THE IRONIES OF LIFE.. can be so tragic..

 THE IRONIES OF LIFE.. can be so tragic..

A lot of sad and bad things have been happening in the world lately and it really makes me wonder.. WHY do these things happen?

How does a happy picnic spot become a graveyard all of a sudden? Why does a wife on her honeymoon give a contract for husband to be killed? How does a Dreamliner crash and erupt into a ball of fire almost immediately after takeoff with everyone (except one person) dying?

What makes that same Dreamliner collapse on top of a medical college mess where young "soon to be doctors" were enjoying a short break from their arduous duties to have lunch? Why were those who are actually "life savers" killed? Are there any answers? Not really..

BOEING as a company will be taken to task.. inquiries will be made.. AIR INDIA will come under the scanner for questionable security measures (or rather.. the lack of them).. Ministers will mouth platitudes and give lengthy speeches.. families will be compensated with money.. and it will become an old story soon..

I just want to share my feelings about this horrific episode.. because I believe that in everything that happens.. there is a lesson and a takeaway..

Through my life of almost 62 years I have lost no less than SEVEN family members to air disasters.. having said that, I never think of that while boarding a flight! 

As I sit to think of those that have perished.. I wonder what their last thoughts were before the crash.. unrealized dreams.. goals that would never be achieved.. people they would never meet again.. promotions earned but never to be received.. vacation plans that would never see the light of day.. proposals that wont be made.. the baby that won't complete the family.. it was just too late..

And when I sit to pray for the families and friends of those who have been lost.. so many possible scenarious run riot in my head.. Are they regretting something nasty they may have said.. Did they fight about something trivial? Were they rude or unkind in their words or actions? Was there a secret they wanted to share? An apology that should have been made in person? Is there a planned celebration that won't take place? A family holiday that will remain as a dream.. It is just too late now..

We really need to count our blessings and be grateful that it's not TOO LATE YET.. to say thank you.. to tell the people we love that we love them (in so many words).. to send those flowers.. to make that call.. to write that email.. to say that prayer.. 

What an incredible lesson there is to be learned from this tragedy.. watch your thoughts.. choose your words carefully and no matter what happens.. be kind.. At the end of the day.. no one should ever live with regrets for what they "could have and should have done".. for others as well as for themselves..

The difference between life and death is one breath.. just ONE breath.. If you have been at all affected by the crash of AI 171.. please stop taking your life and the people you love for granted! 

Make time for people.. meet them.. TALK to them.. about your hopes and dreams.. whims  fancies and desires.. Celebrate your birthday with your friends and family.. it is a blessing to be surrounded by love!! Realize and give thanks for waking up every morning and simply being alive.. for it is a privilege denied to so many! LIVE every day of your life the fullest happiest and most beautiful way you can.. 

Do it simply because.. in the truly immportal words of the brilliant poet Javed Akhtar..

Har ghadi badal rahi hai roop zindagi

Chaanv hai kabhi, kabhi

hai dhoop zindagi

Har pal yahan

Jee bhar jiyo jo hai samaa

Kal ho naa ho

Har pal yahan

Jee bhar jiyo jo hai samaa

Kal ho naa ho

Thank you as always for reading and do remember to please add tour name at the end of your comment (should you choose to write one)!

CREATE THIS DOCUMENT TODAY.. it’s really important!!

I’ve never said it before but please read this blog very carefully and do the needful at the earliest (if what is written resonates with you)..

There are days when I stare into space.. reflect on the day week and month that’s gone by and occasional flashes of insight (am not being conceited enough to call it brilliance) come to me.. This happened to me one evening last week and it seemed important enough to warrant a blog and so here I am wanting to share it!

A dear friend had come over for dinner and he happened to mention that he was travelling to Goa tomorrow.. Amit is one of my “bubble friends” – my name for friendships where we only know each other but no one else in each other’s lives..

These are precious friendships but not always the most practical kind.. whether it’s the fact that Operation Sindoor happened.. whether war broke out or not.. it suddenly hit me that God forbid.. if there was to be a crisis situation, neither one of us had any means of getting an update about each other! Life is unpredictable (to say the least) and we discussed and decided that we should do something about it for sure and at the soonest!

For starters.. we are both single (and happy) but we agreed that whenever either one of us is travelling.. tickets and itineraries have to be shared! Upon safe arrival at destination, a WhatsApp message must be sent as well so that other is at peace.. especially considering the frequency of flight delays and cancellations nowadays..

Once we agreed on this, another thought followed in quick succession.. and it was like this.. Oftentimes even for people who live with complete families.. nobody really knows ALL your details.. What if you need to be rushed to hospital or you are stranded (horrors!!) without wi-fi.. someone needs to know important information about you so that they can help you out! Right? You bet!

Am sure everyone has that one person (bestie.. family.. really close friend or an ICE (in case of emergency) who you trust completely.. if you do, you need to create a document with all the most important information about you and share it with them! Am going to try and make this easier for you by sharing the details I think should be shared..

·       Passport copy

·       Medical insurance policy copy, insurance agent name and contact number

·       Car/s insurance copies

·       Bank account number, name and branch

·       Bank locker number

·       Credit card/s details with pin/s

·       Email ID/s with password/s

·       List of medications taken with a brief medical history

·       Family doctor & specialist names with mobile numbers

·       Staff names and mobile numbers

·       Close friends and family names & numbers to be contacted (in case of an emergency)

 

Do feel free to add whatever you’d like to this list and please do it at the earliest.. am sure it will come in very helpful and handy some day!

As always, thank you so much for reading and do please add your name at the beginning or end of your comment (should you choose to write one)..

WE ALL NEED TO DO THIS.. go that extra mile!!

Last Sunday I went (with a couple of friends) to Matunga for a nice South Indian Breakfast/brunch.. We were chatting and laughing in the car and moving smoothly until we reached the Matunga market which was crowded as usual and to be expected on a Sunday..

As we got to the corner where we had to turn left for Arya Bhavan (my all-time favourite South Indian restaurant) we stopped.. just stopped.. because there wasn’t an empty square inch of road to drive on!

Everywhere we looked.. we saw visually impaired people tapping their white sticks and trying to negotiate their way.. and I’m talking about over a hundred people! We were obviously crawling through the narrow lane taking extreme care not to even lightly brush against a single person.

