WHAT VALENTINE'S DAY MEANS TO ME NOW..

We have been bombarded for the last couple of weeks with invitations and ideas on how to celebrate Valentine’s Day.. by the newspapers.. social media.. advertisements in magazines.. on Instagram etc.. We are being offered vacation packages.. staycation packages.. delicious chocolates.. expensive wines.. exotic flower arrangements.. singing messages.. discounted luxury watches.. lavish brunches and dinners and whatnot!

Feeling somewhat overwhelmed? And not to forget the peer pressure of who’s giving what this year.. finding an innovative gift.. finding yet another creative way to say “I love you”.. booking a table at THE happening new restaurant in town.. AND doing all this in utmost secrecy so as not to dilute the surprise at all.. Stressful right? So.. just don’t do it..

At the ripe old age of 60 I like to believe that I have managed to acquire a little wisdom and my perspectives have changed as well.. In my 20s and 30s I still wanted the red hearts and teddy bears and declarations of undying love (!!) on Valentine’s Day thinking that that was all I needed to feel “complete” and get through life! I gathered the bouquets.. ate the chocolates.. hugged the teddy bears and celebrated being loved by someone special!

Time went by.. I grew up.. relationships fell apart.. friends came and went.. some stayed.. my life goals changed.. and I changed.. I grew.. I learned and most important of all.. I finally understood..

Until you believe you are worthy of it and love yourself.. no one else can love you.. and you do not have the capacity to love anyone else either! What matters most to me now is.. What is your definition of love? Allow me to share what love means to me today..

Love.. to me.. is my doctor buddy calling up just to check on how I’m feeling.. it’s my neighbour texting to say egg curry’s on the menu for dinner and do I want some.. it’s my spiritual guide praying for me and keeping me in protection.. it’s a close friend asking if I slept well last night.. it’s my helper making my favourite food to tempt my appetite when I’m sick.. it’s my building watchman running to take a heavy parcel I’m struggling with.. it’s my bhajiwallah calling to say he's got exceptional green peas and is sending 2 kgs across.. it's my part-timer volunteering to give me a back or foot massage in the middle of her packed schedule..

Love is care.. concern.. thoughtfulness.. a generosity of spirit.. abundance in both giving and receiving.. Love is kindness.. compassion.. a strong shoulder to lean on.. an ear that listens patiently.. It is calling to ask if someone reached home safely.. running an errand for someone who’s unwell..

To me.. love is unconditional acceptance of those whom we truly love.. it is being non-judgemental.. it is “being there” to support help and uplift those around us.. it is being sensitive to the feelings of others.. being respectful and thoughtful.. It is what awakens from time spent in reflection.. introspection and the succeeding personal growth.. and love is something that grows and spreads from the wellspring of your soul..

By all means.. go out and celebrate.. do the whole red hearts.. chocolates.. gifts.. candlelight dinner.. declaration of eternal love.. and amid all the joy and celebration.. reflect and redefine all that love really means to you.. and then resolve to LIVE by it!

Love is something that we should aspire to make our “default setting” today on Valentine’s Day.. and all through the year! Wishing you a very Happy Valentine’s Day and may your life be filled with an abundance of the most pure and precious kind of love.. today.. tomorrow and always!

P.S. Please write your names in the comments.. Blogspot isn’t the most user-friendly website in this matter!

 

 

Seven years is such a long time.. but the love keeps growing!!

2^nd February 2017 was seven year ago.. seemingly just another ordinary day on the calendar.. but not for me.. Daddy was in the hospital with acute renal failure and the last possible option of Dialysis had been attempted and proven unsuccessful.. His nephrologist had very gently and kindly broken the news to me that unfortunately Daddy wouldn’t be coming home from the hospital this time..

Daddy was singularly the most practical person I have ever known and although we never told him what the doctor had said, he was intelligent enough to realize that all was not well.. visits from long missed but not forgotten people and associates.. calls from overseas.. notes of gratitude from people he had mentored and given their “first chance” in life etc..

When I was eating lunch at home that afternoon, an old schoolfriend called me from the US and said “I know your Dad is very unwell and all of us are praying that he goes peacefully.. but he’s lingering on because of you! He is worried about you.. how you will manage alone.. cope with losing him.. live your life.. and I know this because the same thing happened with my mother a short while ago.”

