26/11.. and why I survived it!!

 I woke up this morning all bright and chirpy and then looked at the calendar.. saw that it is 26/11.. said to myself "Hmmm.. so today's the day to be thankful and celebrate.." 

26/11 has been a remarkable day in my life.. it was the first time I saw imminent death at the closest quarters.. As most of you know.. I was sitting at Cafe Leopold with two close friends when the terrorists opened fire.. and we literally froze.. understood what was happening.. and ran for our lives.. all in the space of less than a minute! We were both lucky and blessed to find shelter and were holed up all night in a little room 8'x10' just opposite Bade Miyan the kababwalla.. actually SAW a terrorist running through the lane towards the Taj firing his AK-47 enthusiastically as he went..

Needless to state.. we all survived and got home safe and sound the next morning.. safe for sure.. but SOUND? Not really.. I was glued to the tv for the next two days.. went through tremendous survivor guilt.. was traumatized by what I had seen and heard.. but I survived.. unlike so many others.. It was then that I saw to WHAT extreme the human spirit can be driven.. that so much aggression violence and hatred could be unleashed so very mercilessly on so many..

Many years have elapsed since that dark night and I have asked myself time and again why I was one of those who survived? I wouldn't have left behind a heartbroken spouse.. significant other.. or children.. whether dependent or independent! 

Introspection about this has convinced me that I survived because there were still lessons I had to learn.. things I needed to do.. elderly parents I was responsible for.. friends I hadn't met yet.. people that needed my help.. and a lot of sharing I still had to do.. whether it was social intellectual emotional or financial..

Realization dawned and I started taking life one day at a time.. stopped taking my blessings for granted.. practising gratitude actively.. I nursed both my parents through several major illnesses both physical and mental.. There were days that were frustrating and exhausting but my inner core resilience came to the fore and life went on.. as it always does..

When I lost Daddy in 2017 it was as if my world had come to an end with no light at the end of the tunnel.. but that was when I got a tremendous amount of support from very close friends who "carried me through" and allowed me to grieve.. and gather myself once more!

The pandemic was a blessing for me because that gave me quality time with myself and with a very dear friend who shared some truly inspiring conversations thoughts and discussions with me.. I began looking within and questioning my own thoughts and actions.. it gave me a lot of clarity and put me firmly on the spiritual path and convinced me to try and be the best version of myself that I could..

My Dad had some incredible qualities like being disciplined.. organized.. particular.. generous

and practical.. which I always admired! He was a very special person and my main aim in life is to be someone that he would respect and admire too! 

I KNOW that I survived 26/11 because I have determination.. faith.. integrity.. generosity.. and a deep desire to reach out to and help people.. inspire them.. and try to make this world a better kinder and nicer place for everyone!

God bless and much love to everyone reading this! Stay happy.. stay well.. stay safe.. and be kind..

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Happy Children's Day!!

 Happy Children’s Day.. today and always!!

Children are our greatest teachers.. they inculcate in us the wonderful qualities of patience determination kindness trust resilience and curiosity.. Most importantly they demonstrate simply just by being.. the pure joy that comes from giving and receiving unconditional love!

When I decided to do my Post-Graduate Diploma in Early Childhood Education, a number of people said to me “Oh, so you’re a nursery school teacher? You must really love children!” That really set me thinking as to WHY I opted for this particular profession.. and I realized that I love children pretty much as much as the next person.. BUT.. what fascinates me is how each one is so different and the process by which they learn!

Some children are visual learners while others are auditory and yet others are tactile or sensory.. some are calm while others are boisterous.. some are independent while others are a little less so.. When I look back after spending 25 years in the classroom.. I realize that children taught me what life is all about.. and how it needs to be lived..

They taught me to accept that everyone is different and unique and needs to be accepted just the way they are.. that every day we live should be filled with “Ohmigod” moments of amazement wonder and excitement.. that a nice warm hug from someone you love is the most immediate and effective first aid for any hurt..

I learned that all of us are creative in some way.. that smiling and laughing often make you happy and healthy in the head and heart.. that it’s magical to be happy for no reason.. and to ASK properly when you really need something!

Children make us happy elated frustrated exhausted impatient and drive us mad at times.. but on the flip side they awaken pure joy acceptance kindness compassion patience and unconditional love as well..

They teach us that we all need boundaries.. because they give us a sense of security.. that consistency in thought word and deed is essential to build character.. and that manners and morals can never be taught but must be “caught”.. because children learn what they live with!

As we go through life it’s important to remember that “growing old is mandatory but growing up is optional” so remain childlike.. Make a conscious effort to seek the magic.. to stay lighthearted.. celebrate everything.. SHARE.. and most of all.. be kind to others and ourselves!

Today being November 14^th, we celebrate Children’s Day which is super special.. we appreciate children for the happiness they bring to our lives and for making our world a happier more positive place.. and in the immortal words of Henry Ward Beecher “Children are the hands by which we take hold of heaven”..

Happy Children’s Day to the child that’s still alive in you!

 

MAGICAL EVERYDAY MOMENTS.. cherish them all..

When we speak of magic we should speak of those moments that were the purest.. when the stars were bright and the laughter was loud.. Those are the most magical moments in life.. right up there next to when babies smile their first toothy grin that made your heart almost melt.. or when you break open your piggy bank and have much more in there than you thought you did.. or when you get a surprise visit from an old friend you had lost touch with for ages.. or when you get a proper hug that takes your stress away.. or when you have a deeply satisfying conversation with YOURSELF..

The word "magic" conjures up whimsical and fantastic.. often larger-than-life and unbelievably fabulous images.. the word "Abracadabra" reverberates in the atmosphere of our imagination.. and we think of shooting stars rainbows miraculous feats and magicians in the obligatory black top hats chanting seemingly non-stop streams of exotic sounding gibberish! We imagine magic to be something from another realm and beyond the comprehension of our suddenly seemingly limited cognitive abilities.. and yet.. it is not so.. really and truly..

Having taught little children in pre-school for twenty-five years, I have been truly fortunate and blessed to witness magic first-hand on several occasions! You will ask me - where? how? what happened? Perhaps working with little children has given me a slightly different perspective.. but when (seemingly) strange signs squiggles and symbols start coming alive and making sense to a child.. and he or she learns to read.. THAT is genuinely magic for me! I have gotten goosebumps every time it has happened.. there’s just something so special about it!

Magic comes from inside you.. it’s a part of you and only YOU can awaken it and make miracles happen! You make it happen when you do the simplest things.. like brewing the perfect cup of coffee.. telling a story that has the listener hanging onto your every word.. sponsor the education of a deserving child.. cook a special meal for someone you love.. when you lie down on a beautifully made bed.. when you find a simple solution to a long-standing problem.. It happens when your intentions are perfectly “in sync” with the Universe and things just fall into place exactly as you had wanted them to!

As Richard M. Eyre says “The very best gift is that anyone can experience those unexpected twinkles of joy that make a magical moment. At these moments you feel true, deep joy because of a great new insight, a beautiful prospect, or a glimpse into the radiance of another soul. They are the magic moments when life seems better than you ever realized.”

Wishing you a day filled with truly magical moments.. and the ability to create magical moments for the people you love.. After all.. what’s life without a little magic?!

 

KINDNESS.. is an essential component of a happy life!!

