Travelling from FOMO to JOMO.. what a journey!

“Is that a strange title or what” you’re probably frowning and wondering if I’ve lost my mind.. or my writing skills.. or perhaps both! It isn’t at all what you’re thinking.. just that I’ve used the “jargon” of today’s youth!

The advent of mobile phones heralded the revival of the almost forgotten art of “typing” (now referred to as texting)! Some credit must of course also go to Amitabh Bachchan who started every new round of Kaun Banega Crorepati with a round of something called “Fastest Finger First”! While getting accustomed to navigating a touchscreen we also exercised our fingers considerably..

While those of us who are admittedly “old school fuddy-duddies” still typed in the Queen’s English.. the youth found it extremely boring and tedious to do so and they came up with a whole new language.. the language/jargon of “shorts” or short forms such as a simple BRB for Be Right Back.. TTYL for Talk To You Later and YOLO which was weirdly You Only Live Once (obvious right?) after which it evolved to abbreviations that were not as obvious including the abovementioned and totally befuddling FOMO and JOMO!

Confession being good for the soul.. it must be said that I have never been a particularly avid fan of these abbreviations and have rarely.. if ever used them! However, at the ripe and nicely matured age of 60 when I look back at my journey these abbreviations sum up exactly what I was then to what I am now so beautifully and perfectly!

FOMO is to be interpreted as Fear Of Missing Out.. When I was a little girl I was one of those who always wanted (and needed) to be included.. who actually cried when I wasn’t invited to someone’s party and became a people pleaser very early so that I wouldn’t be left out! It was VERY important that I had the magnetic pencil box.. the fanciest cake on my birthday.. and the pretty dress from Beatrix Tailors – just like all the other girls in my class who “belonged”!

As I grew up it was a given that I would be a total conformist because under no circumstances did I want to be excluded! I wore what everyone else was wearing (even though I didn’t like it).. listened to the music that was considered “cool and happening” (even though I couldn’t always understand the lyrics”.. and really didn’t have a mind of my own.. or an opinion.. or a voice.. Sadly I was always the one who said “Me too please” all the time!

Fortunately my Dad was a really intelligent man and extremely “tuned in” to me and he saw what I was becoming.. didn’t like it and set about changing it at the soonest! He would make it a point to discuss books with me.. as my opinion.. ask me to think of creative solutions to simple problems.. and be generous with both praise as well as criticism..

He was solitary by nature and led by example so I got addicted to reading at a very early age and I made the joyous discovery that you could never be lonely with a book in your hands! My love for reading along with my love for making new friends and talking to people slowly obliterated and ultimately extinguished the default setting of FOMO..

Time went by.. I grew up.. got busy with education and career.. nursing both my parents (one at a time) and finally Covid struck! I went from being an incredibly social person to becoming compulsorily isolated! Daddy had passed away so I was stuck in the house with just my trusty helpers for company.. not the happiest situation for me..

Fortunately I was among the younger people in the building and volunteered to take charge and coordinate the purchases and deliveries of groceries provisions essentials treats and luxuries for my building and three more besides! It also gave me the opportunity to interact with people on a more or less regular basis.. which was almost oxygen for me!

The only visitors allowed in the building were doctors and that’s when my lifepath started changing.. my family doctor (who’s also one of my closest friends) used to drop in and we’d spend time discussing life.. love and everything in between.. He recommended a few simple books about personal growth and spiritualiy.. and I lapped it all up like a lost traveller in the desert at an oasis!

I was truly fortunate to learn so much from him and he was very generous with his insights.. and later on super blessed to meet someone exceptional who opened my eyes to perceive the world and people around me with eyes of compassion wisdom and discernment..

My thought process changed.. self-discovery became top priority.. enhancing my quality of like at a spiritual level was essential.. and the path of personal growth beckoned too invitingly to resist! Not that I “gave up” on regular fun things but was only too happy to stay home and read.. writing my “morning magic” messages.. listening to music and just spending time with myself!

Now when friends are travelling.. going to a movie.. drinking and partying.. going to a new restaurant.. once in a while I’m happy to go along.. but am truly at peace staying at home.. tidying up and restoring order to chaos.. My overriding sense of FOMO has now become a sense of JOMO.. also known as Joy Of Missing Out and I simply couldn’t be happier!

