THAT FEELING OF A “SELECTED FAMILY”.. is so beautiful..

Dada-Dadi.. Nana-Nani.. Papa-Mummy.. Bhaiya-Didi & Baby.. these are the people that make up a traditional family.. Right? The people who go to work and earn money to support each other.. who love each other.. run the house.. go on vacations together etc.. Everyone has their role and everyone has responsibilities that they fulfil to make the “family machinery” function smoothly..

That concept of “family” for a number people has evolved and changed now.. One is the family you are born into the people you share a home with while growing up.. and once you grow up.. you build strong and lasting relationships and often your closest friends become your family.. your daily workmates become your family.. you advisors and guides become your family.. and your kind and caring neighbours become your family too!

There are quotes and quotes about families and am sharing two of my favourites here..

“The Devil gives us our families.. but.. thank God we can choose our friends” and

“Friends are the family you choose for yourself”

No offence to anyone and nothing personal either but.. as we grow up.. go out in the world.. and meet different people.. something really special happens.. We are at various times.. in situations where we meet people who inspire us.. motivate us.. teach us.. make us laugh.. hold up a mirror to make us look at ourselves.. At the same time.. we encounter people who provoke us.. tease us.. compete with us.. are intrusive and perhaps even fight with us.. and that’s OKAY..

Look at the people you want to “adopt” into your “selected family” like a box of crayons.. some are bright and vibrant while others are dull and gloomy.. some are “in your face” while others are forgettable.. a few touch your heart and others don’t really interest you! Talk about the things that matter.. the ones closest to your heart.. the ones who accept you and understand you.. and hold on tight to them because they are the “keepers”!

“Keepers” cover a multitude of roles.. these are the people who will be your secret keepers.. your confidantes.. your sounding boards.. your advice givers.. your 3 am buddies.. your partners in crime.. your personal ATMs for occasional little indulgences.. your “punching bags”(for when you’re sometimes overwhelmed) and the people who will always listen.. understand.. and accept you for what you are WITHOUT judging!

Family members “compete” in small ways sometimes.. insist on taking arguments to logical conclusions.. argue fiercely over the most insignificant things..complain bitterly about your annoying habits.. but at the same time.. always stand up for you.. believe in you.. support you when you need them.. and give you unconditional love! Blood ties and DNA tests aren’t always what tie families together.. but mutual respect dependability and love certainly DO!!

I feel completely blessed to have friends workmates and neighbours who are all part of my “selected family” and “rock solid” there for me.. come what may! A number of you would feel very embarrassed to read your names here.. but you all know who I mean.. so just know from my heart to yours that I am incredibly grateful to count you as “family” and love you so very much! God bless our bond today and always!!

Wishing all of you the strongest and most wonderful “selected families” today and always! Thank you as always for reading and do please remember to add your name at the end of your comment! (Blogspot should really change this)!!

 

THANK YOU DADDY.. for the roof over my head!!

 Roti.. Kapda aur MAKAAN.. never take them for granted!!

So.. I went to Badlapur yesterday.. for those of you who don’t know.. it is an eastern suburb of Mumbai about 50-odd kilometres away from my house! And WHY would I ever want to go to Badlapur? Simple answer.. I was house hunting.. not for myself.. but let me tell you a story..

Flashback to 1958 (before I was even born) when my parents lived in a joint family with my paternal grandfather (Dadaji), uncle (Kaka and his family) in a three room house at Nana Chowk. Children came along and the families started growing and a shortage of space made life difficult. Dadaji told my parents they had to move out and offered to buy them a sea facing flat at Marine Drive.. but Daddy refused because what we know as Marine Drive today was a desolate lonely almost scary place to live back then!

In the “good old days” as we fondly refer to them, the Parsis were (as they still are) a highly respected and looked up to community! Dadaji found a Parsi owned building (Pil Court) on what was earlier called as Queen’s Road and rented a flat on the ground floor for my parents. The building had small gardens in front and at the side which were beautifully kept and once every month, young “chokra boys” were hired to WASH it with soap and water – inside and out! As time went by, they shifted to the fifth floor.. and finally to the fourth floor to the house where I live even today!

Growing up.. ownership of the building changed hands.. the hardworking“chokra boys” became a distant memory.. and we moved from tenancy into ownership! I still remember the look of quiet pride and satisfaction on Daddy’s face when he showed me the society share certificate with his name on it! Having your OWN house is a tremendous thing.. especially in a city like Mumbai! Huge milestone achieved for any head of a family.. to ensure that the spouse and children have their OWN roof over their heads!

