Make the people you love know that you love them.. won't wait.. Don't postpone making your special people feel special.. do something today!!

Thank you (as always) for reading and do please add your name at the beginning or end of your comment, should you choose to write one!

IN A WORLD FULL OF MENTALLY ILL PEOPLE.. what are we building?

Watching the news and reading the newspapers every day.. we are mute and horrified witness to unimaginable stories of cruelty and violence! People are being murdered in a fit of anger.. raped as a consequence of bottled up frustration..  kidnapped as a way of getting easy money.. abused by supposedly "safe" adults and the stories go on.. 

It is absolutely terrifying.. the number of people suffering from mild moderate and severe degrees of mental illnesses just walking free.. undiagnosed.. unknown and untreated.. It's enough to make one wonder if we will come home safe and sound at the end of the day! There is no guarantee that we are going to encounter people all of whom are going to think respond react and interact with us the way we do with them.. 

Very often these inexplicable and unreasonable behaviours stem from early childhood.. from parents who never said "no" and thought (mistakenly) that young children shouldn't be disciplined.. The thing with children and all human beings (I believe) is that we all NEED discipline in our lives - it is what gives us a sense of security and teaches us to respect boundaries in our relationships with people! 

The truth is that we can't change anyone else but we can definitely change ourselves! Speaking for myself.. rather than living in fear and complaining about how dangerous the times are.. we need to understand that we are the architects of our own lives and start building..

Building but what should we build? We need to build patience acceptance and tolerance.. both with ourselves as well as with others.. We need to understand that sometimes treatment and therapy are not affordable.. available or accepted.. and for whatever reason.. unable to cope with the pressure that builds up! 

It is imperative that we need to build our reserves of inner resilience and that will come from the regular practice of gratitude and time spent in reflection introspection and simply learning how to "be".. be with ourselves and be with others! 

Learning to "be" also comes from what we think speak and do.. it comes from what we "become" as a result of our thoughts words and deeds.. As we grow and evolve.. we move from merely "becoming" and master the art and supremely important ability of "being"..

Learning to find joy in the little things.. celebrating similarities and still respecting differences.. accepting that circumstances may be out of our control and accepting the consequences of our (sometimes) faulty decisions and errors of judgement are all habits that build character..

All of us need to make a conscious effort to build our levels and reserves of empathy kindness and gratitude.. more importantly we need to learn to "hold steady" when things get tough! 

Most of all.. we need to protect the light within us.. and share it and shine it to help light the path for those who are lost in the darkness of confusion anger sorrow and negativity!

Wishing you to be a wonderfully successful architect of your life and may every support system strength and quality you build and enhance help to make this world a better place for us all..

Thank you as always for reading.. and if you choose to post a comment.. please remember to add your name at the beginning or the end!

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY TO YOU Daddy.. wherever you are!

What IS it about Daddies and their daughters that is so magical? Do all Daddies see themselves as knights in shining armour that wait eagerly for the blessing of a little princess to cherish guard and protect? Do they feel this level of being fiercely protective and loving simultaneously towards any other human being? Unlikely..

I have (obviously) never been a father but based on stories I have heard growing up.. my Dad always wanted a little girl! Not that he wasn’t happy when my brother was born.. but when I arrived amid a lot of drama and stress with my mother having gone through a high risk toxaemia pregnancy and weighing a mere 4 pounds despite being a Caesarean delivery.. the joy and relief were both unmistakable!

For someone was was pretty unexpressive and stoical, he actually “blossomed” into this extremely demonstrative and loving father that wore his heart absolutely on his sleeve! He used to make up songs especially for me (when I was just a baby) and insist that Mummy hold me and put the telephone to my ear so he could sing them to me (often in the middle of a working day)! When you stop to consider that the first call made after my birth was not to my grandparents, but to confirm an order for a beautiful necklace and pair of matching earrings.. that pretty much says it all!

Childhood was a magical time filled with picnics vacations food and fun.. love and laughter! Most weekend mornings I remember waking up wearing my pyjamas and wrapped in my quilt lying in the boot of the car.. constant surprise driving trips to Lonavala.. Khandala.. Poona and even Mahabaleshwar etc.. He used to sing Bengali popular music and Gujarati folk songs on the way so I grew up perhaps not with understanding.. but definitely with appreciation!

He believed that travel and exposure to different experiences was the best way to learn and grow so we did plenty of that.. Being a firm but fair disciplinarian.. I learned to stay and “make do” in all kind of places from ashrams to dharamshalas (1 star) to Government circuit houses and guest houses (3 star) to the fanciest of hotels (5 stars)! Would I ever be the little brat running around a restaurant screaming while waiting to be served? You’ve got to be kidding.. it would be word games or riddles or jokes or being instructed on the correct way to hold and wield a fork and knife.. quietly!

