AS WE GROW.. IF WE ARE LUCKY AND AWARE.. we learn!

When I was young (and significantly less wiser than I am now) my idea of friendship was, like most young children “You’re my best friend so I’ll tell you everything and you tell me everything too”! As I grew up this translated to (please note, I am not using the phrase progressed to!) “Let’s talk at 9 pm everyday and share everything that happened” and then.. as it always happens.. life changed..

Friends went to different colleges.. got engaged and married.. shifted homes and sometimes cities.. and even that wasn’t a problem because I have always had the pen of a ready writer and thoroughly enjoyed the process of a lengthy and detailed correspondence to and fro.. except that most of my friends stopped writing in detail.. and ultimately stopped writing!

My “need to feel needed” and to “be in touch” made it very difficult.. I missed the friends I used to meet and talk to every day.. I missed sharing the little anecdotes and jokes.. the “love life and boyfriend problems”.. and so I made new friends.. My life was an open book and I shared everything that happened.. and thought that that was the way it was supposed to be.. and that everyone was like me!

As I got older, it became apparent that nothing could be further from the truth.. people were secretive and not so open about sharing the details of their lives.. and I accepted that.. albeit a little reluctantly! The lack of “sharing” and “being in touch” was something I had to force myself to accept as well.. even though I didn’t really understand the reason for it!

The good thing about college was that I made very close friends who were open and stayed in touch.. and once I started working it was different people.. different ages.. different mindsets and different personalities.. I was relatively innocent and overprotected so easily shocked and not used to the “games people play” at all.. I met guys.. had crushes.. dated casually but my friends were the most important people in the world to me!

Living with an abusive alcoholic husband overseas ensured that I kept in touch with my closest friends and family because I needed their support! Upon returning to India I made a new friend (who I can’t name here) who I worked with on an unusual project. She was (and still is) borderline Bohemian (almost).. highly creative.. a smoker and drinker.. and although we were polar opposites, we hit it off bigtime and got very close! She’s also the one person who really encouraged me to write.. for which (and a number of reasons) I will be eternally grateful..

She was pretty firmly on the spiritual path and used to say things like “The Universe is listening.. Put that thought out in the Universe.. We don’t need to talk everyday.. I love you and always will”.. Back then.. I was as far away from the spiritual path as it was possible to be.. pretty much a total contrast to the person I am today! I loved her but didn’t understand a lot of things she used to say! We shared a lovely friendship for many years.. shared a lot of stuff.. supported each other through thick and thin.. and then.. life happened and we both got caught up in our own lives..

I used to text her and wait for replies that wouldn’t come for days and sometimes weeks on end.. and so we both “drifted” for a bit.. NOT “apart” but just “drifted” and finally weren’t in touch because I couldn’t do the one-sided (as I thought) friendship! She texted me when her father passed away and I went to pay my respects and then.. silence for the longest time.. I shared the link to all my blogs and she read every single one!

She texted me a few days ago to say her Mom had passed away and I spoke with her yesterday.. as gentle loving and accepting as she has always been with me.. It was the most beautiful conversation I’ve shared with anyone in ages and I was in floods of tears and drowning in gratitude just being able to listen to her story and tell her mine!

I am blessed to have found my guru.. spiritual guide and soul family over the last few years.. supremely thankful to them for so many realizations and such amazing guidance and wisdom for the spiritual growth they have enabled and fostered! All of you who are reading this know who you are and how precious you are to me.. thank you is inadequate but straight from my heart!

Sharing.. caring.. teaching.. and learning are all from the body.. but accepting.. understanding.. respecting and loving are from the heart and soul.. Some friendships are forever.. and I love you my Bohemian babe! Thank you for taking me back into your life and saying you have always loved me.. I love you too.. so very much!!

 

HAPPY DUSSEHRA.. slay those demons!!

On Dussehra we all talk about the triumph of good over evil.. and how good always prevails no matter what..

We like to hope and pray that this holds true always.. but dont seem to realize that it all starts from within ourselves and our minds..

I have been given to understand that everything we do and everything we go through is about both.. intentions and permissions.. That is to say.. if we arr being abused emotionally mentally physically or financially.. it is because we have given "permission" for that person to "abuse" us..

It is of the utmost importance to now listen to your inner voice.. gut feeling.. instinct or whatever you choose to call it.. Start questioning when you are being offered something (it could be a choice between two colours.. a gift for no reason.. a job opportunity you're not really qualified for etc..

