HAPPY FATHER’S DAY to all the Daddies!

Father.. Daddy.. Papa.. Abba.. Dad.. Bapaji.. Call him what you will.. but he’s still be the same.. your fiercest protector.. your biggest cheerleader.. your dearest friend.. your first philosopher and your bestest life coach.. He’s still the centre of your Universe.. and always your guiding star!

Fathers are the ones who pick us up when we “fall”.. physically morally emotionally and spiritually.. They are the ones who believe in us so much that we start to believe in ourselves.. They set the bar high and encourage us to strive harder and achieve.. they are also the taskmasters who lead by example and are the proudest and most generous with rewards and praise when we succeed..

As the Bournvita ad stated so emphatically.. “My Daddy strongest!!” and I believe in that so completely! Everyone who knows me knows that I’ve always been and always will be “Daddy’s little girl” (albeit all grown up now)! Every girl’s father and “perfect man” is invariably her Dad and I am no exception to the rule.. The perception may change as we grow up and form our own opinions but for me at least.. it has remained quintessentially the same!

When my parents were expecting me, he was super keen to have a little girl to pamper and when he read that the Queen of England had Welsh Corgi dogs for her children, he placed an ad in the paper for one and bought it for a considerable amount! When I arrived after a particularly trying and difficult pregnancy and delivery.. it was love at first sight to say the least! He made up special songs for me and would insist that Mummy bring me to the phone and put it to my ear when he called.. often in the middle of a working day!

I remember so clearly him being a very involved father who actively participated in my upbringing.. from waking me up in my pyjamas to long weekend drives (to Lonavala, Poona, Mahabaleshwar etc.. to singalong sessions of old and new family favourites in English, Hindi, Gujarati and Bengali in the car.. and playing a funny game called “Name Place Animal Thing” verbally..

As a little girl I was taken out of town very often (and hence am a true slave to the travel bug until the present day) and was made to stay at a variety of places.. from dharamshalas to circuit houses to small hotels and fancy ones.. no complaints were ever entertained and I was told to learn to “be happy wherever I was and with whatever I had”.. a lesson I am grateful for to this day!

Whenever we went to small nondescript restaurants and bigger ones too, I was given pencil and paper and told to read the menu and correct whatever spelling grammatical and punctuation mistakes there were (a portent that I would become a teacher?!).. out of the question to think I would be permitted to be a noisy brat who ran around shouting and disturbing anyone!

Daddy was a weirdly wonderful mixture of firm disciplinarian and indulgent parent.. a funny clown to an intellectual conversationalist.. He was the one who introduced me to his bar at the age of 17 and wanted to see my capacity for and tolerance of alcohol at home before I overdid it and collapsed or made a spectacle of myself in public.. he encouraged close friendships with boys and had a reputation for being the most “chilled out and cool Dad”!

He was a martinet when it came to personal hygiene and neatness and pocket money was judiciously dispensed on Saturday mornings after writing table inspection.. cupboard inspection and bedroom inspection was carried out and approved of! I remember when he took me on a 10 day “training holiday” to New York and Los Angeles (I was 13 years old) and taught me how to check and choose a hotel room.. place an order at a restaurant and book airline tickets! Another blessing in disguise..

On my 10^th birthday (getting into the double digits so very exciting and special) I wanted the Barbie Town House.. he bought it for me along with two big cartons containing abridged editions of all the classics that he wanted me to read.. from Charles Dickens to Emily Bronte to What Katy Did to Louisa May Alcott and a whole lot more besides! There was a complaint about untidy handwriting from school so the daily task was two pages of copywriting from ANY book along with a discussion about what I had written!

Daddy was everything in the world to me.. and I have inherited some wonderful things from him.. my love for reading.. my vocabulary.. my willingness to experiment with food.. my passion for travel.. my borderline OCD of constantly wanting to clean up and organize things properly.. AND some bad things like a nasty temper (which I have learned to control now) and the inability to suffer fools (gladly or otherwise)!

Any way I look at it, I feel truly blessed to have had him for so many years (and most daughters would feel the same way) so Happy Father’s Day to you and heartfelt thanks.. the biggest hugs and all my love to you always Daddy!