 Joseph B. Wirthlin says, “Kindness is a passport that opens doors and fashions friends.. it softens hearts and moulds relationships that can last lifetimes.” Stop for a moment to think of it and it is so true.. it costs nothing and yet the returns are higher than even Adani or Reliance on the Bombay Stock Exchange!

The dictionary defines it thusly.. “Kindness is a type of behaviour marked by acts of generosity, consideration or concern for others, without expecting praise or reward. It is being selfless, caring and compassionate.” Being kind is actually something that should be our “default” always!

Kindness means more than being caring friendly and generous.. it can mean whatever you want it to mean.. It could mean going out of your way to give someone a lift even though you’re driving in a different direction.. cooking something special for a neighbour when they’re unwell.. sending flowers for no apparent reason at all to someone you love..

These days social media is constantly sending us messages related to building EQ more than IQ.. being politically correct.. and two such campaigns that truly resonated with me have been “pay it forward” and “practice random acts of kindness”! It’s such a lovely feeling to do unexpected things for people you know.. but even more fun to do them for the people you don’t! For instance, you could just pay a balloon seller for 5 balloons and ask them to give them free to the next 5 children who come to him.. and watch their faces light up when they get the balloons for free! Even if you don’t wait to watch this, you will have a smile that lights up your whole face.. and that’s a promise!

Random acts of kindness can be the simplest things like washing the breakfast dishes when your helper is in the bath.. or accompanying someone who lives alone to the doctor.. gifting a unique experience to someone for the first time – going parasailing.. doing a yoga or meditation class.. helping a friend arrange a messy cupboard etc.. As long as the recipient of your kindness is happy and touched.. that’s all that matters!

One morning I was travelling by BEST bus to go to the Sai Baba temple and there was just another gentleman on the bus. It was early in the morning and when the conductor came to sell him a ticket, he offered a 100 rupee note! The conductor was very annoyed and grumbled away saying “How can you expect change for 100 rupees early in the morning? Give me change!” the poor man didn’t HAVE change so I bought his ticket and that was the end of it.. or so I thought! He was profusely grateful and gracious and I got off at my stop and put the incident out of my mind! It was perhaps six months or a year later when I went to a xerox shop behind my house that the owner gave me my copies and refused to take the money.. it was the gentleman whose ticket I had paid for on the bus! I didn’t recognize him initially but he remembered and recognized me immediately! He introduced me to his sons and I always get instant service and a discounted rate (without asking for it).. and we are good friends to this day! Kindness has it’s own reward.. I have met some incredible people like this..

Kindness means doing nice things without expecting nice things in return.. and it’s not only about being nice when it’s easy.. it’s also about being kind even when it’s difficult. It can also mean putting your sorrow or grief aside to comfort another when their world is “falling apart” for some reason or the other.. that is TRUE kindness!

Kindness is a movement.

Has someone ever done something kind for you and all you wanted to do afterwards was pay it forward by doing something kind for someone else? That’s because kindness is a chain reaction. It’s a wave that keeps rolling, and all it takes is one person to start it. One small kind act can cause a ripple effect that impacts an entire community. If we are all focused on being kind, we are creating a movement of change.

We are all human and we make mistakes.. that’s why pencils have erasers right? We need to remember to be kind to ourselves and to others when these mistakes happen..

A few simple tips on how to be kind are thinking before speaking.. remembering that none of us are perfect.. be intentionally kind.. volunteer at an NGO.. pay compliments generously.. appreciate what people do for you.. Last but not the least.. practise.. practise.. practise! Positive reinforcement helps people want to do more good deeds and reminds them to do whatever they do with good intentions!

It's one thing to be taught kindness.. it’s another to be touched by it.. Wishing your life to be filled with opportunities for giving and receiving kindness every single day! And as always, thank you so much for reading!

 

 

MOBILE PHONES & FRIENDSHIP.. a boon or a bane?

"Where's my mobile? What's your mobile number? Just text me.. Give me a missed call.. What's the wi-fi password? Ohmigod.. network is really bad etc.." This is what we hear day in and day out right? The mobile has (for many) become almost an extension of our arm.. and a part of our body in it's own right! Is this a boon or a bane? Am just sharing my thoughts.. do please feel free to decide for yourself!

Thinking back to a time before mobile phones became really popular.. friendships were solid and strong.. We used to return from school.. freshen up.. have a quick snack.. complete our homework.. and go down to play! If we were late, friends would come and ring the doorbell saying "Hurry up.. we are playing a new game today.. all of us are waiting for you.. it's no fun without you"! We were "face to face" and "real" friends and what you saw was EXACTLY what you got! If you missed a friend, you just went over and spent time with him/her.. If someone was sick you made a real handmade card and wrote a message with the handwriting sloping up or down.. and went to meet him/her in person! 

Now that we're all grown up we have become formal.. we text a friend and ask when it's a good time to meet.. if it's convenient.. if we're not interrupting something really important.. It makes me wonder if I'm doing something of earth-shattering importance that I shouldn't be disturbed by an unexpected call or visit from a good friend.. What if that friend is going through distress.. or has fantastic news to share.. or needs some help and it's too important exciting or urgent to have to be filtered to my availability of time? Tragic..

Frequently when I am in a restaurant with friends or family.. it strikes me as to how many people are busy on their phones.. is THAT what we schedule time with our friends for? Am article I read recently said that a group of four friends in Sweden went out for dinner.. they wanted to spend quality time with each other and share a meaningful conversation so they all put their mobiles face down on the table before starting dinner.. The rule was that whoever answered their phone first would pay the bill! What a brilliant idea.. I have been guilty of looking at my phone while with friends too.. and realize how disrespectful it is.. From now on, only calls from home will be answered (in case of a possible emergency) but nothing else.. the least I can do for my friend when we are together is to be completely present WITH and TO them!

The mobile is terrific when we have  friends across the oceans.. especially since the art of writing letters is now practically obsolete.. with writing emails following a close second! It is such a joy that at the tap of a finger we can send money and messages.. play games and solve puzzles.. convey congratulations and condolences.. shop and send.. BUT let's not forget the devil called Alzheimer's that is become rampant! Cases in India are on the rise because we are imprisoned in our mobile phones and our levels of human interaction are diminishing rapidly! 

Social interaction tonight is essential and imperative for good mental and emotional health.. so do make it a point to actually make the effort to GO to the bank.. vegetable market.. grocery store.. place of worship.. and do things in the REAL world instead of the world of VIRTUAL reality! My mother passed away after a long battle with FTD (Frontal & Temporal Dementia).. and my neurologist told me brother and me that if the average population is at risk of getting it since it is gene driven (but not genetic).. we are at a.much higher risk of 2.6 to 2.7x! And THAT my dear readers and friends is why I urge you to be as "hands on" as possible and do the things you need to do.. instead of being a slave to your phone!

Friends are an essential component of my life and will always be on priority! My mobile is a convenience and a means to an end but certainly not an end in itself.. I am no longer going to run the minute it rings.. will answer it when I can do so comfortably.. Now that I have lost both my parents I take the liberty of switching off my mobile during my afternoon siesta.. nobody else is so important that I should sacrifice my sleep for them..

If you need me.. I am a phone call away.. but it would be wonderful if you could just come over and spend time talking to me.. so use your phone as a tool or means of communicating a message.. but let's make the effort it takes to meet face to face and sustain the beautiful friendship that we share.. When we are with each other.. there's never the tension that the "battery" of friendship will ever run low!!

THE POWER OF QUIET.. is quite remarkable!