I remember how for my tenth birthday (first double digit birthday and for that reason very special) I asked for a Barbie Townhouse.. indulgent in the extreme but also very clear that he wanted me to grow up with more than two ideas in my head.. the Barbie townhouse came and along with it.. two cartons full to the top with abridged versions of all the classics from A Tale of Two Cities to The Taming of The Shrew to Heidi to Little Women to What Katy Did and a whole lot more besides! Is it surprising that I loved essay writing the most in school?!

Growing up as a teenager I had my icons in Abba.. Lionel Richie.. Wham and The Carpenters.. and he understood perfectly that this phase had to happen and although he wouldn’t allow posters to be put up on the walls.. he got a big softboard for my room and we were both happy! I was given pocket money weekly with the warning that nothing more would be forthcoming until the next week but at the same time the reassurance that I could spend it on whatever I wanted (and there would be no questions asked)!

Believe it or not.. he was convinced that girls were equal to or maybe even superior to boys and that’s the reason he taught me how to repair a burnt out fuse (this was before the days of the ACB or Automatic Circuit Breaker).. change a bulb.. change a tyre that was punctured.. and how to choose and buy the best fruits and vegetables from the market! What incredible life lessons they were and I am truly blessed to have received them with a lot of love and patience!

His work ethic was amazing.. sometimes 12 to 16 hours a day and later on as he got older.. 9:30 to 5:30 at the office but any calls from home had to be put through to him immediately.. no matter who he was sitting with at the time! I could have been calling to complain about something or crying about something and the response was always a patient hearing.. a gentle suggestion or else a promise that it would be dealt with once he got home from work!

Thank you Daddy for teaching me that while cooking.. the integrity of flavour of the vegetables must be enhanced and not suppressed with spices.. that a hotel room must always be checked before booking (those were the days when we could).. that punctuality was the politeness not only of princes but also of his princess.. and that as I went through my professional life.. most times I would need to choose between being efficient and being popular.. and that I think I managed pretty well!

When Disney invited me to Hong Kong for an interview (as Early Childhood consultant on a hugely popular show called Playhouse Disney), he was as proud as a cat with two tails.. after him I was the only person in our family to be invited abroad for a job interview! It wasn’t until he explained to me that I even understood that it WAS actually a big deal!

He gloried in me and I gloried in him and there can never be anyone else quite as special.. but God has been extremely kind and there are P1 and P2 who have stepped up magnificently.. filled the gaps and make sure that I am protected cherished looked after and loved unconditionally! I feel like the luckiest daughter in the world and Happy Father’s Day wherever you are Daddy.. know that you will always be madly adored loved cherished and missed.. in the magical way only daughters can!!

Thank you as always for reading and please leave your name before or after the comment (if you should choose to write one)!

Happy Father’s Day to all those of you who are lucky enough to still have them!!

 

 

 

WAKE UP CALLS.. are necessary!

 WAKE UP CALLS.. are necessary!

What a lovely feeling it is when life is chugging along smoothly.. and then all of a sudden.. wham! A number of things will go haywire and generate all kinds of stress that you don't want!

In my mind.. the last couple of days have been challenging to say the least! My trusty Lenovo desktop computer suddenly went kamikaze on me.. I kept trying to "shut down" but like the proverbial bad penny.. it kept restarting! The fan inside also went beserk and was whirring and making a racket!

I belong to a generation that likes to believe that rebooting is the solution to most problems but.. no! Nothing worked so I called the techie home.. he checked and said it would have to be taken to their service centre so off he went with my precious cargo.. hopefully it should be fixed and back home soon!

The powers that be didn't think that was enough so the pressure pump that takes care of the water supply in two of my bathrooms suddenly just stopped working! Called my plumber who declared gleefully that he is in "gaon" for a month! Hearing my crestfallen voice he kindly arranged for his team to come and take a look.. and they did! 

We never do things by halves so apparently it's got to be replaced for a ridiculously large amount of money.. but German pumps are the best so I paid up (not very happily though it must be confessed)! It will be installed tomorrow but until then we are managing comfortably..

The internet connectivity dropped to 56 mbps on a Jio 150 mbps plan so that was another SOS call which fortunately was addressed and resolved very quickly thank God!

The crowning glory happened at my house in Lonavala.. I had a small Godrej safe (empty) that was kept with some extra stuff.. Some desperate hopeful had attempted to open it (unsuccessfully) and in frustration (I think) broke the handle! Brought it to Mumbai and contacted Godrej who sent someone called Subhash to my house yesterday..