This post would be incomplete without thanking a few very special gentlemen who have “filled” some of the gaps that Daddy’s passing away created in my life.. with their personal affection.. professional expertise.. invaluable advice and so much more.. Super blessed to have you in my life Porus.. Pravin.. Rajeev.. Manish.. Senu.. Vishi.. Ashok.. Suhas.. Deepak.. and of course my very special GKG!

Thank you for reading and hope you enjoyed reading this blog! Do please remember to include your name after writing your comment! God bless always!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

WHEN THE WEATHER IS SULTRY.. BE DESULTORY!

Mumbai is having a real humdinger of a summer this year.. the way it usually does.. I.. for one.. am exasperated with everyone perpetually mouthing the same three little (and highly unromantic) words “It’s so hot”! You know what? We are in the month of May.. and it is SUPPOSED to be hot.. sweaty and sultry.. So now what?! DEAL with it!

Energy levels are low.. enthusiasm levels are even lower.. and you’re borderline exhausted all the time! What is the best thing to do? When the weather is sultry.. BE desultory! I rarely preach what I haven’t practised and this blog is no exception to the rule..

After a fairly hectic and tiring week of socializing.. running innumerable errands and a bit of travel thrown in.. last night I decided that THIS Sunday I would be desultory! People who know me well accuse me (with a fair amount of truth) of being “hyper and on the go all the time” and I accept that to be the truth.. and decided to take a break!

I texted my one and only “last minute plan making” friend last night and said I just wanted to be with myself today.. instructed my staff NOT to disturb or wake me up this morning and went to sleep around midnight.. An unwelcome thirst urge woke me up at 5:30 and I promptly retreated under the covers only to surface at a joyous 9:40 am.. which is an inexpressible joy for someone who surfaces between 5 and 6 am on a daily basis otherwise!

There was no pressing “to do” list today.. but after a healthy breakfast I showered.. washed my hair.. and decided to lounge around the house in a nightie all day! Man Friday had been casting reproachful looks at me all week conveying his wordless disapproval of the chaotic state of my handbag and sundries cupboard.. I decided to pay heed and ease his misery so asked him to empty half of it and place the contents on my bed.. and almost had a minor heart attack when I saw HOW MUCH STUFF needed to be sifted through.. sorted and put away! Calmed myself down and got started and it was all done in a little over an hour.. and the feeling of ACHIEVEMENT when I finished was reward enough!

After a simple lunch I ambled around the house tidying up a few things here and there and then promptly went to sleep! To wake up knowing that you don’t HAVE to do anything or meet anyone is such a lovely feeling.. and this is what sultry (rainy muggy and cool) Sundays are made for! The whole sense of not making a plan.. not having a plan.. and doing the things that you like is so enjoyable!

A number of us are compulsively hell bent upon packing our week with work.. socializing.. running errands.. and “catching up” with things and people.. but I strongly urge you to try the method of “When the weather is sultry.. be desultory” at least one Sunday in the month.. it is an amazingly relaxing restorative and rejuvenating experience!

Having done something somewhat constructive and meaningful (by writing this blog) I will now make my way to the refrigerator for a glass of refreshing and rehydrating chilled coconut water.. and await your responses and comments on the blog (with your names at the end please)!

Have a wonderfully plan-free Sunday evening and as always.. thank you for your patience in reading!

 

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY.. to the one inside each one of us!!

Mother's Day.. another year has rolled by and it's here once more!

It's a dream day for Hallmark.. American Greetings.. Satyam Collections and a number of marketing professionals.. florists.. beauty salons.. spas and chocolatiers.. Cash registers are ringing incessantly and tokens of displaying love are being sold! The most sacred relationship in the world is shamelessly commercialized and everyone's participating.. be it out of love guilt and a host of other reasons.. Good luck and God bless to both.. the givers and receivers.. but this year I have a slightly different take on the whole concept of Mother's Day..

Who is a mother? A mother is someone who gives us complete acceptance and unconditional love.. the deepest understanding.. the one who is never judgemental.. who forgives mistakes and misbehaviour time after time.. who gently explains the difference between right and wrong.. A mother is the person who feeds your body mind and soul with positive thoughts.. who nurtures you and picks you up every time you stumble and fall.. who protects you from danger and negativity to keep you safe at all levels.. 