Travelling from FOMO to JOMO has been a phenomenal journey.. and I can only wish all of you to experience this joy for yourselves!

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KEEPING IN TOUCH.. is so important today!

We are all blessed to have and to have had some wonderful people in our lives.. our fathers who have worked hard to provide for us.. our mothers to nurture and nourish us.. our siblings to teach us many things.. our teachers to prepare us for a career in whatever we choose to do.. and last but not least.. our friends who are just “there” to stand by us no matter what when the crisis happens!

When we were in school.. it was a given that we’d get home.. freshen up.. eat a snack.. finish our homework and then go downstairs (or outside) to play! We’d be counting the minutes until we could meet our friends and relate to them every minute detail of our day.. We were completely “in touch” with our friends!

Similarly.. mealtimes were when we’d regale our parents siblings and children with the happenings of the day.. the good.. the bad and the ugly! Complaints from the teacher at school.. the occasional word of praise.. how a friend was helpful or “unfair” perhaps.. gentle gossip about the neighbours.. the new TV and when would WE get a big one?!

College days were as much fun with bunking lectures.. eating at the local “Raju sandwichwallah”.. hanging out in the library and canteen.. sharing stories of new romances.. loves.. heartaches.. heartbreaks.. We used to talk our hearts out and share EVERYTHING that was happening in our lives! Being “connected” was our “default setting” and we didn’t know “how to be” any other way!!

When things started getting “civilized” and every house got a telephone.. things started changing.. we became a little “prim & proper” and a little “formal” and very much “American”! Instead of going across.. ringing the bell and announcing “Hi! I’m here.. I’m hungry.. what’s there to eat? I’m waiting to sit down and spend time with you” we started calling and chatting over the phone.. We started calling and saying “Hi.. is this a good time to talk”?

The “connections got a little diluted and then with the advent of the mobile phone.. we became even more “disconnected”! Covid happened and the mobile became our “lifeline” and our only means of communication! By the time the Covid protocols were relaxed.. a number of people were convinced that “being away from everything and everyone” was a good thing!

In the world we inhabit today.. morning messages.. condolence messages.. invitations.. RSVPs.. thank you messages and just about everything is via texting and WhatsApp.. WHY? Simply because we don’t want to “intrude”.. simply because “personal space” has become so important.. simply because it’s EASIER than meeting people face to face and saying what we want to.. and we don’t NEED to make the effort!

We may have hundreds of “friends” on social media and networking platforms.. but how many of those are 3 am friends? Some of us may say “I’m not good at keeping in touch so I don’t text/call/meet but the other person knows what I feel for him/her/them”! Seriously? How? Mobile phones are great for long-distance friendships but they can’t be a replacement for local ones!

We are human BEINGS and we need to BE connected.. cherished.. loved.. understood.. cared about.. and that’s just the way it is! Let’s not take the people we love respect and care about for granted.. but keep in touch and make plans.. meet up with each other.. put our mobiles away when we meet.. and revive the quality of our friendships and relationships!

Let’s be fearless when it comes to sharing how we REALLY feel with that handful of trusted friends and people.. not be ashamed to confess to failure.. to reach out and ask for help and support.. All this will be possible only when we stay connected a a deep and meaningful level..

Most important of all.. make sure that you are staying connected to yourself.. that you’re listening to your inner voice.. going with your gut instinct.. staying aware of and sensitive to people places and situations.. and praying thinking and doing whatever makes and keeps your heart and soul happy and at peace!

Stay blessed and stay connected.. in the right way!

 

IT'S TEACHER'S DAY.. a day to acknowledge miracles!!

September 5^th is one of the most special days of the year for me.. probably right “up there” along with my birthday! There is a very important reason for this.. it is the official day for a celebration of my “finding my calling” in life and living it with complete joy and dedication!

I have mentioned earlier that I grew up being “Papa’s Princess” and pampered to the hilt.. but one thing was sacrosanct.. I HAD to do something “substantial and meaningful” with my life! Being happily “headless and unaware” I floated through college not really giving my future a serious thought!

