MAGICAL EVERYDAY MOMENTS.. cherish them all..

When we speak of magic we should speak of those moments that were the purest.. when the stars were bright and the laughter was loud.. Those are the most magical moments in life.. right up there next to when babies smile their first toothy grin that made your heart almost melt.. or when you break open your piggy bank and have much more in there than you thought you did.. or when you get a surprise visit from an old friend you had lost touch with for ages.. or when you get a proper hug that takes your stress away.. or when you have a deeply satisfying conversation with YOURSELF..

The word "magic" conjures up whimsical and fantastic.. often larger-than-life and unbelievably fabulous images.. the word "Abracadabra" reverberates in the atmosphere of our imagination.. and we think of shooting stars rainbows miraculous feats and magicians in the obligatory black top hats chanting seemingly non-stop streams of exotic sounding gibberish! We imagine magic to be something from another realm and beyond the comprehension of our suddenly seemingly limited cognitive abilities.. and yet.. it is not so.. really and truly..

Having taught little children in pre-school for twenty-five years, I have been truly fortunate and blessed to witness magic first-hand on several occasions! You will ask me - where? how? what happened? Perhaps working with little children has given me a slightly different perspective.. but when (seemingly) strange signs squiggles and symbols start coming alive and making sense to a child.. and he or she learns to read.. THAT is genuinely magic for me! I have gotten goosebumps every time it has happened.. there’s just something so special about it!

Magic comes from inside you.. it’s a part of you and only YOU can awaken it and make miracles happen! You make it happen when you do the simplest things.. like brewing the perfect cup of coffee.. telling a story that has the listener hanging onto your every word.. sponsor the education of a deserving child.. cook a special meal for someone you love.. when you lie down on a beautifully made bed.. when you find a simple solution to a long-standing problem.. It happens when your intentions are perfectly “in sync” with the Universe and things just fall into place exactly as you had wanted them to!

As Richard M. Eyre says “The very best gift is that anyone can experience those unexpected twinkles of joy that make a magical moment. At these moments you feel true, deep joy because of a great new insight, a beautiful prospect, or a glimpse into the radiance of another soul. They are the magic moments when life seems better than you ever realized.”

Wishing you a day filled with truly magical moments.. and the ability to create magical moments for the people you love.. After all.. what’s life without a little magic?!

 

KINDNESS.. is an essential component of a happy life!!

 Joseph B. Wirthlin says, “Kindness is a passport that opens doors and fashions friends.. it softens hearts and moulds relationships that can last lifetimes.” Stop for a moment to think of it and it is so true.. it costs nothing and yet the returns are higher than even Adani or Reliance on the Bombay Stock Exchange!

The dictionary defines it thusly.. “Kindness is a type of behaviour marked by acts of generosity, consideration or concern for others, without expecting praise or reward. It is being selfless, caring and compassionate.” Being kind is actually something that should be our “default” always!

Kindness means more than being caring friendly and generous.. it can mean whatever you want it to mean.. It could mean going out of your way to give someone a lift even though you’re driving in a different direction.. cooking something special for a neighbour when they’re unwell.. sending flowers for no apparent reason at all to someone you love..

These days social media is constantly sending us messages related to building EQ more than IQ.. being politically correct.. and two such campaigns that truly resonated with me have been “pay it forward” and “practice random acts of kindness”! It’s such a lovely feeling to do unexpected things for people you know.. but even more fun to do them for the people you don’t! For instance, you could just pay a balloon seller for 5 balloons and ask them to give them free to the next 5 children who come to him.. and watch their faces light up when they get the balloons for free! Even if you don’t wait to watch this, you will have a smile that lights up your whole face.. and that’s a promise!

Random acts of kindness can be the simplest things like washing the breakfast dishes when your helper is in the bath.. or accompanying someone who lives alone to the doctor.. gifting a unique experience to someone for the first time – going parasailing.. doing a yoga or meditation class.. helping a friend arrange a messy cupboard etc.. As long as the recipient of your kindness is happy and touched.. that’s all that matters!