My very industrious Man Friday (Kishore to all those of you who know him) had spoken to Daddy and me perhaps ten or more years ago and had expressed a desire to possess a small home in the city.. with some help from us! Somehow with life hurtling along at it’s pace, Daddy didn’t get a chance to do anything about it.. but he DID tell me to do the needful for my staff – all of whom we consider family!

Girl Friday would like a home in Badlapur to be able to be close to her family and off we went.. by airconditioned car and it took us TWO hours to get there! Driving through the suburbs drove home the fact of how blessed I am that Daddy had the foresight, ability, opportunity and wherewithal to buy a home in South Mumbai! After looking at various flats there and driving another two and a half hours to get home, I have a renewed respect for everyone who commutes daily to work (by TRAIN).. and don’t think I will EVER have the heart to ask my part-timer why she’s late to work!

We tend to expect our staff to commute.. be absolutely punctual to work.. do their job with a smile on their faces and talk politely.. be presentable and nicely dressed as well and that too - every single day! Seriously? They are HUMAN.. as human as we are.. and perhaps a little bit more because they’re fighting crazy odds just to survive.. every single day!!

This whole thing has been an experience and more than that, a lesson in gratitude, humility and sensitivity. All the way back from Badlapur I was just thanking Daddy and blessing him for seeing to it that I have my OWN roof over my head.. and that this is a privilege and blessing that everyone should ideally have!

To sum it up in the immortal words of Marvin Gaye:

“For I'm the type of boy
Who is always on the roam
Wherever I lay my hat
That's my home
I'm telling you, that's my home”

 

ON TEACHER'S DAY.. gratitude!!

The youth of today make their career choices fairly early in life.. mainly because they have multiple options available! Today's youngsters can choose to be pretty much whatever they want.. provided of course that they score the (seemingly) impossibly high grades demanded by various much sought-after institutions and ruling committees!! 

In retrospect.. my generation had far more limited options.. the really bright students took Science and became doctors or engineers.. the second tier took Commerce and the minimally academic minded (like me) took Arts from where it was a foregone conclusion that girls would either marry or become teachers!

The circumstances under which I became a teacher were slughtly different.. after trying my hand at advertising (and finding it too "fake") I realized that I needed to learn something and DO somwthing that would "make a difference" to people's lives! Social work was never my cup of tea.. and I was too much "Papa's Princess" to do an eight hour day.. very clearly I needed weekends off and adequate time to travel.. so teaching was my best option!

I signed up for and secured admission to a post-graduate Diploma (no degree course was available) in Early Childhood Education (Nursery Tracher's Training)! People assume that I LOVE little children and thats why I chose teaching.. honesty demands that I confess that I liked little children as much as the average person.. but I always found the process by which children learn fascinating and so..

Pitchforked into an intensely gruelling two year course that had been compressed and condensed into a one year programme was exhausting to say the least! I seriously contemplated giving it up more than once.. but the sheer joy of being in the classroom paired with the fun of getting to do something new different and creative on a daily basis kept me grounded focused and loving it!

After giving this profession a solid twenty five years.. I say with pride that it has given me so much more than I have given it.. In return for dedication hard work sleepless nights and being constantly mentally challenged.. I got sunny smiles.. bonecrushing hugs and daily opportunities to be a "magician" and see "wonder filled eyes"!

It taught me patience tolerance sympathy and empathy.. to be a good listener without judging.. to be able to look at situations from the child's point of view.. It taught me that I am accountable for my smallest action and most importantly.. it taught me that it's okay to make mistakes and that I didn't NEED to know the answer to every question! (Now there's Google but back then it was Daddy and the World Book Encyclopedia)!

Teaching and being a facilitator of learning brought alive to me the fact that "You have a very responsible job in this place/classroom/school/world.. if ANYTHING goes wrong.. YOU are responsible!" Learning to be super organized.. preparing in advance.. "a thing for everything and everything in it's place" and listening to understand instead of listening to reply.. phrasing less than positive words in a positive way and keeping my sense of humour intact no matter what are just a few of the many invaluable life lessons that I learned along the way! 

Today when I look back.. my heart overflows with gratitude for all the wonderful magical moments.. for all that I have learned - to give and to receive.. time energy and knowledge.. unconditional acceptance.. honesty and integrity.. wonderful  colleagues.. inspiring teachers.. strength and most of all.. the capacity to love! 

Older and a little wiser now.. I know that everyone in our life is a teacher and comes when we need them to.. "When the student is ready.. the teacher appears" and it is up to us to create the most meaningful interactions and be lifelong learners!

