ON OUTGROWING PEOPLE.. it actually happens!

Have you ever come away from meeting with or finished a conversation with someone you always thought was a very close friend (or family member) feeling like “What’s going on? It felt like there was just no “connect” in the conversation.. or.. Why doesn’t he/she understand what I’m trying to say.. or.. It feels like I’m talking to someone I don’t know anymore..” This happens to all of us at various points in time and we need to introspect as to WHY this is so.. It has been happening to me of late and I finally came to an answer which actually SHOOK me..

One of life’s challenging realizations is that sometimes you outgrow your friends.. difficult to accept? Definitely.. but unless you accept it.. your own growth will not progress.. and you will not be able to alter and change certain patterns of thinking and behaviour that you need to.. if you want to get onto your spiritual path.. As I have mentioned earlier, getting onto one’s spiritual path and staying on it is essential if you want to grow as a person and get a realistic perspective on life.. and on yourself..

As we go through life we have a variety of experiences and meet and interact with different kinds of people.. some happy.. some not so happy.. some exciting and others boring.. some comfortable and others awkward.. How we feel about the experience and how we react/respond to the people is determines by our state of mind and heart at the time.. and our instinct as well.. As an example, let’s say we have school friends with whom we have played mischievous pranks.. mimicked our teachers and giggled at silly jokes which was great fun when we were young.. but seems downright stupid disrespectful and a waste of time 30 or 40 years later..

This happens because as we grow older and wiser in years.. we subconsciously and actively seek out like-minded people who have similar hobbies passions interests and value systems.. Those of us who are wise beyond our years realize and recognize the need to change and evolve in order to raise our levels of awareness and growth.. Some of us are lucky and blessed to find a mentor or teacher or “guru” who conveys this directly or indirectly.. and a few unfortunates don’t realize and go through the major part of their lives comfortably tucked into their deep comfortable ruts and have no interest whatsoever in changing or evolving.. and that is SAD..

Speaking for myself, I was a typical giddy-headed Papa’s princess.. always higher than most on emotions and reasonably so on IQ but not necessarily on EQ.. Impulsive outspoken emotional and possessive about my friends, life gave me some hard knocks before I realized that it was wiser to be spontaneous tactful and not be TOO attached to the people I cared about! Buckets of tears were cried.. cartons full of tissues were used.. sleepless nights were suffered.. too many Tylenols were swallowed before I started paying attention to people who seemed to “have it all together”.. and HOW they were so different from me!

Deep and meaningful conversations with friends like Porus and Parul who are clear thinkers were enlightening.. and there was an overwhelming wealth of wisdom in the right books that were suggested to me to read.. Knowing that I get clarity when I write things down, I actually sat down and analyzed the friends and people in my life in terms of what they bring to the friendship.. how they make me feel.. what they teach me.. how I feel when I meet them etc.. It was very difficult to acknowledge to myself that there are some friends and/or family members that I have outgrown.. but it HAD to be done!

It has been an exceedingly empowering exercise and has helped me to understand things like this:

I have outgrown people who are envious of me.. I have outgrown the consistently negative people.. the ones who complain all the time.. the ones who take me for granted.. and believe me, they exist! The list is long so am sharing a quote by Chanda Kaushik that says it better than I would ever be able to..

“I have outgrown many things. I have outgrown relatives who gladly offer criticism but not support. I have outgrown my need to meet my family's unrealistic expectations of me. I have outgrown girls who wear masks and secretly rejoice at my misfortunes. I have outgrown shrinking myself for boys who are intimidated by my intelligence and outspoken nature. I have outgrown friends who cannot celebrate my accomplishments. I have outgrown people who conveniently disappear whenever life gets a little dark. I have outgrown those who take pleasure in gossiping and spreading negativity. I have outgrown dull, meaningless conversations that feel forced. I have outgrown those who don't take a stand against ignorance and injustice. I have outgrown trying to please everyone. I have outgrown society constantly telling me I'm not beautiful, smart, or worthy enough. I have outgrown trying to fix every little flaw. I have outgrown my tendency to fill my mind with self-doubt and insecurity. I have outgrown trying to find reasons not to love myself. I have outgrown anything and anyone that does not enrich the essence of my soul. I have outgrown many things, and I've never felt freer.”

Will sign off here with a heartfelt request.. sit down.. think.. analyse.. acknowledge.. and accept.. Some people were a part of your story.. some people are a part of it.. and a few will always be a part of it.. because you choose it to be that way! Don’t feel guilty.. it’s natural and just the way life is meant to be.. We all have only one life to live.. so raise the bar and live a quality life with the people that enrich your soul!