After graduating with a Bachelor’s degree in Arts with Psychology and Philosophy, there weren’t really too many exciting options so I drifted into Law.. for want of something better to do.. After a year of falling asleep in class (and inspite of a First Class in the exam) I dropped out because it was dry as dust and didn’t excite me in the least..

Everyone said I had “a way with words” so I dabbled in Advertising but found it too “pretentious and fake”.. selling a sub-standard product to an unsuspecting public went against my basic nature so I dropped out of that too! I attempted to do a course in Special Education remotely but realized that distance learning wasn’t for me either! By this time Daddy was firm and clear.. “Take a year off.. find the course you really WANT to do.. and DO it!”

I researched practically every course that was available in South Mumbai AND FINALLY DECIDED TO DO THE Post-Graduate Diploma in Early Childhood Education” at Nirmala Niketan.. My reasons weren’t the most praiseworthy.. I wanted to do something that would never be a 9 to 5 job.. needed lots of holidays and full weekends off.. Nursery Teacher’s Training would be a cakewalk.. I thought!

Nothing could have been further from the truth as it turned out.. it was a two year course condensed crammed and squished into a one year course and we had to work hard.. and I mean REALLY hard! Had I realized this lazy me would never have signed up for it.. but then it was a matter of “do or die in the attempt” because by then I wanted to make Daddy and my teachers proud and justify their faith in me and my abilities!

Learning the process of creating an environment conducive for children to “learn by doing” fascinated me.. and this is where my somewhat above average communication skills stood me in good stead! Being with children is to see “magic” happen all through the day.. watching them experiment.. succeed.. fail.. repeat.. and learn taught me patience.. gave me confidence.. awakened my curiosity.. taught me that it was OKAY to “make a fool of myself to entertain the children” and felt like I was FINALLY doing what I was made to do!

The joy of learning and doing what I loved made me always feel like “I was never going to work” and that no two days were ever the same made it something I looked forward to every single day! Acting and narrating stories.. making up and singing songs (even though I was never and am still NOT musical).. cajoling reluctant little people to try and taste something they had never eaten before.. coming home full of paint Fevicol and sand felt so worthwhile because there were such incredibly poignant hilarious magical and sometimes heartbreaking stories connected to those stains..

I was incredibly fortunate to do a wide and varied body of work within the “Early Childhood Education” space.. taught children.. supervised teacher trainees.. became a resource person and conducted workshops.. trained teachers.. planned programmes for young children for Aptech Computers.. designed curriculum for children at Euro Kids.. and ran an NGO called the “Salaam Baalak Trust” for street children!

Looking back at my 25 years of teaching.. I am so incredibly grateful for ALL the miracles along the way.. the brilliant teachers I had (Jana Nalini Nandita and Roshan) .. the most fun and inspiring colleagues (Sangeeta Neelam Anu Renu Sadhana Sucheta Rajshree Milind Vaishali and many more) the “bright as buttons” children in my care (Vibhav Anubhav Anshuman and Tasneem to name a few.. and the complete faith and trust of the parents in me!

Whether I’m volunteering at a Balwadi.. or playing games with tribal children.. my happiest space is in the classroom.. wherever it may be! When I’m old and grey (which I technically AM even now!!) I can still see myself dancing around the classroom and animatedly acting out the “Chooha Raja” story or explaining a concept to children!

I could have been so many things.. but am utterly blessed that I got to be a teacher.. a facilitator of learning.. a tear wiper.. a substitute Mamma.. a co-conspirator in mischief.. a storyteller.. a demonstrator.. a question asker.. a witness and participant to and in the magic of miracles that happen wherever little children are every single day!

And so on Teacher’s Day.. with folded hands I bow and convey my heartfelt to everyone who has taught me anything and everything that I have learned in life.. my parents and family.. the children I have taught and their parents.. my colleagues.. friends.. staff.. neighbours.. doctors..

To share my bestest compliment ever.. A little boy in my class when asked by his mother as to who his favourite "Auntie" (that's what we teachers were called) was.. categorically stated "I like all the Aunties.. but I LOVE Pallavi Auntie.. because she's small.just like me"!! Truly a memory to cherish for always!! 

