NINE YEARS SINCE YOU’RE GONE DADDY.. I miss you so much!

Today is the 3^rd of February.. and marks nine years since you’re gone Daddy.. gone from the physical world I live in.. but always and very much present and “right here” in my heart! It is often said and commonly believed that the pain of losing someone you love deeply settles with the passage of time.. and nine years is not an insignificant amount of time by any standards..

Why then do I still miss you SO MUCH with each passing day? Why is the pain so raw that tears come to my eyes as soon as I think of you or whenever someone takes your name? Why have you left a gaping hole in my heart so huge that no amount of tears grieving or prayers can fill it? Why isn’t there a magical way of ending the pain of loss and getting complete closure? Why hasn’t medical science been able to make a pill that can cure heartache and heartbreak yet?

As Jainism rightly says.. attachment is not a bad thing.. but it leads to a great deal of pain.. The religion says we should practice “attachment with detachment” but I am asking HOW? How do you not get attached to the one person in the world who has tossed you high up in the air and caught you every time as you were falling.. who pushed you into the deep end of the pool and jumped in immediately to grab and hug you as you floated to the surface gasping for breath.. who taught you to eat perfectly with a knife and fork when you were a really little girl of perhaps 4 or 5 years old?

How do you get over missing someone who started every morning and ended every night with hugs and kisses.. who taught you the difference between right and wrong and to uphold the courage of your conviction no matter what.. who lived by the principle of “don’t do as I say but do as I do”.. who was absolutely meticulous in everything he said and did and who cracked the funniest jokes with the straightest face.. How? It just isn’t humanly possible!

It is always the most difficult day in the year for me because literally minute to minute there is an “action replay” that happens in my head and heart that goes on vividly.. I remember everything that happened that day in heartbreaking detail.. but today I don’t want to dwell on my sorrow..

Gratitude.. kindness.. compassion and karuna are the four solid cornerstones of my life now and it is time to be grateful for and to appreciate all the wonderful people who were around me this day that year.. and thereafter as well.. I am overwhelmed to the doctors nurses and team at Breach Candy Hospital who were so caring kind and respectful in their care for Daddy.. to my helper Kishore who spent that last night at the hospital with Daddy and broke the news gently to me.. to all my friends and family who rallied round to hug me.. hold me.. offer their shoulders for support.. make arrangements for everything that needed to be done in the aftermath of death..

Looking and thinking back.. it was truly overwhelming to have a “patchwork quilt” of wonderfully kind and sensitive people that “came together” to be my safe space during that traumatic time.. and to have so many even today.. people who remember that today is a tough day for me.. who message and call.. who come over just to spend some quiet time with me.. I am not writing names here but you know who you are.. and you are deeply loved appreciated and cherished for having the kindest hearts in the Universe.. Thank you so much for being in my life and making it so much better with your care concern and consideration!

And wherever you are Daddy.. know always that you are loved cherished treasured and missed all the time and every single day.. but I am your daughter and will face the day as you would want me to.. with the bravest smile on my face.. the strongest will to “hold steady” and not break down and the deepest love in my heart..

Thank you so much (as always) for reading and please remember to add your name at the beginning or end of your comment (should you choose to write one)!

HOW INDIAN AM I REALLY.. on Republic Day..

There has been a plethora of messages flooding my phone wishing me “Happy Republic Day” pretty much since I woke up this morning.. Every Hindi tv channel is telecasting an episode that contains a measure of patriotism and the radio channels are playing patriotic songs by various and sundry playback singers and composers.. All very nice and good to watch and listen to but it also set me thinking..

How Indian am I really? In terms of genes and heredity I am 100% “made in India” with both my parents 100% Indian as well.. I am marginally geographically dyslexic since I was born in Dishergarh West Bengal to a Gujarati Jain father and a Surti Rajput Gujarati mother.. After spending the first three years of my life in Durgapur, West Bengal I came to Mumbai, Maharashtra for a short while before my parents relocated to Hancock, New York and THAT was when I felt like I was very “different” for the first time!

On the surface I was as American as the next kid in my class.. but I struggled to understand and speak a different language at home (my mother tongue Gujarati.. At school I made peace with eating weird things like bologna sandwiches and at home I ate foods that were unpronounceable and equally alien to me and my palate! My father although very loving wanted to make sure that I grew up knowing I was INDIAN! A tough lesson to learn at 5 years old when no one could pronounce my name and insisted on calling me “the little Indian girl”.. and I HAD to learn ALL their names! Switching between languages at home became a game for me and I didn’t like losing so my verbal Gujarati became pretty good and my spoken English became very American! There were times and occasions when my mother had to ask me to repeat mysef a few times because I was completely “Yankee Doodle” with drawl and all..