As we were sitting in the car, a young girl tapped on my window and when I lowered the glass, she told me “Please be very careful and drive slowly.. there’s very little space to move and these blind people can’t see you”! She was probably still in her teens and I promised to do as she requested and we moved ahead..

Further ahead we saw a banner that announced that it was “Andha Ann Din” which meant some kindhearted soul/s were donating foodstuff and grains to these people.. so finally we understood the reason for the hordes of people. Somehow that gesture of the young girl really touched me.. she didn’t HAVE to tap on my window with her words of caution.. but.. she genuinely cared about the people and went out of her way and “walked the extra mile” to do so!

It was brave on her part as well because there was always the possibility that I could have been a different kind of person who snapped and said something like “I am not blind and can see.. You don’t need to tell me what to do.. Just mind your business.. Are you trying to be Mother Teresa?” The sad truth is that we Mumbaikars pride ourselves on being “so busy” and think that is a licence to be rude and snappy!

I like to believe that there are times when we want to “walk the extra mile” for others but are a little worried that it may backfire.. or the other person might think we are weird or crazy.. or mistake our intentions as power play or whatever.. but it is SO important to perform small acts of random kindness that are unexpected..

Just think about it.. there are so many opportunities through the day when you can do this.. hold a door open for someone who’s laden with parcels.. try and help sort out a traffic snarl.. offer to share your umbrella with someone who needs it.. carry your neighbour’s courier parcel up and drop it to their door.. send flowers to your bestie “just because”.. hand tetrapacks of “lassi” and “chaash” to traffic policemen doing duty in the sweltering afternoon sun or even order a special meal for your staff the day they’re really tired..

As we go through life.. let’s try and resolve to do something small and thoughtful for another person whenever we can.. going the extra mile isn’t troublesome or difficult.. It just needs a kind and thoughtful heart and a willingness to bring a smile to another person’s face! Kindness costs nothing and what a wonderful habit to pass on to our children and everyone around us.. It will bring you a glow of warmth in the heart and a smile that stretches from ear to ear! With all the exercise gymming yoga Pilates and swimming we do.. let’s make “walking the extra mile” a regular part of our lives too!

As always, thank you for reading and please write your name at the beginning or end of your comment (should you choose to write one)!

SOME MIRACLES ARE JUST GOOD PEOPLE.. with kind hearts!!

As a little girl growing up Daddy always tried to teach me about “the value of money”.. and this was done in various creative ways! Tidiness and neatness were rewarded with pocket money.. I was encouraged to go “door to door” (only in the building) to collect donations for the NAB Lions Home for the Blind (a form was given from school) and when I professed a desire for a pair of “Roman lace up sandals” the money was collected by doing (once again) door to door market research for some washing powder! Persevering in spite of a number or slammed doors and rude people, it was a real thrill to collect the princely sum of Rs.70 to buy my first  very OWN pair of sandals with my very OWN MONEY!!

I was pampered in terms of permissions and friends and going out but kept on a very tight budget.. and remember my mother’s words so clearly “When you start earning your own money.. you can spend it however you like but until then.. you will have t do as we say and decide”.. and that made me want to really hurry up and start earning my own money!

Daddy used to travel abroad a great deal on work.. and by the time I was in senior school I wanted “branded” jeans.. and the only “brands” back then were Wranglers and Levis! He went to Hong Kong and brought me 10 pairs of jeans.. ONE pair of genuine “branded” Wranglers and the rest “wannabe” pairs from Stanley Market which was an absolute haven for “branded” copies back then! I was happy and he was even happier because the he bought the other 9 pairs for a song!

Daddy always liked being the “cool Dad” and managed to find reasonable and acceptable ways of indulging me without saying too many “Nos” and without spoiling me outrageously at the same time! He was earning a comfortable salary and we lived well but he always discouraged me from buying “branded” clothes saying I didn’t NEED them.. However he always insisted on buying good quality footwear because that was a health concern! Totally reasonable and acceptable by any and all standards? Absolutely!

As I was growing up, he told me one day that when my personal wealth reached a certain figure (which he never disclosed to me!) he would allow me to fly “Business Class” and the day THAT happened it was really exciting! That was also the first trip when he gave me a more generous allowance of spending money and said I could buy myself a “branded” watch.. explaining to me that since I was going to London I should claim the VAT Tax-free refund.. and also that since I wore a watch everyday it was an “investment”!

Time went by and I started becoming a discerning shopper and decided to invest in only top branded bags and watches because they would last and were genuinely “value for money”.. In keeping with my new beliefs I bought myself a Cartier Tank watch on my 60^th birthday and was very pleased with myself! I wore it every single day and really loved the watch! And then.. for no particular reason.. one fine day.. it just stopped working!

I took it back to the company I had bought it from.. they checked it and said the battery had failed and would need to be replaced.. The battery had to come from France so I waited patiently for 3 weeks! All was well for another six months or so when it unaccountable stopped again! This time they told me the watch had gotten “demagnetized” so another 3 weeks to fix it! A couple of months went by and two tiny pins fell out of the strap and the watch was perching precariously on my wrist.. Thanks to the house renovation.. shifting and my own carelessness (it must be admitted) the spare links were not to be found so yet another 3 weeks at the workshop!

When it stopped working again a couple of weeks ago I took it to the workshop and gave the team a piece of my mind.. told them I had been given the equivalent of a “lemon” and that it was shameful that a Cartier had to be fixed FOUR times within just two years of purchase.. and if the brand had ANY integrity and concern for their reputation they should give me a replacement!

And THIS is where the miracle called Mr. Karan Vaidya came into my life.. he heard my litany woes and rants patiently.. agreed with me.. took up this matter with the brand.. fought for me.. negotiated for me.. and this evening.. happily handed over to me a spanking brand new Cartier Tank watch.. exactly identical to the one I had bought in 2023!

It is always refreshing and reassuring to meet people who do what they do with passion and integrity and I have been truly blessed to meet this extremely charming personable and thoroughly professional young man! I hope to be able to share this blog with him via email.. and thank him once again for being such a rockstar and amazingly helpful person! Don’t think I will ever be able to wear my watch without thinking of him and blessing him! He has truly been my miracle of a good person with a kind heart! God bless you Karan!