She went on to tell me “You need to LET GO.. and how will you do that? Sit down quietly and thank him for all that he did for you.. taught you.. gave you.. shared with you and blessed you with. Tell him (in your heart) that you’re “all grown up” now and will be fine and that he should stop worrying about you and just “let go” so he can move ahead on his soul journey”. Easier said than done.. it was heartbreaking in the extreme and but I didn’t want to prolong his suffering and so I did as she said..

Reaching the hospital, I sat quietly while Daddy gave me a long speech about what a good daughter I’d been and how he was so proud of me.. and how he wanted me to live the rest of my life.. how very much he loved me and so on.. He insisted that I attend a family birthday party that night despite my protests.. typical of him.. always putting my happiness on priority!

The fateful call came at 3:35 am from Breach Candy Hospital on the 3^rd of February saying that he had passed away.. and I was shattered! The loss of a parent is always devastating but for me, it was like someone had yanked my heart right out of my body.. it felt like I would never smile again and there was an abyss of sorrow and loneliness that would never be filled! He had been the centre of my universe for so long that getting used to his absence was a physical pain!

I grieved.. cried.. wept.. spent sleepless nights.. and as time went by.. took comfort in the care and concern of friends and family.. The realization dawned (and stayed with me) as to how such a (seemingly) quiet and uncommunicative person had built relationships with so many people and garnered so much goodwill.. Gratitude overwhelmed me when people made remarks like “You are so much your father’s daughter” or “Narendrabhai would be so proud to see you today” and “If God ever gave me a daughter, I would have wanted her to be just like you”! Not the praise for me – the praise for qualities I inherited from him!

The 3^rd of February is the saddest day of the year for me.. and at the same time joyful.. for it is a chance to thank you Daddy.. for teaching me to be punctual.. polite.. organized.. generous.. thoughtful.. helpful.. sympathetic.. shrewd.. thinking.. hardworking.. and yet in all this.. to retain a child-like innocence and a gentle sense of humour! Thank you for insisting that I study well.. exercise neat penmanship.. give free rein to my sometimes wild imagination.. for bringing me out of a completely abusive and dysfunctional marriage and always being my biggest cheerleader and one man army! 

There isn’t a day goes by that I don’t think of you.. and miss you.. and love you even more than I did the day before.. but I know you’re finally in a better place.. your suffering is over.. and no matter what.. you will always be with me.. and a part of my soul.. and.. in the absolutely immortal words of Whitney Houston..

“And I.. will always.. love you.. and I.. will always.. love you..”

WHY WE MUST CELEBRATE THE LAST DAY OF THE YEAR.. today and always!

 The last day of the year is a special day.. perhaps even more special than the first.. and you’re probably wondering why I say this..

All of us are in different moods and doing different things right now.. some are preparing to entertain friends and family.. some are catering for other people’s parties.. some are at the salon getting prettified for a night of revelry and fun.. while some are getting things ready for tomorrow thinking that 31^st December isn’t a big deal at all..

The truth of the matter is that today IS a big deal.. but whether or not you choose to perceive it as such is entirely up to you.. In a sense.. with the busy lives that we all lead.. 365 days is almost an era in itself - the year has been full of a variety of experiences for us all.. relationships.. friendships.. achievements at work.. heartbreak.. heartache.. health related challenges and so on..

Amidst all the excitement and ups and downs of the year that has passed.. today is a blessing.. to reflect.. realize and acknowledge that you faced the challenges.. chose your battles and fought them.. reached out to others.. gave a helping hand where it was needed.. did some introspection and made it through the year relatively unscathed..

Nobody has it easy.. we all have our own struggles.. some that are physical and obvious.. and others that are less so.. We try our best to cope.. we reach out to ask for help sometimes.. we suffer in silence sometimes.. and maybe.. we finally begin to understand that the the greatest help comes from our own hearts and souls..

Whenever we look back.. it’s very normal to have made mistakes and to have regrets and wish that we had done things differently perhaps.. mistakes are just stepping stones to learning.. and regrets belong in the past.. don’t carry them along with you into the new year! Try and look back and take stock of the year that has passed in terms of the lessons you learned.. the people that entered and exited your life and why.. what were your happiest times.. and when and where did you witness the greatest amount of personal growth taking place?

Stand tall.. smile at the mirror and be proud of yourself.. you lived 2023 and came out a winner! Celebrate all the beautiful memories tonight and create new ones that you will think of happily on this day next year! Bid a joyful adieu to 2023 and prepare to welcome 2024 with peace in your hearts!

Happy New Year’s Eve to you!!

As always.. thank you so much for reading!!

DON’T EVER TAKE ANYONE FOR GRANTED.. 26/11.. a life lesson!

