HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW YOUR FRIENDS.. and yourself?

People fascinate me.. they always have and they always will.. I love that all of us are so unique and so completely different from each other.. while still being similar in so many ways! It’s one of the great mysteries of life to me.. how we all manage to coexist reasonably peacefully with each other!

I am fortunate to have friends and be on friendly terms with people across all age groups.. people in their 20s 30s 40s 50s 60s 70s and a few in their 80s as well.. It is such fun interacting with this variety of people and having some really interesting conversations with them.. I invariably come back having learned something from them.. usually a small pearl of wisdom or else a major life lesson!

Getting to know younger people (in the 20s and 30s) is like a window into the future with a lot of fresh thinking.. creative ideas.. not always the most practical but very stimulating indeed! Their perspectives are always wider since the world is truly their oyster and “everything goes”.. at least in theory!

Those in their 40s and 50s are for the most part.. ambitious and hardworking.. have their goals – career.. social and financial very much in place and are working according to plan to achieve the same! They work hard and play harder.. love checking out new restaurants.. travelling to places off the beaten track.. and are very open to new experiences..

People in their 60s (like me) are the ones who aren’t exactly YOUNG anymore.. but having said that.. aren’t really OLD either! A number of us start feeling and talking about how “we just don’t have the energy we had last year anymore” like 60 is this big bad “monster” that has taken over our minds and bodies completely! The truth be told, it’s not completely true.. but it isn’t bullshit either!

Everyone slows down at a certain point in time.. and that’s a function of age! The way I look at it is.. okay.. so if the body is lowing down a little.. modify the lifestyle to accommodate it.. If you can’t gym anymore.. go and swim.. if you can’t swim anymore.. then start walking.. and if you can’t walk anymore.. stay home and do gentle stretching and breathing..

KNOW your body.. mind.. heart and soul.. Take out time for yourself and accept that things will keep changing internally and they may manifest externally as well.. Physical symptoms and problems can be treated by the doctor but what about the vague formless uncomfortable feelings of restlessness anxiety and lack of interest?

Are you spending enough time with yourself to know what is causing you emotional stress? Prayer can help but self-love.. introspection and awareness are the key.. Sometimes I’m on the go from morning to evening and think I’m getting so much accomplished and still end the day feeling depleted and “empty” even though everything on my “to do” list has been ticked off.. Not a good thing right?

We all magically acquire tremendous and universal wisdom when it comes to knowing how other people should lead their lives and are always ready to be “Mr. or Ms. Fix It” with all the answers.. but have we ever sat down and analyzed what WE like.. love.. hate.. and may want to change in our OWN lives? Something to ponder on because all the answers are within us.. if only we are ready to face them and acknowledge them (even against our will)..

Just sharing something personal.. am on a mission to eat healthy.. control my temper.. acquire some patience.. modify my lifestyle.. and basically “get my act together” and am pretty much committed to this.. Admirable right? Yes, but although I’m walking the “straight and narrow” there has been a feeling of “stagnation” for almost a couple of weeks now and it was really bothering me!

I just couldn’t pinpoint what was causing it and a friend told me this morning “I know exactly what it is.. you’re getting antsy because you haven’t travelled anywhere in over two months!” Restless soul that I am, I realized that she hit the bullseye and am now happy because I’m now thinking about where to go and what to see! No concrete plans yet.. but what fun to have something I love to look forward to!

Does this mean I don’t know myself? Of course not.. but sometimes you just can’t see the forest for the trees.. and that’s absolutely fine! Now that I know WHAT a big part of me travel IS.. will simply make sure I do enough of it to keep me buoyant.. upbeat and in “Little Miss Sunshine” mode!!

P.S. Please write your name at the end of your comment.. it’s just annoying that Blogspot doesn’t display it automatically!! Thank you so much for reading everyone!!

HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY!!

 International Women's Day is celebrated in many countries around the world. It is a day when women are publicly recognized, acknowleged and sometimes even rewarded for their achievements in multiple diverse spheres such as ethnic.. linguistic.. cultural.. economic or political to name a few..