One morning I was travelling by BEST bus to go to the Sai Baba temple and there was just another gentleman on the bus. It was early in the morning and when the conductor came to sell him a ticket, he offered a 100 rupee note! The conductor was very annoyed and grumbled away saying “How can you expect change for 100 rupees early in the morning? Give me change!” the poor man didn’t HAVE change so I bought his ticket and that was the end of it.. or so I thought! He was profusely grateful and gracious and I got off at my stop and put the incident out of my mind! It was perhaps six months or a year later when I went to a xerox shop behind my house that the owner gave me my copies and refused to take the money.. it was the gentleman whose ticket I had paid for on the bus! I didn’t recognize him initially but he remembered and recognized me immediately! He introduced me to his sons and I always get instant service and a discounted rate (without asking for it).. and we are good friends to this day! Kindness has it’s own reward.. I have met some incredible people like this..

Kindness means doing nice things without expecting nice things in return.. and it’s not only about being nice when it’s easy.. it’s also about being kind even when it’s difficult. It can also mean putting your sorrow or grief aside to comfort another when their world is “falling apart” for some reason or the other.. that is TRUE kindness!

Kindness is a movement.

Has someone ever done something kind for you and all you wanted to do afterwards was pay it forward by doing something kind for someone else? That’s because kindness is a chain reaction. It’s a wave that keeps rolling, and all it takes is one person to start it. One small kind act can cause a ripple effect that impacts an entire community. If we are all focused on being kind, we are creating a movement of change.

We are all human and we make mistakes.. that’s why pencils have erasers right? We need to remember to be kind to ourselves and to others when these mistakes happen..

A few simple tips on how to be kind are thinking before speaking.. remembering that none of us are perfect.. be intentionally kind.. volunteer at an NGO.. pay compliments generously.. appreciate what people do for you.. Last but not the least.. practise.. practise.. practise! Positive reinforcement helps people want to do more good deeds and reminds them to do whatever they do with good intentions!

It's one thing to be taught kindness.. it’s another to be touched by it.. Wishing your life to be filled with opportunities for giving and receiving kindness every single day! And as always, thank you so much for reading!

 

 

MOBILE PHONES & FRIENDSHIP.. a boon or a bane?

"Where's my mobile? What's your mobile number? Just text me.. Give me a missed call.. What's the wi-fi password? Ohmigod.. network is really bad etc.." This is what we hear day in and day out right? The mobile has (for many) become almost an extension of our arm.. and a part of our body in it's own right! Is this a boon or a bane? Am just sharing my thoughts.. do please feel free to decide for yourself!

Thinking back to a time before mobile phones became really popular.. friendships were solid and strong.. We used to return from school.. freshen up.. have a quick snack.. complete our homework.. and go down to play! If we were late, friends would come and ring the doorbell saying "Hurry up.. we are playing a new game today.. all of us are waiting for you.. it's no fun without you"! We were "face to face" and "real" friends and what you saw was EXACTLY what you got! If you missed a friend, you just went over and spent time with him/her.. If someone was sick you made a real handmade card and wrote a message with the handwriting sloping up or down.. and went to meet him/her in person! 

Now that we're all grown up we have become formal.. we text a friend and ask when it's a good time to meet.. if it's convenient.. if we're not interrupting something really important.. It makes me wonder if I'm doing something of earth-shattering importance that I shouldn't be disturbed by an unexpected call or visit from a good friend.. What if that friend is going through distress.. or has fantastic news to share.. or needs some help and it's too important exciting or urgent to have to be filtered to my availability of time? Tragic..

Frequently when I am in a restaurant with friends or family.. it strikes me as to how many people are busy on their phones.. is THAT what we schedule time with our friends for? Am article I read recently said that a group of four friends in Sweden went out for dinner.. they wanted to spend quality time with each other and share a meaningful conversation so they all put their mobiles face down on the table before starting dinner.. The rule was that whoever answered their phone first would pay the bill! What a brilliant idea.. I have been guilty of looking at my phone while with friends too.. and realize how disrespectful it is.. From now on, only calls from home will be answered (in case of a possible emergency) but nothing else.. the least I can do for my friend when we are together is to be completely present WITH and TO them!