If you are uncomfortable or unsure why someone is offering you something you haven't earned.. deserve or have asked for.. ask yourself as to what the person's intention for offering it to you could possibly me.. It may be to "gain control" over you later or to be able to "call in the favour" at a later date.. or any other undesirable reason!

First and foremost we need to pray in order to slay our own demons of greed jealousy pride conceit and inadequacy in order to connect with our soul.. for it is only after we overcome these that we will be capable of fighting the bigger battles that life will throw our way!

We also need to have our own code of ethics that we live by.. and stay true to it no matter what! That also doesn't give us the right to judge others.. but to stay true to ourselves! We need to have the courage of our convictions.. stand up for what is right.. and not compromise on our ideals in order that we can hold our heads high and make sure our intentions are always crystal clear.. pure and clean..

We also need to protect ourselves from negative energies and so create  around ourselves (metaphorically speaking) an invisible field of positive energy that repels less than desirable thoughts words and intentions.. 

We need to make sure we don't give permission to anyone to harm us.. take us for granted or influence our thoughts and feelings for the wrong reasons! Stay focused on and aware of how you feel and what you feel.. and why you feel like that!

Once we learn to stay positive.. strong and "in touch" with ourselves.. what is right will always prevail and we won't need to live in uncertainty fear or anything uncomfortable!

Happy Dussehra and God bless you all.. Thank you as always for reading! 

Please add your name at the end of your comment if you should choose to write one..

THAT FEELING OF A “SELECTED FAMILY”.. is so beautiful..

Dada-Dadi.. Nana-Nani.. Papa-Mummy.. Bhaiya-Didi & Baby.. these are the people that make up a traditional family.. Right? The people who go to work and earn money to support each other.. who love each other.. run the house.. go on vacations together etc.. Everyone has their role and everyone has responsibilities that they fulfil to make the “family machinery” function smoothly..

That concept of “family” for a number people has evolved and changed now.. One is the family you are born into the people you share a home with while growing up.. and once you grow up.. you build strong and lasting relationships and often your closest friends become your family.. your daily workmates become your family.. you advisors and guides become your family.. and your kind and caring neighbours become your family too!

There are quotes and quotes about families and am sharing two of my favourites here..

“The Devil gives us our families.. but.. thank God we can choose our friends” and

“Friends are the family you choose for yourself”

No offence to anyone and nothing personal either but.. as we grow up.. go out in the world.. and meet different people.. something really special happens.. We are at various times.. in situations where we meet people who inspire us.. motivate us.. teach us.. make us laugh.. hold up a mirror to make us look at ourselves.. At the same time.. we encounter people who provoke us.. tease us.. compete with us.. are intrusive and perhaps even fight with us.. and that’s OKAY..

Look at the people you want to “adopt” into your “selected family” like a box of crayons.. some are bright and vibrant while others are dull and gloomy.. some are “in your face” while others are forgettable.. a few touch your heart and others don’t really interest you! Talk about the things that matter.. the ones closest to your heart.. the ones who accept you and understand you.. and hold on tight to them because they are the “keepers”!

“Keepers” cover a multitude of roles.. these are the people who will be your secret keepers.. your confidantes.. your sounding boards.. your advice givers.. your 3 am buddies.. your partners in crime.. your personal ATMs for occasional little indulgences.. your “punching bags”(for when you’re sometimes overwhelmed) and the people who will always listen.. understand.. and accept you for what you are WITHOUT judging!

Family members “compete” in small ways sometimes.. insist on taking arguments to logical conclusions.. argue fiercely over the most insignificant things..complain bitterly about your annoying habits.. but at the same time.. always stand up for you.. believe in you.. support you when you need them.. and give you unconditional love! Blood ties and DNA tests aren’t always what tie families together.. but mutual respect dependability and love certainly DO!!

I feel completely blessed to have friends workmates and neighbours who are all part of my “selected family” and “rock solid” there for me.. come what may! A number of you would feel very embarrassed to read your names here.. but you all know who I mean.. so just know from my heart to yours that I am incredibly grateful to count you as “family” and love you so very much! God bless our bond today and always!!

Wishing all of you the strongest and most wonderful “selected families” today and always! Thank you as always for reading and do please remember to add your name at the end of your comment! (Blogspot should really change this)!!

 

THANK YOU DADDY.. for the roof over my head!!

 Roti.. Kapda aur MAKAAN.. never take them for granted!!

