THANK YOU MUMMY & DADDY.. for the good habits!!

Of late.. I have found myself thinking about problems and their solutions.. and how.. whenever I had a problem I didn’t know how to solve.. or a situation I didn’t know how to deal with.. my “go to” person was always Daddy! If and when Daddy was travelling and I needed an immediate solution.. it was Mummy (being the oldish time of no mobile phones and instant communication)!

Whether it was Daddy or Mummy.. I remember being given a patient listening ear (more from Daddy of course) and then a discussion would follow.. including how I felt.. how the other person could possibly be feeling.. and options of solutions discussed in detail and finally narrowing down to one mutually acceptable option! The lesson learned then (and realized much later) was how important it is to listen to BOTH sides of a story.. consider everyone’s feelings and try and find a solution that is acceptable to everyone concerned..

All parents try to inculcate good habits in their children and mine were no exception.. waking up early was mandatory as well as non-negotiable.. 6:30 am on schooldays and 7:30 am on the weekends! In retrospect.. this is actually a blessing.. I am a total morning person and love that I achieve more than half of my “to do” list by 10 am.. I am truly amazed by and marvel at people who can sleep until 10 and 11 am.. that’s an impossible dream for me! I have tried but old habits die hard and this one is still very much alive and kicking!

Let’s talk about keeping things where they belong.. and this was taught in an absolutely no-nonsense manner! Just before my tenth birthday (with great excitement about finally getting int the double digits) Daddy called me and said “You’re going to be 10 years old and I want to give you weekly pocket money.. BUT.. you have to earn it! Every Saturday morning there will be room inspection.. writing table inspection and cupboard inspection.. and IF and ONLY IF everything is in place will you get the princely sum of 15 rupees a week.” The motto in our house was “a place for everything and everything in it’s place”.. For those of you who have accused me jokingly of being “borderline OCD”.. now you know where it comes from!

Discipline was very much in place at the dining table too.. Mummy and Daddy decided what we would eat.. how much.. and served us.. and the unspoken rule was “You don’t get up from the table until you finish what’s on your plate.. if you don’t like it overmuch you don’t need to take a second helping but what is there has to be eaten! Glasses of milk (which I detested) were downed without a murmur and I grew up eating every vegetable except karela and kantola which we were mercifully spared! Mummy was very clear that I should grow up and be a credit to her for being a non-fussy eater especially at other people’s homes!

Going out at night and curfews.. putting up posters on the walls and other adolescent nonsense type things.. Daddy was more lenient about this and explained to Mummy that it was an integral part of growing up which she accepted.. albeit not very happily! I clearly remember my 18^th birthday when all my friends (guys included) bussed me gently on the cheek and wished me.. and my mother clutching Daddy’s arm fiercely and hissing at him “Narendra! These boys are KISSING Pallu! And my sweet father.. imperturtable as always saying “Yes Vasant.. it’s okay and she would say “it’s NOT okay” which he would ignore in a most cavalier manner!

Poor Mummy had a hard row to hoe sometimes.. but she bore it with grace resentment and humour by turn! She was very simple direct and authoritative.. Daddy was far more diplomatic and softspoken (most of the time) but they were a great team and were generous with criticism and praise.. pampering and discipline.. and most of all.. consistent and solidly together in all decisions related to parenting (and definitely in our presence)!

Today I think of them both with gratitude.. and bless them for all the good habits and virtues they taught.. and I “caught” and wish that all children today are blessed enough to have parents who practice “tough love” and keep the relationship with their children in perfect balance! Good parenting sets boundaries.. creates a sense of security and results in mature sensible practical and well-adjusted children who have love laughter compassion and kindness to give the world!

Thank you for reading and do please share your name at the end of your comment (if you choose to write one)..

HAPPY WOMEN'S DAY.. everyday!!

TODAY.. is International Women's Day.. so it's all about women.. all over the place.. wherever they are and whatever they are doing..

TODAY.. every woman is treated like she's Superwoman (which she really and truly IS).. 

TODAY.. every woman is all of a sudden the BEST wife.. mother.. sister.. daughter.. friend..

TODAY.. every woman is suddenly a magical creature who's blessed with every virtue that exists..

TODAY.. every woman is the "greatest asset" to the organization or institution she's associated with..

TODAY.. every newspaper article and media reel highlights the incredible achievements of extraordinary (and ordinary women who are everyday heroes)..