Thank you as always for reading and please write your name at the end of the comment (should you choose to write one).

 

ARE WE TRULY GRATEFUL ENOUGH.. and for the right things? Ask yourself..

As we go through life and navigate from one age and one stage to another.. there are certain “buzz words” and “key phrases” that rule.. When we were very young it was “children are meant to be seen and not heard” and then it changed to “Do as I say don’t do as I do” and so on.. and we as obedient children listened and adhered..

Time went by.. we grew up.. developed our own identities and personalities and the phrases changed to “it’s all about loving your parents” and “nothing is impossible.. the word itself says I M possible”.. and thinking we were invincible.. we were convinced about these truths too..

When we started working we were told things like “TEAM” stands for “together everyone achieves more” and “We’re number 2.. we try harder” and we pushed ourselves to outperform each other and ourselves.. and thought that would result in accolades and awards.. and it did.. BUT..

After giving (almost) our hearts and souls to other people.. friends.. family.. the boss and the office.. we had a “Eureka moment” and realized that something was wrong.. The salary cheque was substantial.. there was recognition and fame.. but there was still something “missing”.. and for the life of us.. we couldn’t put our finger on it!

It was around then that all of a sudden.. buzz words and phrases.. life coaches.. spirituality and “personal growth” became the rage and we got advice and life lessons that went something like this.. “Think positive.. good energy matters.. be thankful.. practice gratitude actively”.. and so.. in our own muddled and confused way.. we tried.. said multiple “thank yous” to God or the universe every time something good happened to us! This was a good thing.. but the question is.. was it good enough?

The answer is very simple.. NO.. no it’s not good enough.. because we need to first identify and acknowledge our blessings before we can be grateful for them! And most of us believe that the time to be grateful is when plans work and good things happen to us and the people we love.. Right? This is actually wrong.. or at best.. just partly right!

My dear friend Navaz sent me a video where it shows a simple down to earth person says gratitude shouldn’t be only for the good things that we receive but.. and get this loud and clear.. it should ALSO be for all the bad things that we don’t want and don’t receive! Let me explain this a little more.. Essentially.. we need to “flip the script” meaning..

Let’s assume that I don’t want a life-threatening illness.. and I don’t have one.. something to be grateful for.. Let’s say I don’t want to be financially or emotionally dependent on anyone.. and I am not.. that’s another thing to be grateful for! We need to understand and accept that not getting what you don’t want is a huge blessing in itself and we should be grateful for it!

Make a list of all the things that you don’t EVER want.. credit card fraud.. broken relationships.. losses in business.. infidelity in marriage.. and THEN sit down and realize how many of them you don’t have.. Understand how blessed you are and how much you really have to be grateful for.. and then thank God.. the universe and whoever else you need to!

Make your own personal list of “buzz words and catch phrases” and make sure to include “peace of mind.. joy in the heart.. solitude.. reflection.. compassion.. soul growth.. kindness and good energy” in it.. and don’t forget to be grateful for NOT getting the things you don’t want!

As always.. thank you for your patience and for reading.. and do add your name at the beginning or end of your comment (should you choose to write one)..

Remain blessed and wishing you a wonderful weekend!!

97 YEARS OLD & COUNTING.. You’re rocking it Daddy!

Today is Daddy’s 97^th birthday.. I write “is” and not “would have been” because although his physical presence has moved on.. he’s very much “here” among us and in the nicest possible way even today!

It is thanks to him and his gift for words that I am able to think the way I do.. and string my thoughts together somewhat coherently to be able to write the “morning magic”!

It is thanks to his goodwill and respectful connections that so many doors open easily for me today.. all difficulties and challenges are overcome and managed smoothly.. only because he has extended the same courtesy to so many in his lifetime..

It is thanks to him (and my mother) that I was made to believe that it was good to be “rough and tough and ready for anything” as a child and so able to enjoy a number of adventures! 

It is thanks to his empathy that I was made aware of how lucky I was to belong to a family blessed with abundance.. sensitized and learned to share with and give to the less fortunate..

It is thanks to his firm but loving discipline that I am borderline OCD and my cupboards and drawers are in “apple pie order” (most of the time)!

It is thanks to him and his words of wisdom that I grew up with a fantastic work ethic.. he said “when you are in a position of responsibility and leadership.. you can choose to be efficient or popular.. I hope you choose to be like me – a happy combination of both!” I tried my best..

It is thanks to him that I understood that the staff we have at home leave their spouses children siblings families and friends in the village to come and work for US.. and therefore WE have to be “family” to them.. and always to grant them leave happily!

It is thanks to him that I learned how to talk to the people who serve us at any and every level.. to “connect” with them and speak with them nicely and respect what they do.. cleaners waiters and everyone..

It is thanks to his foresight that I have a support system of FOUR incredibly wise very clever and caring “solid” people he entrusted me to.. Pravin Porus Deepak and Manish! Super blessed to have you guys and thank you for always looking out for me!

It is thanks to him and his careful teaching and explanations that I have an idea about investments and finances.. and am even able to ask some significant questions sometimes!

It is thanks to him that I understood that girls are “as good as smart and as capable.. if not more so” than boys! That really built my confidence in my own capabilities!

And last but definitely not the least.. if I am living alone.. with courage and no fear.. if I am living a good (no.. actually great) life without “needing” anyone to come and take care of me.. If I am making my own decisions with a clean heart and a clear mind.. it is all and only thanks to everything you have taught me.. shown me.. and “led by example!

Just to reiterate.. am so blessed to have been born your daughter and will do everything I can to be the person you always wanted me to be!

Happy birthday with the biggest hugs and all my love to you wherever you are.. and thank you for being with me.. and guiding my footsteps.. always!! Love you hamesha!!

Thank you for reading and do please share your name at the beginning or end of your comment (should you choose to write one)!

HOW TO BE A REALLY GOOD FRIEND.. the “must dos”..

What are the things that matter most in a friendship? Of course it’s also a matter of “different strokes for different folks” but some fundamentals are constant and don’t ever change.. right? Friendship.. in the deepest and truest sense of the word is a lifelong commitment.. to “be there”.. to care.. and most of all.. to share..