 "Quiet is peace. Tranquillity. Quiet is turning down the volume knob on life. Silence is pushing the off button. Shutting it down. All of it.”

The words of Khaled Hosseini are running through my mind and reverberating repeatedly.. and I find my mental space to be chaotic and calm at the same time.. Sounds strange right? It IS.. strange.. and very strange at that..

I am at present on holiday in Manali.. actually at a resort about 22 kms from Manali proper.. It is a beautiful place.. clean green and serene.. There is greenery and mountains surrounding me and all that I hear is the chirping of the birds.. Coming from Mumbai where I live smack bang across the incredibly busy railway tracks, the absolute silence and quietude was slightly unnerving for me for the first couple of hours.. Slowly I got accustomed to it.. liking it.. loving it and now the thought of going back to dhamaal and noise almost frightens me!  

Quiet IS peace and tranquillity.. to some people and something very different to others.. Quiet is an end in itself and a refuge and haven to harrowed and stressed out city dealers like myself.. it is a standard and normal way of life to mountain dwellers.. but can be a difficult thing to handle for people who are used to constant phone calls.. face to face interactions.. and too much of chatter.and action all the time.. 

Quiet can be a dangerous and intimidating thing to people going through depression.. they want to reach out and perhaps share their thoughts and feelings.. communicate them to others.. but are trapped by their inability to find the words to express themselves.. or by the lack of confidence and thought that maybe nobody cares enough to listen.. and THAT sort of quiet can be deafening in itself..

Quiet can be a comfortable place and feeling to be.. as long as you're at peace with yourself! If you're surrounded by silence and constantly wondering what your friends, family, children, colleagues and neighbours are doing.. or lamenting the fact that you're "missing out" then the quiet is something you have to befriend.. 

Is that difficult to do? It used to be for me.. I was a hyper person who constantly needed to be DOING something! My calendar for the day HAD to include an outing somewhere.. meeting friends.. running errands.. going to gym or to swim.. I never WANTED to be quiet.. BY myself.. or WITH myself! When the realization struck me that it's essential to be my own best friend.. and that could only happen when I started analyzing my flaws.. working on myself to change them.. growing to like myself.. and then love myself..

Personal growth is a natural byproduct of being quiet.. because it is only when we are ready to face our "demons" of ego greed temper etc.. that we are willing to ask ourselves the hard questions that we need to! The quiet gives us the confidence to ask ourselves the questions.. the courage to answer them honestly.. and the strength to work on becoming better versions of ourselves! 

The quiet gives us the peaceful space we need to connect with our soul.. and understand how to proceed and progress on our soul journey.. those things can never happen in the madness of "real life" with all our responsibilities on the personal professional financial emotional and social fronts!

In the last five days it is imperative to share what being quiet in the quiet has done for me.. it has made my prayers purer.. my faith stronger.. my thinking clearer and my sense of self much more complete.. I would strongly recommend that everyone who can MUST take out some time to be WITH the quiet and IN the quiet.. be it in your own home.. in the mountains.. near the sea.. but do tey and make it happen.. The rewards of doing absolutely nothing and simply "just being" are precious and unimaginably generous! 

Wishing you quiet today and always.. in your mind.. heart.. body.. and above all.. in your soul.. 

Be quiet and be blessed..

GROWING UP WITH DADDY.. the years of masti & magic!

 Happy birthday Daddy!

As Alison Lohman expresses it so beautifully, “There will always be a few people who have the courage to love what is untamed inside us. One of those men was my father.”

Mr. Dalal in the corporate world.. Sir to so many.. Narendrabhai to friends.. Nanakaka to family.. but simply.. Daddy to me.. You would have been 94 today.. and honestly.. seeing your health towards the end, today I am grateful to God for taking you into His fold gently when he did!

Always a high achiever and academically very bright, he ensured that attention to learning was a top priority and created opportunities wherever they were to be found! I have vivid childhood memories of being taken to little wayside cafes and modest Udipi restaurants.. being presented with the menu and a sheet of paper and pencil and being told to READ the menu properly, CORRECT all the mistakes and sit down quietly once I finished until he had time to check it!

Being a parent was something he took very seriously and although I was his princess, no laxity in discipline was ever tolerated.. witness that EVERY Saturday morning there was room.. cupboard and writing table inspection.. If everything wasn’t spotless and immaculate.. no scolding.. just a gentle admonishment.. and.. NO pocket money for the week!

Daddy loved driving and travelling by road so very often, my brother and I would wake up tousle headed and rubbing our eyes to find ourselves in the car and off to a new adventure somewhere! It was usually Poona.. Lonavala.. Khandala.. Mahabaleshwar.. we’d go early morning and return at night or sometimes after a few days! He would sing popular Gujarati English and Bengali songs and Mummy, Sunil and I would enthusiastically join in for the chorus! Later on, travelling was a huge learning opportunity and he taught me how to check a hotel room and bathroom for hygiene and neatness.. AND how to negotiate for a good price!

He believed that children should grow up and be able to adapt adjust and manage with anything, everything and nothing! Thanks to this intensely practical (??) principle, I was taken to and made to stay in the entire gamut of accommodation available to the public in those times! It ranged from dharamshalas with smelly mattresses to nicely maintained circuit houses.. from basic wooden huts to fancy hotels with ensuite bathrooms.. No complaints were listened to or entertained.. we just had to "put up.. shut up.. and learn to deal with it!!" And we DID..

He was a flamboyant foodie so I grew up eating Jain food.. Surti food.. American cheeseburgers.. tuna fish sandwiches.. all kinds of chaat.. chilled Gazpacho soup.. hot French Onion soup.. American Chop Suey.. with detailed explanations to me on HOW they were to be made in order to be perfect! In hindsight (which is invariably  20/20) I genuinely feel “my poor mother”! Another strict rule was that either he or Mummy would serve us and we couldn’t leave the table unless we had finished everything on our plates!

He was a hardworking man who nonetheless was very clued in and part of my life.. he used to leave the office at 5:30 sharp every evening (come what may) and once when his boss said, “Mr. Dalal you’re going home already? It’s only 5:30 pm and there’s a lot of work to do.” To which he replied, “Work is a 4 letter word and on their deathbeds, no one ever wishes they had spent more time in the office! I come in at 9:30 everyday and I leave at 5:30 because now it’s my time with my wife and children!” Hats off to the man!

He taught me to work hard.. play harder.. spend wisely.. save even more wisely.. to value good people.. treat people with respect.. to try and lead by example.. and try to be a GOOD human being.. I could go on and on, but will just say it is a privilege and a joy to be born as his daughter.. and will always try and live up to the legacy of justice kindness impartiality and sincerity that is his legacy to me!

I love you Daddy.. so very much!

My Daddy bestest!!

SERENDIPITY.. is a wonderful thing!

The dictionary defines serendipity as “finding something good without looking for it”.. but I love Lawrence Block’s quote “Look for something, find something else, and realize that what you’ve found is more suited to your needs than what you thought you were looking for”.. and it comes with a caveat “One aspect of serendipity to bear in mind is that you have to be looking for something in order to find something else”..

We have all at some time in your lives (and probably many times) experienced something that made us feel “Wow! That was just so lucky.. How did that work out so well? Can’t believe that solution just popped up out of nowhere.. I was actually planning to meet up with him/her and they called/bumped into me today etc..” We can call these coincidences.. happy surprises.. “kamaal ho gaya” or whatever we want.. but at the end of the day.. THIS is serendipity in action and completely for real!