Heartfelt thanks and deepest gratitude to all the children parents.and teachers whose lives I have been privileged to be a small part of.. for the faith and trust you have reposed in me.. and the hope that I have fulfilled my responsibilities and lived up to your expectations! 

To everyone else.. thank you for everything that without your teaching me.. I have gained and learned from you.. whether you are friends.. family.. staff.. neighbours.. financial advisors.. Thank you for being blessings in my life and know that I am deeply grateful and let's keep learning feom and teaching each other!

As always.. thank you for reading and wishing you a very Happy Teacher's Day!!

Do remember to add your name at the end of your comment (should you choose to write one)..

MIRACLE OF THE HUMAN BODY.. every little part matters!!

As most of you know.. I fell down in Dubai and fractured the ring finger of my right hand on the 3^rd of August! Luckily God was kind (as always) and I was with close friends who took me to the hospital.. were incredibly thoughtful and took the greatest care of me through it all.. Thank you so very much Suhas and Medha!

The ring finger of the right hand.. doesn’t seem like a big deal right? Wrong? Super wrong! The struggles and challenges of the last 24 days have convinced me that the human body is truly a miracle in motion in which every part does it’s duty and is truly indispensable!

When I used to teach in pre-school.. there was a song about all the fingers and it went like this.. “Thumbkin he can dance.. Thumbkin he can sing.. Thumbkin he can dance.. and Thumbkin he can sing.. We all go merrily up together.. We all come merrily down together.. We all clap hands.. we all clap hands!” and so on for “Pointer” (index) “Tall Man” (middle) and “baby” (little) and this was sung with accompanying smiles and happy actions.. Surprisingly in the song when it came to “Ring Man” (ring) it went “Ring Man he can’t dance and Ring Man he can’t sing.. Ring Man he can’t dance and Ring Man he can’t sing.. We don’t go merrily up together.. we don’t come merrily down together.. We don’t clap hands.. we don’t clap hands”! This particular verse is sung with sad faces and I have experienced firsthand why..

When my middle finger and ring finger were taped together (buddy taping in medical parlance”.. it meant needing to keep the buddy taping dry.. typing a plastic bag over my hand while bathing.. needing my helper to scrub my back and wash my arms and left hand.. It meant feeling awkward and clumsy while performing even the simplest of tasks.. It meant having to focus with full concentration and attention while signing a cheque..

Most of us agree that food is comfort but with a fractured ring finger that didn’t hold true.. It meant not being able to enjoy the simple joy of breaking a roti and scooping up sabzi with it.. it meant not being able to savour the inexplicable joy of eating “dal-chaawal” with your hands.. Indian food is not meant to be eaten with forks knives and spoons! If it’s finger licking good.. it’s GOT to be eaten with the fingers!

I realized that it’s important to try and be ambidextrous with simple things like texting on your cellphone.. eating with a spoon.. taking a tablet.. pouring a glass of water.. Most of us allow our dominant hand to dominate completely (and I am guilty of this too) and when we get into a situation like this.. everything becomes very difficult! I had to made a genuine effort to be patient and not berate myself for being clumsy and slow while doing things!

Although the prescribed 4 weeks of the “buddy taping” weren’t up yet (three days short) I got an x-ray done today and FINALLY the doctor agreed to remove it since the healing is complete! Mere words are woefully inadequate to express the jot I felt when I saw my fingers again.. and looking perfectly normal this evening! I FELT “whole and complete” once again which was such a lovely feeling!

Taking a shower without help.. getting dressed completely on my own.. being able to take my clothes out of the cupboard by myself.. tying and untying my shoelaces.. writing a birthday card to a friend.. and finally.. being able to type this blog WITHOUT pain or discomfort are just a few of the blessings I have experienced today! Heartfelt gratitude to Dr. Mohit Kukreja for his care treatment and kindness.. to my helper Savita who has been a rock solid help and support the past many days.. to my friend Lavina who took me to Swati Snacks to celebrate getting my fingers back.. and to everyone who expressed care and concern for my wellbeing!

I was super lucky not to fall on my head spine or knee and got off relatively lightly with just a fractured finger.. What has been interesting is how much this experience has taught me to be kinder more patient with others as well as myself.. since a number of activities were restricted it gave me a great deal of time to do some serious soul searching.. and in the bargain.. I got some insights about myself that I could have possibly missed had I been on the usual merry-go-round that is called my life!

Deepest gratitude to my parents for building a strong constitution that ensured a speedy recovery and for the comfort of being to avail of the best medical care available! A solemn promise to myself to slow down.. look where I walk.. be careful.. and lots of excitement since I’m going to my “HAPPY PLACE”.. THE Willingdon Club swimming pool tomorrow! Am never going to take my body for granted again.. and neither should you!

