What are the things that matter most in a friendship? Of course it’s also a matter of “different strokes for different folks” but some fundamentals are constant and don’t ever change.. right? Friendship.. in the deepest and truest sense of the word is a lifelong commitment.. to “be there”.. to care.. and most of all.. to share..
“Friend” is a word I don’t use lightly.. there are
people who are casual acquaintances.. there are the people I know and like a
little more who are “acquaintance plus”.. there are colleagues.. there are
neighbours.. there is family.. and THEN.. there are friends.. who are often
more than family!
A real and solid friendship to me doesn’t depend on
how much time you spend together.. as long as you spend SOME time together.. quality
time without being on your phones.. sharing the big and little details of your
lives.. talking yourself hoarse about your feelings.. baring your souls and
never being afraid of breaking down and crying.. BUT it is essential to make
the effort and spend some time together.. the last thing you want is to feel “taken
for granted” by someone you care for so much! Please spend “special time”.
People say with great pride “I don’t talk to my bestie
for 6 months at a stretch but when we talk.. we catch up on everything and it
feels like we were together just yesterday”! Excuse my language but this is
bullshit! Your bestie loves hearing from you.. and waits to hear from you.. How
much of an effort is it to drop a text message or a voice message or just make
a quick call to say “I’m thinking of you.. love you and miss you.. Hope things
are alright with you”.. Do it!
And then there are the people who say “I am just not “made”
that way.. I can’t do the calls.. send the messages.. make the plans and keep
in touch.. but I care and will talk to you when we meet.. this just doesn’t work
for me! If you can receive messages.. you can send them.. and if you can answer
calls.. you can bloody well make them too! If you want to be included in the
plan.. how about taking the initiative once in a while? How difficult is it?
Keep in touch!
When things are hunky dory and all is well.. everyone
will be around right in the lines of vision and hearing.. they will dance at
your parties with reckless abandon and make merry into the wee hours! What
happens when the chips are down and times are tough? We go through an illness..
lose a parent.. suffer a stormy relationship.. navigate a messy divorce.. Who
are the friends who just come in and take charge and handle things and handle
you? Know them!
A friend is someone with whom you’ve done the craziest
things.. shared the silliest and naughtiest jokes.. discussed the biggest
problems.. celebrated every success.. had the most fun holidays.. shared your
deepest darkest fears.. shared the tightest hugs.. attended the “must go to”
weddings.. eaten the worst food and survived.. gotten so drunk you could hardly
stand straight.. and felt unconditionally loved accepted and supported and
understood no matter what! Have one? You are lucky!
Being a true friend means you have to be Superman or
Superwoman.. willingly and happily.. and all the time! You have to hold your
friend in your heart.. have their back.. trust them.. believe in them.. defend
them when they need it and just give 100% of yourself to them! That means you
HAVE to be respected accepted and loved for being exactly who you are.. not 20
kgs lighter.. not 10 crores richer.. not 50 points higher on IQ.. not 5 shades
fairer.. and reciprocate the same!
Speaking for myself, I have had the joys of “reason
season and lifetime friends”.. and don’t need to name any names here.. everyone
reading this knows exactly who they have been and still are to me! Friendship
has always been my “go to” and favourite relationship in life.. and of course
the definition has evolved over time and continues to do so..
With heartfelt gratitude to all my “friends who are
more than family”.. know that every little act of kindness faith and love that
you give me is tremendously cherished and treasured.. Thank you for everything
you think say do feel and share! Biggest hugs and much love always.. remember
that you are special and have a space in my heart that nobody else can ever
fill.. and I am truly blessed!
Wishing you all a lifetime of genuine friends and
thank you as always for reading.. Please remember to add your name at the end
of your comment (should you choose to write one)!!
It's true ma'am
ReplyDeleteI am sure you have gone through all kinds of messes to have been able to write this kind of a right up. Wishing you many more true friendships and many more important lessons of life to share.
ReplyDeleteLike your definition of a friend - casual acquaintance, acquaintance plus and then friend. Correct perspective.
ReplyDeleteNavaz
मित्र
ReplyDeleteAww Pallu! This one touched so many chords of my heart and is like no other you’ve written yet! Words fail but my heart is filled with the essence of it, the incisiveness and clarity and most of all, the sharpest intuitiveness and brilliance with which this was written. You are so very right about friends making the time to reach out however busy, if even with a one liner, or a voice message. Means the world to the other and shows thought for the other. You are special and will always have the kind of friends you describe all around you. I know that.
ReplyDeleteWow Pallu. Brilliantly written.. I am so proud to call you my friend and to be your friend. You know I don't need to say much about our friendship but all I will say, that it is forever. Ketan
ReplyDeletePallavi you’ve covered just about everything pertaining to friendship ! So relatable too!
ReplyDeleteSome family / friends seems to forget what was once so great !!
Wow Pallu, amazing.
ReplyDeleteYour words have a way of resonating deep within me, touching the very essence of our friendship. In a world where connections can be fleeting, ours is a bond that transcends time and circumstance. I'm grateful for the laughter, the tears, and the quiet moments we've shared. You hold a special place in my heart, and I'm thankful for your love, support, and understanding. Here's to many more adventures, deep conversations, and making memories together. Sending you love, hugs, and appreciation for being an incredible friend,
So you took the word "Friend" & then elaborated it to a mini manual for those of us who need manuals to do the right thing in life. Broke down the word into bits of ingredients so the dence or the dunce will have pointers to what a Friend should be. Since I am both this was a read with a learning. Thank you for being a rare Friend.
ReplyDeleteHi - this post struck many of my heart strings in many different ways. The truth is, I have been a terrible friend to some and an exceptional friend to some. To some, I have been both. But a friend, to me, is someone who can teach me more about myself through our dynamic and I sincerely believe our friendship makes me a better person. So many words of wisdom, so many impacts up lessons in this post. A read unlike any other - one I will never forget. Thank you always!
ReplyDelete-SK