ARE WE STILL CAPABLE OF FEELING.. genuine emotions?

 Today has been a day of very mixed emotions for me.. and the rollercoaster really set me thinking.. There was the good.. the not so good.. the comfortable and the awkward.. the touchingly beautiful and the absolutely heartbreaking.. It reminded me of what my (brevet) niece who was studying medicine in Belgaum used to tell me – they could get sunny windy rainy misty warm and cold weather.. all in the same day sometimes!

All these feelings happening pretty much one after the other.. kinda of throws you off balance right? You bet! But what choice do we really have? We just get through the day the best we can.. and think we have shown sympathy empathy kindness compassion and whatever else the situation may have “called for”.. but have we done that? Have we actually been able to do that?

The day began and I received a beautiful warm and loving message from a dear friend who calls herself “emotionally challenged”.. she just wanted to thank me for always “being there and being a one-woman rehab spot”! To be honest.. I was overwhelmed and speechless.. and that’s very rare for me.. most of the time I have plenty to say!

Spent a fun morning at the club in the pool with my friends.. lots of banter and joking and such amazing camaraderie that I actually said a little prayer of gratitude right then and there! To meet almost the same bunch of people five days a week who are always joking smiling and laughing is like a “daily dose” of positivity.. and I am so lucky to get it without even having to ask! Whatever my mood may be when I reach the pool.. I know I will always come away smiling and feeling genuinely blessed..

This afternoon went for a condolence visit and this is something that always makes me (and a number of people) feel extremely awkward.. One is aware and somewhere obliged to maintain a serious and sombre demeanor.. and that isn’t always the easiest thing for me.. To me, death is something that reminds me of the impermanence and fragility of life and teaches me what the deepest level of acceptance really is.. If the person has passed away at a ripe old age, I believe that rather than mourn their death, we should celebrate their life! Am sure that there were people in the family who must have been devastated.. but life has made us very “matter of fact” about it and it has become almost like something we just take in our stride..

Having eaten a very sketchy lunch I was starving by the evening and my favourite roadside sandwichwalla said it would be a 20 minute wait so I went in search of something “nice” to eat.. Called one of my best friends and she promised (and came through too!!) something yummy which were scrumptious “dal ki tikki” and baked spring rolls! Greedy me and generous her.. she is always happy to feed people and also the only friend who I call “hakk se” and say I’m hungry please feed me.. and land up uninvited and so shamelessly! Wouldn’t you call her a blessing? I certainly DO!!

Got home after a super long and tiring day.. and my phone beeped.. it was one of my closest friends (and someone I love dearly).. He sent an emotional voice message telling me he had lost his favourite uncle in Pune.. his voice broke a couple of times and especially in his subsequent messages where it got overwhelming for him.. Finally we spoke with each other and I told him to be grateful that he still HAS the capacity to FEEL so deeply!

There are frequent times and occasions when I think we have become like automatons.. we don’t feel and even if we do.. we don’t show it.. Why are we so “backward about coming forward” and showing our true emotions? Are we scared of being judged or mocked.. or worried that if we show we are vulnerable, people will take advantage?

It’s time to get back in touch with your REAL side.. your AUTHENTIC self.. so feel it like you feel it.. say it like you feel it.. and show it like you feel it! You owe this much honesty to the people who matter most to you so stop trying to be the “Superman” or “Superwoman” all the time! Confession being good for the soul.. I feel very awkward accepting gratitude praise and compliments.. but am learning to do so with some amount of grace!

Please take some time to identify what is holding you back from being “real”.. accept it.. and work on it! We are all “works in progress” but what a wonderful world it would be if we were brave enough to be completely REAL!