For teaching me to care.. to share.. to laugh.. to love.. to have compassion empathy and discipline.. to be punctual honest and respectful.. and most of all.. to allow me to be ME.. 100% without any filters.. and accept me for who I am.. THANK YOU.. HAPPY TEACHER’S DAY.. AND I LOVE YOU ALL!!

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RAKSHABANDHAN.. it's all about being connected..

 RAKSHABANDHAN.. it’s all about being connected..

Today is Rakshabandhan.. the festival that celebrates the bond between brother and sister.. the promise that the brother makes to always “be there” for his sister in times of trouble and “protect her” (do her “raksha”) from danger.. Thinking about this particular bond and all kinds of relationships got me thinking..

A bond is basically a connect and something that sort of “ties” people to each other in a positive way.. and that’s why it’s a celebration right? We are surrounded by protection and umpteen people who are “there” for us in times of need.. even though it may not be very obvious to us all the time!

As young children, our parents are our “bodyguards”.. they save us from falling (physical protection) and as we grow up.. from crying (emotional protection) from deprivation (financial protection) and they are solidly “there “ for us no matter what!

Our siblings are our “partners in crime” and our sharers of responsibility and blame (as the case may be).. they are often our loyal co-conspirators and our biggest secret keepers (especially while planning surprises for our parents.. and our biggest defenders and protectors from our parent’s wrath when we are in big trouble!

Times have changed a great deal now and with so many youngsters settling abroad.. our friends have become the family we choose for ourselves.. and they are often also protecting us.. be it from going astray.. acquiring bad habits.. associating with the wrong kind of people.. nursing us through an illness etc..

Rather than feeling compelled to follow rituals and tie a “rakhi”.. “utaaro aarti” and feed mithai simply because it’s the “done thing”.. why can’t we just spend some quality “one on one” time together with everyone who loves us and acknowledge their presence care and concern in so many words?

Do the people who are our protectors really even know what’s happening to us in real life? Do they know about our joys and stresses.. our anxieties and concerns.. our failures and victories? If they matter to us.. the should know.. they need to know.. simply because protection can be a heartfelt prayer.. a bear hug.. a sleepover full of reminiscences and stories..

Protection comes disguised in so many different ways.. it could be a “Call and let me know you reached home safely” or “Surprise! I made your favourite pasta for dinner” or “Today we’re both switching off our mobiles and doing a proper catch up” or “When I was praying this morning, I asked God to bless you especially” or "Haven't heard from you in such a long time.. hope all is well" or even just a “I’m here for you and always will be”..

Recognize the people you share your strongest bonds with.. acknowledge and appreciate them.. love nurture and cherish them.. keep in touch through calls and messages.. and never hesitate to express how you feel.. and above all else..

Remember.. love in your heart wasn’t put there to stay.. because love isn’t love until you give it away!!

Wishing you bonds of caring and sharing.. prayers and protection.. bonhomie and brotherhood.. love and laughter.. today.. tomorrow.. and every day thereafter!!

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SOMETHING THAT HAPPENS TO US ALL.. be "tuned in" and aware!!

 Have you ever come away from meeting with or finished a conversation with someone you always thought was a very close friend (or family member) feeling like “What’s going on? It felt like there was just no “connect” in the conversation.. or.. Why doesn’t he/she understand what I’m trying to say.. or.. It feels like I’m talking to someone I don’t know anymore..” This happens to all of us at various points in time and we need to introspect as to WHY this is so.. It has been happening to me of late and I finally came to an answer which actually SHOOK me..

 One of life’s challenging realizations is that sometimes you outgrow your friends.. difficult to accept? Definitely.. but unless you accept it.. your own growth will not progress.. and you will not be able to alter and change certain patterns of thinking and behaviour that you need to.. if you want to get onto your spiritual path.. As I have mentioned earlier, getting onto one’s spiritual path and staying on it is essential if you want to grow as a person and get a realistic perspective on life.. and on yourself..

As we go through life we have a variety of experiences and meet and interact with different kinds of people.. some happy.. some not so happy.. some exciting and others boring.. some comfortable and others awkward.. How we feel about the experience and how we react/respond to the people is determines by our state of mind and heart at the time.. and our instinct as well.. As an example, let’s say we have school friends with whom we have played mischievous pranks.. mimicked our teachers and giggled at silly jokes which was great fun when we were young.. but seems downright stupid disrespectful and a waste of time 30 or 40 years later..

