ARE WE TRULY GRATEFUL ENOUGH.. and for the right things? Ask yourself..

As we go through life and navigate from one age and one stage to another.. there are certain “buzz words” and “key phrases” that rule.. When we were very young it was “children are meant to be seen and not heard” and then it changed to “Do as I say don’t do as I do” and so on.. and we as obedient children listened and adhered..

Time went by.. we grew up.. developed our own identities and personalities and the phrases changed to “it’s all about loving your parents” and “nothing is impossible.. the word itself says I M possible”.. and thinking we were invincible.. we were convinced about these truths too..

When we started working we were told things like “TEAM” stands for “together everyone achieves more” and “We’re number 2.. we try harder” and we pushed ourselves to outperform each other and ourselves.. and thought that would result in accolades and awards.. and it did.. BUT..

After giving (almost) our hearts and souls to other people.. friends.. family.. the boss and the office.. we had a “Eureka moment” and realized that something was wrong.. The salary cheque was substantial.. there was recognition and fame.. but there was still something “missing”.. and for the life of us.. we couldn’t put our finger on it!

It was around then that all of a sudden.. buzz words and phrases.. life coaches.. spirituality and “personal growth” became the rage and we got advice and life lessons that went something like this.. “Think positive.. good energy matters.. be thankful.. practice gratitude actively”.. and so.. in our own muddled and confused way.. we tried.. said multiple “thank yous” to God or the universe every time something good happened to us! This was a good thing.. but the question is.. was it good enough?

The answer is very simple.. NO.. no it’s not good enough.. because we need to first identify and acknowledge our blessings before we can be grateful for them! And most of us believe that the time to be grateful is when plans work and good things happen to us and the people we love.. Right? This is actually wrong.. or at best.. just partly right!

My dear friend Navaz sent me a video where it shows a simple down to earth person says gratitude shouldn’t be only for the good things that we receive but.. and get this loud and clear.. it should ALSO be for all the bad things that we don’t want and don’t receive! Let me explain this a little more.. Essentially.. we need to “flip the script” meaning..

Let’s assume that I don’t want a life-threatening illness.. and I don’t have one.. something to be grateful for.. Let’s say I don’t want to be financially or emotionally dependent on anyone.. and I am not.. that’s another thing to be grateful for! We need to understand and accept that not getting what you don’t want is a huge blessing in itself and we should be grateful for it!

Make a list of all the things that you don’t EVER want.. credit card fraud.. broken relationships.. losses in business.. infidelity in marriage.. and THEN sit down and realize how many of them you don’t have.. Understand how blessed you are and how much you really have to be grateful for.. and then thank God.. the universe and whoever else you need to!

Make your own personal list of “buzz words and catch phrases” and make sure to include “peace of mind.. joy in the heart.. solitude.. reflection.. compassion.. soul growth.. kindness and good energy” in it.. and don’t forget to be grateful for NOT getting the things you don’t want!

As always.. thank you for your patience and for reading.. and do add your name at the beginning or end of your comment (should you choose to write one)..

Remain blessed and wishing you a wonderful weekend!!

97 YEARS OLD & COUNTING.. You’re rocking it Daddy!

Today is Daddy’s 97^th birthday.. I write “is” and not “would have been” because although his physical presence has moved on.. he’s very much “here” among us and in the nicest possible way even today!

It is thanks to him and his gift for words that I am able to think the way I do.. and string my thoughts together somewhat coherently to be able to write the “morning magic”!

It is thanks to his goodwill and respectful connections that so many doors open easily for me today.. all difficulties and challenges are overcome and managed smoothly.. only because he has extended the same courtesy to so many in his lifetime..

It is thanks to him (and my mother) that I was made to believe that it was good to be “rough and tough and ready for anything” as a child and so able to enjoy a number of adventures! 

It is thanks to his empathy that I was made aware of how lucky I was to belong to a family blessed with abundance.. sensitized and learned to share with and give to the less fortunate..

It is thanks to his firm but loving discipline that I am borderline OCD and my cupboards and drawers are in “apple pie order” (most of the time)!

It is thanks to him and his words of wisdom that I grew up with a fantastic work ethic.. he said “when you are in a position of responsibility and leadership.. you can choose to be efficient or popular.. I hope you choose to be like me – a happy combination of both!” I tried my best..

