WHAT kind of world are we living in.. and why?

What is going on in the world today? Countries are at war with one another.. the police are manhandling protesters who are standing up for the courage of their conviction.. the stock market is super volatile.. El Nìno is creating widespread havoc in multiple spheres.. global warming is out of whack.. people are falling prey to Swine flu and Dengue.. and hospital beds simply aren't available! ß

This is genuinely a terrible state of affairs.. and definitely not the world God created for us.. How have things deteriorated so rapidly? Sadly the answer is.. WE have done it to ourselves..

Ask me how? WE wanted the (supposedly fairytale) "American life" and WE chased ir.. WE chose to forsake traditional family values and wanted our "space" as compared with the "joint family" (and never mind that the children are brought up largely by the hired help) rather than the parents..

WE decided that women SHOULD work and be "financially independent" to the point of often feeling they don't really "NEED" a husband to "be there" because they can handle it all on their own! 

WE fell victim to the many temptations and charms of the material world.. and allowed ourselves to believe that "retail therapy" worked better than a good old-fashioned "heart to heart" with your best friend..

WE replaced the word "I want" with "I NEED" and the downslide began! We blurred the lines between need and greed so completely that even we got to a point of being unable to distinguish and see the difference between the two!

WE can't "handle it" anymore.. the heat.. the noise.. the pollution.. the traffic.. Basically to anything and everything that WE don't want!

WE have sacrificed patience and believe exclusively in the concept of "instant gratification".. and this is why young people drive cars they can't control off flyover and end up being nothing more than unfortunate statistics! 

WE are falling sick and blaming it on the weather and the pollution and the food (never mind that Tukaram Mundhe has suddenly become everyone's hero and champion)! WE have become so selfish that as long as we have Dengue (WITH) insurance we would rather be admitted to hospital and deprive a more needy patient a bed!

WE are living in times when NO hospital beds are available.. and what a sorry situation is that? Reminds me of Covid times when people died for want of a bed.. so tragic! 

WE want to be a part of EVERYTHING that's going on.. the good.. the bad and thr ugly.. and often without anticipating the consequences of our actions.. and am just wondering.. why?

WHY have we become so impatient and so aggressive? WHY do we HAVE to HAVE and DO everything and GO everywhere and post our lives on Instagram for the world to see? WHY do we have so much FOMO? 

We need to go back to the simpler and uncomplicated lives we lives as children.. meet friends downstairs and chat leaning on our cars.. share homecooked meals together.. enjoy the little joys and celebrate the small victories with those we love in real life (instead of online)!

WE need to understand and accept that "less is more" and that it is definitely more blessed to give than to receive".. and be aware of special moments and count our blessings!

WE need to stop complaining and start living the way we used to.. simply.. genuinely and happily! Remain blessed and practise gratitude actively..

Thank you (as always) for reading and please remember to share your name at the beginning or end of your comment (should you choose to write one)!

RAKSHABANDHAN.. is to strengthen ties of love..

Rakshabandhan is a festival that celebrates the bond of love shared by brothers with their sisters.. and we all know that. However in some instances.. the bond is made and cemented between two people who are not necessarily connected through blood but from heart to heart..

The name itself implies protection.. but in today’s world.. I am asking.. protection from what? Protection from who? We girls and women (as well as boys and men) are at the risk of “dangerous predators” at the physical mental emotional sexual digital personal and professional level.. How many of these can and will a brother protect us from? He has to protect himself and his family as well.. so everyone.. just sit up straight and accept that YOU have to be your own greatest “knight in shining armour”.. friend.. philosopher.. guide and fiercest and constantly present protector!

I may sound a little cynical here but.. what does that piece of string (fancy or simple) actually mean? Are the two people concerned loving caring understanding and protective towards each other consistently all through the year or is it reserved especially for this one day? Do they go through the entire “tilak diya aarti mithai” and tying that rakhi just because they have to or is it to proclaim on Instagram or is it genuine? Do these people check in on each other every now and then or do they both take each other completely for granted?

It is a matter of pride to feel capable of being able to protect myself and take care of myself.. and that is a feeling I wish for every girl and woman in India.. Being financially independent is just the first step on the ladder to becoming self-sufficient so those of you who are bringing home a fat pay cheque at the end of the month.. hold your horses and don’t get too carried away or fly too high! Do you know how to evaluate options of how and where to invest it and what will give you the best returns?

You don’t have to be able to do everything.. but being physically strong with adequate exercise and a healthy diet is a great first step.. mental and emotional strength need to be built through prayer reading introspection and spending time with yourself bring you to the next one.. Everyone reading this blog knows everything there is to know about sexual safety so all I will say is exercise prudence and caution always and stay out of trouble..