The Universe is constantly sending us little messages.. showing us and only us.. certain special treats.. a butterfly sucking nectar.. a shooting star.. a moment when all the street lights come on simultaneously.. the sun sinking into the sea.. a call email or text message from a long-lost and perhaps even almost forgotten friend.. unstinting support in times of crisis from people you never really acknowledged or valued.. These are mini serendipities and we need to recognize them as such.. We need to be AWARE of what we want and need.. and open to receiving it from wherever and whoever we are receiving it from!

Being a lifelong learner is an essential prerequisite to personal spiritual growth.. do allow me to share an example to illustrate this! There is a dance show on Zee TV called Dance Indian Dance Little Masters and it is both judged and promoted by Remo D’Souza.. He started his career as a background dancer in Bollywood and is now a celebrity dancer choreographer show judge film producer and director, but is simple to the core! There’s a young participant from New Delhi called Sadiya Parveen whose father stitches (fake) leather handbags.. it’s a very modest family but when Remo asked him “How much do you make being the only earning member in a family of 5?” And in response to the reply of Rs.7000 per month, he asked “How do you manage? Guzaara kaise kar lete ho?’ You could have heard a pin drop when Sadiya’s father said “Hamaari zarooratein kam hain na isliye!” (Our needs are very few that’s how).. Remo was absolutely stunned into silence and thanked Sadiya’s father saying “You have just taught me a very important life lesson!”

There’s a saying “When you lose in life.. don’t lose the lesson” but it makes more sense for us to create a mindset that’s open to opportunities for introspection learning and growth.. Be present.. be completely present to your surroundings.. with a receptive mind and heart.. and the serendipities of happy coincidences.. special “wow” moments.. “eureka I got it” moments will fill you and your world with unending peace and joy!!

ON OUTGROWING PEOPLE.. it actually happens!

Have you ever come away from meeting with or finished a conversation with someone you always thought was a very close friend (or family member) feeling like “What’s going on? It felt like there was just no “connect” in the conversation.. or.. Why doesn’t he/she understand what I’m trying to say.. or.. It feels like I’m talking to someone I don’t know anymore..” This happens to all of us at various points in time and we need to introspect as to WHY this is so.. It has been happening to me of late and I finally came to an answer which actually SHOOK me..

One of life’s challenging realizations is that sometimes you outgrow your friends.. difficult to accept? Definitely.. but unless you accept it.. your own growth will not progress.. and you will not be able to alter and change certain patterns of thinking and behaviour that you need to.. if you want to get onto your spiritual path.. As I have mentioned earlier, getting onto one’s spiritual path and staying on it is essential if you want to grow as a person and get a realistic perspective on life.. and on yourself..

As we go through life we have a variety of experiences and meet and interact with different kinds of people.. some happy.. some not so happy.. some exciting and others boring.. some comfortable and others awkward.. How we feel about the experience and how we react/respond to the people is determines by our state of mind and heart at the time.. and our instinct as well.. As an example, let’s say we have school friends with whom we have played mischievous pranks.. mimicked our teachers and giggled at silly jokes which was great fun when we were young.. but seems downright stupid disrespectful and a waste of time 30 or 40 years later..

This happens because as we grow older and wiser in years.. we subconsciously and actively seek out like-minded people who have similar hobbies passions interests and value systems.. Those of us who are wise beyond our years realize and recognize the need to change and evolve in order to raise our levels of awareness and growth.. Some of us are lucky and blessed to find a mentor or teacher or “guru” who conveys this directly or indirectly.. and a few unfortunates don’t realize and go through the major part of their lives comfortably tucked into their deep comfortable ruts and have no interest whatsoever in changing or evolving.. and that is SAD..

Speaking for myself, I was a typical giddy-headed Papa’s princess.. always higher than most on emotions and reasonably so on IQ but not necessarily on EQ.. Impulsive outspoken emotional and possessive about my friends, life gave me some hard knocks before I realized that it was wiser to be spontaneous tactful and not be TOO attached to the people I cared about! Buckets of tears were cried.. cartons full of tissues were used.. sleepless nights were suffered.. too many Tylenols were swallowed before I started paying attention to people who seemed to “have it all together”.. and HOW they were so different from me!

Deep and meaningful conversations with friends like Porus and Parul who are clear thinkers were enlightening.. and there was an overwhelming wealth of wisdom in the right books that were suggested to me to read.. Knowing that I get clarity when I write things down, I actually sat down and analyzed the friends and people in my life in terms of what they bring to the friendship.. how they make me feel.. what they teach me.. how I feel when I meet them etc.. It was very difficult to acknowledge to myself that there are some friends and/or family members that I have outgrown.. but it HAD to be done!

It has been an exceedingly empowering exercise and has helped me to understand things like this:

I have outgrown people who are envious of me.. I have outgrown the consistently negative people.. the ones who complain all the time.. the ones who take me for granted.. and believe me, they exist! The list is long so am sharing a quote by Chanda Kaushik that says it better than I would ever be able to..

“I have outgrown many things. I have outgrown relatives who gladly offer criticism but not support. I have outgrown my need to meet my family's unrealistic expectations of me. I have outgrown girls who wear masks and secretly rejoice at my misfortunes. I have outgrown shrinking myself for boys who are intimidated by my intelligence and outspoken nature. I have outgrown friends who cannot celebrate my accomplishments. I have outgrown people who conveniently disappear whenever life gets a little dark. I have outgrown those who take pleasure in gossiping and spreading negativity. I have outgrown dull, meaningless conversations that feel forced. I have outgrown those who don't take a stand against ignorance and injustice. I have outgrown trying to please everyone. I have outgrown society constantly telling me I'm not beautiful, smart, or worthy enough. I have outgrown trying to fix every little flaw. I have outgrown my tendency to fill my mind with self-doubt and insecurity. I have outgrown trying to find reasons not to love myself. I have outgrown anything and anyone that does not enrich the essence of my soul. I have outgrown many things, and I've never felt freer.”

Will sign off here with a heartfelt request.. sit down.. think.. analyse.. acknowledge.. and accept.. Some people were a part of your story.. some people are a part of it.. and a few will always be a part of it.. because you choose it to be that way! Don’t feel guilty.. it’s natural and just the way life is meant to be.. We all have only one life to live.. so raise the bar and live a quality life with the people that enrich your soul!

MAKING THE "GG" ENVELOPE.. a brilliant idea!!

"When we give cheerfully and accept gracefully, everyone is blessed" are words of infinite wisdom by Maya Angelou..

Giving (as a verb) is defined as the act of presenting voluntarily and without expecting compensation..

Giving as an adjective is defined as being affectionate and generous with one's feelings  affection and/or possessions..

We live in a time of giving and particularly so in India where traditions rule and often dictate lifestyles and customs to be followed unquestioningly. One dimension of giving is the concept of "daan" in Hinduism which is an important part of our religious duty. However, that's not exactly the aspect I'm writing about today..

We live in a consumer world of plenty and are surrounded by objects of desire need and fantasy.. actually we are overwhelmed by the plethora of things that are available! Advertising branding and marketing professionals make oodles of money by assaulting our sight smell taste touch and hearing with all kinds of stimuli that are virtually impossible to resist! We look.. we see.. and we buy! Often we bring it home and try it on.. walk around in it.. or put it into cupboards and cabinets that are already overflowing with an excess of things already..