It is thanks to him that I understood that the staff we have at home leave their spouses children siblings families and friends in the village to come and work for US.. and therefore WE have to be “family” to them.. and always to grant them leave happily!

It is thanks to him that I learned how to talk to the people who serve us at any and every level.. to “connect” with them and speak with them nicely and respect what they do.. cleaners waiters and everyone..

It is thanks to his foresight that I have a support system of FOUR incredibly wise very clever and caring “solid” people he entrusted me to.. Pravin Porus Deepak and Manish! Super blessed to have you guys and thank you for always looking out for me!

It is thanks to him and his careful teaching and explanations that I have an idea about investments and finances.. and am even able to ask some significant questions sometimes!

It is thanks to him that I understood that girls are “as good as smart and as capable.. if not more so” than boys! That really built my confidence in my own capabilities!

And last but definitely not the least.. if I am living alone.. with courage and no fear.. if I am living a good (no.. actually great) life without “needing” anyone to come and take care of me.. If I am making my own decisions with a clean heart and a clear mind.. it is all and only thanks to everything you have taught me.. shown me.. and “led by example!

Just to reiterate.. am so blessed to have been born your daughter and will do everything I can to be the person you always wanted me to be!

Happy birthday with the biggest hugs and all my love to you wherever you are.. and thank you for being with me.. and guiding my footsteps.. always!! Love you hamesha!!

Thank you for reading and do please share your name at the beginning or end of your comment (should you choose to write one)!

HOW TO BE A REALLY GOOD FRIEND.. the “must dos”..

What are the things that matter most in a friendship? Of course it’s also a matter of “different strokes for different folks” but some fundamentals are constant and don’t ever change.. right? Friendship.. in the deepest and truest sense of the word is a lifelong commitment.. to “be there”.. to care.. and most of all.. to share..

“Friend” is a word I don’t use lightly.. there are people who are casual acquaintances.. there are the people I know and like a little more who are “acquaintance plus”.. there are colleagues.. there are neighbours.. there is family.. and THEN.. there are friends.. who are often more than family!

A real and solid friendship to me doesn’t depend on how much time you spend together.. as long as you spend SOME time together.. quality time without being on your phones.. sharing the big and little details of your lives.. talking yourself hoarse about your feelings.. baring your souls and never being afraid of breaking down and crying.. BUT it is essential to make the effort and spend some time together.. the last thing you want is to feel “taken for granted” by someone you care for so much! Please spend “special time”.

People say with great pride “I don’t talk to my bestie for 6 months at a stretch but when we talk.. we catch up on everything and it feels like we were together just yesterday”! Excuse my language but this is bullshit! Your bestie loves hearing from you.. and waits to hear from you.. How much of an effort is it to drop a text message or a voice message or just make a quick call to say “I’m thinking of you.. love you and miss you.. Hope things are alright with you”.. Do it!

And then there are the people who say “I am just not “made” that way.. I can’t do the calls.. send the messages.. make the plans and keep in touch.. but I care and will talk to you when we meet.. this just doesn’t work for me! If you can receive messages.. you can send them.. and if you can answer calls.. you can bloody well make them too! If you want to be included in the plan.. how about taking the initiative once in a while? How difficult is it? Keep in touch!

When things are hunky dory and all is well.. everyone will be around right in the lines of vision and hearing.. they will dance at your parties with reckless abandon and make merry into the wee hours! What happens when the chips are down and times are tough? We go through an illness.. lose a parent.. suffer a stormy relationship.. navigate a messy divorce.. Who are the friends who just come in and take charge and handle things and handle you? Know them!

A friend is someone with whom you’ve done the craziest things.. shared the silliest and naughtiest jokes.. discussed the biggest problems.. celebrated every success.. had the most fun holidays.. shared your deepest darkest fears.. shared the tightest hugs.. attended the “must go to” weddings.. eaten the worst food and survived.. gotten so drunk you could hardly stand straight.. and felt unconditionally loved accepted and supported and understood no matter what! Have one? You are lucky!

Being a true friend means you have to be Superman or Superwoman.. willingly and happily.. and all the time! You have to hold your friend in your heart.. have their back.. trust them.. believe in them.. defend them when they need it and just give 100% of yourself to them! That means you HAVE to be respected accepted and loved for being exactly who you are.. not 20 kgs lighter.. not 10 crores richer.. not 50 points higher on IQ.. not 5 shades fairer.. and reciprocate the same!