The mobile is terrific when we have  friends across the oceans.. especially since the art of writing letters is now practically obsolete.. with writing emails following a close second! It is such a joy that at the tap of a finger we can send money and messages.. play games and solve puzzles.. convey congratulations and condolences.. shop and send.. BUT let's not forget the devil called Alzheimer's that is become rampant! Cases in India are on the rise because we are imprisoned in our mobile phones and our levels of human interaction are diminishing rapidly! 

Social interaction tonight is essential and imperative for good mental and emotional health.. so do make it a point to actually make the effort to GO to the bank.. vegetable market.. grocery store.. place of worship.. and do things in the REAL world instead of the world of VIRTUAL reality! My mother passed away after a long battle with FTD (Frontal & Temporal Dementia).. and my neurologist told me brother and me that if the average population is at risk of getting it since it is gene driven (but not genetic).. we are at a.much higher risk of 2.6 to 2.7x! And THAT my dear readers and friends is why I urge you to be as "hands on" as possible and do the things you need to do.. instead of being a slave to your phone!

Friends are an essential component of my life and will always be on priority! My mobile is a convenience and a means to an end but certainly not an end in itself.. I am no longer going to run the minute it rings.. will answer it when I can do so comfortably.. Now that I have lost both my parents I take the liberty of switching off my mobile during my afternoon siesta.. nobody else is so important that I should sacrifice my sleep for them..

If you need me.. I am a phone call away.. but it would be wonderful if you could just come over and spend time talking to me.. so use your phone as a tool or means of communicating a message.. but let's make the effort it takes to meet face to face and sustain the beautiful friendship that we share.. When we are with each other.. there's never the tension that the "battery" of friendship will ever run low!!

THE POWER OF QUIET.. is quite remarkable!

 "Quiet is peace. Tranquillity. Quiet is turning down the volume knob on life. Silence is pushing the off button. Shutting it down. All of it.”

The words of Khaled Hosseini are running through my mind and reverberating repeatedly.. and I find my mental space to be chaotic and calm at the same time.. Sounds strange right? It IS.. strange.. and very strange at that..

I am at present on holiday in Manali.. actually at a resort about 22 kms from Manali proper.. It is a beautiful place.. clean green and serene.. There is greenery and mountains surrounding me and all that I hear is the chirping of the birds.. Coming from Mumbai where I live smack bang across the incredibly busy railway tracks, the absolute silence and quietude was slightly unnerving for me for the first couple of hours.. Slowly I got accustomed to it.. liking it.. loving it and now the thought of going back to dhamaal and noise almost frightens me!  

Quiet IS peace and tranquillity.. to some people and something very different to others.. Quiet is an end in itself and a refuge and haven to harrowed and stressed out city dealers like myself.. it is a standard and normal way of life to mountain dwellers.. but can be a difficult thing to handle for people who are used to constant phone calls.. face to face interactions.. and too much of chatter.and action all the time.. 

Quiet can be a dangerous and intimidating thing to people going through depression.. they want to reach out and perhaps share their thoughts and feelings.. communicate them to others.. but are trapped by their inability to find the words to express themselves.. or by the lack of confidence and thought that maybe nobody cares enough to listen.. and THAT sort of quiet can be deafening in itself..

Quiet can be a comfortable place and feeling to be.. as long as you're at peace with yourself! If you're surrounded by silence and constantly wondering what your friends, family, children, colleagues and neighbours are doing.. or lamenting the fact that you're "missing out" then the quiet is something you have to befriend.. 

Is that difficult to do? It used to be for me.. I was a hyper person who constantly needed to be DOING something! My calendar for the day HAD to include an outing somewhere.. meeting friends.. running errands.. going to gym or to swim.. I never WANTED to be quiet.. BY myself.. or WITH myself! When the realization struck me that it's essential to be my own best friend.. and that could only happen when I started analyzing my flaws.. working on myself to change them.. growing to like myself.. and then love myself..