A mother is the person who has full faith in you and your capabilities and always believes that you're the best.. and definitely better than all the rest! She is your champion.. fan.. and your best friend.. philosopher and guide.. She is the one who brought you into the world and your lives are inextricably linked with a super strong and enduring bond of love! She listens to all your problems and challenges patiently.. motivates you to do your best and gives you the best advice which is exactly what you need to hear.. She is the one who stays awake all night when you are sick and doesn't rest until you recover.. and is selfless to the core!

A mother is a disciplinarian.. a moral compass.. a shining light.. a sheet anchor in times of difficulty and a beacon of enduring love who makes our lives worthwhile.. She is the one who holds us together when we are falling apart and feels our pain as deeply as we do.. She is the one whose heart breaks when we have tears in our eyes.. and loves us more than is humanly possible to! She is our reason for being.. our wellspring of life.. and wears so many hats and does so much for us.. and we instinctively turn to her for guidance in every situation we and our families may face!

We depend on her for everything and she is the centre of our universe.. but time is relentless and marches on.. health problems develop.. mothers age and get tired.. the bodies slow down.. and sometimes the mind does as well.. She forgets things.. slowly is unable to support herself mentally and physically.. and ultimately.. the body gives up and she is no more.. Your world falls apart and you wonder how you will live without her.. you call her on speed dial.. only to realize that now you're on your own.. 

Devastated? Don't be.. you are your mother's child and she has passed on all her wisdom to you.. if you have chosen to receive it.. You have her strength resilience and spirit which is the wonderful legacy she has left you..  She has left because she knew you were ready to "awaken the mother inside you" and you were capable of living your life on your own.. with all the knowledge and skills you needed..

Your greatest tribute and deepest gratitude to your mother on Mother's Day is simply.. to BE everything to yourself that she was to you! Find it within yourself to cope with whatever life throws at you.. hold steady.. keep believing in yourself.. remain inspired by the memories and create your own legacy by being a nurturing loving "mother" to yourself and to the people you love in life.. friends.. and everyone who is hurting and going through their own "storm"! 

After all.. a mother's love is magical and we all need it!!

Happy Mother's Day to you!!

HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW YOUR FRIENDS.. and yourself?

People fascinate me.. they always have and they always will.. I love that all of us are so unique and so completely different from each other.. while still being similar in so many ways! It’s one of the great mysteries of life to me.. how we all manage to coexist reasonably peacefully with each other!

I am fortunate to have friends and be on friendly terms with people across all age groups.. people in their 20s 30s 40s 50s 60s 70s and a few in their 80s as well.. It is such fun interacting with this variety of people and having some really interesting conversations with them.. I invariably come back having learned something from them.. usually a small pearl of wisdom or else a major life lesson!

Getting to know younger people (in the 20s and 30s) is like a window into the future with a lot of fresh thinking.. creative ideas.. not always the most practical but very stimulating indeed! Their perspectives are always wider since the world is truly their oyster and “everything goes”.. at least in theory!

Those in their 40s and 50s are for the most part.. ambitious and hardworking.. have their goals – career.. social and financial very much in place and are working according to plan to achieve the same! They work hard and play harder.. love checking out new restaurants.. travelling to places off the beaten track.. and are very open to new experiences..

People in their 60s (like me) are the ones who aren’t exactly YOUNG anymore.. but having said that.. aren’t really OLD either! A number of us start feeling and talking about how “we just don’t have the energy we had last year anymore” like 60 is this big bad “monster” that has taken over our minds and bodies completely! The truth be told, it’s not completely true.. but it isn’t bullshit either!

Everyone slows down at a certain point in time.. and that’s a function of age! The way I look at it is.. okay.. so if the body is lowing down a little.. modify the lifestyle to accommodate it.. If you can’t gym anymore.. go and swim.. if you can’t swim anymore.. then start walking.. and if you can’t walk anymore.. stay home and do gentle stretching and breathing..

KNOW your body.. mind.. heart and soul.. Take out time for yourself and accept that things will keep changing internally and they may manifest externally as well.. Physical symptoms and problems can be treated by the doctor but what about the vague formless uncomfortable feelings of restlessness anxiety and lack of interest?