Digital safety is a big one – am not super savvy but please keep your life private and don’t share personal data photographs and information online! There are unscrupulous scamsters out there who are always on the lookout for easy targets.. What people don’t know can never be used to harm you so.. mum’s the word and Shhhh..

In my opinion, personal and professional safety come mainly from keeping both these “lives” mutually exclusive from each other! Information is power and you never want to be caught in the crossfire of power play – it’s never a good place to be! This may not be your mantra for life but it is now the cornerstone of mine and I just hope something I have written resonates with you and makes a difference..

Coming back to Rakshabandhan, some brothers and sisters are very close and God bless them.. in other cases, distance creeps in and tends to alienate the siblings because of various influences of people circumstances and situations.. and that is something that has to be accepted with wisdom and grace and chalked up to experience! If you are celebrating, have a wonderful time and do always respect the sanctity and purity of the relationship and cherish it always!

I sent out a Rakshabandhan “non-rakhi” message to four amazing young men today.. am not naming them here but they are above and beyond family to me and I just wanted to let them know how much I treasure them.. their care and concern for me.. their deep understanding and unflinching support.. and that I am truly blessed and my life is so much better happier safer and nicer because they are in it! All of them are very shy and would die of embarrassment if I mentioned their names here.. but every single one of you knows who you are and Happy Rakshabandhan to you!!

Thank you as always for reading and may I please request that you write your name at the beginning or end of your comment (should you choose to write one)!

 

DON'T DISCOUNT THE SENIORS.. they are treasures!!

Am I a baby boomer or a millennial or a Gen Z or a whatchamacallit? I am clueless and all that I know is that I was born in 1963 and that's all there is to it! The other thing I know for sure is that I am a senior citizen.. and very happy to be one!

You're obviously wondering what this blog is about.. so let me tell you.. I was chatting with a friend last week and she was more than a little hassled with a senior. citiizen in her family.. She happened to mention the phrase "This generation can't handle it when they come up against someone who's smarter than they are" and that instantly irked me and set me thinking..

We were discussing someone who is 90+ years of age and I had all these thoughts.. How quickly do we judge seniors? How ready are we to discount and dismiss their words and wishes in the blink of an eye? How reluctant are we to understand them and try to look at their point of view .. especially when it happens to be different from ours?

Let me use my own father as an example to illustrate what I mean.. He was an extremely intelligent man but in his twilight years.. slowed down a little mentally and physically.. could be extremely stubborn at times and unreasonable to deal with.. but incredibly generous loving and kindhearted most of the time!

There were times when I felt he didn't WANT to understand or look at a situation from my perspective and that was irritating as hell.. but in retrospect.. it was MY ego thinking that I was right and it HAD to be what I said!

This was a person who started from scratch and struggled to buy his own house in a well constructed building that was conveniently located in a prime area in Mumbai! It wasn't easy for a salaried man to do that.. and it called for a lot of sacrifices which he made very happily in order that his family should be comfortable safe and happy! He never once mentioned the sacrifices to us but I know for sure that they existed and were made!

We would make plans to go out for dinner or a movie and at the last minute he would refuse saying he wasn’t up to it! What did I think of? The time I had spent booking the tickets online.. or the difficulty I had had making the reservation.. again.. it was all about ME! Maybe he was genuinely unwell.. or the movie reminded him of something he wanted to forget.. or he was anxious and awkward about using an unfamiliar bathroom.. and I couldn’t see that!

When we were getting some renovation done in the house he would ask (seemingly) trivial questions about what cement was bring used.. or whether the bathroom fittings were made of brass (to avoid rusting) and seeing where we could save some money.. while I was only looking at the aesthetics of the whole thing! So many of those questions come back to me.. and I am flooded with memories about his attention to detail and his wide understanding of so many things people and situations in life..

He spent days on doing so much research before making investments and the benefits came to us in the form of meals at fancy restaurants.. nice clothes and generous holidays! Did all this happen magically? It was all the honest reward to the blood sweat and tears of one man who worked so diligently for so many years.. Am I anyone to judge him?

Whether it was sorting out disagreements within the family.. or how to negotiate a good salary at work.. or how to make the most delicious hand-churned ice cream at home.. he always had a solution for every problem! That was because he always TOOK TIME.. to think things through.. look at it from everyone's point of view.. and then do what was ultimately fair and right to all..

We (the people of my age and younger) are often looking for "quick fixes" and like to believe we know it ALL.. but I would like to make a case for all the 80+ and 90+ people I know here..