This is a day dedicated to celebrating women and that’s the main reason why I absolutely love it! Growing up in India where it’s often considered a “sorrow or bad luck” to have a daughter.. I love that as an urban people at least.. we are finally acknowledging women and the value they bring to their homes families workplaces.. and to the world as a whole!

I was super blessed and lucky to be born to my parents because my father wanted a daughter with all his heart! He was obviously happy to have had a son earlier.. but when my mother was expecting me.. he was so excited.. decided on a name.. chose a beautiful piece of jewellery for me and barely managed to contain his excitement until I arrived!

Me being the typical “drama queen” baby.. there was high drama before my birth as well.. It was a toxaemia pregnancy for Mummy and even though I weighed just 4 pounds (yes I mean 4 lbs not kgs!) I had to come into the world by Caesarean section! So I was this “precious and very much wanted princess” for my Dad and that continued as long as he lived..

I remember my childhood as a time filled chock-a-block with caring sharing pampering travelling jokes laughter hugs kisses and cuddles with a proportionate amount of discipline and training thrown in for good measure! There were rules accompanied by rewards and punishments as the case demanded.. and expectations with consequences depending on whether they were fulfilled or not..

Not having children of my own but blessed to have a finger in the pies of over 700 children during their formative years I want to say here that there is SO MUCH effort that goes into raising a girl and training her to grow into a fine woman.. one that is worthy of respect admiration love and much more! It includes tireless motivation.. encouragement.. time.. heartache.. sacrifice.. frustration.. sometimes disappointment.. and a seemingly unending supply of patience understanding and unconditional love and acceptance!

Girls grow into young women.. they go through “growing pains”.. usually aren’t encouraged to voice or raise their woes.. are told very often to “suffer in silence” (like their mothers and grandmothers).. Once they are young women.. on the other hand.. they are told to learn to cook.. study hard and do well academically.. work and be successful.. make good money.. get on par with the men in their workspace.. run a great house.. be amazing wives.. raise terrific children.. and all this without a murmur about the “cost to self”!

Create that Powerpoint presentation.. teach the little one how to tie his shoelaces himself.. make the mithai for Diwali using the traditional family recipe.. be dressed well at all times.. talk sense with the husband’s boss and his wife while entertaining them over drinks and dinner.. make sure that the “diya” is lit and the family (at least the children) say their prayers daily.. AND become Superwoman (without the cape) when the househelp goes AWOL!

Woman are blessed with a tremendous capacity to multitask.. to organize.. to calm hysterical babies and senior citizens.. to miraculously find missing homework.. books and car keys that aren’t to be found anywhere.. to instinctively plan menus that appeal to everyone (no mean feat, this).. to balance the responsibilities at “maika” “sasural” workplace and everywhere else as well!

And HOW ON EARTH do they manage to do all this AND smile through the madness? It’s simple.. they (I mean WE) do it from a mindset and space of compassion love gentleness and a deep-seated desire for harmony and happiness around us! And just imagine.. all we want in return is a little respect and affection and acknowledgement of our untiring efforts!

Everyone reading this.. whether you’re male or female.. please stop for a moment.. think of all the incredible women in your life and all that they have done for you.. as mothers.. sisters.. “bhabhies”.. sisters-in-law.. teachers.. students.. friends.. neighbours.. bosses.. helpers.. and ACKNOWLEDGE them.. CELEBRATE them and TELL THEM how special they are.. and that your life is easier better nicer and happier because THEY are in it! THAT will be a true celebration of March 8^th being International Women’s Day!!

Happy Women’s Day to ALL the gorgeous amazing talented creative successful hardworking artistic brilliant and super-duper women out there!! Always remember that YOU rock ladies!!

THE JOY OF OLD FRIENDS.. incomparable and unmatched!