We returned to Mumbai in 1972 just before my 9^th birthday and my Dad was offered a job up in Nabha, Punjab.. Mummy and I went up to what was a land of incredibly hospitable and warm people and 99% Sardar-occupied to see and experience it for ourselves.. After a house party where I was surrounded by little “surds and surdlets” who kept calling me “Gal sun” (instead of Pallavi as I mistakenly thought) and Mummy finally being served a whiskey (after asking FOUR times) we decided that living in Bombay was a more interesting option and returned home at the earliest!

Did I feel Indian then? Heck no! Getting admitted to Queen Mary School drummed it into me without a doubt.. I was admitted in July and had to learn Hindi and Gujarati (both spoken and written) and give the final exam in December if I wanted to be promoted to standard 5! I became “Indian” overnight with the languages.. the food.. learning to communicate with staff and nobody understanding my Yankee Doodle accent!

The years passed by and I grew to become totally “Indian” in spite of studying French and travelling abroad many times! The family intricacies of “kaka kaki mama masi etc.. were explained to me and also the ubiquitous usage of “uncle and aunty” to all other adults who were superior to me in age and henceforth must be respected as such! I integrated really well and did whatever I was told without question which lasted well through college!

Instead of traversing through the 20s to the 60s decadewise.. let me just say that today at 62+ I am completely Indian! I LOVE Indian textiles.. food.. hospitality.. music.. family values and culture.. What I do NOT like at all is the corruption that runs rampant through most channels in the country.. the commercialization of religion and education (am still an old fashioned idealist).. the filthy bathrooms that you can smell before you see them.. the fact that dowry still exists and lastly.. that we are still very much on the backfoot as far as retaliation to terror attacks is concerned!

I love travelling to different countries.. adore French perfume and am a diehard fan of Belgian soap.. I love the quality of rubber bands and safety pins they sell at Daiso and can only wear On Cloud shoes.. (That’s for medical and practical reasons).. I Just wish Indian manufacturers and retailers had higher standards of integrity and that in return for the insanely high taxes we pay.. we had better roads and infrastructure! Am grateful for the excellent medical care we have here but wish it was more affordable and available to the general population..

On Republic Day 2026, I am proud to say I am Indian but as with all things these days.. conditions apply! Let’s all vow to be more responsible citizens and caring human beings with gratitude.. kindness.. compassion and karuna towards those less fortunate!

As always, thank you so much for reading and do remember to share your name at the beginning or end of your comment (should you choose to write one)!

Happy Republic Day!

 

 

HOW WAS THE FIRST DAY OF YOUR NEW YEAR? Tell me..

The 1st of January means different things to different people.. but it definitely isnt "just another day" for any of us! 

For some of us it's an opportunity to make resolutions (which we may or may not keep).. a chance to "fix" or make amends for something we messed up on earlier.. a day for new beginnings or at the very least.. it's a day that we would like to like to make special and memorable!

At this point you're probably wondering how the first day of MY new year was so let me tell you.. it was absolutely magical and one that I will cherish all through the year! Did I do something super different from my daily thing? 

Not really.. but.. I had put some serious thought into the kind of day I wanted and so.. A couple of my closest friends did a dinner and sleep over so we chatted until we were overtaken by tsunami waves of sleep!

We woke up to a nice cozy companionable chat at the table with chai.. fruit and the classic Gujarati mainstay.. khakhra! Showered and dressed in record time.. lit a lamp at the altar.. said prayers of gratitude and left for a fun brunch at my favourite restaurant Mag St. Cafe!

There were two little boys sitting at the table next to ours with their father and I was absolutely fascinated watching their interaction.. He was totally engrossed in discussing the menu with various tastes and textures with the children.. and then he demonstrated very patiently the art of wielding a fork and knife to them.. He did it perfectly.. encouraging them and praising their efforts when they managed quite well..

Having taught pre-school children for 25 years I made it a point to tell the father what a joy it was to see a completely "present and hands on" Dad doing what would usually be done by the mother! He smiled and said he absolutely loved spending time doing big and small things with his children! 

That really struck a chord with me.. we need to remember to find joy in everything we do - be it big or small and never think we are "too grown up" to see the magic around us! In these times of AI and advanced technology it was so refreshing to see father and sons enjoying the simple joy of eating together!

We are a scrumptious lunch and after that walked around the corner to Sukho Thai.. I love pampering people who are special to me so we went for a super relaxing foot massage where we all fell asleep! 