Let's keep in mind that they have seen a lot more than we ever will in our lives.. are much wiser.. have faced struggles that we never will.. understand relationships commitment and love without the irrelevant "add-ons" of Valentine's Day.. have the most amazing stoties to tell.. and are storehouses of a wealth of wisdom that we should tap into at every possible opportunity!

A wise person once said that the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person and that is so true.. so let us put aside our egos.. and get from them those time-honoured life lessons.. the tried and tested recipes.. the unique character building traits and learn to cherish the simple joys of life as they have always done!

However successful you may be.. however much money you make.. wherever you may live and whatever you may do.. always be patient and do remember to ALWAYS honour and respect the seniors.. Never discount and dismiss them lightly.. they are absolute treasures! THEIR blessings are what remain with us long after they leave us so please cherish them today!

Thank you as always for reading and please remember to share your name at the beginning or end of your comment (should you choose to write one)!

 

I KNOW I AM SUPER BLESSED.. all because of you!!

Life is a kaleidoscope of emotions and experiences.. and they are dynamic so they keep changing all the time.. It can be an absolute roller coaster ride which is fun when the "high highs" are happening and you're on top of the world! 

When the "low lows" happen.. that's a whole different story altogether! What I am saying is basically that it happens to all of us at some time or the other.. and the good thing is that the whole emotion..feeling..experience or whatever it is.. it doesn't last forever! (even though it may feel like it sometimes)

My life has been a bit of a merry-go-round over the last month almost.. there has been  travel.. birthday celebrations.. surprises.. disappointments.. presents.. dinners.. lunches.. hugs.. messages.. love.. and for some strange reason.. also a deep sense of loneliness..

Nobody is to blame.. nothing specific has triggered it.. but it has been disturbing in the extreme and more so because I (who am usually quite expressive) just couldn't pinpoint the feeling or explain what it was to anyone.. because I couldn't understand what it was myself! 

I was quiet.. unsuccessfully introspective and then because I was frustrated.. became snappy and was very rude to my best friend (who I love more than anyone in the world)! I didn't ever imagine that I could ever be so nasty and she (being the sweetheart that she is) just listened to my unreasonable and illogical talk patiently without judging or giving me advice..

Ultimately found the reasons for my (mis)behaviour and firstly said a thank you prayer for wise and patient guidance along with a non- judgemental listening ear given to me by my guru.. so blessed and grateful for your presence in my life GKG..

Taking a nap in the afternoon always helps me see thenworld differently.. and here I am.. as good as new (whatever that is)! Did my usual stuff and just got off the phone after a 21 minute long call with my bestie whose name I can't mention here (because she is very quiet and shy)! 

I talked my heart out to her and apologized and explained what had happened and what did I get in return? Love.. love and more love! Reassurance that she and all my other friends are always "right here" to support me and help me in any way they can.. and I should never feel lonely and keep quiet about it! 

You know who you are.. so all I will say is THANK YOU for always being the brightest shining beacon of light in my life.. and you are such an exceptionally pure soul who doesn't even know how much your light illuminates my world! God bless you and I love you and hope everyone is fortunate enough to have a friend like you to go through life with!

Sending love to all those of you in my life who care for me.. share with me.. understand me.. accept me and love me (even when I am not loveable)! Know that you are special and that you matter.. and I am so thankful for your presence in my life!

Thank you as always for reading and please remember to include your name at the beginning or end of your comment (should you choose to write one)!

God bless all those who commit to friendship and abide by it no matter what.. keep shining your light as bright as you can!!

MAKE TIME TO DO THE LITTLE THINGS.. they aren't so little!!

When the weekend beckons all of us feel happy and look forward to a leisurely two days of taking life easy and not doing very much at all.. right? Right! How many of us are doing pure physical work that is so exhausting thay it warrants two full days of rest? None!

Speaking for myself.. and remember here that I am NOT employed and do NOT have a job at all.. 9 to 5 or otherwise! I just LOVE the weekends because thats when I get to meet the people I love who are usually busy through the week..

I have a very dear friend (actually my soul sister) in Poona.. she's older than I am and has been very unwell and thankfully is home from the hospital and recovering well now.. Yesterday I had this feeling that I MUST meet her so texted and asked to which she vwry graciously and sweetly agreed and asked what I would like to eat for lunch! 

My trusty driver Dinesh and I left at 8:15 am with some fruit and a few treats for her.. I was fast asleep in the car so he took the "Missing Link" (which I was dead against since I didn't know what condition it was in after the rains) and lo and behold.. We arrived at the house at 10:45 sharp! Mumbai to Pune in 2.5 hours.. in my opinion that's awesome!