An incident of perhaps 25 years ago comes to mind.. someone I knew bought a couple of outfits from the designer Ritu Kumar. She brought them home.. cut off the tags.. and threw them in the dustbin and that was the end of that (or so she thought)! The next day her helper came to her with one of the tags and said "You have bought this one outfit for 3000 rupees? I slog for you all month and you pay me 3000 rupees.. Wow!" This was a reminder to me to always be watchful and careful.. simply because the divide between the haves and have nots in India is tremendous.. and we wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings deliberately!

Most of my friends know that I have this thing about always keeping crisp banknotes in my wallet and handbag.. and that there will typically always be bundles of 500s 200s 100s 50s 20s and 10s in my handbag at any given time (thanks to the kindness of my bank manager)! Whenever I used to have to pay for anything, the bundle would come out and I would just do the needful! My oldest friend Varsha told me one day "Listen, don't take out the whole bundle and pay.. people are watching and it isn't the safest thing either! You are not be doing it intending to show off but why do it at all? Just keep notes of all denominations in your wallet and spend from there! Words of wisdom indeed.. and the other brilliant advice she gave me was "When you're doing anything with money - counting.. putting away.. taking out.. PLEASE lock your bedroom door!" Thank you again Varsha..

We are constantly thinking and feeling "I have too many clothes.. too many shoes.. too much make up.. just TOO much stuff.. and it's driving me crazy!" And still when we go out.. we come back with more.. if this doesn't make us gluttons for punishment.. what else does? At some point we DO feel that we want.to give things away and keep less.. and then we start thinking "It's still in good condition so maybe I will wear it.. it's too good to give away.. it was such an expensive buy.. How can I give it away so soon etcetera.."

There was one day a few years ago when I was trying to decide on a birthday gift for a friend who has almost everything! It was tormenting to say the least.. the questions that ran through my mind.. Will she like it? Use it? Does she have it already? Does she need it? The questions and second guessing of self continued.. and drove me crazy!

And then the whole drama of gifting.. Some people give thoughtful gifts.. some give impractical gifts.. some people give gifts that make you wonder.. and some people recycle the most idiotic gifts.. If you get something you like that's all fine and dandy.. BUT.. If you don't.. Will you tell the person who gave it to you honestly? Will you lie and say you love it if you don't? Will you say you have it already or don't need it? You don't want to hurt the giver's feelings but don't want to be lumped with something you don't particularly care for!

And THAT was my Eureka moment! I decided to STOP all gifting because it was something that was make the recipient and me happy.. but was ending up generating stress (for me for sure)! The pressure of feeling that I HAD to give.. the making of lists.. the budgeting.. the hunting.. the packing.. the dropping off or delivering.. and all this for people who are abundantly blessed already with enough and more! WHY?? I stopped gifting on birthdays.. at Rakshabandhan.. and Diwali.. and it has been one of my best decisions ever! Now if at all I want to gift.. I gift the gift of time.. or a nice meal.. or an experience for very special occasions.. and that’s about it! As we all are, I have a couple of very close friends who REFUSE to accept my decision and as the are truly precious, I don’t argue but they are the exceptions that make the rule!

The credit for this blog goes to my friend Rupal who called me and said “Pallu, I have an idea for your blog but won’t be able to express it the way you will.. but this is the thought.. Let’s stop with the hostess gifts when we go to each other’s homes and instead put some money in an envelope.. collect it until it becomes a significant amount and then either give it to our staff or someone else who really needs it! God bless and thank you Rupal..

Needless to say I LOVED the idea so this is a request to all of you reading to adopt this idea and create a “GRATITUDE GIFTING” envelope and ask your friends and family to do the same! From now on when you’re going to a friend or relative’s house, just hand over a token amount of 100 200 or 500 rupees in your “GG” envelope (as I like to call it) instead of the mithai chocolate sweets flowers or farsan (which are the most frequently given hostess gifts) and be happy knowing that your small gesture of giving will, over a period of time, change improve or transform the life of someone who really needs it! As a bonus, you’re also NOT putting on weight from the empty calories that most of the above give you! The “GG” envelope is a much better option right?

So what are you waiting for? Let me know what you think of the idea and go make your “GG” envelope today!

*Deepest apologies for the fiasco with posting the blog this morning! Good to know that technology can make mistakes sometimes as well!

 

A BRILLIANT IDEA FOR US ALL.. so please adopt it!

"When we give cheerfully and accept gracefully, everyone is blessed" are words of infinite wisdom by Maya Angelou..

Giving (as a verb) is defined as the act of presenting voluntarily and without expecting compensation..

Giving as an adjective is defined as being affectionate and generous with one's feelings  affection and/or possessions..

We live in a time of giving and particularly so in India where traditions rule and often dictate lifestyles and customs to be followed unquestioningly. One dimension of giving is the concept of "daan" in Hinduism which is an important part of our religious duty. However, that's not exactly the aspect I'm writing about today..

We live in a consumer world of plenty and are surrounded by objects of desire need and fantasy.. actually we are overwhelmed by the plethora of things that are available! Advertising branding and marketing professionals make oodles of money by assaulting our sight smell taste touch and hearing with all kinds of stimuli that are virtually impossible to resist! We look.. we see.. and we buy! Often we bring it home and try it on.. walk around in it.. or put it into cupboards and cabinets that are already overflowing with an excess of things already..

An incident of perhaps 25 years ago comes to mind.. someone I knew bought a couple of outfits from the designer Ritu Kumar. She brought them home.. cut off the tags.. and threw them in the dustbin and that was the end of that (or so she thought)! The next day her helper came to her with one of the tags and said "You have bought this one outfit for 3000 rupees? I slog for you all month and you pay me 3000 rupees.. Wow!" This was a reminder to me to always be watchful and careful.. simply because the divide between the haves and have nots in India is tremendous.. and we wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings deliberately!

Most of my friends know that I have this thing about always keeping crisp banknotes in my wallet and handbag.. and that there will typically always be bundles of 500s 200s 100s 50s 20s and 10s in my handbag at any given time (thanks to the kindness of my bank manager)! Whenever I used to have to pay for anything, the bundle would come out and I would just do the needful! My oldest friend Varsha told me one day "Listen, don't take out the whole bundle and pay.. people are watching and it isn't the safest thing either! You are not be doing it intending to show off but why do it at all? Just keep notes of all denominations in your wallet and spend from there! Words of wisdom indeed.. and the other brilliant advice she gave me was "When you're doing anything with money - counting.. putting away.. taking out.. PLEASE lock your bedroom door!" Thank you again Varsha..

We are constantly thinking and feeling "I have too many clothes.. too many shoes.. too much make up.. just TOO much stuff.. and it's driving me crazy!" And still when we go out.. we come back with more.. if this doesn't make us gluttons for punishment.. what else does? At some point we DO feel that we want.to give things away and keep less.. and then we start thinking "It's still in good condition so maybe I will wear it.. it's too good to give away.. it was such an expensive buy.. How can I give it away so soon etcetera.."

There was one day a few years ago when I was trying to decide on a birthday gift for a friend who has almost everything! It was tormenting to say the least.. the questions that ran through my mind.. Will she like it? Use it? Does she have it already? Does she need it? The questions and second guessing of self continued.. and drove me crazy!