Are you spending enough time with yourself to know what is causing you emotional stress? Prayer can help but self-love.. introspection and awareness are the key.. Sometimes I’m on the go from morning to evening and think I’m getting so much accomplished and still end the day feeling depleted and “empty” even though everything on my “to do” list has been ticked off.. Not a good thing right?

We all magically acquire tremendous and universal wisdom when it comes to knowing how other people should lead their lives and are always ready to be “Mr. or Ms. Fix It” with all the answers.. but have we ever sat down and analyzed what WE like.. love.. hate.. and may want to change in our OWN lives? Something to ponder on because all the answers are within us.. if only we are ready to face them and acknowledge them (even against our will)..

Just sharing something personal.. am on a mission to eat healthy.. control my temper.. acquire some patience.. modify my lifestyle.. and basically “get my act together” and am pretty much committed to this.. Admirable right? Yes, but although I’m walking the “straight and narrow” there has been a feeling of “stagnation” for almost a couple of weeks now and it was really bothering me!

I just couldn’t pinpoint what was causing it and a friend told me this morning “I know exactly what it is.. you’re getting antsy because you haven’t travelled anywhere in over two months!” Restless soul that I am, I realized that she hit the bullseye and am now happy because I’m now thinking about where to go and what to see! No concrete plans yet.. but what fun to have something I love to look forward to!

Does this mean I don’t know myself? Of course not.. but sometimes you just can’t see the forest for the trees.. and that’s absolutely fine! Now that I know WHAT a big part of me travel IS.. will simply make sure I do enough of it to keep me buoyant.. upbeat and in “Little Miss Sunshine” mode!!

P.S. Please write your name at the end of your comment.. it’s just annoying that Blogspot doesn’t display it automatically!! Thank you so much for reading everyone!!

HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY!!

 International Women's Day is celebrated in many countries around the world. It is a day when women are publicly recognized, acknowleged and sometimes even rewarded for their achievements in multiple diverse spheres such as ethnic.. linguistic.. cultural.. economic or political to name a few..

This is a day dedicated to celebrating women and that’s the main reason why I absolutely love it! Growing up in India where it’s often considered a “sorrow or bad luck” to have a daughter.. I love that as an urban people at least.. we are finally acknowledging women and the value they bring to their homes families workplaces.. and to the world as a whole!

I was super blessed and lucky to be born to my parents because my father wanted a daughter with all his heart! He was obviously happy to have had a son earlier.. but when my mother was expecting me.. he was so excited.. decided on a name.. chose a beautiful piece of jewellery for me and barely managed to contain his excitement until I arrived!

Me being the typical “drama queen” baby.. there was high drama before my birth as well.. It was a toxaemia pregnancy for Mummy and even though I weighed just 4 pounds (yes I mean 4 lbs not kgs!) I had to come into the world by Caesarean section! So I was this “precious and very much wanted princess” for my Dad and that continued as long as he lived..

I remember my childhood as a time filled chock-a-block with caring sharing pampering travelling jokes laughter hugs kisses and cuddles with a proportionate amount of discipline and training thrown in for good measure! There were rules accompanied by rewards and punishments as the case demanded.. and expectations with consequences depending on whether they were fulfilled or not..

Not having children of my own but blessed to have a finger in the pies of over 700 children during their formative years I want to say here that there is SO MUCH effort that goes into raising a girl and training her to grow into a fine woman.. one that is worthy of respect admiration love and much more! It includes tireless motivation.. encouragement.. time.. heartache.. sacrifice.. frustration.. sometimes disappointment.. and a seemingly unending supply of patience understanding and unconditional love and acceptance!

Girls grow into young women.. they go through “growing pains”.. usually aren’t encouraged to voice or raise their woes.. are told very often to “suffer in silence” (like their mothers and grandmothers).. Once they are young women.. on the other hand.. they are told to learn to cook.. study hard and do well academically.. work and be successful.. make good money.. get on par with the men in their workspace.. run a great house.. be amazing wives.. raise terrific children.. and all this without a murmur about the “cost to self”!

Create that Powerpoint presentation.. teach the little one how to tie his shoelaces himself.. make the mithai for Diwali using the traditional family recipe.. be dressed well at all times.. talk sense with the husband’s boss and his wife while entertaining them over drinks and dinner.. make sure that the “diya” is lit and the family (at least the children) say their prayers daily.. AND become Superwoman (without the cape) when the househelp goes AWOL!