TODAY.. every woman in the world is made to feel beautiful capable successful and strong..

TODAY.. every woman receives appreciation and acknowledgement for doing what she does on a daily basis as a matter of course..

TODAY.. every woman is celebrated and that is beautiful.. and I am so grateful for that! 

TODAY.. this message goes out to every woman I know to wish them a Happy Women's Day!

TODAY.. I pray that all of us who belong to the great universal sisterhood of women just send out love and light to each other!

TODAY.. I'm not standing on my soapbox and pontificating that EVERY day should be Women's Day.. because for me.. it IS!

TODAY.. I am truly blessed to be surrounded by both women (and men) who appreciate and celebrate me.. and they do this by accepting supporting respecting me on a day to day basis!

TODAY.. and EVERY day.. it is possible for every woman to feel special loved cherished and revered.. All you need to do is love yourself and believe it's okay for you to put yourself first and believe that you are WORTHY!

TODAY.. know that you are a magical human being who deserves all the praises for all that you do..

TODAY.. don't allow yourself to be browbeaten dominated disrespected and treated as less because you are NOT less..

TODAY.. and everyday.. know the blessing it is to be a woman and be grateful for it.. simply because.. there's nothing worth doing that we can't do.. and of course..

TODAY.. and every day of your life.. remember that women are the fairer smarter nicer cleverer and better sex!!

Happy International Woman's Day to every woman out there.. just keep doing what you do.. and keep rocking it like ONLY you can!! 

Thank you as always for reading and please share your name at the end of the comment (should you choose to write one)..

30 YEARS AGO.. Pallu.. then & now!!

The 27th of February 1995 is a red letter date in my life.. it was a day of mixed feelings to the extreme.. of being "set free".. of getting a second chance at life.. of being alone but at the same time being completely with myself! It was the day I was awarded a Certificate of Annulment of marriage in the Ventura County court in Southern California! 

Nine months after a fairytale wedding I flew to the US with stars in my eyes all set to be the "perfect wife"..  but fate decreed otherwise..  It turned out that the fairytale metamorphosed into a nightmare beyond my wildest dreams! 

Growing up as "Papa's princess" disnt any any way prepare me for being locked up.. beaten up.. having my head banged against the wall.. being burned deliberately with lit cigarettes.. insulted verbally.. tortured mentally and emotionally etc.. 

I was in no way equipped to live with a philandering abusive alcoholic.. it was frightening suspenseful and everything in between! I tried talking to him.. loving him more.. asking him to come for couples therapy.. apologizing for who I was.. but nothing made a difference!

The last straw came when he told me in so many words "This is who I am and this is who I want to be.. if you want to stay you can stay.. if you.want to go you can go!" Living without love was difficult was painful.. living with total indifference was difficult but living with outright rejection was what was heartbreaking!

I was incredibly lucky to have somewhere to go.. have a loving family to stay with.. get access to a fabulous lawyer and be free of the "toxicity" but all I could think of was that I just wasn't "good enough" and came back to India with my self-esteem down to rock bottom zero or even lower!

It took many months of endless conversations with my parents.. a lot of time with good friends.. and some intense therapy to understand that addiction was an "illness".. that he was sick.. and that whatever had happened was NOT my fault.. Slowly I gathered myself and understood that being "nice" didnt mean being blind to the faults of others.. that being "unmarried" didn't have to "limit" me as a person.. and that I would be happy and smile again!

Time went by.. I "grew up".. found my own inner wellspring of confidence.. nursed both my parents through many years of a series of medical crises and multiple hospitalizations.. leanred fabulous coping skills.. met some wonderful people along the way.. and got inspired to begin my journey of personal spiritual growth.. 

Today I am taking "baby steps" but learning and realizing the truths of life every single day! I have become more "attuned" to people's energies and found the courage to walk away from negative and toxic people.. to end friendships that have drained more more than they have replenished me.. to find joy and peace within myself instead of seeking and chasing them externally.. and above all.. I have discovered and experienced the incomparable power of prayer!

The joy of "becoming myself" is unparalleled.. and choosing to do only what brings me joy is even better! Now I count my blessings.. surround myself with positive cheerful and happy people.. avoid the grouches.. celebrate every little joy.. reach out to those who genuinely need help.. and do whatever I can in my own little way to "spread the sunshine" and try to make this world a happier and nicer place to live in!