And then the whole drama of gifting.. Some people give thoughtful gifts.. some give impractical gifts.. some people give gifts that make you wonder.. and some people recycle the most idiotic gifts.. If you get something you like that's all fine and dandy.. BUT.. If you don't.. Will you tell the person who gave it to you honestly? Will you lie and say you love it if you don't? Will you say you have it already or don't need it? You don't want to hurt the giver's feelings but don't want to be lumped with something you don't particularly care for!

And THAT was my Eureka moment! I decided to STOP all gifting because it was something that was make the recipient and me happy.. but was ending up generating stress (for me for sure)! The pressure of feeling that I HAD to give.. the making of lists.. the budgeting.. the hunting.. the packing.. the dropping off or delivering.. and all this for people who are abundantly blessed already with enough and more! WHY?? I stopped gifting on birthdays.. at Rakshabandhan.. and Diwali.. and it has been one of my best decisions ever! Now if at all I want to gift.. I gift the gift of time.. or a nice meal.. or an experience for very special occasions.. and that’s about it! As we all are, I have a couple of very close friends who REFUSE to accept my decision and as the are truly precious, I don’t argue but they are the exceptions that make the rule!

The credit for this blog goes to my friend Rupal who called me and said “Pallu, I have an idea for your blog but won’t be able to express it the way you will.. but this is the thought.. Let’s stop with the hostess gifts when we go to each other’s homes and instead put some money in an envelope.. collect it until it becomes a significant amount and then either give it to our staff or someone else who really needs it! God bless and thank you Rupal..

Needless to say I LOVED the idea so this is a request to all of you reading to adopt this idea and create a “GRATITUDE GIFTING” envelope and ask your friends and family to do the same! From now on when you’re going to a friend or relative’s house, just hand over a token amount of 100 200 or 500 rupees in your “GG” envelope (as I like to call it) instead of the mithai chocolate sweets flowers or farsan (which are the most frequently given hostess gifts) and be happy knowing that your small gesture of giving will, over a period of time, change improve or transform the life of someone who really needs it! As a bonus, you’re also NOT putting on weight from the empty calories that most of the above give you! The “GG” envelope is a much better option right?

So what are you waiting for? Let me know what you think of the idea and go make your “GG” envelope today!

*Deepest apologies for the fiasco with posting the blog this morning! Good to know that technology can make mistakes sometimes as well!

 

 

 

 

HAPPY WOMEN'S DAY.. to all of us!!

Yesterday was International Women's Day.. nice that they call it international.. makes it truly inclusive and includes women all over the world! I am fortunate to have met and gotten to know women in different parts of the world.. some casually and some otherwise.. All of these women are different and similar in certain ways.. they may be rich or poor.. educated or illiterate.. working or homemakers.. beautiful stunning or average looking.. brilliant or clever.. street smart or savvy.. BUT.. what stands out like a shining beacon about ALL these women is their strength resilience confidence integrity generosity patience and above all.. compassion..

Today's blog is a celebration of and tribute to all the very special unique and wonderful women in my life that I can't imagine my world without..

Let's start with the woman I owe my very existence to.. my mother Vasant Dalal.. or Vasu as we used to affectionately address her! She was one helluva woman.. way ahead of her time and absolutely her own person.. Although she wasn't a graduate with a degree from any college.. I say confidently and proudly that she lived life on her own terms and told it like it was.. often a tad outspoken and called a spade a shovel! She taught me to believe in myself.. and I remember asking her once before going to a party "Mom.. do you think this top is a little transparent?" To which her reply was "If YOU aren't comfortable wearing it then don't.. but don't think about what anyone ELSE is going to think or say!" She drove my friends and me home from Shanmukhananda Hall one night in torrential rain without headlights horn and wipers.. talk about a rockstar!! Thank you Mummy for the deep reserves of courage..

And then let's talk about my Head of Department from teacher's training college.. Jana Mahadevan who was (and continues to be) truly passionate about children.. the environment in which they should learn.. HOW to create it and make it a JOYFUL experience.. Thank you Jana for awakening a similar passion in me.. and for pushing lazy me above and beyond my limit to excel and truly be the best teacher I can be.. 

My friend Roshan and I met a really long time ago at a seminar on Professionalism in Education where she attended and appreciated two of my workshops! We're almost a generation apart but there's a "karmic connection" and almost all major events in our lives happen at around the same time for us both! Roshan, thank you so much for showing me how important it is to be thorough and get to the crux of a matter..

A heartfelt "thank you" to my friend Dinaz Stafford who's always encouraged me to spread my wings and fly! She's incredibly committed to everything and everyone in her life! Will be eternally indebted to you for seeing my potential and abilities and entrusting your precious Salaam Baalak Trust children and "Didis" to me! Thank you Dinaz for showing me how to "jump in at the deep end" and still swim!

Another inspiration would have to be my bestie Anu Thyagarajan who tells the BEST stories in the world! She's the best teacher I have ever known and possibly of the the nicest human beings I know.. super high on both IQ and EQ.. in Singapore for the last 26 years but an integral part of my daily life.. Thank you Anu for always believing in me (more than I believe in myself) and teaching me how to think before I speak..

Have to mention my oldest friend Varsha Shinde who I've known and loved for over 52 years now.. another woman of substance who married before the age of 18 into a big joint family and has evolved into the quintessential "centre of the family" who manages a husband family and agriculture with great aplomb! Thank you Varsha for teaching me how to celebrate every little joy in life!

In 1979 it was "Prefect's Day" in Queen Mary School when the girls in standard 9 and 10 used to go to the junior classes and handle them for the whole day.. thanks to that I met Shriti Kapadia who's consistently been the most sensible and practical person I have ever met.. with a heart of pure gold! Thank you Shriti for always giving great advice.. being my voice of reason and leading by example!

I was incredibly lucky in college to meet and befriend Smita Mankani Parul Jhaveri Lavina Roy and Kavita Khanna! Smita is someone I love like a sister or even more.. her house is my house and we don't keep any secrets from each other.. She's just been through a major health issue and dealt with it beautifully.. Thank you Smita for teaching me that in gentleness and pure goodness of heart lie the greatest strength! 

Parul is another person I can not begin to imagine my world without.. she is calm collected organized and NEVER hurries.. also one of the biggest supporters to me on my spiritual journey and someone who I can talk to about ANYTHING with no fear of being judged at all.. Thank you Parul for teaching me how to hold up a mirror to myself analyze what I see and work on changing it.. I love you!

Lavina is someone I have HUGE respect for.. with constant stress and an incredibly busy life.. she still manages to "be there" as the proverbial "rock" for her friends and family and runs two houses brilliantly! Her children are my children too and we share a wonderful friendship! Thank you Lavina for showing me how "friends become family" and for being family to me!

Kavita is the real life representation of Superwoman.. work family home friends faith and everything else.. she manages to rock it all and "be there" for everyone and everything! She and I can spend hours talking and laughing about anything and everything and time just flies! Thank you Kavita for showing me constantly that it doesn't pay to take life too seriously..

Last but by no means the least are Ami Thakker and Alefia Zoomkawala who have been my "partners in crime" while teaching street children or participating in my wild fancies or getting involved in worthy causes! Both of these women are gentle softspoken and amazing wives mothers mothers-in-law and still rocking in their own right! Thank you for the trust and for always participating so completely in everything we do..