“Friend” is a word I don’t use lightly.. there are people who are casual acquaintances.. there are the people I know and like a little more who are “acquaintance plus”.. there are colleagues.. there are neighbours.. there is family.. and THEN.. there are friends.. who are often more than family!

A real and solid friendship to me doesn’t depend on how much time you spend together.. as long as you spend SOME time together.. quality time without being on your phones.. sharing the big and little details of your lives.. talking yourself hoarse about your feelings.. baring your souls and never being afraid of breaking down and crying.. BUT it is essential to make the effort and spend some time together.. the last thing you want is to feel “taken for granted” by someone you care for so much! Please spend “special time”.

People say with great pride “I don’t talk to my bestie for 6 months at a stretch but when we talk.. we catch up on everything and it feels like we were together just yesterday”! Excuse my language but this is bullshit! Your bestie loves hearing from you.. and waits to hear from you.. How much of an effort is it to drop a text message or a voice message or just make a quick call to say “I’m thinking of you.. love you and miss you.. Hope things are alright with you”.. Do it!

And then there are the people who say “I am just not “made” that way.. I can’t do the calls.. send the messages.. make the plans and keep in touch.. but I care and will talk to you when we meet.. this just doesn’t work for me! If you can receive messages.. you can send them.. and if you can answer calls.. you can bloody well make them too! If you want to be included in the plan.. how about taking the initiative once in a while? How difficult is it? Keep in touch!

When things are hunky dory and all is well.. everyone will be around right in the lines of vision and hearing.. they will dance at your parties with reckless abandon and make merry into the wee hours! What happens when the chips are down and times are tough? We go through an illness.. lose a parent.. suffer a stormy relationship.. navigate a messy divorce.. Who are the friends who just come in and take charge and handle things and handle you? Know them!

A friend is someone with whom you’ve done the craziest things.. shared the silliest and naughtiest jokes.. discussed the biggest problems.. celebrated every success.. had the most fun holidays.. shared your deepest darkest fears.. shared the tightest hugs.. attended the “must go to” weddings.. eaten the worst food and survived.. gotten so drunk you could hardly stand straight.. and felt unconditionally loved accepted and supported and understood no matter what! Have one? You are lucky!

Being a true friend means you have to be Superman or Superwoman.. willingly and happily.. and all the time! You have to hold your friend in your heart.. have their back.. trust them.. believe in them.. defend them when they need it and just give 100% of yourself to them! That means you HAVE to be respected accepted and loved for being exactly who you are.. not 20 kgs lighter.. not 10 crores richer.. not 50 points higher on IQ.. not 5 shades fairer.. and reciprocate the same!

Speaking for myself, I have had the joys of “reason season and lifetime friends”.. and don’t need to name any names here.. everyone reading this knows exactly who they have been and still are to me! Friendship has always been my “go to” and favourite relationship in life.. and of course the definition has evolved over time and continues to do so..

With heartfelt gratitude to all my “friends who are more than family”.. know that every little act of kindness faith and love that you give me is tremendously cherished and treasured.. Thank you for everything you think say do feel and share! Biggest hugs and much love always.. remember that you are special and have a space in my heart that nobody else can ever fill.. and I am truly blessed!

Wishing you all a lifetime of genuine friends and thank you as always for reading.. Please remember to add your name at the end of your comment (should you choose to write one)!!

 

 

 

 

 

A LITTLE THING HAPPENED THE OTHER DAY.. and it is worth sharing!

One fine day I was doing my least favourite thing in the world (sorting and putting away ironed clothes) which is second only to washing clothes! Sorting out pants shirts kurtis and whatnot.. I kept grumbling as I went through a big pile (had just returned from a short holiday) and had just about finished with a sigh of relief when..

DISASTER struck! My driver (and hardworking right hand) knocked and came into the room with four (yes FOUR) bags full of clothes that he had just picked up at the laundry.. My heart sank because that meant at least another 45 minutes of taking the clothes out of the plastic bags.. removing the clips that held them to the cardboard.. unfolding them carefully and transferring them to hangers.. SO BORING!

I put my hand to it (so as to escape the wrath of Man Friday) and was quite shocked to see HOW MUCH packing material had gone into those four bags! I just didn’t have the heart to throw it all away.. so I folded the plastic bags nicely..  tied the cardboard sheets into a neat bundle and saved the plastic clips in an envelope.. I had an errand to run this evening and stopped by the laundry and handed the bag over and the gentleman there was gobsmacked when he looked inside!

He said to me “Madam, nobody has ever thought of doing this and it is so nice and good that you did it. Thank you for bringing all this back and we will definitely reuse it! Thank you so much.” Just for information’s sake.. it was the Spin and Press laundry at Warden Road.. and they do a good job of getting the clothes beautifully clean!

This was a small thing but it brought home to me the importance of making a small effort that collectively can make a big difference to the planet! Have taken a decision today to be “greener” and not keep additional small napkins for individual use in my guest bathroom from now on (unless there is a party)! We all have good standards of hygiene and can easily use the same napkin to wipe our hands.. such an unnecessary waste of water and resources!

My car is always well stocked with shopping bags made of cloth and fibre and plastic bags are rarely if ever used! Whatever handbag I carry.. there’s always at least one foldable IKEA shopping bag inside which comes out and unfolds at the drop of a hat! The car is always stocked with small tetrapacks of Amul Masti Chaash for cops and whoever else is sweltering in the heat! At the end of the day.. it’s nice to be nice to the people who look after us!

I try and drink water from my thermos all through the day so as not to generate multiple glasses to be washed.. Showers are quick instead of long and indulgent and often it’s a bucket bath in summer (where the water came warm from the tap but had time to cool down until I was ready to bathe) so even less wastage of water! l know everyone does different things to conserve resources and save the planet and would love for you to share your “green habits” too!

As always.. thank you for reading and please share your name along with your comment (should you choose to write one)!

 

 

 

THE SIMPLE JOY OF FAFFING.. with your besties!

 Over the last week I’ve had an unusually hectic social life and today was no exception.. There weren’t any exotic meals at fancy restaurants.. but there were evenings and afternoons of wholesome homemade meals with a lot of bonhomie chatter laughter and love at the table!