Personal growth is a natural byproduct of being quiet.. because it is only when we are ready to face our "demons" of ego greed temper etc.. that we are willing to ask ourselves the hard questions that we need to! The quiet gives us the confidence to ask ourselves the questions.. the courage to answer them honestly.. and the strength to work on becoming better versions of ourselves! 

The quiet gives us the peaceful space we need to connect with our soul.. and understand how to proceed and progress on our soul journey.. those things can never happen in the madness of "real life" with all our responsibilities on the personal professional financial emotional and social fronts!

In the last five days it is imperative to share what being quiet in the quiet has done for me.. it has made my prayers purer.. my faith stronger.. my thinking clearer and my sense of self much more complete.. I would strongly recommend that everyone who can MUST take out some time to be WITH the quiet and IN the quiet.. be it in your own home.. in the mountains.. near the sea.. but do tey and make it happen.. The rewards of doing absolutely nothing and simply "just being" are precious and unimaginably generous! 

Wishing you quiet today and always.. in your mind.. heart.. body.. and above all.. in your soul.. 

Be quiet and be blessed..

GROWING UP WITH DADDY.. the years of masti & magic!

 Happy birthday Daddy!

As Alison Lohman expresses it so beautifully, “There will always be a few people who have the courage to love what is untamed inside us. One of those men was my father.”

Mr. Dalal in the corporate world.. Sir to so many.. Narendrabhai to friends.. Nanakaka to family.. but simply.. Daddy to me.. You would have been 94 today.. and honestly.. seeing your health towards the end, today I am grateful to God for taking you into His fold gently when he did!

Always a high achiever and academically very bright, he ensured that attention to learning was a top priority and created opportunities wherever they were to be found! I have vivid childhood memories of being taken to little wayside cafes and modest Udipi restaurants.. being presented with the menu and a sheet of paper and pencil and being told to READ the menu properly, CORRECT all the mistakes and sit down quietly once I finished until he had time to check it!

Being a parent was something he took very seriously and although I was his princess, no laxity in discipline was ever tolerated.. witness that EVERY Saturday morning there was room.. cupboard and writing table inspection.. If everything wasn’t spotless and immaculate.. no scolding.. just a gentle admonishment.. and.. NO pocket money for the week!

Daddy loved driving and travelling by road so very often, my brother and I would wake up tousle headed and rubbing our eyes to find ourselves in the car and off to a new adventure somewhere! It was usually Poona.. Lonavala.. Khandala.. Mahabaleshwar.. we’d go early morning and return at night or sometimes after a few days! He would sing popular Gujarati English and Bengali songs and Mummy, Sunil and I would enthusiastically join in for the chorus! Later on, travelling was a huge learning opportunity and he taught me how to check a hotel room and bathroom for hygiene and neatness.. AND how to negotiate for a good price!

He believed that children should grow up and be able to adapt adjust and manage with anything, everything and nothing! Thanks to this intensely practical (??) principle, I was taken to and made to stay in the entire gamut of accommodation available to the public in those times! It ranged from dharamshalas with smelly mattresses to nicely maintained circuit houses.. from basic wooden huts to fancy hotels with ensuite bathrooms.. No complaints were listened to or entertained.. we just had to "put up.. shut up.. and learn to deal with it!!" And we DID..

He was a flamboyant foodie so I grew up eating Jain food.. Surti food.. American cheeseburgers.. tuna fish sandwiches.. all kinds of chaat.. chilled Gazpacho soup.. hot French Onion soup.. American Chop Suey.. with detailed explanations to me on HOW they were to be made in order to be perfect! In hindsight (which is invariably  20/20) I genuinely feel “my poor mother”! Another strict rule was that either he or Mummy would serve us and we couldn’t leave the table unless we had finished everything on our plates!