It was the end of what must have been a long and tiring day for him.. but this man was exceedingly polite patient and gracious.. He was carrying an extremely heavy backpack and when I offered him tea coffee or a cold drink requested a glass of water.. He did his work quietly.. refused an advance and tip (even when I offered it) and before he left.. told me he was a handyman and could do carpentry electrical and plumbing work as well!

When I mentioned my pressure pump problem he immediately offered to take a look but I told him it was being taken care of.. My house was his last call of the day and am sure he was tired and wanting to get home.. He asked me to please save his number and share it with anyone who needed help.. 

Think about it.. this is someone who goes from house to house in the scorching sun and is still so pleasant and kind! He was helpful gracious and smiling.. and it was a wake up call to me to think that we can all sometimes behave so entitled and a little rude and snappy and blame it on the heat! And I had the good fortune to meet someone who has a tough job but keeps a wonderful temperament! 

Made me count my blessings and resolve to try and be pleasant kind understanding and patient no matter what the circumstances because at the end of the day.. everyone is fighting a battle that you don't know anything about! 

God bless Subhashjee and do get in touch with me if you need him for any small repair jobs! Am also very grateful for the "wake up" call and lesson that although he didn't teach.. I learned!

Thank you as always for reading and please share your name at the beginning or end of the comment (should you choose to write one)!

BEING "MAASI" ON MOTHER'S DAY..

 BEING "MAASI" ON MOTHER'S DAY.. what a feeling!

"Happy Mother's Day" is as American as it gets.. right "up there" with Mom and apple pie.. right? Not absolutely necessary.. in my opinion!

Mother's Day is a day to celebrate those people who brought us into the world and have been consistently the most sacrificing loving giving and understanding people on the planet.. and I agree!

Am irresistibly tempted to share my take on the occasion of Mother's Day this year.. In Hindi (which is our national language) "Maa" means "mother" and "Maasi" means "Maa si or Maa jaisi" which means  like a mother" and that is so lovely!

Traditionally "Maasi" has been the person who has loved you the most (after your parents) and a number of Bollywood movies have shown "Maasi" to be the default "natural choice" for remarriage if a mother passes away leaving young children behind..

Being "Maasi" in India is super fun.. because you get to be "Maa jaisi" with all the joy and none of the responsibilities! You get to do the "fun stuff" without the headache of planning and coordination! You get all the "non-transactional" hugs and kisses and don't have to be the "bad cop" who says "No"!

You get to be the indulgent adult who doesn't have to discipline them.. and the "sounding board" who is often the first "court of appeal" (Can you please explain to Mamma because she isn"t listening to me?)..

Speaking for myself.. I am.. technically speaking.. definitely NOT a mother.. but luckily am "Maasi" to a number of young (and not quite so young" people all of whom call me "Maasi"! All of them are my."betus" and I can't imagine my world and my life without them!

They are the ones who fill that "slightly empty space" in my heart with their unconditional love and acceptance of me just as I am.. with all my faults and failings.. no matter what!

Some of them are from my family and hence related" or they are my friend's children.. and for still others "Maasi" is a brevet title.. but it makes no difference because I love them all the same!

All my "betus" are super special and I am blessed to have them to love pamper and cherish! Whether it is Ujwala (who often gives me "motherly" advice).. Brinda (who tries to save my money).. Rehaan (who's coming over to have lunch with me today.. Radhika (who calls me her "university") Shefali (who actually considers me to b a wise person..) Samir (who's been my quintessential "laddu peda".. SK (who tells me in a million different ways that she loves me).. or Taera (who keeps in touch regularly despite a gruelling work schedule in medical college) or any of the others.. and there are so many more! 

It is an incredibly special feeling for me to be unconditionally loved respected and truly cherished by them and vice versa! ❤️ Who needs the big declarations of love on Mother's Day? Not me for sure.. because my heart is full of gratitude! God bless and thank you so much all my precious "betus" for being in my life.. and know that you are impossibly and madly loved! 

And let's always remember that we are often "mothers" to our friends families colleagues neighbours and staff as well.. whenever we say or do something to nurture.. nourish.. accept.. understand.. solve a problem or "kiss it and make it better (even virtually speaking..) because THAT is the magical power of being "Maasi who is Maa jaisi"! 

My prayer is just that these bonds always remain as sacred pure and beautiful as they are today! The special moments that we share with each other are what help to keep our "lifeboats afloat" when the waters of our lives get choppy!

Thank you ( as always) for reading and Happy Mother's Day to you! If any part of this blog has resonated with you.. please feel free to post a comment and do remember to add your name at the beginning or the end of it!