"When we give cheerfully and accept gracefully, everyone is blessed" are words of infinite wisdom by Maya Angelou..
Giving (as a verb) is defined as the act of
presenting voluntarily and without expecting compensation..
Giving as an adjective is defined as being
affectionate and generous with one's feelings affection and/or
possessions..
We live in a time of giving and particularly so
in India where traditions rule and often dictate lifestyles and customs to be
followed unquestioningly. One dimension of giving is the concept of
"daan" in Hinduism which is an important part of our religious duty.
However, that's not exactly the aspect I'm writing about today..
We live in a consumer world of plenty and are
surrounded by objects of desire need and fantasy.. actually we are overwhelmed
by the plethora of things that are available! Advertising branding and
marketing professionals make oodles of money by assaulting our sight smell
taste touch and hearing with all kinds of stimuli that are virtually impossible
to resist! We look.. we see.. and we buy! Often we bring it home and try it
on.. walk around in it.. or put it into cupboards and cabinets that are already
overflowing with an excess of things already..
An incident of perhaps 25 years ago comes to
mind.. someone I knew bought a couple of outfits from the designer Ritu Kumar.
She brought them home.. cut off the tags.. and threw them in the dustbin and
that was the end of that (or so she thought)! The next day her helper came to
her with one of the tags and said "You have bought this one outfit for
3000 rupees? I slog for you all month and you pay me 3000 rupees.. Wow!"
This was a reminder to me to always be watchful and careful.. simply because
the divide between the haves and have nots in India is tremendous.. and we
wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings deliberately!
Most of my friends know that I have this thing
about always keeping crisp banknotes in my wallet and handbag.. and that there
will typically always be bundles of 500s 200s 100s 50s 20s and 10s in my
handbag at any given time (thanks to the kindness of my bank manager)! Whenever
I used to have to pay for anything, the bundle would come out and I would just
do the needful! My oldest friend Varsha told me one day "Listen, don't
take out the whole bundle and pay.. people are watching and it isn't the safest
thing either! You are not be doing it intending to show off but why do it at
all? Just keep notes of all denominations in your wallet and spend from there!
Words of wisdom indeed.. and the other brilliant advice she gave me was
"When you're doing anything with money - counting.. putting away.. taking
out.. PLEASE lock your bedroom door!" Thank you again Varsha..
We are constantly thinking and feeling "I
have too many clothes.. too many shoes.. too much make up.. just TOO much
stuff.. and it's driving me crazy!" And still when we go out.. we come
back with more.. if this doesn't make us gluttons for punishment.. what else
does? At some point we DO feel that we want.to give things away and keep less.. and then we
start thinking "It's still in good condition so maybe I will wear it..
it's too good to give away.. it was such an expensive buy.. How can I give it
away so soon etcetera.."
There was one day a few years ago when I was
trying to decide on a birthday gift for a friend who has almost everything! It
was tormenting to say the least.. the questions that ran through my mind.. Will
she like it? Use it? Does she have it already? Does she need it? The questions
and second guessing of self continued.. and drove me crazy!
And then the whole drama of gifting.. Some
people give thoughtful gifts.. some give impractical gifts.. some people give
gifts that make you wonder.. and some people recycle the most idiotic gifts.. If
you get something you like that's all fine and dandy.. BUT.. If you don't..
Will you tell the person who gave it to you honestly? Will you lie and say you
love it if you don't? Will you say you have it already or don't need it? You
don't want to hurt the giver's feelings but don't want to be lumped with
something you don't particularly care for!
And THAT was my Eureka moment! I decided to STOP all gifting because it was something that was make the recipient and me happy.. but was ending up generating stress (for me for sure)! The pressure of feeling that I HAD to give.. the making of lists.. the budgeting.. the hunting.. the packing.. the dropping off or delivering.. and all this for people who are abundantly blessed already with enough and more! WHY?? I stopped gifting on birthdays.. at Rakshabandhan.. and Diwali.. and it has been one of my best decisions ever! Now if at all I want to gift.. I gift the gift of time.. or a nice meal.. or an experience for very special occasions.. and that’s about it! As we all are, I have a couple of very close friends who REFUSE to accept my decision and as the are truly precious, I don’t argue but they are the exceptions that make the rule!
The credit for this blog goes to my friend Rupal who called me and said “Pallu, I have an idea for your blog but won’t be able to express it the way you will.. but this is the thought.. Let’s stop with the hostess gifts when we go to each other’s homes and instead put some money in an envelope.. collect it until it becomes a significant amount and then either give it to our staff or someone else who really needs it! God bless and thank you Rupal..
Needless to say I LOVED the idea so this is a request to all of you reading to adopt this idea and create a “GRATITUDE GIFTING” envelope and ask your friends and family to do the same! From now on when you’re going to a friend or relative’s house, just hand over a token amount of 100 200 or 500 rupees in your “GG” envelope (as I like to call it) instead of the mithai chocolate sweets flowers or farsan (which are the most frequently given hostess gifts) and be happy knowing that your small gesture of giving will, over a period of time, change improve or transform the life of someone who really needs it! As a bonus, you’re also NOT putting on weight from the empty calories that most of the above give you! The “GG” envelope is a much better option right?
So what are you waiting for? Let me know what you think of the idea and go make your “GG” envelope today!
*Deepest apologies for the fiasco with posting the blog this morning! Good to know that technology can make mistakes sometimes as well!
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