He was a hardworking man who nonetheless was very clued in and part of my life.. he used to leave the office at 5:30 sharp every evening (come what may) and once when his boss said, “Mr. Dalal you’re going home already? It’s only 5:30 pm and there’s a lot of work to do.” To which he replied, “Work is a 4 letter word and on their deathbeds, no one ever wishes they had spent more time in the office! I come in at 9:30 everyday and I leave at 5:30 because now it’s my time with my wife and children!” Hats off to the man!

He taught me to work hard.. play harder.. spend wisely.. save even more wisely.. to value good people.. treat people with respect.. to try and lead by example.. and try to be a GOOD human being.. I could go on and on, but will just say it is a privilege and a joy to be born as his daughter.. and will always try and live up to the legacy of justice kindness impartiality and sincerity that is his legacy to me!

I love you Daddy.. so very much!

My Daddy bestest!!

SERENDIPITY.. is a wonderful thing!

The dictionary defines serendipity as “finding something good without looking for it”.. but I love Lawrence Block’s quote “Look for something, find something else, and realize that what you’ve found is more suited to your needs than what you thought you were looking for”.. and it comes with a caveat “One aspect of serendipity to bear in mind is that you have to be looking for something in order to find something else”..

We have all at some time in your lives (and probably many times) experienced something that made us feel “Wow! That was just so lucky.. How did that work out so well? Can’t believe that solution just popped up out of nowhere.. I was actually planning to meet up with him/her and they called/bumped into me today etc..” We can call these coincidences.. happy surprises.. “kamaal ho gaya” or whatever we want.. but at the end of the day.. THIS is serendipity in action and completely for real!

The Universe is constantly sending us little messages.. showing us and only us.. certain special treats.. a butterfly sucking nectar.. a shooting star.. a moment when all the street lights come on simultaneously.. the sun sinking into the sea.. a call email or text message from a long-lost and perhaps even almost forgotten friend.. unstinting support in times of crisis from people you never really acknowledged or valued.. These are mini serendipities and we need to recognize them as such.. We need to be AWARE of what we want and need.. and open to receiving it from wherever and whoever we are receiving it from!

Being a lifelong learner is an essential prerequisite to personal spiritual growth.. do allow me to share an example to illustrate this! There is a dance show on Zee TV called Dance Indian Dance Little Masters and it is both judged and promoted by Remo D’Souza.. He started his career as a background dancer in Bollywood and is now a celebrity dancer choreographer show judge film producer and director, but is simple to the core! There’s a young participant from New Delhi called Sadiya Parveen whose father stitches (fake) leather handbags.. it’s a very modest family but when Remo asked him “How much do you make being the only earning member in a family of 5?” And in response to the reply of Rs.7000 per month, he asked “How do you manage? Guzaara kaise kar lete ho?’ You could have heard a pin drop when Sadiya’s father said “Hamaari zarooratein kam hain na isliye!” (Our needs are very few that’s how).. Remo was absolutely stunned into silence and thanked Sadiya’s father saying “You have just taught me a very important life lesson!”

There’s a saying “When you lose in life.. don’t lose the lesson” but it makes more sense for us to create a mindset that’s open to opportunities for introspection learning and growth.. Be present.. be completely present to your surroundings.. with a receptive mind and heart.. and the serendipities of happy coincidences.. special “wow” moments.. “eureka I got it” moments will fill you and your world with unending peace and joy!!

ON OUTGROWING PEOPLE.. it actually happens!

Have you ever come away from meeting with or finished a conversation with someone you always thought was a very close friend (or family member) feeling like “What’s going on? It felt like there was just no “connect” in the conversation.. or.. Why doesn’t he/she understand what I’m trying to say.. or.. It feels like I’m talking to someone I don’t know anymore..” This happens to all of us at various points in time and we need to introspect as to WHY this is so.. It has been happening to me of late and I finally came to an answer which actually SHOOK me..