When I turned 60 last year and had a big party to celebrate.. what struck me was the number of friends who came to celebrate with me! Overwhelmed by the love.. hugs.. dancing.. singing.. excitement and sentiment of the occasion it hit me that one of the greatest blessings we receive in life is strong and unconditional friendships..

Wealth managers recommend investing in equities.. mutual funds.. SIPs.. AIFs and whatnot.. but according to me.. the best investment you can make is in strong friendships with good people!  What do I mean by good people? The kind of people who inspire you.. believe in you.. understand you.. commiserate with you over your sorrows and celebrate your joys more enthusiastically than you do!

Everyone who knows me for any length of time knows that my friends are the MOST important people in the world to me.. always have been.. and always will be! As a teenager my Mom used to tell me “What is this? Friends.. friends and friends all the time? Remember that when things get tough.. it will be only FAMILY that will stand by you and support you! Don’t be obsessed with your friends all the time!”

Mom.. wherever you are (and I know you’re watching as well as listening.. this is one matter in which I am super happy to prove you wrong in a resounding way! God has blessed me with the BEST friends in the world and they have “been there” for me through thick and thin.. sick and sin.. and just everything that’s happened in life.. for which I am and will always be eternally grateful!

It was a friend who rushed with me to hospital when Mom fell down and broke her hip.. when Mom had to have a feeding tube inserted in her stomach (I was at the eye specialist with Dad getting some “jhaankhi” removed).. It was a friend who made me register with an emergency ambulance service seeing that Mom and Dad were going to hospital every so often!

It was friends who rallied round when my marriage was on the rocks.. who took me into their hearts and home and cherished me for the 12 weeks it took for me annulment to come through.. and friends who gathered around when I got back to India and made sure I wasn’t alone depressed and brooding over what had happened..

Being single (and not wanting to mingle).. it has always been friends who made sure to invite me over on festivals so I get to share that precious feeling of “family time”.. and friends who have agreed to come with me on holidays so I don’t have to travel alone!

Since Covid I have made a few new and solid friends.. they are the people who pray for me.. protect me.. and who encouraged me to a greater awareness of the importance of spiritual growth.. and pretty much changed the trajectory and focus of my life.. What an incredible blessing they are!

Last week I flew down to Bangalore to celebrate a very old friend’s birthday.. he’s just 61 but the friendship has been for about 45 years! I coordinated with his wife (who’s a darling) and made a surprise visit.. literally just landed up at his door! THAT look of pure joy on his face made the two hour drive from the airport in horrendous traffic totally worthwhile! And the hug we shared kind of just made the years melt away bathing the day in a beautiful glow of happiness! Suhas and Medha.. this one’s especially for you both!

Old friends are the people who you can ask the dumbest questions without the fear of being judged.. the ones you can talk to about something anything nothing and walk away feeling like it was the best conversations you ever had.. the ones who are genuinely concerned about you and call to check how you’re doing every once in a while.. the ones you crack the silliest jokes with and laugh with like a mad person..

Old friends are the people you knew in school.. building friends.. college friends.. neighbours.. and perhaps workmates too.. they are the people to miss.. love.. cherish and keep in touch with.. By all means go out and make new friends too.. it takes every colour of crayon to “complete the box” and all your friends enrich and enhance your life in some way or the other!

In the immortal words of someone unknown but extremely wise “Friends are the family you choose for yourself”.. and good friends are the ones who you NEVER take for granted so go ahead and send that message.. call.. meet up.. and always remember to tell them that you love them.. Life is short and unpredictable so don’t wait for tomorrow!

They are the people who love you unconditionally and in a world where most things come with an “*conditions apply”.. HOW special and precious is that?

Blogspot is weird so please type your name at the end of your comment (if you write one)! As always.. thank you for reading!

 

WHAT VALENTINE'S DAY MEANS TO ME NOW..

We have been bombarded for the last couple of weeks with invitations and ideas on how to celebrate Valentine’s Day.. by the newspapers.. social media.. advertisements in magazines.. on Instagram etc.. We are being offered vacation packages.. staycation packages.. delicious chocolates.. expensive wines.. exotic flower arrangements.. singing messages.. discounted luxury watches.. lavish brunches and dinners and whatnot!

