IT'S BEEN 5 YEARS ALREADY.. can't believe it!!

 My email id is princesspallu@gmail.com and this has evoked all kinds of reactions from disbelief to amusement.. incredulity to amazement.. derision to delight.. not that what anyone thinks of it makes the slightest difference to me! Everyone knows that I have been.. am.. and always will be Papa's princess.. BUT.. they don't know the truth of the matter.. and THAT is..       I am a princess not because I have a prince, but because my father is a king! 

The internet defines a king as "If you describe a man as the king of something, you mean that he is the most important person doing that thing or he is the best at doing it." Bingo! My father was the king of parenting and the best Daddy in the world.. spoken like the true blue doting and devoted daughter right? It happens to be the truth.. the whole truth.. and nothing but the truth so help me God!

My childhood was special and unique as in.. I have way more memories of doing things with my Dad.. and he was just always "there"! When I was a little girl, all too often (usually on a weekend) I'd wake up in my pajamas tucked into my "rajai" on the back seat of the car and ask, "Where are we going?" Dad would reply with a one word answer "Mahabaleshwar.. Poona.. Surat.. Khandala" or some such.. It would be an adventure and sometimes a 5 star one.. and sometimes a 2 star one.. but always great fun! He pampered me with meals at the Taj.. and also made me stay in "dharamshalas" with smelly mattresses.. all because he firmly believed that we (my brother and I) should grow up to be "rough and tough"!

I was thoroughly pampered as a little girl.. he had a special nickname for me (which I am certainly NOT sharing here).. used to make up songs especially for me and call home telling my Mom to bring me to the phone (even as a baby) and sing them! He taught me a lot of Gujarati folk songs on our road trips (of which there were many) and a few Bengali ones as well.. and never once made me self-conscious about not being able to sing well.. or not having a sense of rhythm.. sadly I am totally unmusical.. but I love to listen!

Sometimes it was almost like he had a split personality.. that of a strict disciplinarian as well as an indulgent and loving father! Every Saturday morning was writing table, cupboard and room inspection.. and if anything was untidy or out of place - NO pocket money! He told me once in no uncertain terms, "If I know how to make you sit on my head.. rest assured I know how to get you off twice as quickly!" and he wasn't kidding! He was firm but fair.. also my champion who forbade my Mom from opening and reading my letters saying that children's privacy MUST be respected.. not that it made much of a difference to her! He UNDERSTOOD that we had crushes and needed to put up posters of them so made a huge bulletin board in our room.. and explained to my Mom that it was normal and an important part of growing up!

As I grew up, we became very good friends and had a lot of very interesting conversations! He didn't necessarily approve of my choices of places of employment but didn't try to change my mind.. allowed me the opportunities to learn from my own mistakes (for which I am very grateful) and was my #1 friend philosopher guide protector and defender! Am told that I take after him and am strong headed at times.. and we definitely had our differences of opinion.. sometimes he conceded.. sometimes I did.. and occasionally we were at a stalemate! No matter what and come what may.. it was mostly a democracy at home!

My thirteenth birthday present was - don't hold your breath - not one but TWO cardboard cartons stuffed to bursting with abridged versions of the classics.. William Shakespeare.. Charles Dickens and all those great people! I got a remark for untidy handwriting in school and promptly he made sure I did two pages of copywriting from one of them.. which he would check and ask me questions about later! Our amusement at a restaurant was being given paper, pencil and the menu.. we had to correct spelling mistakes in the menu and ask the meanings of words we didn't understand.. both my brother Sunil and me!

He was, without a doubt, the most stubborn human being on the planet but I loved him to bits! Most of my friends remember him as someone who would come and say hello.. chat for 2 minutes and then go back to his own room! Not that he talked much (except about the good old days) but he connected with a number of people.. which has always surprised me! He taught me how to be neat organized and methodical.. and I am eternally in his debt! Despite being a workaholic, he always gave us enough time and was a willing repairer of household gadgets.. singer of songs.. dispenser of advice.. and so much more! He taught me to believe in myself.. fight for my rights.. not give in when I'm in the right.. never to accept injustice.. and always encouraged me to just "BE the best version of MYSELF that I could be!"

Daddy went through multiple hospitalizations and a great deal of ill heath.. all with a good grace and tremendous patience! He's been the strongest influence in my life.. was my hero.. my champion.. my idol.. my inspiration.. and as time goes by.. am just trying to do what he would have done.. and make him proud! 

It's now 5 years since he left this world.. and there isn't a day that I don't miss him.. get misty-eyed and wish he was here! I really miss his quiet sense of humour.. his wisdom.. his problem solving skills.. and gentle hugs and kisses (as opposed to my slightly ferocious ones) and STILL have days when I don't know how to go on without him! It's been 5 years and yet it feels like yesterday that you left me.. but I know in my heart that you're still "right here" with me.. watching over me and protecting me.. like you always have! February 3rd is always a heartbreakingly difficult day for me.. simply because I miss you so much!

In the immortal words of Sigmund Freud, "I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection." Love you hamesha papa and miss you even more.. and thank you for everything you have done for me.. am SO proud to be your daughter!! It's impossible to think that 5 years have gone by so quickly.. but be at peace Papa.. until we meet again..