I dropped the girls home and after all the physical joys were enjoyed.. went to spend some quiet time with my guru for a little dose of spirituality and some important guidance.. She prayed and blessed me and I came away fully restored in all.. head heart and soul..

There has to be a balance in every day so I got home to do some serious tidying up and rearranging of half a cupboard which I had been procrastinating on for over a month! THAT was my achievement for the day and now feeling virtuous.. I am treating myself to soing what I love.. writing a blog!

Today was a lovely mix of spending quality time with the people I love.. practising gratitude actively.. getting divine blessings and doing what I love most! The cherry on the cake is packing my swimming bag for tomorrow.. my tattoo has healed and I now have permission to go back to my all-time favourite place.. the pool! 

Before you go to sleep tonight.. take a few minutes to reflect.. and see how many "magical moments" you had in your day.. you will probably be pleasantly surprised!

As always.. thank you so much for reading and wishing you an absolutely wonderful rewarding and fulfilling year ahead! 

Happy New Year!

P.S. Please share your name in the event that you decide to post a comment! Thank you!

DHURANDHAR.. it’s about the choices we make..

There is a movie that Bollywood has brought us called “Dhurandhar” recently.. it translates to something “intensely powerful.. and that’s exactly what this movie WAS.. intense and powerful in addition to being extremely gory violent and chock a block full of foul language..

I didn’t go in expecting a fairytale.. and was told that I should just close my eyes during the gory scenes so I went mentally prepared (or so I thought).. The movie basically traces a trail of terror attacks launched by Pakistan on India beginning with the Kandahar hijacking..

The movie started and very soon the violene started and then the gore and it just kept getting more and more intense until it got to a point where one of the heroes (?) picks up a 5 kg weight from a vegetable cart and smashes someone’s head to a bloody pulpy mess with it! That was the point at which my friend and I walked out of the theatre and came home.. it took a good twenty minutes of sitting quietly holding hands and waiting for our heartbeats to slow down and our pulses to normalize before we could affirm to ourselves that “NOW.. all is well.. all is well”..

When I spent some time reflecting on the experience.. I realized that the film disturbed me perhaps a little disproportionately (because of my close call on 26/11) but also for other reasons.. I would just like to share my reasons here and of course I would welcome other opinions as well but this is a sort of catharsis for me..

First and foremost.. I go to a movie to be entertained.. The way I see it is that we all have stress in our lives.. so why would we want to spend money and go to be frightened out of our wits and be disturbed out of our minds? My idea of entertainment is a nice “happy-clappy chick flick” that has a happy ever after ending.. or else smething truly inspirational that brings me a message..

I am truly amazed at the number of people who have loved the movie.. the special effects and cinematography may be wonderful but SO GORY.. is it possible to walk out of the theatre unmoved and unaffected when it ends? Am told on good authority that the sequel to this movie which is expected to release early next year (2026) is ten times more intense than this one.. that that is scary!

I know it’s a very “guy thing” to enjoy watching violence and action.. but who enjoys gore and bloodshed? It was shocking for me to see the absolute depths of cruelty that human beings are capable of inflicting on each other! Maybe I am too much of a “softie” but I want to know what makes us choose to watch films like these..

We are pleading stress at home.. pressure at the workplace and challenges in relationships.. shouldn’t we be watching reading and listening to things that inspire us.. enlighten us and uplift us? Somewhere along the way.. these scenes and dialogues stay in our minds and play on our minds too.. and pulling ourselves out of those feelings becomes difficult!

Life is full of choices.. and all I want to say is that I choose gratitude.. kindness.. compassion and “karuna” over anger greed violence and cruelty every time! That is my “mantra and I believe in it so strongly that I have had it tattooed on my forearm so it’s an unspoken gentle reminder every time I look at it and am reassured that “all is well”.. The choices we make are what define us as human beings.. and that’s very important food for thought..

Thank you as always for reading and do please share your name along with the comment (if you should choose to write one).. Feedback is always welcome too and once again I reiterate.. these are simply MY thoughts!

 

 

A MAGICAL DAY.. is made of this..

 A MAGICAL DAY.. is made of this..

Daydreaming is always a fun thing to do.. and it's very interesting to know what people like to daydream about.. a big house in the mountains.. getting an unexpected windfall of 1 crore rupees and wondering where to spend it.. giving to charity etc.. Basically most of us daydream about things that would bring us joy and make us happy..

I believe that daydreaming is something truly magical and perhaps we manifest much longed for and cherished hopes and wishes.. wants dreams and desires when we do this! 

Today was a wonderful day that I would love to share with you.. I am in Shimla (at the legendary and much sought after Wildflower Hall in Mashobra actually) with a dear friend from Mumbai.. 