I have written this blog to say it is essential to practise gratitude actively.. to believe in yourself.. to love yourself.. to embrace solitude at times.. to accept whatever life throws at you with equanimity.. face it with strength and confidence and most of all.. keep praying and have the unshakeable faith that "if God brings you to it.. He also brings you through it" and to always remember that you are loved precious and a very special person to so many!!

Celebrating my very own personal "Independence Day" today with a heart full of love and gratitude to God.. the Universe and all of you for being in my life and enriching it! Wishing you all resilience confidence courage strength and unwavering faith as you navigate through life!

The final words of wisdom are.. keep believing in the essential goodness of human nature but don't be blind to people's faults.. stay away from "energy vampires".. keep believing in yourself.. stay positive and whatever happens.. don't give up!! 

As always.. thank you for reading and please write your name at the end of the comment (should you choose to write one)..

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU.. first and foremost!!

Valentine’s Day is the day of love.. romance.. lovers.. chocolates.. sentimental messages.. flowers.. rainbows.. teddy bears.. mushy endearments.. gifts.. jewellery.. cards and public displays of affection.. Right? Right.. this is Valentine’s Day as we know it..

Now that EQ (Emotional Quotient) is such a big thing.. Valentine’s Day is not just about celebrating your “special someone” or significant other.. but it is a day for spouses.. partners.. parents.. extended family.. children.. siblings.. friends.. and pretty much everyone else in your life!

Expressing your love for someone is a wonderful thing.. and for people who struggle to actually SAY those (sometimes very difficult) three little words”.. Valentine’s Day is a godsend because what you’re trying to say is pretty much understood without the awkwardness of actually HAVING to say it - in so many small but significant words!

How about you take a slightly different view of Valentine’s Day this year? You go “all out” buying presents.. drafting loving messages and feeling pressurized to “do things properly” to express your deepest feelings to others on this very important day.. BUT.. how about you celebrate YOURSELF this Valentine’s Day? After all, we all know you can’t pour from an empty cup.. so why not do what makes YOU happy this year? Weird? No.. Wonderful? Yes!!

How about you start with looking at yourself in the mirror and accepting yourself and loving yourself just as you are.. without wishing for fairer skin.. a more aquiline nose.. weighing 10 kilos less.. a fuller head of hair? How about you sit down quietly with yourself and by yourself and be grateful for having a calm temperament.. a loving heart.. a generous nature and a positive personality?

 Being your own Valentine first and foremost might sound a little unusual.. but it is essential to remind yourself that you are special.. unique.. and most of all – worthy of love! Give yourself a little love today.. be kind to yourself and treat yourself to your favourite chocolates.. go to your favourite spa for a foot massage.. take that afternoon siesta guilt-free.. and know that you deserve the best that you can give yourself!

At another level.. allow the love you feel flow to others less fortunate and do something for them that is not a daily gift.. organize or sponsor a meal for the underprivileged.. spend some time with the elderly.. reach out to a friend who’s going through a rough time and share a meaningful conversation (while keeping your phones switched off).. When you sit to pray.. give yourself the luxury of a little extra time and just count your blessings.. name them one by one.. and pray for brotherhood peace and love in the world!

Believe that today is a day to love yourself and tell yourself in the immortal words of the singer John Legend in as many ways as possible that

“All of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose, I'm winning
'Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you”

Love yourself.. share that love.. spread that love.. celebrate that love.. and here’s a very Happy Valentine’s Day to you!!

As always.. thank you for reading.. it means so much to me!!

EIGHT YEARS & COUNTING.. miss you Daddy!

Some dates on the calendar roll around so quickly it’s just uncanny.. before you even realize it.. the day is here once again! The 3^rd of February is like that for me.. today marks exactly eight years since you left me Daddy.. and I miss you every single day!

This year things are a little different though.. I miss you but the unbearable pain and sense of loss have metamorphosed into a calm acceptance that now I am truly “on my own” but you’re still “right here” with me in my mind heart and soul.. and that you’ll never leave me alone..

Today as I think of you.. it is with a sense of wonder as to how very wise you were.. how organized.. how practical and sensible.. and how blessed and lucky I am to have inherited some of these wonderfully desirable qualities (although to a much lesser extent) from you! Today as I think of you.. it is with the deepest gratitude for imparting to me the sense to know “right from wrong” and always choose the high road.. the one that is tougher but builds character courage and conviction in the long run!