Feeling somewhat overwhelmed? And not to forget the peer pressure of who’s giving what this year.. finding an innovative gift.. finding yet another creative way to say “I love you”.. booking a table at THE happening new restaurant in town.. AND doing all this in utmost secrecy so as not to dilute the surprise at all.. Stressful right? So.. just don’t do it..

At the ripe old age of 60 I like to believe that I have managed to acquire a little wisdom and my perspectives have changed as well.. In my 20s and 30s I still wanted the red hearts and teddy bears and declarations of undying love (!!) on Valentine’s Day thinking that that was all I needed to feel “complete” and get through life! I gathered the bouquets.. ate the chocolates.. hugged the teddy bears and celebrated being loved by someone special!

Time went by.. I grew up.. relationships fell apart.. friends came and went.. some stayed.. my life goals changed.. and I changed.. I grew.. I learned and most important of all.. I finally understood..

Until you believe you are worthy of it and love yourself.. no one else can love you.. and you do not have the capacity to love anyone else either! What matters most to me now is.. What is your definition of love? Allow me to share what love means to me today..

Love.. to me.. is my doctor buddy calling up just to check on how I’m feeling.. it’s my neighbour texting to say egg curry’s on the menu for dinner and do I want some.. it’s my spiritual guide praying for me and keeping me in protection.. it’s a close friend asking if I slept well last night.. it’s my helper making my favourite food to tempt my appetite when I’m sick.. it’s my building watchman running to take a heavy parcel I’m struggling with.. it’s my bhajiwallah calling to say he's got exceptional green peas and is sending 2 kgs across.. it's my part-timer volunteering to give me a back or foot massage in the middle of her packed schedule..

Love is care.. concern.. thoughtfulness.. a generosity of spirit.. abundance in both giving and receiving.. Love is kindness.. compassion.. a strong shoulder to lean on.. an ear that listens patiently.. It is calling to ask if someone reached home safely.. running an errand for someone who’s unwell..

To me.. love is unconditional acceptance of those whom we truly love.. it is being non-judgemental.. it is “being there” to support help and uplift those around us.. it is being sensitive to the feelings of others.. being respectful and thoughtful.. It is what awakens from time spent in reflection.. introspection and the succeeding personal growth.. and love is something that grows and spreads from the wellspring of your soul..

By all means.. go out and celebrate.. do the whole red hearts.. chocolates.. gifts.. candlelight dinner.. declaration of eternal love.. and amid all the joy and celebration.. reflect and redefine all that love really means to you.. and then resolve to LIVE by it!

Love is something that we should aspire to make our “default setting” today on Valentine’s Day.. and all through the year! Wishing you a very Happy Valentine’s Day and may your life be filled with an abundance of the most pure and precious kind of love.. today.. tomorrow and always!

P.S. Please write your names in the comments.. Blogspot isn’t the most user-friendly website in this matter!

 

 

Seven years is such a long time.. but the love keeps growing!!

2^nd February 2017 was seven year ago.. seemingly just another ordinary day on the calendar.. but not for me.. Daddy was in the hospital with acute renal failure and the last possible option of Dialysis had been attempted and proven unsuccessful.. His nephrologist had very gently and kindly broken the news to me that unfortunately Daddy wouldn’t be coming home from the hospital this time..

Daddy was singularly the most practical person I have ever known and although we never told him what the doctor had said, he was intelligent enough to realize that all was not well.. visits from long missed but not forgotten people and associates.. calls from overseas.. notes of gratitude from people he had mentored and given their “first chance” in life etc..

When I was eating lunch at home that afternoon, an old schoolfriend called me from the US and said “I know your Dad is very unwell and all of us are praying that he goes peacefully.. but he’s lingering on because of you! He is worried about you.. how you will manage alone.. cope with losing him.. live your life.. and I know this because the same thing happened with my mother a short while ago.”