Speaking for myself, I have had the joys of “reason season and lifetime friends”.. and don’t need to name any names here.. everyone reading this knows exactly who they have been and still are to me! Friendship has always been my “go to” and favourite relationship in life.. and of course the definition has evolved over time and continues to do so..

With heartfelt gratitude to all my “friends who are more than family”.. know that every little act of kindness faith and love that you give me is tremendously cherished and treasured.. Thank you for everything you think say do feel and share! Biggest hugs and much love always.. remember that you are special and have a space in my heart that nobody else can ever fill.. and I am truly blessed!

Wishing you all a lifetime of genuine friends and thank you as always for reading.. Please remember to add your name at the end of your comment (should you choose to write one)!!

 

 

 

 

 

A LITTLE THING HAPPENED THE OTHER DAY.. and it is worth sharing!

One fine day I was doing my least favourite thing in the world (sorting and putting away ironed clothes) which is second only to washing clothes! Sorting out pants shirts kurtis and whatnot.. I kept grumbling as I went through a big pile (had just returned from a short holiday) and had just about finished with a sigh of relief when..

DISASTER struck! My driver (and hardworking right hand) knocked and came into the room with four (yes FOUR) bags full of clothes that he had just picked up at the laundry.. My heart sank because that meant at least another 45 minutes of taking the clothes out of the plastic bags.. removing the clips that held them to the cardboard.. unfolding them carefully and transferring them to hangers.. SO BORING!

I put my hand to it (so as to escape the wrath of Man Friday) and was quite shocked to see HOW MUCH packing material had gone into those four bags! I just didn’t have the heart to throw it all away.. so I folded the plastic bags nicely..  tied the cardboard sheets into a neat bundle and saved the plastic clips in an envelope.. I had an errand to run this evening and stopped by the laundry and handed the bag over and the gentleman there was gobsmacked when he looked inside!

He said to me “Madam, nobody has ever thought of doing this and it is so nice and good that you did it. Thank you for bringing all this back and we will definitely reuse it! Thank you so much.” Just for information’s sake.. it was the Spin and Press laundry at Warden Road.. and they do a good job of getting the clothes beautifully clean!

This was a small thing but it brought home to me the importance of making a small effort that collectively can make a big difference to the planet! Have taken a decision today to be “greener” and not keep additional small napkins for individual use in my guest bathroom from now on (unless there is a party)! We all have good standards of hygiene and can easily use the same napkin to wipe our hands.. such an unnecessary waste of water and resources!

My car is always well stocked with shopping bags made of cloth and fibre and plastic bags are rarely if ever used! Whatever handbag I carry.. there’s always at least one foldable IKEA shopping bag inside which comes out and unfolds at the drop of a hat! The car is always stocked with small tetrapacks of Amul Masti Chaash for cops and whoever else is sweltering in the heat! At the end of the day.. it’s nice to be nice to the people who look after us!

I try and drink water from my thermos all through the day so as not to generate multiple glasses to be washed.. Showers are quick instead of long and indulgent and often it’s a bucket bath in summer (where the water came warm from the tap but had time to cool down until I was ready to bathe) so even less wastage of water! l know everyone does different things to conserve resources and save the planet and would love for you to share your “green habits” too!

As always.. thank you for reading and please share your name along with your comment (should you choose to write one)!

 

 

 

THE SIMPLE JOY OF FAFFING.. with your besties!

 Over the last week I’ve had an unusually hectic social life and today was no exception.. There weren’t any exotic meals at fancy restaurants.. but there were evenings and afternoons of wholesome homemade meals with a lot of bonhomie chatter laughter and love at the table!

There were deep and intense conversations about love.. life and everything in between.. silly jokes and gentle teasing.. sharing hopes and fears.. dreams and desires.. joys and worries.. congratulations on victories and commiserations about defeats.. a lot of sharing and caring.. understanding and acceptance.. information and realizations.. discussions and debates.. planning and parley!

In short.. there was a lot of open and honest communication that happened and it was such a joy to know that the “ good old.. simple and old fashioned art” of heart-to-heart and truly meaningful conversations still happens.. It wasn’t just the idle “time pass” chatter about the latest fashions.. filmi Bollywood and Hollywood gossip.. and absolutely nothing religious or political either!