I could go on and on because the list of women who have inspired me taught me learned with me and just BEEN with me through the good bad and ugly is dauntingly long.. suffice it to say I am abundantly blessed.. supremely grateful for all the wonderful gifts you bring to my life.. and am committed to all of you in equal measure! Thank you for being the (some or all) wild wacky weird and wonderful women you are and for everything you bring to the table! The world celebrates us on the 8th of March but I say to our great sisterhood.. let's just promise ourselves to celebrate each other.. support each other.. straighten each other's crowns.. feel free to reach out to each other and just keep rocking it every single day! 

As the R K Laxman joke goes.. She asked him "Why did you create only the common man and not the common woman?" He smiled and said "because a woman can NEVER be common!"

Remember that you are unique.. one of a kind.. and have some truly exceptional qualities that make you very special.. so stand tall.. keep smiling.. stay positive and keep believing in yourself.. for it is genuinely YOU who makes our world a wonderful place to live in! God  bless and much love always!!

and of course.. Happy Women's Day!!

FREEDOM.. is a hard choice sometimes!

By birth I am Indian and India is a free country.. American is often referred to as the land of the brave and the free.. and it often makes me wonder.. What IS freedom and what does it REALLY mean to be free? Freedom in India according to the Constitution means freedom of speech thought and action (within reasonable limits obviously).. and it is a gift that is constantly trying taken for granted.. overused.. abused and misinterpreted..

I liked to believe I was free too.. and I WAS.. until I got married! The in-laws were orthodox in their thoughts.. my (ex) husband was a raging alcoholic and physically abusive as well.. I was far away across the oceans and locked up in the house alone.. It was the most difficult and frightening situation I had ever experienced.. and since I had no idea or understanding of WHY it was happening.. I just took it!

In retrospect there is a realization that a number of events had taken place (falling down and fracturing my tailbone.. my in-laws at the last minute demanding that we display my trousseau) and all of them universally pointed to the fact that this was a bad idea and shouldn't happen.. but being an incurable optimist I kept thinking (hoping and praying) that things would work out and went ahead and got married! Humans are blessed with a strong gut instinct and when we ignore the gut is when we get into trouble.. bigtime!

To cut a long story short.. on the surface.. we had a fairy tale wedding.. everyone I loved was there.. the arrangements were impeccable.. the venues for various functions were beautifully decorated.. the food was outstanding.. and a good time was had by all! My husband went back to California promising to get the paperwork started at the earliest.. instead of which within a month.. the weekly phone calls (that I literally lived for) were full of “I don’t know you’re gonna adjust and settle here.. it’s a whole different ballgame etc..” and then all of a sudden “I love you so much.. can’t wait for you to get here” etc.. Bizarre right? Alarm bells going off? They should have for me as well.. BUT.. I was Papa’s princess.. innocent naïve and trusting.. and kept believing that once I got there and we were together.. everything would be alright!

I finally got to Los Angeles airport.. super excited with dreams in my heart and stars in my eyes.. only to find everyone being picked up by someone.. that is.. everyone except me! I waited and waited.. and he finally got to the airport and with a perfunctory hello and a brusque “Hurry up and get in the car.. I don’t wanna get a ticket” and REEKING of whiskey! I realized that I was possibly in trouble here!

We got to the apartment.. he called my parents and told them I had reached safely.. and then went back to the office! I was locked into the house (because he hadn’t had the time in 10 months to get a set of keys made for me).. In a matter of days, I realized he was an alcoholic and an abusive one at that! He didn’t eat at home but we went to a nearby bar every evening where he drank.. got drunk.. and then would bang my head against the wall.. slap me.. beat me up.. burn me with a lighted cigarette.. and then come and apologize profusely saying he loved me etc.. To say that it was scary would be an understatement and it finally came to a stage where he wasn’t willing to seek professional help.. his parents were in denial.. and I just couldn’t take it anymore! I was a prisoner in an apartment that didn’t feel like home.. had no friends to meet.. nobody totalk to.. nowhere to go.. and nothing to do except keep cleaning the house!

I slept with my passport money and jewellery in my pillow case under my head every night.. and the day I called him to say I was leaving, he said “I am like this and I am going to remain like this.. if you want to stay, stay.. and if you want to go, go.. Am very busy at work and have important stuff to do!” My aunt came to fetch me and he didn’t even call for 4 days! I consulted a lawyer and she suggested getting an annulment since we hadn’t been married for even a year!

Suffice it to say that it was an unpleasant day at the courtroom, primarily because he came to court drunk and was fined for contempt of court.. for mental physical and emotional abuse.. and on the 27^th of February 1995.. I was finally FREE again! Free to laugh.. to smile.. to meet friends.. go where I wanted.. do what I wanted.. and most of all.. freedom from FEAR! It was a   hard fought battle for me since I was not the person I am today.. was much quieter.. not as bold or brave.. very overprotected.. and terrified out of my wits! It must be confessed that once I got the Decree of Annulment in my hand, that was definitely a WOW moment!

It was the happiest day of my life and the beginning of my journey of self-growth, strength and resilience! It is a day that I celebrate every year because it has taught me to value freedom and acceptance above all else.. the freedom to choose the people I want in my life.. the freedom to take my own decisions.. and the freedom to live safely and away from toxic people! When I look back, there are no regrets and in a weird way.. there is gratitude for getting to learn these life lessons firsthand because in the words of Abraham Lincoln “only the test of fire makes fine steel”..

Counting my blessings is something that comes naturally to me.. and among them I always include a special mention of gratitude for the freedom to live life on my own terms.. and we should all do that! Biggest takeaways for me from this debacle have been not to give the control for my happiness to anyone else.. and believe that “If God brings you to it.. he also brings you through it” so no matter what.. just keep the faith strong and keep believing in yourself!

Cheers to freedom.. and to being ourselves!!

Stay brave happy blessed and safe!!

 

 

MAKE IT A HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY.. you can and must!!

 The 14th of February.. at any age and any stage.. this date awakens feelings and smiles in us that have been (sometimes) dormant for a very long time! Second only to my birthday, this is absolutely my favourite day in the year.. reason being that it's an opportunity to spread love and sunshine! If we are open to it, this day helps us to evolve into a better human being and also to appreciate the efforts and existence of those who are always "there" for us - to support love care for and understand us.. no matter what!

The person we reach out to doesn't need to be our girlfriend/boyfriend/significant other or even spouse.. it can be anyone from our family or friends.. because it is a day to celebrate love respect and affection.. At a spiritual level, this day gives multiple opportunities to inculcate empathy, charity and kindness towards others.. we just need to be aware and do the needful without wasting the opportunity!

Growing up in the USA as a little girl has been a blessing in more ways than one - firstly, I learned to THINK in English without the difficulty that most children from a bilingual or multilingual house face.. thinking in another language and then mentally translating AND looking for the specific words in English and then SAYING it! Secondly (and more importantly I think) it was a joy growing up in a small village where feelings of love affection and friendship were expressed very openly and without any "politically correct" filters!  

My Dad was never a really expressive person verbally.. but he evolved into the "perfect" Dad for me because he did what all the other kids expected from their Daddies.. However awkward he may have felt about it, he submitted to near-strangling hugs at school pick-up and drop-off time.. at good morning and good night times.. AND even learned to hug me back! He came to every school meeting and concert and applauded my efforts enthusiastically (even if my role was the modest one of a bumblebee in a garden)! My Mom.. she was even less expressive and thought saying "I love you" was silly and completely unnecessary.. thankfully she used to say "I love you" to my Dad so that was good!