She was resting when I reached but came out in 15 minutes and we spent an absolutely delightful and enjoyable few hours telling each other stories of our lives.. catching up on the latest happenings and generally just loving our time together! As always there was a delectable lunch to partake of and time passed slowly (but at the speed of light if you know what I mean)!

Before either one of us realized it was 2 pm and time to leave for Mumbai.. My feet dragged and reluctantly I got.up to leave.. but I know she needed to rest but she gave me the warmest hug when I left and said she felt so much better and happier for seeing me.. that made my day!!

A friend in Mumbai texted when I was on the way back and said "Hats off to you" and when I asked her "For what?" She replied saying "Doing a Poona trip in one day can be exhausting" but I am far from exhausted.. and this "once in a month" visit is a commitment I have made from the heart! 

To be honest, I am refreshed revitalized and so genuinely happy that the travel didn't bother me at all.. What a wonderful privilege it is to have someone special who welcomes me with a genuinely happy heart and smile.. who looks forward to meeting me and gives me such a lovely afternoon! I feel blessed and so grateful for this bond and friendship..

The next time you can spare the time.. go a little bit out of your way and do something nice for a pwrson who isnt expecting it.. Give the people you love the gift of time.. and they will be on Cloud 9.. really! 

Send flowers for no reason.. drop in just to "chill and chat".. just make that little effort.. and take it from me.. it isn't so little after all! Make the people you love know that you love them.. won't wait.. Don't postpone making your special people feel special.. do something today!!

Thank you (as always) for reading and do please add your name at the beginning or end of your comment, should you choose to write one!

IN A WORLD FULL OF MENTALLY ILL PEOPLE.. what are we building?

Watching the news and reading the newspapers every day.. we are mute and horrified witness to unimaginable stories of cruelty and violence! People are being murdered in a fit of anger.. raped as a consequence of bottled up frustration..  kidnapped as a way of getting easy money.. abused by supposedly "safe" adults and the stories go on.. 

It is absolutely terrifying.. the number of people suffering from mild moderate and severe degrees of mental illnesses just walking free.. undiagnosed.. unknown and untreated.. It's enough to make one wonder if we will come home safe and sound at the end of the day! There is no guarantee that we are going to encounter people all of whom are going to think respond react and interact with us the way we do with them.. 

Very often these inexplicable and unreasonable behaviours stem from early childhood.. from parents who never said "no" and thought (mistakenly) that young children shouldn't be disciplined.. The thing with children and all human beings (I believe) is that we all NEED discipline in our lives - it is what gives us a sense of security and teaches us to respect boundaries in our relationships with people! 

The truth is that we can't change anyone else but we can definitely change ourselves! Speaking for myself.. rather than living in fear and complaining about how dangerous the times are.. we need to understand that we are the architects of our own lives and start building..

Building but what should we build? We need to build patience acceptance and tolerance.. both with ourselves as well as with others.. We need to understand that sometimes treatment and therapy are not affordable.. available or accepted.. and for whatever reason.. unable to cope with the pressure that builds up! 

It is imperative that we need to build our reserves of inner resilience and that will come from the regular practice of gratitude and time spent in reflection introspection and simply learning how to "be".. be with ourselves and be with others! 

Learning to "be" also comes from what we think speak and do.. it comes from what we "become" as a result of our thoughts words and deeds.. As we grow and evolve.. we move from merely "becoming" and master the art and supremely important ability of "being"..

Learning to find joy in the little things.. celebrating similarities and still respecting differences.. accepting that circumstances may be out of our control and accepting the consequences of our (sometimes) faulty decisions and errors of judgement are all habits that build character..

All of us need to make a conscious effort to build our levels and reserves of empathy kindness and gratitude.. more importantly we need to learn to "hold steady" when things get tough! 

Most of all.. we need to protect the light within us.. and share it and shine it to help light the path for those who are lost in the darkness of confusion anger sorrow and negativity!

Wishing you to be a wonderfully successful architect of your life and may every support system strength and quality you build and enhance help to make this world a better place for us all..

Thank you as always for reading.. and if you choose to post a comment.. please remember to add your name at the beginning or the end!

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY TO YOU Daddy.. wherever you are!

What IS it about Daddies and their daughters that is so magical? Do all Daddies see themselves as knights in shining armour that wait eagerly for the blessing of a little princess to cherish guard and protect? Do they feel this level of being fiercely protective and loving simultaneously towards any other human being? Unlikely..