So.. I went to Badlapur yesterday.. for those of you who don’t know.. it is an eastern suburb of Mumbai about 50-odd kilometres away from my house! And WHY would I ever want to go to Badlapur? Simple answer.. I was house hunting.. not for myself.. but let me tell you a story..

Flashback to 1958 (before I was even born) when my parents lived in a joint family with my paternal grandfather (Dadaji), uncle (Kaka and his family) in a three room house at Nana Chowk. Children came along and the families started growing and a shortage of space made life difficult. Dadaji told my parents they had to move out and offered to buy them a sea facing flat at Marine Drive.. but Daddy refused because what we know as Marine Drive today was a desolate lonely almost scary place to live back then!

In the “good old days” as we fondly refer to them, the Parsis were (as they still are) a highly respected and looked up to community! Dadaji found a Parsi owned building (Pil Court) on what was earlier called as Queen’s Road and rented a flat on the ground floor for my parents. The building had small gardens in front and at the side which were beautifully kept and once every month, young “chokra boys” were hired to WASH it with soap and water – inside and out! As time went by, they shifted to the fifth floor.. and finally to the fourth floor to the house where I live even today!

Growing up.. ownership of the building changed hands.. the hardworking“chokra boys” became a distant memory.. and we moved from tenancy into ownership! I still remember the look of quiet pride and satisfaction on Daddy’s face when he showed me the society share certificate with his name on it! Having your OWN house is a tremendous thing.. especially in a city like Mumbai! Huge milestone achieved for any head of a family.. to ensure that the spouse and children have their OWN roof over their heads!

My very industrious Man Friday (Kishore to all those of you who know him) had spoken to Daddy and me perhaps ten or more years ago and had expressed a desire to possess a small home in the city.. with some help from us! Somehow with life hurtling along at it’s pace, Daddy didn’t get a chance to do anything about it.. but he DID tell me to do the needful for my staff – all of whom we consider family!

Girl Friday would like a home in Badlapur to be able to be close to her family and off we went.. by airconditioned car and it took us TWO hours to get there! Driving through the suburbs drove home the fact of how blessed I am that Daddy had the foresight, ability, opportunity and wherewithal to buy a home in South Mumbai! After looking at various flats there and driving another two and a half hours to get home, I have a renewed respect for everyone who commutes daily to work (by TRAIN).. and don’t think I will EVER have the heart to ask my part-timer why she’s late to work!

We tend to expect our staff to commute.. be absolutely punctual to work.. do their job with a smile on their faces and talk politely.. be presentable and nicely dressed as well and that too - every single day! Seriously? They are HUMAN.. as human as we are.. and perhaps a little bit more because they’re fighting crazy odds just to survive.. every single day!!

This whole thing has been an experience and more than that, a lesson in gratitude, humility and sensitivity. All the way back from Badlapur I was just thanking Daddy and blessing him for seeing to it that I have my OWN roof over my head.. and that this is a privilege and blessing that everyone should ideally have!

To sum it up in the immortal words of Marvin Gaye:

“For I'm the type of boy
Who is always on the roam
Wherever I lay my hat
That's my home
I'm telling you, that's my home”

 

ON TEACHER'S DAY.. gratitude!!

The youth of today make their career choices fairly early in life.. mainly because they have multiple options available! Today's youngsters can choose to be pretty much whatever they want.. provided of course that they score the (seemingly) impossibly high grades demanded by various much sought-after institutions and ruling committees!! 

In retrospect.. my generation had far more limited options.. the really bright students took Science and became doctors or engineers.. the second tier took Commerce and the minimally academic minded (like me) took Arts from where it was a foregone conclusion that girls would either marry or become teachers!

The circumstances under which I became a teacher were slughtly different.. after trying my hand at advertising (and finding it too "fake") I realized that I needed to learn something and DO somwthing that would "make a difference" to people's lives! Social work was never my cup of tea.. and I was too much "Papa's Princess" to do an eight hour day.. very clearly I needed weekends off and adequate time to travel.. so teaching was my best option!

I signed up for and secured admission to a post-graduate Diploma (no degree course was available) in Early Childhood Education (Nursery Tracher's Training)! People assume that I LOVE little children and thats why I chose teaching.. honesty demands that I confess that I liked little children as much as the average person.. but I always found the process by which children learn fascinating and so..