Almost everyone who comes to Shimla definitely goes to Kasauli for one of two very lovely experiences.. either a 14 course tasting menu at the much acclaimed fine dine restaurant NAAR.. or then shopping for heavily discounted bedlinen at the equally well known and loved Kasauli Export House..

Kasauli Export House is owned by the very friendly Sahil Sood's family! Knowing my default Girl Guide nature of "Be Prepared" I had spoken with Sahil from Mumbai to let him know I was planning to visit and he said to me "You can only come to the shop on one condition.. you have to eat lunch with me! Ghar ka asli Punjabi khana aayega.. bata do aap kya khaoge!" We agreed mutually on Rajma Chawal and Aloo Parathas and that was it!

We reached the shop at 1 pm and were given the warmest welcome with glasses of the MOST DELICIOUS fresh orange juice we have ever tasted.. in true Punjabi style with a dash of the much loved ""kaala namak"! Super refreshing and just what we needed after the 3.5 hour drive from Mashobra.. 

His band of boys overwhelmed us with a seemingly endless stream of dohars bedspreads bedsheets tablecloths and whatnot! They were extremely patient and smiled laughed and joked gently with us which was such fun!

After more than an hour and a half we met Sahil's wife Nishi and their son Shaurya both of whom were charming and very nice! We were mentally finished by the time bills were made.. addresses were given and bags were weighed and filled to be dispatched by courier.. and all of this was done super efficiently and quickly!

We were then escorted to a very small and clean restaurant for lunch and washed our hands in what felt like literally liquid ice water from the tap! Hey presto! almost like a magician.. Nishi and Sahil both served us hot Aloo Parathas with piping hot Rajma Chawal.. Boondi Raita.. homemade Mirchi ka Achaar and a scrumptious secret recipe Onion Salad with a farm fresh salad of white radish beetroot and tomatoes! Dessert was a decadent Chocolate Brownie with Vanilla Ice Cream.. of which 2 portions were shared between the 5 of us!

There was warm cozy chatter at the table.. lots of smiles and laughter and sharing of stories.. absolutely family vibes! What made it even more special was that I have met Sahil only ONCE in my life before today and he and his family were so warm  hospitable and loving! Tell me honestly.. who DOES this?? 

We came away overwhelmed with gratitude for the warmth and simple joy we had experienced! People have no time for their own friends and families these days and to take so much trouble for just a customer.. all I can say is that both of us felt very lucky and completely blessed!

We had a very nice drive from Mashobra to Kasauli and back with a very patient driver called Kishan in a super comfy Innova Crysta and even the Shimla traffic wasn't a dampener on our wonderful spirits! 

What I'm wanting to say is that there are magical moments that fill our days.. and if we stop day dreaming and see them.. acknowledge them and are grateful for what they are.. life will be magical and our day dreams will come true too!

Sahil Nishi and Shaurya.. thank you so much for being the magical blessings of today and wishing you the very best for your hotel.. can't wait to come and stay jaldi-jaldi! Always stay the warm generous and caring family you are today! ❤�

ARE WE STILL CAPABLE OF FEELING.. genuine emotions?

 Today has been a day of very mixed emotions for me.. and the rollercoaster really set me thinking.. There was the good.. the not so good.. the comfortable and the awkward.. the touchingly beautiful and the absolutely heartbreaking.. It reminded me of what my (brevet) niece who was studying medicine in Belgaum used to tell me – they could get sunny windy rainy misty warm and cold weather.. all in the same day sometimes!

All these feelings happening pretty much one after the other.. kinda of throws you off balance right? You bet! But what choice do we really have? We just get through the day the best we can.. and think we have shown sympathy empathy kindness compassion and whatever else the situation may have “called for”.. but have we done that? Have we actually been able to do that?

The day began and I received a beautiful warm and loving message from a dear friend who calls herself “emotionally challenged”.. she just wanted to thank me for always “being there and being a one-woman rehab spot”! To be honest.. I was overwhelmed and speechless.. and that’s very rare for me.. most of the time I have plenty to say!

Spent a fun morning at the club in the pool with my friends.. lots of banter and joking and such amazing camaraderie that I actually said a little prayer of gratitude right then and there! To meet almost the same bunch of people five days a week who are always joking smiling and laughing is like a “daily dose” of positivity.. and I am so lucky to get it without even having to ask! Whatever my mood may be when I reach the pool.. I know I will always come away smiling and feeling genuinely blessed..