Today as I think of you.. it is with appreciation for the virtues of punctuality integrity meticulousness compassion neatness gratitude and faith in the Almighty.. Today as I think of you.. it is with an overwhelming feeling of being blessed and lucky to be born to you and to get your love for books.. for reading.. for writing.. for language.. and for good music..

Today as I think of you.. it is with humility for teaching me important life lessons such as.. always selecting that best of what is available.. for understanding never to compromise on quality in the important things like work.. friends.. independence.. finances.. for not trusting blindly.. for always believing in myself.. for choosing to be efficient over being popular and most of all.. for giving 100% of myself to whatever I do!

Every girl’s Daddy is her hero and you will always be mine.. for leading by example.. for practicing what you preached.. for always understanding and “being there” rock solid no matter what.. Every girl’s Daddy teaches her things that nobody else does (mine taught me how to change a flat tyre!) and is her greatest cheerleader and supporter.. Thank you so much for being the best one possible!

Confession being good for the soul.. I also inherited your nasty temper and sharp tongue.. When I also achieved some of your wisdom, I realized that these were damaging me and doing more harm than good.. With some help from my “guru”.. my “soul family”.. some insightful books and some highly evolved friends, I began my “spiritual journey” and started working on myself.. Am very much a work in progress even today.. fortunately have managed to pretty much calm the temper and subdue the tongue.. and trying to achieve balance and build compassion and patience!

Eighty-eight plus years of a life filled with hard work.. dedication.. faith focus food and fun.. books and music.. honesty and humour.. discipline and control add up to the very special and unique person you were Daddy..

You left BIG shoes to fill and I am trying my best to be the daughter that will always make you proud and carry on your legacy of sterling qualities and values! Love you hamesha  and remembering you with very special love today Daddy!!

Thank you (as always) for reading and do please type your name at the end of the comment (should you choose to write one)!

GUJARAT & KUTCH.. you humbled and inspired me!!

Out of the blue, I planned an 11 day eating and shopping trip to Gujarat and Kutch with two dear friends from Bangalore! They had heard stories about about the delicious fresh “Surti ponk”.. the droolworthy “Surti locho”..  the legendary “pineapple jam and cheese sandwich”.. the famous Ambika “dal wada”.. the Manek Chowk “night food market” and were longing to try these delicacies and a whole lot more!

We identified the high spots for sightseeing as the Adalaj ni Vav (a Unesco World Heritage site).. the Akshardham temple in Gandhinagar.. the Rani ni Vav (a World Heritage site seen clearly at the back of the 100 rupee note).. the Sun Temple at Modhera.. the only surviving family of authentic “double Ikat” woven Patolas.. the Dilwara Temple at Mount Abu.. the discovered and excavated ancient Harappan site at Dholavira!

Mindboggling to even think of coordinating all this on my own so sought help and a dear friend recommended a travel agent local to Ahmedabad.. I connected and voila! Almost magically an itinerary was planned.. tickets were booked and arrangements were made! There was much excitement about the trip and it started with the wonderfully clean and super punctual Vande Bharat Express that took us to Surat very quickly and efficiently!

We spent a day in Surat.. ate to our heart (and stomach’s) content.. and headed to Ahmedabad! Visited the Adalaj ni Vav and Akshardham on the way and then enjoyed 4 days of food fun family and friendship in Ahmedabad! We all got to experience true Gujarati hospitality and it was truly special.. When street vendors persuade you smilingly to “try one more”.. what more can you ask for?! We devoured most of the goodies on offer and as expected, everyone’s tummies were fine and nobody fell sick!

The Sun Temple at Modhera was a delight thanks to our guide Girishbhai who was extremely knowledgeable and passionate about it’s history.. the poor man felt shortchanged because we gave him only 2 hours.. I suspect he could have (given half a chance) waxed eloquent all day! Rani ni Vav was fascinating (although I couldn’t walk down since the steps were really tough and uneven) and the visit to the Patola centre was incredible! The Salvi family has been weaving these for 400 years now and qualified architects and doctors have given up their careers to carry the legacy forward.. it was incredible to see the passion they bring to their work!