There were deep and intense conversations about love.. life and everything in between.. silly jokes and gentle teasing.. sharing hopes and fears.. dreams and desires.. joys and worries.. congratulations on victories and commiserations about defeats.. a lot of sharing and caring.. understanding and acceptance.. information and realizations.. discussions and debates.. planning and parley!

In short.. there was a lot of open and honest communication that happened and it was such a joy to know that the “ good old.. simple and old fashioned art” of heart-to-heart and truly meaningful conversations still happens.. It wasn’t just the idle “time pass” chatter about the latest fashions.. filmi Bollywood and Hollywood gossip.. and absolutely nothing religious or political either!

One evening we played cards.. all the “great gamblers” came over for an evening of “Teenpatti” which was full of good humour.. fun.. fake drama.. scrumptious food and lots and lots of laughter! It isn’t at all necessary to spend a lot of money to have a lot of fun! A couple of evenings we just hung out at home.. sat on the sofa.. cooked lots of “khayaali pulao”.. discussed probable and improbable travel plans and built any number of castles in the air.. but so what? A little dreaming never hurt anyone and it’s always lovely to have something to look forward to.. right?

Caught up with a very dear friend after 5 months and it was like we had met just yesterday.. the joy of meeting up.. catching up.. taking selfies (which is our tradition and way of tracking the gaps between our meetings) and talking about anything and everything under the sun.. When he left to go home.. it was with his usual admonition of “walk carefully and for God’s sake don’t fall down” because he’s so concerned about my issues with balance! Heartwarming to say the very least.. right?

As it turned out.. spent a lot of time with friends who live outside the country but are visiting.. discussing lifestyles.. challenges of living overseas and the constant coming and going to spend time with an elderly parent.. They are family to me.. and I am equally family to them so it is a very special bond that we share! The conversation just flows and it is always with regret that I leave to come home!

And then.. there was the icing on the cake.. the day when my bestie (who’s one of my favourite people on the planet) called to say he was free all afternoon and how about we spend some time together? Obviously I jumped at the idea and we shared a truly amazing afternoon where we discussed attachment theory.. good deeds.. helping people in need.. spiritual stuff.. lit a diya and prayed together.. talked about our childhoods.. how and why we are different people today.. and who was a part of making us so.. Time didn’t just pass… it was racing away and we kept looking at our watches to make sure we would have a chance to say everything we wanted to each other.. and we DID.. We were both very content and enveloped in a “happy haze and warm fuzzy” kind of feeling when we said bye to each other!

And then there was my meeting with my very own very sweet very simple “jigar ka tukda” friend who I affectionately call “Oliver Twist”! And why do I do that? Because no matter how much time we spend together.. it’s NEVER enough! She’ll always negotiate for half an hour more and sometimes settle for 15 minutes.. such a sweetheart! She comes from a space of the purest love and we love spending time together!

Nowadays the trend is to host fancy parties.. organize games.. even hire a party planner and serve unique cuisines.. and people love doing all this stuff... so good luck to them! And what about me? Give me a few hours with a close friend.. make sure there’s no agenda.. mobiles put far away.. and just let us “faff” and do nothing but spend time together.. it’s the ultimate therapy and all that we really need! Keep it simple.. smile wide.. laugh loud and love as much as you can!!

All the friends I’ve written about know exactly who you are so am not sharing names.. to all of you and all the ones I haven’t met lately (but very much want to).. just know that you are cherished treasured and most of all.. loved very dearly!!

Thank you as always for reading and I hope you enjoyed reading this post as much as I did writing it! Do share your name at the end of your comment.. and wishing you the simple joy of faffing with your besties.. today tomorrow and always!!

 

 

THANK YOU MUMMY & DADDY.. for the good habits!!

Of late.. I have found myself thinking about problems and their solutions.. and how.. whenever I had a problem I didn’t know how to solve.. or a situation I didn’t know how to deal with.. my “go to” person was always Daddy! If and when Daddy was travelling and I needed an immediate solution.. it was Mummy (being the oldish time of no mobile phones and instant communication)!

Whether it was Daddy or Mummy.. I remember being given a patient listening ear (more from Daddy of course) and then a discussion would follow.. including how I felt.. how the other person could possibly be feeling.. and options of solutions discussed in detail and finally narrowing down to one mutually acceptable option! The lesson learned then (and realized much later) was how important it is to listen to BOTH sides of a story.. consider everyone’s feelings and try and find a solution that is acceptable to everyone concerned..

All parents try to inculcate good habits in their children and mine were no exception.. waking up early was mandatory as well as non-negotiable.. 6:30 am on schooldays and 7:30 am on the weekends! In retrospect.. this is actually a blessing.. I am a total morning person and love that I achieve more than half of my “to do” list by 10 am.. I am truly amazed by and marvel at people who can sleep until 10 and 11 am.. that’s an impossible dream for me! I have tried but old habits die hard and this one is still very much alive and kicking!

Let’s talk about keeping things where they belong.. and this was taught in an absolutely no-nonsense manner! Just before my tenth birthday (with great excitement about finally getting int the double digits) Daddy called me and said “You’re going to be 10 years old and I want to give you weekly pocket money.. BUT.. you have to earn it! Every Saturday morning there will be room inspection.. writing table inspection and cupboard inspection.. and IF and ONLY IF everything is in place will you get the princely sum of 15 rupees a week.” The motto in our house was “a place for everything and everything in it’s place”.. For those of you who have accused me jokingly of being “borderline OCD”.. now you know where it comes from!

Discipline was very much in place at the dining table too.. Mummy and Daddy decided what we would eat.. how much.. and served us.. and the unspoken rule was “You don’t get up from the table until you finish what’s on your plate.. if you don’t like it overmuch you don’t need to take a second helping but what is there has to be eaten! Glasses of milk (which I detested) were downed without a murmur and I grew up eating every vegetable except karela and kantola which we were mercifully spared! Mummy was very clear that I should grow up and be a credit to her for being a non-fussy eater especially at other people’s homes!

Going out at night and curfews.. putting up posters on the walls and other adolescent nonsense type things.. Daddy was more lenient about this and explained to Mummy that it was an integral part of growing up which she accepted.. albeit not very happily! I clearly remember my 18^th birthday when all my friends (guys included) bussed me gently on the cheek and wished me.. and my mother clutching Daddy’s arm fiercely and hissing at him “Narendra! These boys are KISSING Pallu! And my sweet father.. imperturtable as always saying “Yes Vasant.. it’s okay and she would say “it’s NOT okay” which he would ignore in a most cavalier manner!