 26/11.. just reading the date sends chills down my spine today.. even though it’s 15 years after it happened! I’m talking about the ghastly and gory terror attack in Mumbai on 26^th November 2008.. The night when so many were mercilessly shot dead and ruthlessly killed.. it brought home to me the fact that human life is so fragile and easily destroyed.. gone in the blink of an eye!

A number of you know the story so am not going to repeat it here.. but I will make a few important references.. We talk about the cycle of birth and rebirth.. 26/11 was in a sense, a rebirth for me! At the ripe old age of 45 years, I was unsuspectingly trapped in an (almost hostage) situation not at all of my making! No complaints here.. but a great deal of learning and some major realizations were my takeaway from the most frightening experience of my life..

Looking back, I truly marvel at..

the presence of mind.. of my oldest friend Varsha who amidst a barrage of bullets remembered to grab her mobile and mine along with our handbags..

the kindness of strangers.. the man who took us into his office and kept us there for the first hour of the shooting..

the two young men.. Saif and Brian who ran the PCO ISD STD store who literally picked us up and dragged us to the safety of their little room upstairs to shelter us..

their thoughtfulness at bringing us bottled water and soft drinks (on a very limited budget) and sincere attempt to bring us some food (although nothing was available)..

the care and concern of friends and family.. who texted and called all night to check up on where I was and whether I was safe or in some kind of danger..

the unconditional love and bravery of my father.. who at the age of 76 called and insisted on coming to fetch us with little or no regard as to the accompanying danger.. (and was subsequently dissuaded with great difficulty)

the incredible kindness and daring.. of my friend Senu and his wife Shami who came to pick us up very early in the morning and drop us home.. luckily just before the curfew was clamped on Colaba..

the unexpected thoughtfulness.. of Saif and Brian who took my number and asked me to please call and let them know we were home and safe..

the grace of the owner of Café Leopold.. who picked up and kept my car keys safely until I could pick them up..

and last but definitely not the least.. my trusty super dependable Nokia N73 (affectionately referred to as the “hathoda phone”) whose amazing battery survived calls and texts all through that night of terror!

Hearing gunshots and grenades going off at the Taj (we were right behind it).. seeing a terrorist running through the lane towards the Taj.. being glued to the TV news for 48 hours straight once I got home safely.. thanking God that I wasn’t just another number in the dead or missing list.. and going through immense “survivor guilt” brought home to me just HOW important it is NEVER to take anything or anyone for granted IN LIFE! As my grandmother (wise woman) used to say “Koi divas ek chapti dhool ni pan garaj padi shake” (some day you may just need even a pinch of dust)..

Since that fateful day and forevermore I try my best to hold that lesson and realization true and abide by what I have written.. There is gratitude from the minute I wake up which filters through the day for all my blessings.. be they people places or things!

A number of people have asked me why I go out of my way and am (by their standards perhaps) excessively generous kind and helpful.. well.. now you KNOW!! The answer in three simple little words is “because I can” and it is always a good thing to “pay it forward” as we go through life!

Thank you so much for reading.. and do please remember to post your name if you write a comment!

Be safe.. thankful and blessed.. today and always!!

 

HAPPY THANKSGIVING.. and thank you very much!

The first Thanksgiving was celebrated by the Pilgrims after their first harvest in the “New World” in November 1621. It is celebrated wholeheartedly in the United States of America and even more important than the 4^th of July or even Christmas because it is a time when families reunite, express gratitude for one another, and feel closer to one another than at any other time.

Festivals and holidays have now become largely universal and we in Mumbai even celebrated Halloween this year! Christmas and New Year’s Eve are a favourite time of merriment and Valentine’s Day is a close second. Holi, Diwali, Janmashtami and Ganesh Chaturthi are celebrated with great pomp and fanfare.. so I am wondering.. why don’t we celebrate Thanksgiving as well?

All the new age gurus.. life coaches and religious leaders talk a great deal about how important gratitude is.. how important it is to remember to say thank you.. and how important it is to count our blessings.. Indians are not traditionally brought up to express thanks formally although in the Western world, it is customary (and expected) to say thank you for something as basic as a glass of water.. and this is the reason we are often considered to be ill-mannered and rude to people from other countries.

Just to play devil’s advocate here, I will say that we are, on the other hand brought up to show respect to elders and to convey gratitude through gestures such as a “namaste” with a smile and more recently.. through text messages, hugs and “high fives”.. all of which are acceptable but a number of Indian families and elders in particular neither encourage or approve of excessive ebullience in expression of feelings! Not saying “thank you” for every little thing does not make us rude.. just as saying “thank you” mechanically without really meaning it does not make us polite! We need to find the happy middle path here somehow ..