This afternoon went for a condolence visit and this is something that always makes me (and a number of people) feel extremely awkward.. One is aware and somewhere obliged to maintain a serious and sombre demeanor.. and that isn’t always the easiest thing for me.. To me, death is something that reminds me of the impermanence and fragility of life and teaches me what the deepest level of acceptance really is.. If the person has passed away at a ripe old age, I believe that rather than mourn their death, we should celebrate their life! Am sure that there were people in the family who must have been devastated.. but life has made us very “matter of fact” about it and it has become almost like something we just take in our stride..

Having eaten a very sketchy lunch I was starving by the evening and my favourite roadside sandwichwalla said it would be a 20 minute wait so I went in search of something “nice” to eat.. Called one of my best friends and she promised (and came through too!!) something yummy which were scrumptious “dal ki tikki” and baked spring rolls! Greedy me and generous her.. she is always happy to feed people and also the only friend who I call “hakk se” and say I’m hungry please feed me.. and land up uninvited and so shamelessly! Wouldn’t you call her a blessing? I certainly DO!!

Got home after a super long and tiring day.. and my phone beeped.. it was one of my closest friends (and someone I love dearly).. He sent an emotional voice message telling me he had lost his favourite uncle in Pune.. his voice broke a couple of times and especially in his subsequent messages where it got overwhelming for him.. Finally we spoke with each other and I told him to be grateful that he still HAS the capacity to FEEL so deeply!

There are frequent times and occasions when I think we have become like automatons.. we don’t feel and even if we do.. we don’t show it.. Why are we so “backward about coming forward” and showing our true emotions? Are we scared of being judged or mocked.. or worried that if we show we are vulnerable, people will take advantage?

It’s time to get back in touch with your REAL side.. your AUTHENTIC self.. so feel it like you feel it.. say it like you feel it.. and show it like you feel it! You owe this much honesty to the people who matter most to you so stop trying to be the “Superman” or “Superwoman” all the time! Confession being good for the soul.. I feel very awkward accepting gratitude praise and compliments.. but am learning to do so with some amount of grace!

Please take some time to identify what is holding you back from being “real”.. accept it.. and work on it! We are all “works in progress” but what a wonderful world it would be if we were brave enough to be completely REAL!

THE ART OF RELAXING.. am learning it now!

 We are all different people.. with deifferent personalities.. different moods and different perceptions.. and that is what makes life so interesting!

Confession being good for the soul I must admit to being a hyper personality.. always living life in slightly "fast forward" mode and constantly planning ahead to try and make it all as perfect and seamless as possible!

Guess what? Realization dawned that living like this isn't necessarily the best way to be.. because by focusing on the next moment I'm not enjoying the present moment fully.. and that is a mini tragedy in itself.. 

Life being as unpredictable as it is these days.. moments of joy and happiness are fleeting and ephemeral.. and must be grabbed and held on to for the short time that we have them!

A very dear friend has been telling me for the longest time how it's super important to relax.. slow down and "learn to chill" and "just be".. I agreed in principle but never really put it in practice until he and his family (lovely wife and two wonderful children) brought me to the most gorgeous resort and spa for a three day staycation.. 

I was gently but firmly told to now learn the "art of being" instead of my default "art of doing" to which I vowed to try my best! One would imagine that to relax would be the easiest thing in the world right? Not for me..  

I had to tell myself that it was OKAY not to be doing something all the time.. or planning something all the time.. or talking to someone or making plans to meet or work on my "to do" list and stop being a slave to the clock! 

I became an honorary member of their family for these three days and have done absolutely nothing.. Have learned the art of relaxing and must say I find it very enjoyable! The highlights of this holiday have been the gentle teasing.. the deep discussions.. the sharing and caring.. the freely shared laughter and love that are such an integral part of family life and for these I am grateful from the depths of my soul..

This is the first time anyone has ever taken me away for a holiday and it has been a time I will cherish for always! Because all of them are so private I won't name any names but everlasting and etwrnal gratitude to all four of you PKT and N for adopting me as family.. Lots of love and God bless always!

I return to Mumbai wrapped in an invisible cloak of pampering acceptance love and warmth! It's not the amount of money that has been spent.. the room to suite upgrade.. the exceptional service and delicious food that made it special and an experience to be cherished.. it is the intention with which this invitation was given.. and the joy with which it was received.. One short life to live and what matters more than sharing time receiving and giving love? 

Gifting someone an opportunity and relax is much more than relaxation.. it is also a chance for rejuvenation refreshment rewiring resetting and realignment..

Overwhelming gratitude to you my soul family.. am truly blessed way beyond what mere words can even begin to express.. Who thinks so much and does so much in today's day and age?! God bless all of you and much love always!

Thank you as always for reading and do please remember to share your name at the beginning or end of your comment!