Poor Mummy had a hard row to hoe sometimes.. but she bore it with grace resentment and humour by turn! She was very simple direct and authoritative.. Daddy was far more diplomatic and softspoken (most of the time) but they were a great team and were generous with criticism and praise.. pampering and discipline.. and most of all.. consistent and solidly together in all decisions related to parenting (and definitely in our presence)!

Today I think of them both with gratitude.. and bless them for all the good habits and virtues they taught.. and I “caught” and wish that all children today are blessed enough to have parents who practice “tough love” and keep the relationship with their children in perfect balance! Good parenting sets boundaries.. creates a sense of security and results in mature sensible practical and well-adjusted children who have love laughter compassion and kindness to give the world!

Thank you for reading and do please share your name at the end of your comment (if you choose to write one)..

HAPPY WOMEN'S DAY.. everyday!!

TODAY.. is International Women's Day.. so it's all about women.. all over the place.. wherever they are and whatever they are doing..

TODAY.. every woman is treated like she's Superwoman (which she really and truly IS).. 

TODAY.. every woman is all of a sudden the BEST wife.. mother.. sister.. daughter.. friend..

TODAY.. every woman is suddenly a magical creature who's blessed with every virtue that exists..

TODAY.. every woman is the "greatest asset" to the organization or institution she's associated with..

TODAY.. every newspaper article and media reel highlights the incredible achievements of extraordinary (and ordinary women who are everyday heroes)..

TODAY.. every woman in the world is made to feel beautiful capable successful and strong..

TODAY.. every woman receives appreciation and acknowledgement for doing what she does on a daily basis as a matter of course..

TODAY.. every woman is celebrated and that is beautiful.. and I am so grateful for that! 

TODAY.. this message goes out to every woman I know to wish them a Happy Women's Day!

TODAY.. I pray that all of us who belong to the great universal sisterhood of women just send out love and light to each other!

TODAY.. I'm not standing on my soapbox and pontificating that EVERY day should be Women's Day.. because for me.. it IS!

TODAY.. I am truly blessed to be surrounded by both women (and men) who appreciate and celebrate me.. and they do this by accepting supporting respecting me on a day to day basis!

TODAY.. and EVERY day.. it is possible for every woman to feel special loved cherished and revered.. All you need to do is love yourself and believe it's okay for you to put yourself first and believe that you are WORTHY!

TODAY.. know that you are a magical human being who deserves all the praises for all that you do..

TODAY.. don't allow yourself to be browbeaten dominated disrespected and treated as less because you are NOT less..

TODAY.. and everyday.. know the blessing it is to be a woman and be grateful for it.. simply because.. there's nothing worth doing that we can't do.. and of course..

TODAY.. and every day of your life.. remember that women are the fairer smarter nicer cleverer and better sex!!

Happy International Woman's Day to every woman out there.. just keep doing what you do.. and keep rocking it like ONLY you can!! 

Thank you as always for reading and please share your name at the end of the comment (should you choose to write one)..

30 YEARS AGO.. Pallu.. then & now!!

The 27th of February 1995 is a red letter date in my life.. it was a day of mixed feelings to the extreme.. of being "set free".. of getting a second chance at life.. of being alone but at the same time being completely with myself! It was the day I was awarded a Certificate of Annulment of marriage in the Ventura County court in Southern California! 

Nine months after a fairytale wedding I flew to the US with stars in my eyes all set to be the "perfect wife"..  but fate decreed otherwise..  It turned out that the fairytale metamorphosed into a nightmare beyond my wildest dreams! 

Growing up as "Papa's princess" disnt any any way prepare me for being locked up.. beaten up.. having my head banged against the wall.. being burned deliberately with lit cigarettes.. insulted verbally.. tortured mentally and emotionally etc.. 

I was in no way equipped to live with a philandering abusive alcoholic.. it was frightening suspenseful and everything in between! I tried talking to him.. loving him more.. asking him to come for couples therapy.. apologizing for who I was.. but nothing made a difference!

The last straw came when he told me in so many words "This is who I am and this is who I want to be.. if you want to stay you can stay.. if you.want to go you can go!" Living without love was difficult was painful.. living with total indifference was difficult but living with outright rejection was what was heartbreaking!

I was incredibly lucky to have somewhere to go.. have a loving family to stay with.. get access to a fabulous lawyer and be free of the "toxicity" but all I could think of was that I just wasn't "good enough" and came back to India with my self-esteem down to rock bottom zero or even lower!

It took many months of endless conversations with my parents.. a lot of time with good friends.. and some intense therapy to understand that addiction was an "illness".. that he was sick.. and that whatever had happened was NOT my fault.. Slowly I gathered myself and understood that being "nice" didnt mean being blind to the faults of others.. that being "unmarried" didn't have to "limit" me as a person.. and that I would be happy and smile again!

Time went by.. I "grew up".. found my own inner wellspring of confidence.. nursed both my parents through many years of a series of medical crises and multiple hospitalizations.. leanred fabulous coping skills.. met some wonderful people along the way.. and got inspired to begin my journey of personal spiritual growth.. 

Today I am taking "baby steps" but learning and realizing the truths of life every single day! I have become more "attuned" to people's energies and found the courage to walk away from negative and toxic people.. to end friendships that have drained more more than they have replenished me.. to find joy and peace within myself instead of seeking and chasing them externally.. and above all.. I have discovered and experienced the incomparable power of prayer!

The joy of "becoming myself" is unparalleled.. and choosing to do only what brings me joy is even better! Now I count my blessings.. surround myself with positive cheerful and happy people.. avoid the grouches.. celebrate every little joy.. reach out to those who genuinely need help.. and do whatever I can in my own little way to "spread the sunshine" and try to make this world a happier and nicer place to live in!

I have written this blog to say it is essential to practise gratitude actively.. to believe in yourself.. to love yourself.. to embrace solitude at times.. to accept whatever life throws at you with equanimity.. face it with strength and confidence and most of all.. keep praying and have the unshakeable faith that "if God brings you to it.. He also brings you through it" and to always remember that you are loved precious and a very special person to so many!!