This happens because as we grow older and wiser in years.. we subconsciously and actively seek out like-minded people who have similar hobbies passions interests and value systems.. Those of us who are wise beyond our years realize and recognize the need to change and evolve in order to raise our levels of awareness and growth.. Some of us are lucky and blessed to find a mentor teacher or “guru” who conveys this directly or indirectly.. and a few unfortunates don’t realize and go through the major part of their lives comfortably tucked into their deep comfortable ruts and have no interest whatsoever in changing or evolving.. and that is SAD..

Speaking for myself, I was a typical giddy-headed Papa’s princess.. always higher than most on emotions and reasonably so on IQ but not necessarily on EQ.. Impulsive outspoken emotional and possessive about my friends, life gave me some hard knocks before I realized that it was wiser to be spontaneous tactful and not be TOO attached to the people I cared about! Buckets of tears were cried.. cartons full of tissues were used.. sleepless nights were suffered.. too many Tylenols were swallowed before I started paying attention to people who seemed to “have it all together”.. and HOW they were so different from me!

Deep and meaningful conversations with friends who are clear thinkers were enlightening.. and there was an overwhelming wealth of wisdom in the right books that were suggested to me to read.. Knowing that I get clarity when I write things down, I actually sat down and analyzed the friends and people in my life in terms of what they bring to the friendship.. how they make me feel.. what they teach me.. how I feel when I meet them etc.. It was very difficult to acknowledge to myself that there are some friends and/or family members that I have outgrown.. but it HAD to be done!

It has been an exceedingly empowering exercise and has helped me to understand things like this:

I have outgrown people who are envious of me.. I have outgrown the consistently negative people.. the ones who complain all the time.. the ones who take me for granted.. and believe me, they exist! The list is long so am sharing a quote by Chanda Kaushik that says it better than I would ever be able to..

“I have outgrown many things. I have outgrown relatives who gladly offer criticism but not support. I have outgrown my need to meet my family's unrealistic expectations of me. I have outgrown girls who wear masks and secretly rejoice at my misfortunes. I have outgrown shrinking myself for boys who are intimidated by my intelligence and outspoken nature. I have outgrown friends who cannot celebrate my accomplishments. I have outgrown people who conveniently disappear whenever life gets a little dark. I have outgrown those who take pleasure in gossiping and spreading negativity. I have outgrown dull, meaningless conversations that feel forced. I have outgrown those who don't take a stand against ignorance and injustice. I have outgrown trying to please everyone. I have outgrown society constantly telling me I'm not beautiful, smart, or worthy enough. I have outgrown trying to fix every little flaw. I have outgrown my tendency to fill my mind with self-doubt and insecurity. I have outgrown trying to find reasons not to love myself. I have outgrown anything and anyone that does not enrich the essence of my soul. I have outgrown many things, and I've never felt freer.”

Will sign off here with a heartfelt request.. sit down.. think.. analyse.. acknowledge.. and accept.. Some people were a part of your story.. some people are a part of it.. and a few will always be a part of it.. because you choose it to be that way! Don’t feel guilty.. it’s natural and just the way life is meant to be.. We all have only one life to live.. so raise the bar and live a quality life with the people that enrich your soul!

26/11.. and why I survived it!!

 I woke up this morning all bright and chirpy and then looked at the calendar.. saw that it is 26/11.. said to myself "Hmmm.. so today's the day to be thankful and celebrate.." 

26/11 has been a remarkable day in my life.. it was the first time I saw imminent death at the closest quarters.. As most of you know.. I was sitting at Cafe Leopold with two close friends when the terrorists opened fire.. and we literally froze.. understood what was happening.. and ran for our lives.. all in the space of less than a minute! We were both lucky and blessed to find shelter and were holed up all night in a little room 8'x10' just opposite Bade Miyan the kababwalla.. actually SAW a terrorist running through the lane towards the Taj firing his AK-47 enthusiastically as he went..