It’s highly unlikely that Thanksgiving will ever be actively and specifically be celebrated as a festival in Mumbai, but what’s stopping us from counting our blessings and being thankful for the many that we have? EVERYDAY should be Thanksgiving and we need to be grateful for parents.. friends.. family.. food.. fun.. support staff.. vendors.. caregivers.. teachers.. garbage collectors.. community workers.. our Army Navy and Air Force.. and everyone who makes our lives happier, safer, easier and more comfortable!

There are so many ways to convey our thanks and gratitude.. a simple thank you.. a hug.. a card.. a text message.. cooking a meal.. taking someone out.. making or buying a gift or an experience.. spending time.. being a patient listener.. being a 3 a.m. friend.. giving money.. doing hospital duty or even something as simple but powerful as praying for someone! It is important that there is an “exchange of energy” in any situation that makes us thankful.. make sure to let the person know that you value their presence or assistance..

Living alone since losing Daddy, the importance of being thankful has assumed gigantic proportions in my life! I consider myself to be supremely blessed and am so grateful to have good health.. friends that are more than family.. a comfortable home.. food on the table.. devoted staff.. and so very much more.. We are all blessed with abundance and what we have is so much more than what we don’t.. so let us all pledge to give thanks for everything and reach out to those less fortunate with time.. money.. understanding.. acceptance and whatever it takes to make them thankful too! 

I spent a magical evening celebrating Thanksgiving with two of my dearest friends and we've decided to make a it a tradition from now on.. and that is the inspiration for this blog! To all those of you who are "there" for me in good times and bad.. support me through thick and thin.. celebrate and commiserate when the times call for it.. all I can say is THANK YOU and..

May all the days of your life be days of “thanks giving” in the truest sense.. and..

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!!

Thank you for reading!

Do please type your names at the end of the comments!

WISHING YOU A HAPPY DIWALI.. the festival of light..

 It’s that time of the year again.. the festive time with Dhan Teras.. Diwali and “Bestu Varas” (Hindu New Year according to the samvat calendar).. Diwali is a favourite festival with lots to celebrate.. fancy clothes.. scrumptious snacks.. traditional food.. (almost) mandatory pujas and rituals.. traditional food.. exotic fireworks.. vibrant rangoli.. elaborate flower arrangements and of course.. pretty diyas burning brightly everywhere around us!

As little children, the best part about Diwali was the long vacation we had from school! Lots of playtime with friends.. presents and money from family and relatives.. and best of all.. NO homework! Listening to the story of Ram Sita Lakshman and Raavan narrated by our grandparents and parents.. and always with a little homily at the end.. with a gentle reminder about how we should always be “good”.. tell the truth and so on..

Growing up only added temptations like getting to go shopping and choose our own clothes as well as participate in the menu planning etc.. Being youthful around Diwali started with a few responsibilities.. running simple errands.. being entrusted with money and being held accountable for spending.. and supervising safety while the children were bursting crackers!

Adulthood and Diwali was a learning experience at so many levels.. gratitude and appreciation to the “people who help us” with monetary and other tokens.. understanding the importance of a household budget and how to manage it at festival time.. spending quality time with family and giving thanks to the Almighty for our abundance and seeking His blessings.. being blessed with stories advice and gifts from our elders and wise people.. practicing gratitude and getting sensitized to the fact that there were so many less fortunate than us.. the importance of being content with what we had.. understanding family dynamics etc..

My father had this disconcerting habit of often asking me “How do you feel eating this mithai or bursting these crackers or what are you going to spend your Diwali money on or why is Diwali your favourite festival?” and over a length of time I understood that these were important questions! It was a real thinking process before I answered.. because these questions were not idle ones.. and deserved honest answers not frivolous ones..

When I thought about it I realized that it is a festival of lights.. lights that paved the way for Ram Sita and Lakshman to return home safely.. and celebrated the victory of light over darkness! I choose to reinterpret it slightly as “returning home as feeling safe enough to be completely yourself”.. because sometimes we get so caught up in the glitz & glamour that we go astray for a while.. but when the “spark” of the divine inner light appears.. we “reset” ourselves and become our authentic selves once more..

At every age and stage we are faced with the choice of being with the light (and doing what is right).. or going over to the dark side.. and giving in to temptation wrongdoing etc.. It takes a great deal of strength and courage to choose to celebrate “walking in the light” but the more consistently you do it.. the easier it becomes! And beset by distractions and temptations you ask “How do I do this?”