Celebrating my very own personal "Independence Day" today with a heart full of love and gratitude to God.. the Universe and all of you for being in my life and enriching it! Wishing you all resilience confidence courage strength and unwavering faith as you navigate through life!

The final words of wisdom are.. keep believing in the essential goodness of human nature but don't be blind to people's faults.. stay away from "energy vampires".. keep believing in yourself.. stay positive and whatever happens.. don't give up!! 

As always.. thank you for reading and please write your name at the end of the comment (should you choose to write one)..

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU.. first and foremost!!

Valentine’s Day is the day of love.. romance.. lovers.. chocolates.. sentimental messages.. flowers.. rainbows.. teddy bears.. mushy endearments.. gifts.. jewellery.. cards and public displays of affection.. Right? Right.. this is Valentine’s Day as we know it..

Now that EQ (Emotional Quotient) is such a big thing.. Valentine’s Day is not just about celebrating your “special someone” or significant other.. but it is a day for spouses.. partners.. parents.. extended family.. children.. siblings.. friends.. and pretty much everyone else in your life!

Expressing your love for someone is a wonderful thing.. and for people who struggle to actually SAY those (sometimes very difficult) three little words”.. Valentine’s Day is a godsend because what you’re trying to say is pretty much understood without the awkwardness of actually HAVING to say it - in so many small but significant words!

How about you take a slightly different view of Valentine’s Day this year? You go “all out” buying presents.. drafting loving messages and feeling pressurized to “do things properly” to express your deepest feelings to others on this very important day.. BUT.. how about you celebrate YOURSELF this Valentine’s Day? After all, we all know you can’t pour from an empty cup.. so why not do what makes YOU happy this year? Weird? No.. Wonderful? Yes!!

How about you start with looking at yourself in the mirror and accepting yourself and loving yourself just as you are.. without wishing for fairer skin.. a more aquiline nose.. weighing 10 kilos less.. a fuller head of hair? How about you sit down quietly with yourself and by yourself and be grateful for having a calm temperament.. a loving heart.. a generous nature and a positive personality?

 Being your own Valentine first and foremost might sound a little unusual.. but it is essential to remind yourself that you are special.. unique.. and most of all – worthy of love! Give yourself a little love today.. be kind to yourself and treat yourself to your favourite chocolates.. go to your favourite spa for a foot massage.. take that afternoon siesta guilt-free.. and know that you deserve the best that you can give yourself!

At another level.. allow the love you feel flow to others less fortunate and do something for them that is not a daily gift.. organize or sponsor a meal for the underprivileged.. spend some time with the elderly.. reach out to a friend who’s going through a rough time and share a meaningful conversation (while keeping your phones switched off).. When you sit to pray.. give yourself the luxury of a little extra time and just count your blessings.. name them one by one.. and pray for brotherhood peace and love in the world!

Believe that today is a day to love yourself and tell yourself in the immortal words of the singer John Legend in as many ways as possible that

“All of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose, I'm winning
'Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you”

Love yourself.. share that love.. spread that love.. celebrate that love.. and here’s a very Happy Valentine’s Day to you!!

As always.. thank you for reading.. it means so much to me!!

EIGHT YEARS & COUNTING.. miss you Daddy!

Some dates on the calendar roll around so quickly it’s just uncanny.. before you even realize it.. the day is here once again! The 3^rd of February is like that for me.. today marks exactly eight years since you left me Daddy.. and I miss you every single day!

This year things are a little different though.. I miss you but the unbearable pain and sense of loss have metamorphosed into a calm acceptance that now I am truly “on my own” but you’re still “right here” with me in my mind heart and soul.. and that you’ll never leave me alone..

Today as I think of you.. it is with a sense of wonder as to how very wise you were.. how organized.. how practical and sensible.. and how blessed and lucky I am to have inherited some of these wonderfully desirable qualities (although to a much lesser extent) from you! Today as I think of you.. it is with the deepest gratitude for imparting to me the sense to know “right from wrong” and always choose the high road.. the one that is tougher but builds character courage and conviction in the long run!

Today as I think of you.. it is with appreciation for the virtues of punctuality integrity meticulousness compassion neatness gratitude and faith in the Almighty.. Today as I think of you.. it is with an overwhelming feeling of being blessed and lucky to be born to you and to get your love for books.. for reading.. for writing.. for language.. and for good music..

Today as I think of you.. it is with humility for teaching me important life lessons such as.. always selecting that best of what is available.. for understanding never to compromise on quality in the important things like work.. friends.. independence.. finances.. for not trusting blindly.. for always believing in myself.. for choosing to be efficient over being popular and most of all.. for giving 100% of myself to whatever I do!

Every girl’s Daddy is her hero and you will always be mine.. for leading by example.. for practicing what you preached.. for always understanding and “being there” rock solid no matter what.. Every girl’s Daddy teaches her things that nobody else does (mine taught me how to change a flat tyre!) and is her greatest cheerleader and supporter.. Thank you so much for being the best one possible!

Confession being good for the soul.. I also inherited your nasty temper and sharp tongue.. When I also achieved some of your wisdom, I realized that these were damaging me and doing more harm than good.. With some help from my “guru”.. my “soul family”.. some insightful books and some highly evolved friends, I began my “spiritual journey” and started working on myself.. Am very much a work in progress even today.. fortunately have managed to pretty much calm the temper and subdue the tongue.. and trying to achieve balance and build compassion and patience!

Eighty-eight plus years of a life filled with hard work.. dedication.. faith focus food and fun.. books and music.. honesty and humour.. discipline and control add up to the very special and unique person you were Daddy..

You left BIG shoes to fill and I am trying my best to be the daughter that will always make you proud and carry on your legacy of sterling qualities and values! Love you hamesha  and remembering you with very special love today Daddy!!

Thank you (as always) for reading and do please type your name at the end of the comment (should you choose to write one)!

GUJARAT & KUTCH.. you humbled and inspired me!!

Out of the blue, I planned an 11 day eating and shopping trip to Gujarat and Kutch with two dear friends from Bangalore! They had heard stories about about the delicious fresh “Surti ponk”.. the droolworthy “Surti locho”..  the legendary “pineapple jam and cheese sandwich”.. the famous Ambika “dal wada”.. the Manek Chowk “night food market” and were longing to try these delicacies and a whole lot more!