Needless to state.. we all survived and got home safe and sound the next morning.. safe for sure.. but SOUND? Not really.. I was glued to the tv for the next two days.. went through tremendous survivor guilt.. was traumatized by what I had seen and heard.. but I survived.. unlike so many others.. It was then that I saw to WHAT extreme the human spirit can be driven.. that so much aggression violence and hatred could be unleashed so very mercilessly on so many..

Many years have elapsed since that dark night and I have asked myself time and again why I was one of those who survived? I wouldn't have left behind a heartbroken spouse.. significant other.. or children.. whether dependent or independent! 

Introspection about this has convinced me that I survived because there were still lessons I had to learn.. things I needed to do.. elderly parents I was responsible for.. friends I hadn't met yet.. people that needed my help.. and a lot of sharing I still had to do.. whether it was social intellectual emotional or financial..

Realization dawned and I started taking life one day at a time.. stopped taking my blessings for granted.. practising gratitude actively.. I nursed both my parents through several major illnesses both physical and mental.. There were days that were frustrating and exhausting but my inner core resilience came to the fore and life went on.. as it always does..

When I lost Daddy in 2017 it was as if my world had come to an end with no light at the end of the tunnel.. but that was when I got a tremendous amount of support from very close friends who "carried me through" and allowed me to grieve.. and gather myself once more!

The pandemic was a blessing for me because that gave me quality time with myself and with a very dear friend who shared some truly inspiring conversations thoughts and discussions with me.. I began looking within and questioning my own thoughts and actions.. it gave me a lot of clarity and put me firmly on the spiritual path and convinced me to try and be the best version of myself that I could..

My Dad had some incredible qualities like being disciplined.. organized.. particular.. generous

and practical.. which I always admired! He was a very special person and my main aim in life is to be someone that he would respect and admire too! 

I KNOW that I survived 26/11 because I have determination.. faith.. integrity.. generosity.. and a deep desire to reach out to and help people.. inspire them.. and try to make this world a better kinder and nicer place for everyone!

God bless and much love to everyone reading this! Stay happy.. stay well.. stay safe.. and be kind..

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Happy Children's Day!!

 Happy Children’s Day.. today and always!!

Children are our greatest teachers.. they inculcate in us the wonderful qualities of patience determination kindness trust resilience and curiosity.. Most importantly they demonstrate simply just by being.. the pure joy that comes from giving and receiving unconditional love!

When I decided to do my Post-Graduate Diploma in Early Childhood Education, a number of people said to me “Oh, so you’re a nursery school teacher? You must really love children!” That really set me thinking as to WHY I opted for this particular profession.. and I realized that I love children pretty much as much as the next person.. BUT.. what fascinates me is how each one is so different and the process by which they learn!

Some children are visual learners while others are auditory and yet others are tactile or sensory.. some are calm while others are boisterous.. some are independent while others are a little less so.. When I look back after spending 25 years in the classroom.. I realize that children taught me what life is all about.. and how it needs to be lived..

They taught me to accept that everyone is different and unique and needs to be accepted just the way they are.. that every day we live should be filled with “Ohmigod” moments of amazement wonder and excitement.. that a nice warm hug from someone you love is the most immediate and effective first aid for any hurt..

I learned that all of us are creative in some way.. that smiling and laughing often make you happy and healthy in the head and heart.. that it’s magical to be happy for no reason.. and to ASK properly when you really need something!

Children make us happy elated frustrated exhausted impatient and drive us mad at times.. but on the flip side they awaken pure joy acceptance kindness compassion patience and unconditional love as well..

They teach us that we all need boundaries.. because they give us a sense of security.. that consistency in thought word and deed is essential to build character.. and that manners and morals can never be taught but must be “caught”.. because children learn what they live with!

As we go through life it’s important to remember that “growing old is mandatory but growing up is optional” so remain childlike.. Make a conscious effort to seek the magic.. to stay lighthearted.. celebrate everything.. SHARE.. and most of all.. be kind to others and ourselves!

Today being November 14^th, we celebrate Children’s Day which is super special.. we appreciate children for the happiness they bring to our lives and for making our world a happier more positive place.. and in the immortal words of Henry Ward Beecher “Children are the hands by which we take hold of heaven”..

Happy Children’s Day to the child that’s still alive in you!