Woman are blessed with a tremendous capacity to multitask.. to organize.. to calm hysterical babies and senior citizens.. to miraculously find missing homework.. books and car keys that aren’t to be found anywhere.. to instinctively plan menus that appeal to everyone (no mean feat, this).. to balance the responsibilities at “maika” “sasural” workplace and everywhere else as well!

And HOW ON EARTH do they manage to do all this AND smile through the madness? It’s simple.. they (I mean WE) do it from a mindset and space of compassion love gentleness and a deep-seated desire for harmony and happiness around us! And just imagine.. all we want in return is a little respect and affection and acknowledgement of our untiring efforts!

Everyone reading this.. whether you’re male or female.. please stop for a moment.. think of all the incredible women in your life and all that they have done for you.. as mothers.. sisters.. “bhabhies”.. sisters-in-law.. teachers.. students.. friends.. neighbours.. bosses.. helpers.. and ACKNOWLEDGE them.. CELEBRATE them and TELL THEM how special they are.. and that your life is easier better nicer and happier because THEY are in it! THAT will be a true celebration of March 8^th being International Women’s Day!!

Happy Women’s Day to ALL the gorgeous amazing talented creative successful hardworking artistic brilliant and super-duper women out there!! Always remember that YOU rock ladies!!

THE JOY OF OLD FRIENDS.. incomparable and unmatched!

When I turned 60 last year and had a big party to celebrate.. what struck me was the number of friends who came to celebrate with me! Overwhelmed by the love.. hugs.. dancing.. singing.. excitement and sentiment of the occasion it hit me that one of the greatest blessings we receive in life is strong and unconditional friendships..

Wealth managers recommend investing in equities.. mutual funds.. SIPs.. AIFs and whatnot.. but according to me.. the best investment you can make is in strong friendships with good people!  What do I mean by good people? The kind of people who inspire you.. believe in you.. understand you.. commiserate with you over your sorrows and celebrate your joys more enthusiastically than you do!

Everyone who knows me for any length of time knows that my friends are the MOST important people in the world to me.. always have been.. and always will be! As a teenager my Mom used to tell me “What is this? Friends.. friends and friends all the time? Remember that when things get tough.. it will be only FAMILY that will stand by you and support you! Don’t be obsessed with your friends all the time!”

Mom.. wherever you are (and I know you’re watching as well as listening.. this is one matter in which I am super happy to prove you wrong in a resounding way! God has blessed me with the BEST friends in the world and they have “been there” for me through thick and thin.. sick and sin.. and just everything that’s happened in life.. for which I am and will always be eternally grateful!

It was a friend who rushed with me to hospital when Mom fell down and broke her hip.. when Mom had to have a feeding tube inserted in her stomach (I was at the eye specialist with Dad getting some “jhaankhi” removed).. It was a friend who made me register with an emergency ambulance service seeing that Mom and Dad were going to hospital every so often!

It was friends who rallied round when my marriage was on the rocks.. who took me into their hearts and home and cherished me for the 12 weeks it took for me annulment to come through.. and friends who gathered around when I got back to India and made sure I wasn’t alone depressed and brooding over what had happened..

Being single (and not wanting to mingle).. it has always been friends who made sure to invite me over on festivals so I get to share that precious feeling of “family time”.. and friends who have agreed to come with me on holidays so I don’t have to travel alone!

Since Covid I have made a few new and solid friends.. they are the people who pray for me.. protect me.. and who encouraged me to a greater awareness of the importance of spiritual growth.. and pretty much changed the trajectory and focus of my life.. What an incredible blessing they are!

Last week I flew down to Bangalore to celebrate a very old friend’s birthday.. he’s just 61 but the friendship has been for about 45 years! I coordinated with his wife (who’s a darling) and made a surprise visit.. literally just landed up at his door! THAT look of pure joy on his face made the two hour drive from the airport in horrendous traffic totally worthwhile! And the hug we shared kind of just made the years melt away bathing the day in a beautiful glow of happiness! Suhas and Medha.. this one’s especially for you both!

Old friends are the people who you can ask the dumbest questions without the fear of being judged.. the ones you can talk to about something anything nothing and walk away feeling like it was the best conversations you ever had.. the ones who are genuinely concerned about you and call to check how you’re doing every once in a while.. the ones you crack the silliest jokes with and laugh with like a mad person..