Pitchforked into an intensely gruelling two year course that had been compressed and condensed into a one year programme was exhausting to say the least! I seriously contemplated giving it up more than once.. but the sheer joy of being in the classroom paired with the fun of getting to do something new different and creative on a daily basis kept me grounded focused and loving it!

After giving this profession a solid twenty five years.. I say with pride that it has given me so much more than I have given it.. In return for dedication hard work sleepless nights and being constantly mentally challenged.. I got sunny smiles.. bonecrushing hugs and daily opportunities to be a "magician" and see "wonder filled eyes"!

It taught me patience tolerance sympathy and empathy.. to be a good listener without judging.. to be able to look at situations from the child's point of view.. It taught me that I am accountable for my smallest action and most importantly.. it taught me that it's okay to make mistakes and that I didn't NEED to know the answer to every question! (Now there's Google but back then it was Daddy and the World Book Encyclopedia)!

Teaching and being a facilitator of learning brought alive to me the fact that "You have a very responsible job in this place/classroom/school/world.. if ANYTHING goes wrong.. YOU are responsible!" Learning to be super organized.. preparing in advance.. "a thing for everything and everything in it's place" and listening to understand instead of listening to reply.. phrasing less than positive words in a positive way and keeping my sense of humour intact no matter what are just a few of the many invaluable life lessons that I learned along the way! 

Today when I look back.. my heart overflows with gratitude for all the wonderful magical moments.. for all that I have learned - to give and to receive.. time energy and knowledge.. unconditional acceptance.. honesty and integrity.. wonderful  colleagues.. inspiring teachers.. strength and most of all.. the capacity to love! 

Older and a little wiser now.. I know that everyone in our life is a teacher and comes when we need them to.. "When the student is ready.. the teacher appears" and it is up to us to create the most meaningful interactions and be lifelong learners!

Heartfelt thanks and deepest gratitude to all the children parents.and teachers whose lives I have been privileged to be a small part of.. for the faith and trust you have reposed in me.. and the hope that I have fulfilled my responsibilities and lived up to your expectations! 

To everyone else.. thank you for everything that without your teaching me.. I have gained and learned from you.. whether you are friends.. family.. staff.. neighbours.. financial advisors.. Thank you for being blessings in my life and know that I am deeply grateful and let's keep learning feom and teaching each other!

As always.. thank you for reading and wishing you a very Happy Teacher's Day!!

Do remember to add your name at the end of your comment (should you choose to write one)..

MIRACLE OF THE HUMAN BODY.. every little part matters!!

As most of you know.. I fell down in Dubai and fractured the ring finger of my right hand on the 3^rd of August! Luckily God was kind (as always) and I was with close friends who took me to the hospital.. were incredibly thoughtful and took the greatest care of me through it all.. Thank you so very much Suhas and Medha!

The ring finger of the right hand.. doesn’t seem like a big deal right? Wrong? Super wrong! The struggles and challenges of the last 24 days have convinced me that the human body is truly a miracle in motion in which every part does it’s duty and is truly indispensable!

When I used to teach in pre-school.. there was a song about all the fingers and it went like this.. “Thumbkin he can dance.. Thumbkin he can sing.. Thumbkin he can dance.. and Thumbkin he can sing.. We all go merrily up together.. We all come merrily down together.. We all clap hands.. we all clap hands!” and so on for “Pointer” (index) “Tall Man” (middle) and “baby” (little) and this was sung with accompanying smiles and happy actions.. Surprisingly in the song when it came to “Ring Man” (ring) it went “Ring Man he can’t dance and Ring Man he can’t sing.. Ring Man he can’t dance and Ring Man he can’t sing.. We don’t go merrily up together.. we don’t come merrily down together.. We don’t clap hands.. we don’t clap hands”! This particular verse is sung with sad faces and I have experienced firsthand why..

When my middle finger and ring finger were taped together (buddy taping in medical parlance”.. it meant needing to keep the buddy taping dry.. typing a plastic bag over my hand while bathing.. needing my helper to scrub my back and wash my arms and left hand.. It meant feeling awkward and clumsy while performing even the simplest of tasks.. It meant having to focus with full concentration and attention while signing a cheque..

Most of us agree that food is comfort but with a fractured ring finger that didn’t hold true.. It meant not being able to enjoy the simple joy of breaking a roti and scooping up sabzi with it.. it meant not being able to savour the inexplicable joy of eating “dal-chaawal” with your hands.. Indian food is not meant to be eaten with forks knives and spoons! If it’s finger licking good.. it’s GOT to be eaten with the fingers!