One evening we played cards.. all the “great gamblers” came over for an evening of “Teenpatti” which was full of good humour.. fun.. fake drama.. scrumptious food and lots and lots of laughter! It isn’t at all necessary to spend a lot of money to have a lot of fun! A couple of evenings we just hung out at home.. sat on the sofa.. cooked lots of “khayaali pulao”.. discussed probable and improbable travel plans and built any number of castles in the air.. but so what? A little dreaming never hurt anyone and it’s always lovely to have something to look forward to.. right?

Caught up with a very dear friend after 5 months and it was like we had met just yesterday.. the joy of meeting up.. catching up.. taking selfies (which is our tradition and way of tracking the gaps between our meetings) and talking about anything and everything under the sun.. When he left to go home.. it was with his usual admonition of “walk carefully and for God’s sake don’t fall down” because he’s so concerned about my issues with balance! Heartwarming to say the very least.. right?

As it turned out.. spent a lot of time with friends who live outside the country but are visiting.. discussing lifestyles.. challenges of living overseas and the constant coming and going to spend time with an elderly parent.. They are family to me.. and I am equally family to them so it is a very special bond that we share! The conversation just flows and it is always with regret that I leave to come home!

And then.. there was the icing on the cake.. the day when my bestie (who’s one of my favourite people on the planet) called to say he was free all afternoon and how about we spend some time together? Obviously I jumped at the idea and we shared a truly amazing afternoon where we discussed attachment theory.. good deeds.. helping people in need.. spiritual stuff.. lit a diya and prayed together.. talked about our childhoods.. how and why we are different people today.. and who was a part of making us so.. Time didn’t just pass… it was racing away and we kept looking at our watches to make sure we would have a chance to say everything we wanted to each other.. and we DID.. We were both very content and enveloped in a “happy haze and warm fuzzy” kind of feeling when we said bye to each other!

And then there was my meeting with my very own very sweet very simple “jigar ka tukda” friend who I affectionately call “Oliver Twist”! And why do I do that? Because no matter how much time we spend together.. it’s NEVER enough! She’ll always negotiate for half an hour more and sometimes settle for 15 minutes.. such a sweetheart! She comes from a space of the purest love and we love spending time together!

Nowadays the trend is to host fancy parties.. organize games.. even hire a party planner and serve unique cuisines.. and people love doing all this stuff... so good luck to them! And what about me? Give me a few hours with a close friend.. make sure there’s no agenda.. mobiles put far away.. and just let us “faff” and do nothing but spend time together.. it’s the ultimate therapy and all that we really need! Keep it simple.. smile wide.. laugh loud and love as much as you can!!

All the friends I’ve written about know exactly who you are so am not sharing names.. to all of you and all the ones I haven’t met lately (but very much want to).. just know that you are cherished treasured and most of all.. loved very dearly!!

Thank you as always for reading and I hope you enjoyed reading this post as much as I did writing it! Do share your name at the end of your comment.. and wishing you the simple joy of faffing with your besties.. today tomorrow and always!!

 

 

THANK YOU MUMMY & DADDY.. for the good habits!!

Of late.. I have found myself thinking about problems and their solutions.. and how.. whenever I had a problem I didn’t know how to solve.. or a situation I didn’t know how to deal with.. my “go to” person was always Daddy! If and when Daddy was travelling and I needed an immediate solution.. it was Mummy (being the oldish time of no mobile phones and instant communication)!

Whether it was Daddy or Mummy.. I remember being given a patient listening ear (more from Daddy of course) and then a discussion would follow.. including how I felt.. how the other person could possibly be feeling.. and options of solutions discussed in detail and finally narrowing down to one mutually acceptable option! The lesson learned then (and realized much later) was how important it is to listen to BOTH sides of a story.. consider everyone’s feelings and try and find a solution that is acceptable to everyone concerned..

All parents try to inculcate good habits in their children and mine were no exception.. waking up early was mandatory as well as non-negotiable.. 6:30 am on schooldays and 7:30 am on the weekends! In retrospect.. this is actually a blessing.. I am a total morning person and love that I achieve more than half of my “to do” list by 10 am.. I am truly amazed by and marvel at people who can sleep until 10 and 11 am.. that’s an impossible dream for me! I have tried but old habits die hard and this one is still very much alive and kicking!