She went on to tell me “You need to LET GO.. and how will you do that? Sit down quietly and thank him for all that he did for you.. taught you.. gave you.. shared with you and blessed you with. Tell him (in your heart) that you’re “all grown up” now and will be fine and that he should stop worrying about you and just “let go” so he can move ahead on his soul journey”. Easier said than done.. it was heartbreaking in the extreme and but I didn’t want to prolong his suffering and so I did as she said..

Reaching the hospital, I sat quietly while Daddy gave me a long speech about what a good daughter I’d been and how he was so proud of me.. and how he wanted me to live the rest of my life.. how very much he loved me and so on.. He insisted that I attend a family birthday party that night despite my protests.. typical of him.. always putting my happiness on priority!

The fateful call came at 3:35 am from Breach Candy Hospital on the 3^rd of February saying that he had passed away.. and I was shattered! The loss of a parent is always devastating but for me, it was like someone had yanked my heart right out of my body.. it felt like I would never smile again and there was an abyss of sorrow and loneliness that would never be filled! He had been the centre of my universe for so long that getting used to his absence was a physical pain!

I grieved.. cried.. wept.. spent sleepless nights.. and as time went by.. took comfort in the care and concern of friends and family.. The realization dawned (and stayed with me) as to how such a (seemingly) quiet and uncommunicative person had built relationships with so many people and garnered so much goodwill.. Gratitude overwhelmed me when people made remarks like “You are so much your father’s daughter” or “Narendrabhai would be so proud to see you today” and “If God ever gave me a daughter, I would have wanted her to be just like you”! Not the praise for me – the praise for qualities I inherited from him!

The 3^rd of February is the saddest day of the year for me.. and at the same time joyful.. for it is a chance to thank you Daddy.. for teaching me to be punctual.. polite.. organized.. generous.. thoughtful.. helpful.. sympathetic.. shrewd.. thinking.. hardworking.. and yet in all this.. to retain a child-like innocence and a gentle sense of humour! Thank you for insisting that I study well.. exercise neat penmanship.. give free rein to my sometimes wild imagination.. for bringing me out of a completely abusive and dysfunctional marriage and always being my biggest cheerleader and one man army! 

There isn’t a day goes by that I don’t think of you.. and miss you.. and love you even more than I did the day before.. but I know you’re finally in a better place.. your suffering is over.. and no matter what.. you will always be with me.. and a part of my soul.. and.. in the absolutely immortal words of Whitney Houston..

“And I.. will always.. love you.. and I.. will always.. love you..”

WHY WE MUST CELEBRATE THE LAST DAY OF THE YEAR.. today and always!

 The last day of the year is a special day.. perhaps even more special than the first.. and you’re probably wondering why I say this..

All of us are in different moods and doing different things right now.. some are preparing to entertain friends and family.. some are catering for other people’s parties.. some are at the salon getting prettified for a night of revelry and fun.. while some are getting things ready for tomorrow thinking that 31^st December isn’t a big deal at all..

The truth of the matter is that today IS a big deal.. but whether or not you choose to perceive it as such is entirely up to you.. In a sense.. with the busy lives that we all lead.. 365 days is almost an era in itself - the year has been full of a variety of experiences for us all.. relationships.. friendships.. achievements at work.. heartbreak.. heartache.. health related challenges and so on..

Amidst all the excitement and ups and downs of the year that has passed.. today is a blessing.. to reflect.. realize and acknowledge that you faced the challenges.. chose your battles and fought them.. reached out to others.. gave a helping hand where it was needed.. did some introspection and made it through the year relatively unscathed..

Nobody has it easy.. we all have our own struggles.. some that are physical and obvious.. and others that are less so.. We try our best to cope.. we reach out to ask for help sometimes.. we suffer in silence sometimes.. and maybe.. we finally begin to understand that the the greatest help comes from our own hearts and souls..

