COMMUNICATING.. IS NOT JUST TALKING!!

There’s a lot of talk these days about being a GOOD communicator.. and it’s actually very interesting! Long before I was a child, in the 15^th century John Mirk wrote “children were meant to “be seen and not heard!” When women were going through their “monthly menses” it was a taboo word and whispered about.. the requisite material was bought wrapped and brought surreptitiously into the house.. and if questioned by anyone as to what was the matter, the girl/woman had to say ambiguously that she just “wasn’t feeling well” which covered a plethora of possibilities!

The word communication evokes visual images of postcards.. inland letters.. aerogrammes.. birthday cards.. telegrams and telephone calls.. it meant that someone would say or write something to another person.. and that person would reply.. and just to share an example..

I am now old enough to remember having experienced the undeniable charm of “ordinary.. urgent.. lightning and PP (particular person) calls” booked to friends and family in cities other than Bombay.. and even countries other than India.. There was a sense of excitement and anticipation “Will the call go through? Will it go through today? Will the connection be good? Will the person I’m calling be available?” Some of my happiest memories of seeing faces light up and eyes actually brim over.. or.. twinkle at the sound of a special voice.. That ONE communication would keep us happy for days if not weeks! A similar but less “immediate” happiness was experienced waiting for the birthday cards to come in.. and contrasting nervousness for term and final report cards to come in from school!

While the dictionary definition of communication is “the imparting or exchanging of information by speaking, writing, or using some other medium".. there's so much more to it than that! It means to me.. the way I "connect" with a person at a MEANINGFUL level.. This includes eye contact.. body language.. hugs.. kisses.. AND simply being a reassuring presence! 

Communication – both verbal and non-verbal has changed so much with time.. especially in the Indian scenario.. in-laws are no longer the intimidating people that daughters-in-law are afraid of.. parents are approachable and trusted confidantes.. siblings are friends too.. children are often the people who give fresh perspectives and out-of-the-box solutions to challenging situations and problems! OF COURSE I am talking about the urban homes..

My principles of communication are like this.. When I’m with someone, I am avoiding taking calls and reading text messages on my mobile.. that’s out of respect.. When my friend or whoever is talking.. I am LISTENING.. to understand.. and respond.. not composing what I’m going to say in my head! Sometimes people talk because they are sharing successes and wonderful news.. anxieties and stresses.. losses and failures.. It’s important to be completely “present” at the time.. listen to what is being said.. and even more.. to hear what the person is trying to say.. but can't find the words!!

When I’m meeting a friend after a long gap and am happy.. a hello and goodbye hug are mandatory.. NOT in Covid times of course.. and this is when the words we say become doubly important precious.. My friend Parul had come over to spend the day last week.. and we met after two months! Not the most expressive person, she said, “You know Pallu.. I know we don’t talk everyday.. and we only meet once a week (we are Sunday evening bachelor girl buddies).. but I REALLY missed you.. and am so happy that we’re together now!” If THAT’S not a hug in words – tell me what is!!

Considering what all of us are going through these days, let’s resolve to be better communicators.. be open and receptive listeners.. expressive and generous with our resources of affection love patience sympathy and empathy.. If we can all make a genuine effort to do this and make sure we TOUCH each other’s lives with our own unique and special “stamp of caring”.. and keep the faith strong (in the Universe.. higher power.. God.. or whoever we believe in).. I have complete confidence that we will survive this difficult time emotionally relatively unscathed! JUST communicate!