Indian fathers (brothers, husbands and men generally) in the early 70's (and a number of them even now) found it very difficult to say those three little words "I love you" and my Dad was guilty of this too.. I, of course didn't give him a choice and it was literally "baptism by fire" and would DEMAND that he said "I love you too" whenever I said "I love you" to him.. so the poor man indulged his princess and actually started saying it on his own as time went by! Not that I feel guilty in the least for making him learn to say "I love you".. it's SO important!

In a world full of highly learned cultured and erudite people with excellent vocabularies, it amazes me (not in a good way) that so many people are so "backward about coming forward" when it comes to saying "I love you"! They either don't say it.. or else they make do with an offhand (and totally inadequate) "Love you" which is NOT what they WANT to say! Saying "love you" in my opinion.. is like saying you love pizza parasailing chocolate etc.! We love the people we love because they have certain qualities that complement ours.. complete us.. and keep us secure and happy! Isn't that alone good reason to express our feelings?

Psychologists counsellors and mental health experts are constantly surrounded by people who are unhappy maladjusted and seeking "closure".. who are then taught and trained to "verbalize" their thoughts and feelings which will ultimately help them be at peace.. Obviously there are accompanying factors that make the situation even more challenging, but I am a big advocate of expressing my feelings in words.. some people say they can't.. but that's usually nothing more than a lack of effort! The visitor's book at my home in Lonavala bears mute testimony to this.. some pages have a line or two while others are completely filled! 

Considering the levels of stress that most people live with on a day to day basis.. my suggestion is.. just as yoga is good for your mind and body.. simply learning to say "I love you" and celebrating the people you love (with or without chocolate flowers or presents) will transform every day into Valentine's Day! Hearing those words generates the "happy hormones" endorphins serotonin dopamine and oxytocin and creates a magical feeling of euphoria.. so.. What are you waiting for? Tell the people who enrich beautify enhance and make your life better that you LOVE them.. today!!

Lastly, in the words of Paulo Coelho.. 

"When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too."

Hearing those three little words words generates the "happy hormones" endorphins serotonin dopamine and oxytocin and creates a magical feeling of euphoria.. SO.. What are you waiting for? Tell the people who enrich beautify enhance and make your life better happier and more comfortable that you LOVE them.. today!!

IT'S BEEN 5 YEARS ALREADY.. can't believe it!!

 My email id is princesspallu@gmail.com and this has evoked all kinds of reactions from disbelief to amusement.. incredulity to amazement.. derision to delight.. not that what anyone thinks of it makes the slightest difference to me! Everyone knows that I have been.. am.. and always will be Papa's princess.. BUT.. they don't know the truth of the matter.. and THAT is..       I am a princess not because I have a prince, but because my father is a king! 

The internet defines a king as "If you describe a man as the king of something, you mean that he is the most important person doing that thing or he is the best at doing it." Bingo! My father was the king of parenting and the best Daddy in the world.. spoken like the true blue doting and devoted daughter right? It happens to be the truth.. the whole truth.. and nothing but the truth so help me God!

My childhood was special and unique as in.. I have way more memories of doing things with my Dad.. and he was just always "there"! When I was a little girl, all too often (usually on a weekend) I'd wake up in my pajamas tucked into my "rajai" on the back seat of the car and ask, "Where are we going?" Dad would reply with a one word answer "Mahabaleshwar.. Poona.. Surat.. Khandala" or some such.. It would be an adventure and sometimes a 5 star one.. and sometimes a 2 star one.. but always great fun! He pampered me with meals at the Taj.. and also made me stay in "dharamshalas" with smelly mattresses.. all because he firmly believed that we (my brother and I) should grow up to be "rough and tough"!

I was thoroughly pampered as a little girl.. he had a special nickname for me (which I am certainly NOT sharing here).. used to make up songs especially for me and call home telling my Mom to bring me to the phone (even as a baby) and sing them! He taught me a lot of Gujarati folk songs on our road trips (of which there were many) and a few Bengali ones as well.. and never once made me self-conscious about not being able to sing well.. or not having a sense of rhythm.. sadly I am totally unmusical.. but I love to listen!

Sometimes it was almost like he had a split personality.. that of a strict disciplinarian as well as an indulgent and loving father! Every Saturday morning was writing table, cupboard and room inspection.. and if anything was untidy or out of place - NO pocket money! He told me once in no uncertain terms, "If I know how to make you sit on my head.. rest assured I know how to get you off twice as quickly!" and he wasn't kidding! He was firm but fair.. also my champion who forbade my Mom from opening and reading my letters saying that children's privacy MUST be respected.. not that it made much of a difference to her! He UNDERSTOOD that we had crushes and needed to put up posters of them so made a huge bulletin board in our room.. and explained to my Mom that it was normal and an important part of growing up!

As I grew up, we became very good friends and had a lot of very interesting conversations! He didn't necessarily approve of my choices of places of employment but didn't try to change my mind.. allowed me the opportunities to learn from my own mistakes (for which I am very grateful) and was my #1 friend philosopher guide protector and defender! Am told that I take after him and am strong headed at times.. and we definitely had our differences of opinion.. sometimes he conceded.. sometimes I did.. and occasionally we were at a stalemate! No matter what and come what may.. it was mostly a democracy at home!

My thirteenth birthday present was - don't hold your breath - not one but TWO cardboard cartons stuffed to bursting with abridged versions of the classics.. William Shakespeare.. Charles Dickens and all those great people! I got a remark for untidy handwriting in school and promptly he made sure I did two pages of copywriting from one of them.. which he would check and ask me questions about later! Our amusement at a restaurant was being given paper, pencil and the menu.. we had to correct spelling mistakes in the menu and ask the meanings of words we didn't understand.. both my brother Sunil and me!

He was, without a doubt, the most stubborn human being on the planet but I loved him to bits! Most of my friends remember him as someone who would come and say hello.. chat for 2 minutes and then go back to his own room! Not that he talked much (except about the good old days) but he connected with a number of people.. which has always surprised me! He taught me how to be neat organized and methodical.. and I am eternally in his debt! Despite being a workaholic, he always gave us enough time and was a willing repairer of household gadgets.. singer of songs.. dispenser of advice.. and so much more! He taught me to believe in myself.. fight for my rights.. not give in when I'm in the right.. never to accept injustice.. and always encouraged me to just "BE the best version of MYSELF that I could be!"

Daddy went through multiple hospitalizations and a great deal of ill heath.. all with a good grace and tremendous patience! He's been the strongest influence in my life.. was my hero.. my champion.. my idol.. my inspiration.. and as time goes by.. am just trying to do what he would have done.. and make him proud! 

It's now 5 years since he left this world.. and there isn't a day that I don't miss him.. get misty-eyed and wish he was here! I really miss his quiet sense of humour.. his wisdom.. his problem solving skills.. and gentle hugs and kisses (as opposed to my slightly ferocious ones) and STILL have days when I don't know how to go on without him! It's been 5 years and yet it feels like yesterday that you left me.. but I know in my heart that you're still "right here" with me.. watching over me and protecting me.. like you always have! February 3rd is always a heartbreakingly difficult day for me.. simply because I miss you so much!

In the immortal words of Sigmund Freud, "I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection." Love you hamesha papa and miss you even more.. and thank you for everything you have done for me.. am SO proud to be your daughter!! It's impossible to think that 5 years have gone by so quickly.. but be at peace Papa.. until we meet again..