RAKSHABANDHAN.. it's all about being connected..

 RAKSHABANDHAN.. it’s all about being connected..

Today is Rakshabandhan.. the festival that celebrates the bond between brother and sister.. the promise that the brother makes to always “be there” for his sister in times of trouble and “protect her” (do her “raksha”) from danger.. Thinking about this particular bond and all kinds of relationships got me thinking..

A bond is basically a connect and something that sort of “ties” people to each other in a positive way.. and that’s why it’s a celebration right? We are surrounded by protection and umpteen people who are “there” for us in times of need.. even though it may not be very obvious to us all the time!

As young children, our parents are our “bodyguards”.. they save us from falling (physical protection) and as we grow up.. from crying (emotional protection) from deprivation (financial protection) and they are solidly “there “ for us no matter what!

Our siblings are our “partners in crime” and our sharers of responsibility and blame (as the case may be).. they are often our loyal co-conspirators and our biggest secret keepers (especially while planning surprises for our parents.. and our biggest defenders and protectors from our parent’s wrath when we are in big trouble!

Times have changed a great deal now and with so many youngsters settling abroad.. our friends have become the family we choose for ourselves.. and they are often also protecting us.. be it from going astray.. acquiring bad habits.. associating with the wrong kind of people.. nursing us through an illness etc..

Rather than feeling compelled to follow rituals and tie a “rakhi”.. “utaaro aarti” and feed mithai simply because it’s the “done thing”.. why can’t we just spend some quality “one on one” time together with everyone who loves us and acknowledge their presence care and concern in so many words?

Do the people who are our protectors really even know what’s happening to us in real life? Do they know about our joys and stresses.. our anxieties and concerns.. our failures and victories? If they matter to us.. the should know.. they need to know.. simply because protection can be a heartfelt prayer.. a bear hug.. a sleepover full of reminiscences and stories..

Protection comes disguised in so many different ways.. it could be a “Call and let me know you reached home safely” or “Surprise! I made your favourite pasta for dinner” or “Today we’re both switching off our mobiles and doing a proper catch up” or “When I was praying this morning, I asked God to bless you especially” or "Haven't heard from you in such a long time.. hope all is well" or even just a “I’m here for you and always will be”..

Recognize the people you share your strongest bonds with.. acknowledge and appreciate them.. love nurture and cherish them.. keep in touch through calls and messages.. and never hesitate to express how you feel.. and above all else..

Remember.. love in your heart wasn’t put there to stay.. because love isn’t love until you give it away!!

Wishing you bonds of caring and sharing.. prayers and protection.. bonhomie and brotherhood.. love and laughter.. today.. tomorrow.. and every day thereafter!!

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SOMETHING THAT HAPPENS TO US ALL.. be "tuned in" and aware!!

 Have you ever come away from meeting with or finished a conversation with someone you always thought was a very close friend (or family member) feeling like “What’s going on? It felt like there was just no “connect” in the conversation.. or.. Why doesn’t he/she understand what I’m trying to say.. or.. It feels like I’m talking to someone I don’t know anymore..” This happens to all of us at various points in time and we need to introspect as to WHY this is so.. It has been happening to me of late and I finally came to an answer which actually SHOOK me..

 One of life’s challenging realizations is that sometimes you outgrow your friends.. difficult to accept? Definitely.. but unless you accept it.. your own growth will not progress.. and you will not be able to alter and change certain patterns of thinking and behaviour that you need to.. if you want to get onto your spiritual path.. As I have mentioned earlier, getting onto one’s spiritual path and staying on it is essential if you want to grow as a person and get a realistic perspective on life.. and on yourself..

As we go through life we have a variety of experiences and meet and interact with different kinds of people.. some happy.. some not so happy.. some exciting and others boring.. some comfortable and others awkward.. How we feel about the experience and how we react/respond to the people is determines by our state of mind and heart at the time.. and our instinct as well.. As an example, let’s say we have school friends with whom we have played mischievous pranks.. mimicked our teachers and giggled at silly jokes which was great fun when we were young.. but seems downright stupid disrespectful and a waste of time 30 or 40 years later..

This happens because as we grow older and wiser in years.. we subconsciously and actively seek out like-minded people who have similar hobbies passions interests and value systems.. Those of us who are wise beyond our years realize and recognize the need to change and evolve in order to raise our levels of awareness and growth.. Some of us are lucky and blessed to find a mentor teacher or “guru” who conveys this directly or indirectly.. and a few unfortunates don’t realize and go through the major part of their lives comfortably tucked into their deep comfortable ruts and have no interest whatsoever in changing or evolving.. and that is SAD..

Speaking for myself, I was a typical giddy-headed Papa’s princess.. always higher than most on emotions and reasonably so on IQ but not necessarily on EQ.. Impulsive outspoken emotional and possessive about my friends, life gave me some hard knocks before I realized that it was wiser to be spontaneous tactful and not be TOO attached to the people I cared about! Buckets of tears were cried.. cartons full of tissues were used.. sleepless nights were suffered.. too many Tylenols were swallowed before I started paying attention to people who seemed to “have it all together”.. and HOW they were so different from me!

Deep and meaningful conversations with friends who are clear thinkers were enlightening.. and there was an overwhelming wealth of wisdom in the right books that were suggested to me to read.. Knowing that I get clarity when I write things down, I actually sat down and analyzed the friends and people in my life in terms of what they bring to the friendship.. how they make me feel.. what they teach me.. how I feel when I meet them etc.. It was very difficult to acknowledge to myself that there are some friends and/or family members that I have outgrown.. but it HAD to be done!

It has been an exceedingly empowering exercise and has helped me to understand things like this:

I have outgrown people who are envious of me.. I have outgrown the consistently negative people.. the ones who complain all the time.. the ones who take me for granted.. and believe me, they exist! The list is long so am sharing a quote by Chanda Kaushik that says it better than I would ever be able to..

“I have outgrown many things. I have outgrown relatives who gladly offer criticism but not support. I have outgrown my need to meet my family's unrealistic expectations of me. I have outgrown girls who wear masks and secretly rejoice at my misfortunes. I have outgrown shrinking myself for boys who are intimidated by my intelligence and outspoken nature. I have outgrown friends who cannot celebrate my accomplishments. I have outgrown people who conveniently disappear whenever life gets a little dark. I have outgrown those who take pleasure in gossiping and spreading negativity. I have outgrown dull, meaningless conversations that feel forced. I have outgrown those who don't take a stand against ignorance and injustice. I have outgrown trying to please everyone. I have outgrown society constantly telling me I'm not beautiful, smart, or worthy enough. I have outgrown trying to fix every little flaw. I have outgrown my tendency to fill my mind with self-doubt and insecurity. I have outgrown trying to find reasons not to love myself. I have outgrown anything and anyone that does not enrich the essence of my soul. I have outgrown many things, and I've never felt freer.”

Will sign off here with a heartfelt request.. sit down.. think.. analyse.. acknowledge.. and accept.. Some people were a part of your story.. some people are a part of it.. and a few will always be a part of it.. because you choose it to be that way! Don’t feel guilty.. it’s natural and just the way life is meant to be.. We all have only one life to live.. so raise the bar and live a quality life with the people that enrich your soul!