Let’s talk about keeping things where they belong.. and this was taught in an absolutely no-nonsense manner! Just before my tenth birthday (with great excitement about finally getting int the double digits) Daddy called me and said “You’re going to be 10 years old and I want to give you weekly pocket money.. BUT.. you have to earn it! Every Saturday morning there will be room inspection.. writing table inspection and cupboard inspection.. and IF and ONLY IF everything is in place will you get the princely sum of 15 rupees a week.” The motto in our house was “a place for everything and everything in it’s place”.. For those of you who have accused me jokingly of being “borderline OCD”.. now you know where it comes from!

Discipline was very much in place at the dining table too.. Mummy and Daddy decided what we would eat.. how much.. and served us.. and the unspoken rule was “You don’t get up from the table until you finish what’s on your plate.. if you don’t like it overmuch you don’t need to take a second helping but what is there has to be eaten! Glasses of milk (which I detested) were downed without a murmur and I grew up eating every vegetable except karela and kantola which we were mercifully spared! Mummy was very clear that I should grow up and be a credit to her for being a non-fussy eater especially at other people’s homes!

Going out at night and curfews.. putting up posters on the walls and other adolescent nonsense type things.. Daddy was more lenient about this and explained to Mummy that it was an integral part of growing up which she accepted.. albeit not very happily! I clearly remember my 18^th birthday when all my friends (guys included) bussed me gently on the cheek and wished me.. and my mother clutching Daddy’s arm fiercely and hissing at him “Narendra! These boys are KISSING Pallu! And my sweet father.. imperturtable as always saying “Yes Vasant.. it’s okay and she would say “it’s NOT okay” which he would ignore in a most cavalier manner!

Poor Mummy had a hard row to hoe sometimes.. but she bore it with grace resentment and humour by turn! She was very simple direct and authoritative.. Daddy was far more diplomatic and softspoken (most of the time) but they were a great team and were generous with criticism and praise.. pampering and discipline.. and most of all.. consistent and solidly together in all decisions related to parenting (and definitely in our presence)!

Today I think of them both with gratitude.. and bless them for all the good habits and virtues they taught.. and I “caught” and wish that all children today are blessed enough to have parents who practice “tough love” and keep the relationship with their children in perfect balance! Good parenting sets boundaries.. creates a sense of security and results in mature sensible practical and well-adjusted children who have love laughter compassion and kindness to give the world!

Thank you for reading and do please share your name at the end of your comment (if you choose to write one)..

HAPPY WOMEN'S DAY.. everyday!!

TODAY.. is International Women's Day.. so it's all about women.. all over the place.. wherever they are and whatever they are doing..

TODAY.. every woman is treated like she's Superwoman (which she really and truly IS).. 

TODAY.. every woman is all of a sudden the BEST wife.. mother.. sister.. daughter.. friend..

TODAY.. every woman is suddenly a magical creature who's blessed with every virtue that exists..

TODAY.. every woman is the "greatest asset" to the organization or institution she's associated with..

TODAY.. every newspaper article and media reel highlights the incredible achievements of extraordinary (and ordinary women who are everyday heroes)..

TODAY.. every woman in the world is made to feel beautiful capable successful and strong..

TODAY.. every woman receives appreciation and acknowledgement for doing what she does on a daily basis as a matter of course..

TODAY.. every woman is celebrated and that is beautiful.. and I am so grateful for that! 

TODAY.. this message goes out to every woman I know to wish them a Happy Women's Day!

TODAY.. I pray that all of us who belong to the great universal sisterhood of women just send out love and light to each other!

TODAY.. I'm not standing on my soapbox and pontificating that EVERY day should be Women's Day.. because for me.. it IS!

TODAY.. I am truly blessed to be surrounded by both women (and men) who appreciate and celebrate me.. and they do this by accepting supporting respecting me on a day to day basis!

TODAY.. and EVERY day.. it is possible for every woman to feel special loved cherished and revered.. All you need to do is love yourself and believe it's okay for you to put yourself first and believe that you are WORTHY!

TODAY.. know that you are a magical human being who deserves all the praises for all that you do..

TODAY.. don't allow yourself to be browbeaten dominated disrespected and treated as less because you are NOT less..

TODAY.. and everyday.. know the blessing it is to be a woman and be grateful for it.. simply because.. there's nothing worth doing that we can't do.. and of course..

TODAY.. and every day of your life.. remember that women are the fairer smarter nicer cleverer and better sex!!

Happy International Woman's Day to every woman out there.. just keep doing what you do.. and keep rocking it like ONLY you can!! 

Thank you as always for reading and please share your name at the end of the comment (should you choose to write one)..