Old friends are the people you knew in school.. building friends.. college friends.. neighbours.. and perhaps workmates too.. they are the people to miss.. love.. cherish and keep in touch with.. By all means go out and make new friends too.. it takes every colour of crayon to “complete the box” and all your friends enrich and enhance your life in some way or the other!

In the immortal words of someone unknown but extremely wise “Friends are the family you choose for yourself”.. and good friends are the ones who you NEVER take for granted so go ahead and send that message.. call.. meet up.. and always remember to tell them that you love them.. Life is short and unpredictable so don’t wait for tomorrow!

They are the people who love you unconditionally and in a world where most things come with an “*conditions apply”.. HOW special and precious is that?

Blogspot is weird so please type your name at the end of your comment (if you write one)! As always.. thank you for reading!

 

WHAT VALENTINE'S DAY MEANS TO ME NOW..

We have been bombarded for the last couple of weeks with invitations and ideas on how to celebrate Valentine’s Day.. by the newspapers.. social media.. advertisements in magazines.. on Instagram etc.. We are being offered vacation packages.. staycation packages.. delicious chocolates.. expensive wines.. exotic flower arrangements.. singing messages.. discounted luxury watches.. lavish brunches and dinners and whatnot!

Feeling somewhat overwhelmed? And not to forget the peer pressure of who’s giving what this year.. finding an innovative gift.. finding yet another creative way to say “I love you”.. booking a table at THE happening new restaurant in town.. AND doing all this in utmost secrecy so as not to dilute the surprise at all.. Stressful right? So.. just don’t do it..

At the ripe old age of 60 I like to believe that I have managed to acquire a little wisdom and my perspectives have changed as well.. In my 20s and 30s I still wanted the red hearts and teddy bears and declarations of undying love (!!) on Valentine’s Day thinking that that was all I needed to feel “complete” and get through life! I gathered the bouquets.. ate the chocolates.. hugged the teddy bears and celebrated being loved by someone special!

Time went by.. I grew up.. relationships fell apart.. friends came and went.. some stayed.. my life goals changed.. and I changed.. I grew.. I learned and most important of all.. I finally understood..

Until you believe you are worthy of it and love yourself.. no one else can love you.. and you do not have the capacity to love anyone else either! What matters most to me now is.. What is your definition of love? Allow me to share what love means to me today..

Love.. to me.. is my doctor buddy calling up just to check on how I’m feeling.. it’s my neighbour texting to say egg curry’s on the menu for dinner and do I want some.. it’s my spiritual guide praying for me and keeping me in protection.. it’s a close friend asking if I slept well last night.. it’s my helper making my favourite food to tempt my appetite when I’m sick.. it’s my building watchman running to take a heavy parcel I’m struggling with.. it’s my bhajiwallah calling to say he's got exceptional green peas and is sending 2 kgs across.. it's my part-timer volunteering to give me a back or foot massage in the middle of her packed schedule..

Love is care.. concern.. thoughtfulness.. a generosity of spirit.. abundance in both giving and receiving.. Love is kindness.. compassion.. a strong shoulder to lean on.. an ear that listens patiently.. It is calling to ask if someone reached home safely.. running an errand for someone who’s unwell..

To me.. love is unconditional acceptance of those whom we truly love.. it is being non-judgemental.. it is “being there” to support help and uplift those around us.. it is being sensitive to the feelings of others.. being respectful and thoughtful.. It is what awakens from time spent in reflection.. introspection and the succeeding personal growth.. and love is something that grows and spreads from the wellspring of your soul..

By all means.. go out and celebrate.. do the whole red hearts.. chocolates.. gifts.. candlelight dinner.. declaration of eternal love.. and amid all the joy and celebration.. reflect and redefine all that love really means to you.. and then resolve to LIVE by it!

Love is something that we should aspire to make our “default setting” today on Valentine’s Day.. and all through the year! Wishing you a very Happy Valentine’s Day and may your life be filled with an abundance of the most pure and precious kind of love.. today.. tomorrow and always!

P.S. Please write your names in the comments.. Blogspot isn’t the most user-friendly website in this matter!