Thank you as always for reading and do add your name at the end of your comment (should you choose to write one)!!

RAKSHABANDHAN.. because we need protection!

India has a plethora of festivals.. and most of them are rooted in religion.. filled with colour music and bonhomie galore.. They are happy occasions to dress up in our fanciest finery.. eat well.. give to the needy and celebrate in every way possible!

Today is a special festival.. it is Rakshabandhan.. a day that celebrates the bond that brothers share with their sisters.. that honours sibling love.. that demands a promise from brothers to protect their sisters.. and "be there" for them through thick and thin!

No matter how hard I (and most girls and women in the country) try.. I can't get the young doctor in Kolkata.. the raped ravaged and brutally murdered victim out of my mind! Am not saying ALL men are monsters.. but speaking for myself.. i CAN NOT even in my wildest dreams think of tying a "rakhi" on anyone's wrist.. not today or ever..

Having been the victim of deliberate and targeted physical violence earlier and almost a victim of the 26/11 terror attack.. I now have an inherent abhorrence to all acts of violence whether spontaneous or premeditated.. Rape and murder are not just desecrations of the body but also of the mind heart and soul.. and it is truly heartbreaking!

We live supposedly in a democracy that is supposed to support equality.. in a so-called developing country.. and heinous crimes like these are being perpetuated just too often! It is just NOT acceptable that these things should happen again and again and become more and more grisly and gory as time goes by.. 

Rakshabandhan is about protection.. and we all need it.. from negative thoughts.. negative energies.. negative people.. and all that makes us feel uncomfortable uneasy and unsure.. We live in times that are intimidating to say the least..

A "rakhi" is merely a glorified piece of string.. and can break very easily and the promise it represents can break even more easily! Mutual respect.. genuine affection and an unspoken promise to understand support and accept the other person (sibling.. parent.. child.. friend or colleague) is much more meaningful.. 

Make a promise to yourself today to protect YOURSELF first.. because only when your "safety parachute" is strapped on can you possibly help anyone else! Keep your PINs and passwords secret.. don't share too many details about your personal life on social media.. and live a simple life with limited social interaction.. 

Take comfort and solace in the fact that all of us have God's divine protection and always will.. and we will be protected and taken care of always! All we need to do is pray.. be kind.. be grateful and count our blessings! 

Happy Rakshabandhan!! 

(Thank you for reading and do feel free to share your name if you choose to write a comment.)

THE UNBRIDLED JOY OF DOING NOTHING.. for yourself!

Confession being good for the soul.. I must admit to being a “hyper person” and a “perfectionist” every now and then.. actually most of the time to be honest! There is this “keeda” inside me that makes me want to be DOING something all the time! I seriously envy friends who can “chill” all day on a Sunday.. maybe the maximum effort being made would be watching a movie or two on Netflix..

What I want to know is.. how? How? HOW? How can anyone get through an entire day doing absolutely nothing?! Don’t these people feel the slightest twinge of “guilt” about whiling away the entire day without achieving anything? Does it make them happy? Is it actually possible to enjoy it?! Nothing like experiencing it first-hand right? Right!

Am going off to my weekend home (haven actually) in Lonavala.. and have decided that this time.. I am NOT going to be the restaurant suggester.. the menu planner.. the social organizer.. the entertainment person.. Am really tired after a crazy hectic birthday and social month and just want to put my feet up and CHILL (as the kids of today say)!

After hearing SO MANY people wax eloquent about the charms and joys of doing nothing.. it is a sort of alien concept that I certainly would like to experience if only just once! Being a more than slightly addicted (to fun) personality, the only imminent danger is that I might actually LOVE it and want to do it on numerous occasions!

My mind is racing in so many directions all at the same time.. how will the time pass? In anticipation of some quiet time am carrying my spanking brand new Kindle (birthday gift from a very dear friend) and hoping to “rekindle” my passion for reading! There’s a charger safely packed to make sure we have super music on my Bluetooth speaker.. a few interesting munchies to nibble on while interesting conversations about life, love and everything in between are happening!

I am visualizing myself sitting outdoors on my patio.. looking at the beautiful Buddha statue.. listening to my “inner voice” and letting my thoughts flow wherever they want! The friends accompanying me are constantly telling me to “slow down and relax” and that will translate into somone else cutting the fruit.. making the green tea.. setting and clearing the table for meals.. and generally pampering me!