Whenever we look back.. it’s very normal to have made mistakes and to have regrets and wish that we had done things differently perhaps.. mistakes are just stepping stones to learning.. and regrets belong in the past.. don’t carry them along with you into the new year! Try and look back and take stock of the year that has passed in terms of the lessons you learned.. the people that entered and exited your life and why.. what were your happiest times.. and when and where did you witness the greatest amount of personal growth taking place?

Stand tall.. smile at the mirror and be proud of yourself.. you lived 2023 and came out a winner! Celebrate all the beautiful memories tonight and create new ones that you will think of happily on this day next year! Bid a joyful adieu to 2023 and prepare to welcome 2024 with peace in your hearts!

Happy New Year’s Eve to you!!

As always.. thank you so much for reading!!

DON’T EVER TAKE ANYONE FOR GRANTED.. 26/11.. a life lesson!

 26/11.. just reading the date sends chills down my spine today.. even though it’s 15 years after it happened! I’m talking about the ghastly and gory terror attack in Mumbai on 26^th November 2008.. The night when so many were mercilessly shot dead and ruthlessly killed.. it brought home to me the fact that human life is so fragile and easily destroyed.. gone in the blink of an eye!

A number of you know the story so am not going to repeat it here.. but I will make a few important references.. We talk about the cycle of birth and rebirth.. 26/11 was in a sense, a rebirth for me! At the ripe old age of 45 years, I was unsuspectingly trapped in an (almost hostage) situation not at all of my making! No complaints here.. but a great deal of learning and some major realizations were my takeaway from the most frightening experience of my life..

Looking back, I truly marvel at..

the presence of mind.. of my oldest friend Varsha who amidst a barrage of bullets remembered to grab her mobile and mine along with our handbags..

the kindness of strangers.. the man who took us into his office and kept us there for the first hour of the shooting..

the two young men.. Saif and Brian who ran the PCO ISD STD store who literally picked us up and dragged us to the safety of their little room upstairs to shelter us..

their thoughtfulness at bringing us bottled water and soft drinks (on a very limited budget) and sincere attempt to bring us some food (although nothing was available)..

the care and concern of friends and family.. who texted and called all night to check up on where I was and whether I was safe or in some kind of danger..

the unconditional love and bravery of my father.. who at the age of 76 called and insisted on coming to fetch us with little or no regard as to the accompanying danger.. (and was subsequently dissuaded with great difficulty)

the incredible kindness and daring.. of my friend Senu and his wife Shami who came to pick us up very early in the morning and drop us home.. luckily just before the curfew was clamped on Colaba..

the unexpected thoughtfulness.. of Saif and Brian who took my number and asked me to please call and let them know we were home and safe..

the grace of the owner of Café Leopold.. who picked up and kept my car keys safely until I could pick them up..

and last but definitely not the least.. my trusty super dependable Nokia N73 (affectionately referred to as the “hathoda phone”) whose amazing battery survived calls and texts all through that night of terror!

Hearing gunshots and grenades going off at the Taj (we were right behind it).. seeing a terrorist running through the lane towards the Taj.. being glued to the TV news for 48 hours straight once I got home safely.. thanking God that I wasn’t just another number in the dead or missing list.. and going through immense “survivor guilt” brought home to me just HOW important it is NEVER to take anything or anyone for granted IN LIFE! As my grandmother (wise woman) used to say “Koi divas ek chapti dhool ni pan garaj padi shake” (some day you may just need even a pinch of dust)..

Since that fateful day and forevermore I try my best to hold that lesson and realization true and abide by what I have written.. There is gratitude from the minute I wake up which filters through the day for all my blessings.. be they people places or things!

A number of people have asked me why I go out of my way and am (by their standards perhaps) excessively generous kind and helpful.. well.. now you KNOW!! The answer in three simple little words is “because I can” and it is always a good thing to “pay it forward” as we go through life!

Thank you so much for reading.. and do please remember to post your name if you write a comment!

Be safe.. thankful and blessed.. today and always!!