“You have to find what sparks a light in you so that you in your own way can illuminate the world” are wise words given to us by Oprah Winfrey. It’s important to make sure the spark is the RIGHT kind of spark.. not the “cheeky bright spark” or the “igniting spark” but the bright kind of “internal heart and soul spark” that extends itself and magically transforms into a “sparkle” in the eyes!

Celebrate Diwali every day by “doing what you love and loving what you do”.. by sharing the joy.. sharing the music.. spreading the sunshine.. being inspired.. aware of and sensitive to the world around you.. and most of all.. by being the light that reflects your inner radiance!

Wishing you a wonderfully happy Diwali and festive season!

 

WHO ARE WE TO JUDGE.. physicality or anything?

 In a madly busy world that has really fast changing lifestyles.. fashion trends.. technological advances.. medical breakthroughs.. what a pity it is that we as human beings aren’t evolving growing or learning certain things..

People have all kinds of addictions.. smoking.. drinking.. drugs.. gambling.. shopping.. gaming.. the list is lengthy and I could go on and on.. There is help available for a number of addictions.. rehabilitation.. counselling.. psychotherapy.. alternative therapies.. meditation and so on..

Sadly there is one addiction that a number of people have.. and they are compulsively driven to becoming slaves to it all the time! It is the habit of JUDGING.. passing comments.. making personal remarks (often masking it as concern.. which it definitely isn’t).. and very often it happens without even knowing the facts!

For instance.. we live in a society where looks are of prime importance.. and that means we have to have the perfect figure.. a toned body.. wear designer clothes and shoes.. The latest mobile phone and a GOOD watch are essential.. and living at a fancy address is the icing on the cake! Knowing and hobnobbing with the “rich and famous” is considered desirable (does the glamour rub off I wonder)?!

When we are at the gym and someone heavy walks in.. there is an immediate tendency to think “Oh God! She’s going to have to work out like a maniac and it probably won’t show until she loses at least 20 kgs!” We meet someone we know after a long time and their first reaction is “I almost didn’t recognize you.. how come you’ve put on so much weight.. or.. you’ve lost a lot of hair.. or your skin never used to be like this.. Aren’t you doing anything about it?” etc..

Are we PERFECT with regard to weight.. figure.. complexion.. clothes.. footwear and everything else? Do we KNOW anyone’s story to be in a position to judge? That heavy girl might have delivered a baby sometime ago.. maybe she’s been through a clinical depression.. hair loss can happen thanks to chemotherapy and so many other reasons.. skin can be affected severely by stress..

If we had two children and one was fat and the other thin.. would we love the thin one more? Don’t people who are overweight KNOW that they need to lose weight? Do they need comments that are both insensitive and unkind? A number of overweight people are ashamed of their bodies and self-conscious about getting their pictures taken.. out of fear of the negative and nasty comments that will invariably follow.. because someone will always say SOMETHING! And then there are the (ostensibly well meaning) who will jump right in with unsolicited advice!

WHAT gives us the right to jump in and recommend diets..exercise plans.. gyms.. nutritionists.. miracle oils.. hair loss clinics.. specialists.. or anything? WHY can’t we just accept the person for what they ARE on the inside and not for the way they look? Are we SO shallow? Do wives husbands girlfriends boyfriends and partners leave their significant others when Alopecia sets in?

Why are we so quick to use labels like “Fatty.. Taklu.. Moti.. Lallu.. Buddhu.. Fattu.. etc..” for others and SO offended when someone uses them on us? Do unto others as you would like them to do unto you.. EVERYONE is going through their own struggles and NOBODY needs negative and judgemental remarks!

Whatever happened to “If you can’t say something nice.. don’t say anything?” You don’t have to indulge in flattery but you can always make a sincere comment like “Your smile lights up your own face” or “You are such an incredibly helpful person” or “Your thoughtfulness is touching”..

Let’s make a resolution NOT to judge ANYONE.. not on their physicality.. mental faculties.. physical strength.. emotional resilience.. or anything else for that matter! It is hurtful and insensitive to the other person.. and doesn’t reflect well on you either!

Look with eyes of kindness.. listen with ears of grace.. appreciate the visible.. be grateful for the intangible.. accept and love unconditionally.. and be the nicest person you can possibly be.. those are the kind of people our world needs more of! God bless you all and thank you for reading!

P.S. As always. please share your name if you decide to post a comment!