Some contemplation has resulted in the conviction that I AM exhausted and really need to rest before I burn out! Too much fun can be exhausting which has been a bit of a shocking truth that has dawned on me at the ripe old age of 61 years.. sad but unfortunately very true! Now it’s time to take a few days off.. catch up on my reading.. on my sleep.. and on cleaning up the photo gallery on my phone which is pretty much bursting at the seams!

Truth be told.. I am actually looking forward to NOT doing anything much.. to NOT having a plan.. to NOT having to decide menus and most of all.. to NOT having to answer multiple questions! I’m going to do my darndest to rest.. relax.. and take it easy so let’s see how it goes! It is a wonderful opportunity to sort out a few things in my mind.. and allow my deepest thoughts and feelings to come to the surface! All of us are pretty much “running on the treadmill” all the time and we all NEED to slow down once in a while!

This is going to be a refreshing change for me to actually be doing something primarily for myself.. most of the time.. I’m the one running around trying to put “sunshine” in my favourite people’s lives.. this time it’s about being my own pot of gold at the end of the rainbow! AND there’s going to be NO GUILT about anything!!

In the wonderful words of Doris Day..

“Que Sera Sera.. Whatever will be will be.. Will I be happy? Will I be restless?” Here’s what I say to me.. “Que Sera Sera.. I’m now completely ready to embrace and enjoy everything that comes to me!!”

Thank you so much for reading and do add your name at the end of your comment!

 

 

 

COUNTING MY BLESSINGS.. all through the day!!

Most of us live crazy busy lives.. and are deluded into thinking that the world will come to an end if we don’t do all the things we need to do.. and that we’re indispensable because no one else can do things the way we do them!

Being accused of being a perfectionist (with a fair degree of truth it must be admitted) I was guilty of thinking and feeling the same way! However, as the saying goes so truly that “life happens while you’re planning otherwise” and that’s exactly what happened with and to me too!

I spent an idyllic week long holiday with some of my closest friends in Abu Dhabi and Dubai.. walking.. swimming.. shopping eating.. chatting.. laughing.. and generally spending quality time together! What could be more perfect right? Into every life some rain must fall.. and so it was with me!

Walking out of a store in Mall of the Emirates (or MoE as the locals affectionately refer to it) I really don’t know what happened – it was literally like.. one minute I was walking.. and the next minute I lost my balance and knew I was falling! Luckily I realized and was able to turn to the left and make sure I fell on my thigh (instead of my knee or ankle) and “broke” my fall by stretching out my right palm!

God’s grace that I saw stars.. but was able to stand up in two minutes.. but the ring finger on my right hand was swelling by the minute! I managed to get the ring on my middle finger off but my ring finger was impossible since it was rapidly resembling a little balloon.. and hurting like mad! Things always seem better and more manageable on a full stomach so despite my friends insistence on going to a hospital we ate a delicious lunch (with my right hand submerged in a bowl of ice and water) before heading back to the hotel..

My friend Rina who lives in Dubai suggested we go to Medcare hospital and off we went! The team at Medcare was kindness itself from the receptionist to the nurse doctor radiologist and pharmacist! They had to CUT the ring off my finger which was excruciatingly painful but my friends Suhas and Medha were right there.. holding my hand patiently absorbing tight squeezes and maybe even some digging of nails into the skin! I was absolutely cosseted once we got back to the hotel and they were both super concerned and caring in the extreme! Between them, they packed my bags.. combed my hair.. helped me get ready.. and were the epitome of care and consideration!

Once I got back to Mumbai and met my doctor who luckily removed the plaster cast and changed it to a buddy taping, I was much more comfortable! Able to think.. the saying “too blessed to be stressed” hit me like a ton of bricks! Counting my blessings of solid friends through thick and thin.. sufficient resources to be able to afford quality medical care.. a lovely hotel.. a local friend who was out of the way resourceful and helpful.. minimal discomfort.. a wheelchair at both airports.. AND a phenomenal attendant at Mumbai airport who whizzed us through Customs without even having to put a single bag through the x-ray machine!

Am just so incredibly grateful for a helper who smilingly helps me with a bath everyday.. for simple and delicious food on the table.. for enough help and support (from my staff)  that gives me enough rest when I need it.. a comfortable home and so many friends who are praying for a quick recovery.. calling to check on me.. and just letting me know that they really care.. and that I really matter!

Counting my blessings through the day has become a default now.. and is something we should all do.. It keeps us grounded and aware of how inter-reliant we all are on each other.. and that truly “no man is an island” and we need to co-exist in happiness and harmony with each other to lead fulfilling and peaceful lives!

God bless.. thank you for reading.. and do remember to add your name at the end of your comment (should you choose to write one)!!