Have you ever come away from meeting with or finished a conversation with someone you always thought was a very close friend (or family member) feeling like “What’s going on? It felt like there was just no “connect” in the conversation.. or.. Why doesn’t he/she understand what I’m trying to say.. or.. It feels like I’m talking to someone I don’t know anymore..” This happens to all of us at various points in time and we need to introspect as to WHY this is so.. It has been happening to me of late and I finally came to an answer which actually SHOOK me..
As we go through life we have a variety of experiences and meet and interact with different kinds of people.. some happy.. some not so happy.. some exciting and others boring.. some comfortable and others awkward.. How we feel about the experience and how we react/respond to the people is determines by our state of mind and heart at the time.. and our instinct as well.. As an example, let’s say we have school friends with whom we have played mischievous pranks.. mimicked our teachers and giggled at silly jokes which was great fun when we were young.. but seems downright stupid disrespectful and a waste of time 30 or 40 years later..
This happens because as we grow older
and wiser in years.. we subconsciously and actively seek out like-minded people
who have similar hobbies passions interests and value systems.. Those of us who
are wise beyond our years realize and recognize the need to change and evolve
in order to raise our levels of awareness and growth.. Some of us are lucky and
blessed to find a mentor teacher or “guru” who conveys this directly or
indirectly.. and a few unfortunates don’t realize and go through the major part
of their lives comfortably tucked into their deep comfortable ruts and have no
interest whatsoever in changing or evolving.. and that is SAD..
Speaking for myself, I was a typical
giddy-headed Papa’s princess.. always higher than most on emotions and
reasonably so on IQ but not necessarily on EQ.. Impulsive outspoken emotional
and possessive about my friends, life gave me some hard knocks before I
realized that it was wiser to be spontaneous tactful and not be TOO attached to
the people I cared about! Buckets of tears were cried.. cartons full of tissues
were used.. sleepless nights were suffered.. too many Tylenols were swallowed
before I started paying attention to people who seemed to “have it all
together”.. and HOW they were so different from me!
Deep and meaningful conversations with
friends who are clear thinkers were enlightening.. and
there was an overwhelming wealth of wisdom in the right books that were
suggested to me to read.. Knowing that I get clarity when I write things down,
I actually sat down and analyzed the friends and people in my life in terms of
what they bring to the friendship.. how they make me feel.. what they teach
me.. how I feel when I meet them etc.. It was very difficult to acknowledge to
myself that there are some friends and/or family members that I have outgrown..
but it HAD to be done!
It has been an exceedingly empowering
exercise and has helped me to understand things like this:
I have outgrown people who are envious
of me.. I have outgrown the consistently negative people.. the ones who
complain all the time.. the ones who take me for granted.. and believe me, they
exist! The list is long so am sharing a quote by Chanda Kaushik that says it
better than I would ever be able to..
“I have
outgrown many things. I have outgrown relatives who gladly offer criticism but
not support. I have outgrown my need to meet my family's unrealistic
expectations of me. I have outgrown girls who wear masks and secretly rejoice
at my misfortunes. I have outgrown shrinking myself for boys who are intimidated
by my intelligence and outspoken nature. I have outgrown friends who cannot
celebrate my accomplishments. I have outgrown people who conveniently disappear
whenever life gets a little dark. I have outgrown those who take pleasure in
gossiping and spreading negativity. I have outgrown dull, meaningless
conversations that feel forced. I have outgrown those who don't take a stand
against ignorance and injustice. I have outgrown trying to please everyone. I
have outgrown society constantly telling me I'm not beautiful, smart, or worthy
enough. I have outgrown trying to fix every little flaw. I have outgrown my
tendency to fill my mind with self-doubt and insecurity. I have outgrown trying
to find reasons not to love myself. I have outgrown anything and anyone that
does not enrich the essence of my soul. I have outgrown many things, and I've
never felt freer.”
Will sign
off here with a heartfelt request.. sit down.. think.. analyse.. acknowledge..
and accept.. Some people were a part of your story.. some people are a part of
it.. and a few will always be a part of it.. because you choose it to be that
way! Don’t feel guilty.. it’s natural and just the way life is meant to be.. We
all have only one life to live.. so raise the bar and live a quality life with
the people that enrich your soul!
Deep introspection always tell us the truth … the wisdom was always within us , we just didn’t know it !
ReplyDeleteHard hitting and so true! Red flags that we often overlook just to keep relationships going . Whoever reads this blog will identify with it totally! Time to introspect and delete these unwanted parasites 😊
ReplyDeleteIt’s clear it happens to us and we seldom acknowledge that we may have out grown a few around us, and suffer silently! I’m happy for you that you’ve actually done this exercise with care and diligence! May you continue your inward journey with much more light and clarity! Respect and love always!!
ReplyDeleteEach one of us goes through a similar pattern and gets equal opportunities in life to grow and evolve .. thanks for this share . I truly felt each word and associated with my journey . It’s an amazing growth when one simply does not attach oneself with the outcome .
ReplyDeleteLoved it Pallu
ReplyDeleteFantastic read. Your pen has gained muscles. Your growth your strength & your freedom is in each sentence. And your writing stops one in their track of living a victim life and prods us to absorb contemplate & act in accordance to our True Self. Brave Blog.
ReplyDelete