The 27th of February 1995 is a red letter date in my life.. it was a day of mixed feelings to the extreme.. of being "set free".. of getting a second chance at life.. of being alone but at the same time being completely with myself! It was the day I was awarded a Certificate of Annulment of marriage in the Ventura County court in Southern California!
Nine months after a fairytale wedding I flew to the US with stars in my eyes all set to be the "perfect wife".. but fate decreed otherwise.. It turned out that the fairytale metamorphosed into a nightmare beyond my wildest dreams!
Growing up as "Papa's princess" disnt any any way prepare me for being locked up.. beaten up.. having my head banged against the wall.. being burned deliberately with lit cigarettes.. insulted verbally.. tortured mentally and emotionally etc..
I was in no way equipped to live with a philandering abusive alcoholic.. it was frightening suspenseful and everything in between! I tried talking to him.. loving him more.. asking him to come for couples therapy.. apologizing for who I was.. but nothing made a difference!
The last straw came when he told me in so many words "This is who I am and this is who I want to be.. if you want to stay you can stay.. if you.want to go you can go!" Living without love was difficult was painful.. living with total indifference was difficult but living with outright rejection was what was heartbreaking!
I was incredibly lucky to have somewhere to go.. have a loving family to stay with.. get access to a fabulous lawyer and be free of the "toxicity" but all I could think of was that I just wasn't "good enough" and came back to India with my self-esteem down to rock bottom zero or even lower!
It took many months of endless conversations with my parents.. a lot of time with good friends.. and some intense therapy to understand that addiction was an "illness".. that he was sick.. and that whatever had happened was NOT my fault.. Slowly I gathered myself and understood that being "nice" didnt mean being blind to the faults of others.. that being "unmarried" didn't have to "limit" me as a person.. and that I would be happy and smile again!
Time went by.. I "grew up".. found my own inner wellspring of confidence.. nursed both my parents through many years of a series of medical crises and multiple hospitalizations.. leanred fabulous coping skills.. met some wonderful people along the way.. and got inspired to begin my journey of personal spiritual growth..
Today I am taking "baby steps" but learning and realizing the truths of life every single day! I have become more "attuned" to people's energies and found the courage to walk away from negative and toxic people.. to end friendships that have drained more more than they have replenished me.. to find joy and peace within myself instead of seeking and chasing them externally.. and above all.. I have discovered and experienced the incomparable power of prayer!
The joy of "becoming myself" is unparalleled.. and choosing to do only what brings me joy is even better! Now I count my blessings.. surround myself with positive cheerful and happy people.. avoid the grouches.. celebrate every little joy.. reach out to those who genuinely need help.. and do whatever I can in my own little way to "spread the sunshine" and try to make this world a happier and nicer place to live in!
I have written this blog to say it is essential to practise gratitude actively.. to believe in yourself.. to love yourself.. to embrace solitude at times.. to accept whatever life throws at you with equanimity.. face it with strength and confidence and most of all.. keep praying and have the unshakeable faith that "if God brings you to it.. He also brings you through it" and to always remember that you are loved precious and a very special person to so many!!
Celebrating my very own personal "Independence Day" today with a heart full of love and gratitude to God.. the Universe and all of you for being in my life and enriching it! Wishing you all resilience confidence courage strength and unwavering faith as you navigate through life!
The final words of wisdom are.. keep believing in the essential goodness of human nature but don't be blind to people's faults.. stay away from "energy vampires".. keep believing in yourself.. stay positive and whatever happens.. don't give up!!
As always.. thank you for reading and please write your name at the end of the comment (should you choose to write one)..
This is the first time I am getting to know the harrowing details about the torture & suffering you had to endure during those months Palluben, although I’d heard about your ordeal in general terms. You have been and are indeed very brave! Sometimes, even 35 years aren’t enough to heal the wounds inflicted by a toxic relationship with an evil person!
ReplyDeleteToday, your innate goodness , the smiles you bring, your positivity & the love you spread amongst your friends, and the caring qualities you possess as a daughter and a friend are all testimonials of your being a ‘Ooparwale ki Bandi’, a gift to all of us friends! Stay blessed, stay healthy & happy, stay the way you are ! You truly are a fighter, a victor! We love you Palluben!
Just cannot imagine a Pallavi in that state! So glad you found a way out. And when upon life’s tempests… I shall look to your story for inspiration. Take care dear friend-Yukti
ReplyDeleteA truly fantastic and inspiring read . I too have adopted the policy of avoiding negativity and it is the best way forward . Proud of your strength Pallu ….. always be yourself …Smeeta M
ReplyDeleteA true fairy tale here the protected Princess fightsa dragon slays it breaks open.the gates of the dungeon & returns home in triumph . In 30 years a Daddy's Princess is now a warrior Queen.....
ReplyDeleteTrue who knows better than you of the sufferings what you had live like a queen from the angle you were love you ❤️
ReplyDeleteDearest Pallavi..
ReplyDeleteJust remember that you are very precious...very essential ..and very loved by us all....and inspite each one of us every day... Full of gratitude for YOU
inspire
ReplyDeleteSo very inspiring and thought provoking..Pallavi. A lot to learn from you also. As usual...look forward to your eloquent n straight from the heart articles.
ReplyDeleteYou are a warrior. While no one will never actually be able to know what you've been through, this blog speaks volumes for the person you are today. And that person is one with a heart of gold... Basically she's a most beautiful soul!!! Love you lots. Thank you for inspiring me in countless ways. Love always.
ReplyDelete-SK
Your blog takes us back to the time when, with fortitude you bore the abuse hurled at you, and you built up your life brick by brick. It's amazing that in spite of having every reason to be bitter, you were always there for others in their hour of need. You were the ideal daughter any parent would be proud to have. For friends you have always gone the extra mile to do the utmost possible and make them feel special. All the best to you always.
ReplyDeleteYour blog reminded me of a lovely Marathi song. आकाशी झेप घे रे पाखरा सोड हा सोन्याचा पिंजरा. (Fly high into the sky birdie, leave the lure of the golden cage)