We identified the high spots for sightseeing as the Adalaj ni Vav (a Unesco World Heritage site).. the Akshardham temple in Gandhinagar.. the Rani ni Vav (a World Heritage site seen clearly at the back of the 100 rupee note).. the Sun Temple at Modhera.. the only surviving family of authentic “double Ikat” woven Patolas.. the Dilwara Temple at Mount Abu.. the discovered and excavated ancient Harappan site at Dholavira!

Mindboggling to even think of coordinating all this on my own so sought help and a dear friend recommended a travel agent local to Ahmedabad.. I connected and voila! Almost magically an itinerary was planned.. tickets were booked and arrangements were made! There was much excitement about the trip and it started with the wonderfully clean and super punctual Vande Bharat Express that took us to Surat very quickly and efficiently!

We spent a day in Surat.. ate to our heart (and stomach’s) content.. and headed to Ahmedabad! Visited the Adalaj ni Vav and Akshardham on the way and then enjoyed 4 days of food fun family and friendship in Ahmedabad! We all got to experience true Gujarati hospitality and it was truly special.. When street vendors persuade you smilingly to “try one more”.. what more can you ask for?! We devoured most of the goodies on offer and as expected, everyone’s tummies were fine and nobody fell sick!

The Sun Temple at Modhera was a delight thanks to our guide Girishbhai who was extremely knowledgeable and passionate about it’s history.. the poor man felt shortchanged because we gave him only 2 hours.. I suspect he could have (given half a chance) waxed eloquent all day! Rani ni Vav was fascinating (although I couldn’t walk down since the steps were really tough and uneven) and the visit to the Patola centre was incredible! The Salvi family has been weaving these for 400 years now and qualified architects and doctors have given up their careers to carry the legacy forward.. it was incredible to see the passion they bring to their work!

We spent two nights and a day in Mount Abu at the Wordsworth Lodge which (believe it or not) was started by William Wordsworth’s great granddaughter Diana! The lodge was charming and the sky so clear that we saw stars with the naked eye!

The Dilwara temple was gorgeous but I just wished that the Sikh security guards were quieter when they spoke on their mobile phones.. it sounded they could have been heard by their families in Punjab without the phones as well! Silver shopping was excessively tempting and it must be admitted that we all succumbed to temptation!

Dholavira in Kutch was dusty at first glance but the Archaelogical Museum was fascinating and when we visited the site.. OHMIGOD! That was a once in a lifetime experience.. history has never been my favourite subject but our guide Jaimalbhai was actually a part of the team that excavated and discovered it! He brought it alive and we could have listened to him for hours as we walked around! Came away super impressed at the drainage systems and town planning and sheer ingenuity of those folk!

We stopped at Nirona which is a small village in Kutch.. home to a number of master craftsmen who do the most exquisite “Rogan painting”.. metal Bell making.. and lacquer work.. The homes and workplaces are mostly crowded.. dusty and noisy.. but the people are passionate.. perfectionists.. and gracious to another level.. We were welcomed warmly.. offered chai.. and all this with no pressure to buy! All the more incredible when you consider that they don’t advertise but rely on word of mouth reviews! Not surprisingly Nirona was full of foreigners who came from England Germany Japan and all over to see the artisans and their work! In Bhuj it was the same story with the “Bandhani” artisans.. the “Ajrakh” printers.. and the master weaver Shamjibhai Vankar!

Why did I come away humbled and inspired? To see people so enthusiastic creative passionate and committed to their craft and work! Most of them have won awards like the Padma Shri but are totally unassuming and simple.. they let their absolutely fantastic work speak for them! We have a lot to learn and I came away feeling so proud that my fellow Gujaratis are reviving and sharing their expertise and creativity with the world! Everyone should do a trip to Gujarat and return feeling all “fired up with enthusiasm and purpose” to do whatever they do being 100% committed to it!

Sorry for the very long blog but I just couldn’t leave out a single word! Thank you as always for reading!

 

 

 

MAKAR SANKRANTI.. it’s time for us to make the shift too!

Today is the 14^th of January and it means different things to different people.. for some it is a day of celebration to eat “til laddoos”.. to fly and “cut” kites in friendly rivalry in keeping with tradition.. To others it is a time of gratitude to the Almighty and the farmers for abundant harvests.. and to still others.. the start of an auspicious time to begin planning weddings.. new businesses and endeavours!

People fly kites on Makar Sankranti to symbolize the rising sun and the beginning of longer days marking the end of the winter solstice. This festival is dedicated to the sun god Surya – flying a kite is seen as a way to “connect” with the heavens and express gratitude to the deity while also enjoying the sunlight which is considered beneficial after the winter months.

Makar Sankranti signifies the end of winter and the beginning of the harvest season.. and is one of the few Indian festivals based on the solar calendar making it a fixed date on the Gregorian calendar. Agriculturally, it is a time to celebrate the renewal of nature. Astronomically it heralds the movement of the Sun northwards from the south to Capricorn and this movement releases positive energy that encourages people to make a good beginning.

Just as the Sun shifts, perhaps it is time for us to make a “shift” too.. We should make this “shift” from the chill of winter with relationships and friendships that are “frozen” and lacking warmth and caring! Make a conscious decision and effort to plant seeds of caring understanding acceptance and sharing so that you get to reap bountiful “harvests” of genuine respect warmth sharing and love with the people you want to keep in your life!

Let’s choose to keep moving “northwards” or upwards like the Sun leaving poor quality cold greedy selfish and self-serving people below us and “rise up” to become and be our best selves! Let’s choose to connect with happy vibes and positive energies only from now on! Let’s try to stay away from arguments conflict and negativity by keeping our words sweet and pleasant! Let's choose to celebrate this festival and all it represents throughout the year!

Celebrate today for so many joyful reasons and keep your mood happy positive and upbeat! Spread the joy and the sweetness by distributing and sharing “til laddoos” and as the Maharashtrians say “Til gul ghya ani gode gode bola”.. eat the sweet and speak sweet words!

Happy Makar Sankranti and wishing you sunshine positivity sweetness and abundance today and always!

Thank you as always for reading and please share your name at the end of the comment (should you choose to write one)!!