I have (obviously) never been a father but based on stories I have heard growing up.. my Dad always wanted a little girl! Not that he wasn’t happy when my brother was born.. but when I arrived amid a lot of drama and stress with my mother having gone through a high risk toxaemia pregnancy and weighing a mere 4 pounds despite being a Caesarean delivery.. the joy and relief were both unmistakable!

For someone was was pretty unexpressive and stoical, he actually “blossomed” into this extremely demonstrative and loving father that wore his heart absolutely on his sleeve! He used to make up songs especially for me (when I was just a baby) and insist that Mummy hold me and put the telephone to my ear so he could sing them to me (often in the middle of a working day)! When you stop to consider that the first call made after my birth was not to my grandparents, but to confirm an order for a beautiful necklace and pair of matching earrings.. that pretty much says it all!

Childhood was a magical time filled with picnics vacations food and fun.. love and laughter! Most weekend mornings I remember waking up wearing my pyjamas and wrapped in my quilt lying in the boot of the car.. constant surprise driving trips to Lonavala.. Khandala.. Poona and even Mahabaleshwar etc.. He used to sing Bengali popular music and Gujarati folk songs on the way so I grew up perhaps not with understanding.. but definitely with appreciation!

He believed that travel and exposure to different experiences was the best way to learn and grow so we did plenty of that.. Being a firm but fair disciplinarian.. I learned to stay and “make do” in all kind of places from ashrams to dharamshalas (1 star) to Government circuit houses and guest houses (3 star) to the fanciest of hotels (5 stars)! Would I ever be the little brat running around a restaurant screaming while waiting to be served? You’ve got to be kidding.. it would be word games or riddles or jokes or being instructed on the correct way to hold and wield a fork and knife.. quietly!

I remember how for my tenth birthday (first double digit birthday and for that reason very special) I asked for a Barbie Townhouse.. indulgent in the extreme but also very clear that he wanted me to grow up with more than two ideas in my head.. the Barbie townhouse came and along with it.. two cartons full to the top with abridged versions of all the classics from A Tale of Two Cities to The Taming of The Shrew to Heidi to Little Women to What Katy Did and a whole lot more besides! Is it surprising that I loved essay writing the most in school?!

Growing up as a teenager I had my icons in Abba.. Lionel Richie.. Wham and The Carpenters.. and he understood perfectly that this phase had to happen and although he wouldn’t allow posters to be put up on the walls.. he got a big softboard for my room and we were both happy! I was given pocket money weekly with the warning that nothing more would be forthcoming until the next week but at the same time the reassurance that I could spend it on whatever I wanted (and there would be no questions asked)!

Believe it or not.. he was convinced that girls were equal to or maybe even superior to boys and that’s the reason he taught me how to repair a burnt out fuse (this was before the days of the ACB or Automatic Circuit Breaker).. change a bulb.. change a tyre that was punctured.. and how to choose and buy the best fruits and vegetables from the market! What incredible life lessons they were and I am truly blessed to have received them with a lot of love and patience!

His work ethic was amazing.. sometimes 12 to 16 hours a day and later on as he got older.. 9:30 to 5:30 at the office but any calls from home had to be put through to him immediately.. no matter who he was sitting with at the time! I could have been calling to complain about something or crying about something and the response was always a patient hearing.. a gentle suggestion or else a promise that it would be dealt with once he got home from work!

Thank you Daddy for teaching me that while cooking.. the integrity of flavour of the vegetables must be enhanced and not suppressed with spices.. that a hotel room must always be checked before booking (those were the days when we could).. that punctuality was the politeness not only of princes but also of his princess.. and that as I went through my professional life.. most times I would need to choose between being efficient and being popular.. and that I think I managed pretty well!

When Disney invited me to Hong Kong for an interview (as Early Childhood consultant on a hugely popular show called Playhouse Disney), he was as proud as a cat with two tails.. after him I was the only person in our family to be invited abroad for a job interview! It wasn’t until he explained to me that I even understood that it WAS actually a big deal!

He gloried in me and I gloried in him and there can never be anyone else quite as special.. but God has been extremely kind and there are P1 and P2 who have stepped up magnificently.. filled the gaps and make sure that I am protected cherished looked after and loved unconditionally! I feel like the luckiest daughter in the world and Happy Father’s Day wherever you are Daddy.. know that you will always be madly adored loved cherished and missed.. in the magical way only daughters can!!

Thank you as always for reading and please leave your name before or after the comment (if you should choose to write one)!

Happy Father’s Day to all those of you who are lucky enough to still have them!!