I realized that it’s important to try and be ambidextrous with simple things like texting on your cellphone.. eating with a spoon.. taking a tablet.. pouring a glass of water.. Most of us allow our dominant hand to dominate completely (and I am guilty of this too) and when we get into a situation like this.. everything becomes very difficult! I had to made a genuine effort to be patient and not berate myself for being clumsy and slow while doing things!

Although the prescribed 4 weeks of the “buddy taping” weren’t up yet (three days short) I got an x-ray done today and FINALLY the doctor agreed to remove it since the healing is complete! Mere words are woefully inadequate to express the jot I felt when I saw my fingers again.. and looking perfectly normal this evening! I FELT “whole and complete” once again which was such a lovely feeling!

Taking a shower without help.. getting dressed completely on my own.. being able to take my clothes out of the cupboard by myself.. tying and untying my shoelaces.. writing a birthday card to a friend.. and finally.. being able to type this blog WITHOUT pain or discomfort are just a few of the blessings I have experienced today! Heartfelt gratitude to Dr. Mohit Kukreja for his care treatment and kindness.. to my helper Savita who has been a rock solid help and support the past many days.. to my friend Lavina who took me to Swati Snacks to celebrate getting my fingers back.. and to everyone who expressed care and concern for my wellbeing!

I was super lucky not to fall on my head spine or knee and got off relatively lightly with just a fractured finger.. What has been interesting is how much this experience has taught me to be kinder more patient with others as well as myself.. since a number of activities were restricted it gave me a great deal of time to do some serious soul searching.. and in the bargain.. I got some insights about myself that I could have possibly missed had I been on the usual merry-go-round that is called my life!

Deepest gratitude to my parents for building a strong constitution that ensured a speedy recovery and for the comfort of being to avail of the best medical care available! A solemn promise to myself to slow down.. look where I walk.. be careful.. and lots of excitement since I’m going to my “HAPPY PLACE”.. THE Willingdon Club swimming pool tomorrow! Am never going to take my body for granted again.. and neither should you!

Thank you as always for reading and do add your name at the end of your comment (should you choose to write one)!!

RAKSHABANDHAN.. because we need protection!

India has a plethora of festivals.. and most of them are rooted in religion.. filled with colour music and bonhomie galore.. They are happy occasions to dress up in our fanciest finery.. eat well.. give to the needy and celebrate in every way possible!

Today is a special festival.. it is Rakshabandhan.. a day that celebrates the bond that brothers share with their sisters.. that honours sibling love.. that demands a promise from brothers to protect their sisters.. and "be there" for them through thick and thin!

No matter how hard I (and most girls and women in the country) try.. I can't get the young doctor in Kolkata.. the raped ravaged and brutally murdered victim out of my mind! Am not saying ALL men are monsters.. but speaking for myself.. i CAN NOT even in my wildest dreams think of tying a "rakhi" on anyone's wrist.. not today or ever..

Having been the victim of deliberate and targeted physical violence earlier and almost a victim of the 26/11 terror attack.. I now have an inherent abhorrence to all acts of violence whether spontaneous or premeditated.. Rape and murder are not just desecrations of the body but also of the mind heart and soul.. and it is truly heartbreaking!

We live supposedly in a democracy that is supposed to support equality.. in a so-called developing country.. and heinous crimes like these are being perpetuated just too often! It is just NOT acceptable that these things should happen again and again and become more and more grisly and gory as time goes by.. 

Rakshabandhan is about protection.. and we all need it.. from negative thoughts.. negative energies.. negative people.. and all that makes us feel uncomfortable uneasy and unsure.. We live in times that are intimidating to say the least..

A "rakhi" is merely a glorified piece of string.. and can break very easily and the promise it represents can break even more easily! Mutual respect.. genuine affection and an unspoken promise to understand support and accept the other person (sibling.. parent.. child.. friend or colleague) is much more meaningful.. 

Make a promise to yourself today to protect YOURSELF first.. because only when your "safety parachute" is strapped on can you possibly help anyone else! Keep your PINs and passwords secret.. don't share too many details about your personal life on social media.. and live a simple life with limited social interaction.. 

Take comfort and solace in the fact that all of us have God's divine protection and always will.. and we will be protected and taken care of always! All we need to do is pray.. be kind.. be grateful and count our blessings! 

Happy Rakshabandhan!! 

(Thank you for reading and do feel free to share your name if you choose to write a comment.)