We spent two nights and a day in Mount Abu at the Wordsworth Lodge which (believe it or not) was started by William Wordsworth’s great granddaughter Diana! The lodge was charming and the sky so clear that we saw stars with the naked eye!

The Dilwara temple was gorgeous but I just wished that the Sikh security guards were quieter when they spoke on their mobile phones.. it sounded they could have been heard by their families in Punjab without the phones as well! Silver shopping was excessively tempting and it must be admitted that we all succumbed to temptation!

Dholavira in Kutch was dusty at first glance but the Archaelogical Museum was fascinating and when we visited the site.. OHMIGOD! That was a once in a lifetime experience.. history has never been my favourite subject but our guide Jaimalbhai was actually a part of the team that excavated and discovered it! He brought it alive and we could have listened to him for hours as we walked around! Came away super impressed at the drainage systems and town planning and sheer ingenuity of those folk!

We stopped at Nirona which is a small village in Kutch.. home to a number of master craftsmen who do the most exquisite “Rogan painting”.. metal Bell making.. and lacquer work.. The homes and workplaces are mostly crowded.. dusty and noisy.. but the people are passionate.. perfectionists.. and gracious to another level.. We were welcomed warmly.. offered chai.. and all this with no pressure to buy! All the more incredible when you consider that they don’t advertise but rely on word of mouth reviews! Not surprisingly Nirona was full of foreigners who came from England Germany Japan and all over to see the artisans and their work! In Bhuj it was the same story with the “Bandhani” artisans.. the “Ajrakh” printers.. and the master weaver Shamjibhai Vankar!

Why did I come away humbled and inspired? To see people so enthusiastic creative passionate and committed to their craft and work! Most of them have won awards like the Padma Shri but are totally unassuming and simple.. they let their absolutely fantastic work speak for them! We have a lot to learn and I came away feeling so proud that my fellow Gujaratis are reviving and sharing their expertise and creativity with the world! Everyone should do a trip to Gujarat and return feeling all “fired up with enthusiasm and purpose” to do whatever they do being 100% committed to it!

Sorry for the very long blog but I just couldn’t leave out a single word! Thank you as always for reading!

 

 

 

MAKAR SANKRANTI.. it’s time for us to make the shift too!

Today is the 14^th of January and it means different things to different people.. for some it is a day of celebration to eat “til laddoos”.. to fly and “cut” kites in friendly rivalry in keeping with tradition.. To others it is a time of gratitude to the Almighty and the farmers for abundant harvests.. and to still others.. the start of an auspicious time to begin planning weddings.. new businesses and endeavours!

People fly kites on Makar Sankranti to symbolize the rising sun and the beginning of longer days marking the end of the winter solstice. This festival is dedicated to the sun god Surya – flying a kite is seen as a way to “connect” with the heavens and express gratitude to the deity while also enjoying the sunlight which is considered beneficial after the winter months.

Makar Sankranti signifies the end of winter and the beginning of the harvest season.. and is one of the few Indian festivals based on the solar calendar making it a fixed date on the Gregorian calendar. Agriculturally, it is a time to celebrate the renewal of nature. Astronomically it heralds the movement of the Sun northwards from the south to Capricorn and this movement releases positive energy that encourages people to make a good beginning.

Just as the Sun shifts, perhaps it is time for us to make a “shift” too.. We should make this “shift” from the chill of winter with relationships and friendships that are “frozen” and lacking warmth and caring! Make a conscious decision and effort to plant seeds of caring understanding acceptance and sharing so that you get to reap bountiful “harvests” of genuine respect warmth sharing and love with the people you want to keep in your life!

Let’s choose to keep moving “northwards” or upwards like the Sun leaving poor quality cold greedy selfish and self-serving people below us and “rise up” to become and be our best selves! Let’s choose to connect with happy vibes and positive energies only from now on! Let’s try to stay away from arguments conflict and negativity by keeping our words sweet and pleasant! Let's choose to celebrate this festival and all it represents throughout the year!

Celebrate today for so many joyful reasons and keep your mood happy positive and upbeat! Spread the joy and the sweetness by distributing and sharing “til laddoos” and as the Maharashtrians say “Til gul ghya ani gode gode bola”.. eat the sweet and speak sweet words!

Happy Makar Sankranti and wishing you sunshine positivity sweetness and abundance today and always!

Thank you as always for reading and please share your name at the end of the comment (should you choose to write one)!!