One of life’s challenging realizations is that sometimes you outgrow your friends.. difficult to accept? Definitely.. but unless you accept it.. your own growth will not progress.. and you will not be able to alter and change certain patterns of thinking and behaviour that you need to.. if you want to get onto your spiritual path.. As I have mentioned earlier, getting onto one’s spiritual path and staying on it is essential if you want to grow as a person and get a realistic perspective on life.. and on yourself..

As we go through life we have a variety of experiences and meet and interact with different kinds of people.. some happy.. some not so happy.. some exciting and others boring.. some comfortable and others awkward.. How we feel about the experience and how we react/respond to the people is determines by our state of mind and heart at the time.. and our instinct as well.. As an example, let’s say we have school friends with whom we have played mischievous pranks.. mimicked our teachers and giggled at silly jokes which was great fun when we were young.. but seems downright stupid disrespectful and a waste of time 30 or 40 years later..

This happens because as we grow older and wiser in years.. we subconsciously and actively seek out like-minded people who have similar hobbies passions interests and value systems.. Those of us who are wise beyond our years realize and recognize the need to change and evolve in order to raise our levels of awareness and growth.. Some of us are lucky and blessed to find a mentor or teacher or “guru” who conveys this directly or indirectly.. and a few unfortunates don’t realize and go through the major part of their lives comfortably tucked into their deep comfortable ruts and have no interest whatsoever in changing or evolving.. and that is SAD..

Speaking for myself, I was a typical giddy-headed Papa’s princess.. always higher than most on emotions and reasonably so on IQ but not necessarily on EQ.. Impulsive outspoken emotional and possessive about my friends, life gave me some hard knocks before I realized that it was wiser to be spontaneous tactful and not be TOO attached to the people I cared about! Buckets of tears were cried.. cartons full of tissues were used.. sleepless nights were suffered.. too many Tylenols were swallowed before I started paying attention to people who seemed to “have it all together”.. and HOW they were so different from me!

Deep and meaningful conversations with friends like Porus and Parul who are clear thinkers were enlightening.. and there was an overwhelming wealth of wisdom in the right books that were suggested to me to read.. Knowing that I get clarity when I write things down, I actually sat down and analyzed the friends and people in my life in terms of what they bring to the friendship.. how they make me feel.. what they teach me.. how I feel when I meet them etc.. It was very difficult to acknowledge to myself that there are some friends and/or family members that I have outgrown.. but it HAD to be done!

It has been an exceedingly empowering exercise and has helped me to understand things like this:

I have outgrown people who are envious of me.. I have outgrown the consistently negative people.. the ones who complain all the time.. the ones who take me for granted.. and believe me, they exist! The list is long so am sharing a quote by Chanda Kaushik that says it better than I would ever be able to..

“I have outgrown many things. I have outgrown relatives who gladly offer criticism but not support. I have outgrown my need to meet my family's unrealistic expectations of me. I have outgrown girls who wear masks and secretly rejoice at my misfortunes. I have outgrown shrinking myself for boys who are intimidated by my intelligence and outspoken nature. I have outgrown friends who cannot celebrate my accomplishments. I have outgrown people who conveniently disappear whenever life gets a little dark. I have outgrown those who take pleasure in gossiping and spreading negativity. I have outgrown dull, meaningless conversations that feel forced. I have outgrown those who don't take a stand against ignorance and injustice. I have outgrown trying to please everyone. I have outgrown society constantly telling me I'm not beautiful, smart, or worthy enough. I have outgrown trying to fix every little flaw. I have outgrown my tendency to fill my mind with self-doubt and insecurity. I have outgrown trying to find reasons not to love myself. I have outgrown anything and anyone that does not enrich the essence of my soul. I have outgrown many things, and I've never felt freer.”

Will sign off here with a heartfelt request.. sit down.. think.. analyse.. acknowledge.. and accept.. Some people were a part of your story.. some people are a part of it.. and a few will always be a part of it.. because you choose it to be that way! Don’t feel guilty.. it’s natural and just the way life is meant to be.. We all have only one life to live.. so raise the bar and live a quality life with the people that enrich your soul!