WHAT VALENTINE'S DAY MEANS TO ME NOW..

We have been bombarded for the last couple of weeks with invitations and ideas on how to celebrate Valentine’s Day.. by the newspapers.. social media.. advertisements in magazines.. on Instagram etc.. We are being offered vacation packages.. staycation packages.. delicious chocolates.. expensive wines.. exotic flower arrangements.. singing messages.. discounted luxury watches.. lavish brunches and dinners and whatnot!

Feeling somewhat overwhelmed? And not to forget the peer pressure of who’s giving what this year.. finding an innovative gift.. finding yet another creative way to say “I love you”.. booking a table at THE happening new restaurant in town.. AND doing all this in utmost secrecy so as not to dilute the surprise at all.. Stressful right? So.. just don’t do it..

At the ripe old age of 60 I like to believe that I have managed to acquire a little wisdom and my perspectives have changed as well.. In my 20s and 30s I still wanted the red hearts and teddy bears and declarations of undying love (!!) on Valentine’s Day thinking that that was all I needed to feel “complete” and get through life! I gathered the bouquets.. ate the chocolates.. hugged the teddy bears and celebrated being loved by someone special!

Time went by.. I grew up.. relationships fell apart.. friends came and went.. some stayed.. my life goals changed.. and I changed.. I grew.. I learned and most important of all.. I finally understood..

Until you believe you are worthy of it and love yourself.. no one else can love you.. and you do not have the capacity to love anyone else either! What matters most to me now is.. What is your definition of love? Allow me to share what love means to me today..

Love.. to me.. is my doctor buddy calling up just to check on how I’m feeling.. it’s my neighbour texting to say egg curry’s on the menu for dinner and do I want some.. it’s my spiritual guide praying for me and keeping me in protection.. it’s a close friend asking if I slept well last night.. it’s my helper making my favourite food to tempt my appetite when I’m sick.. it’s my building watchman running to take a heavy parcel I’m struggling with.. it’s my bhajiwallah calling to say he's got exceptional green peas and is sending 2 kgs across.. it's my part-timer volunteering to give me a back or foot massage in the middle of her packed schedule..

Love is care.. concern.. thoughtfulness.. a generosity of spirit.. abundance in both giving and receiving.. Love is kindness.. compassion.. a strong shoulder to lean on.. an ear that listens patiently.. It is calling to ask if someone reached home safely.. running an errand for someone who’s unwell..

To me.. love is unconditional acceptance of those whom we truly love.. it is being non-judgemental.. it is “being there” to support help and uplift those around us.. it is being sensitive to the feelings of others.. being respectful and thoughtful.. It is what awakens from time spent in reflection.. introspection and the succeeding personal growth.. and love is something that grows and spreads from the wellspring of your soul..

By all means.. go out and celebrate.. do the whole red hearts.. chocolates.. gifts.. candlelight dinner.. declaration of eternal love.. and amid all the joy and celebration.. reflect and redefine all that love really means to you.. and then resolve to LIVE by it!

Love is something that we should aspire to make our “default setting” today on Valentine’s Day.. and all through the year! Wishing you a very Happy Valentine’s Day and may your life be filled with an abundance of the most pure and precious kind of love.. today.. tomorrow and always!

P.S. Please write your names in the comments.. Blogspot isn’t the most user-friendly website in this matter!

 

 

Seven years is such a long time.. but the love keeps growing!!

2^nd February 2017 was seven year ago.. seemingly just another ordinary day on the calendar.. but not for me.. Daddy was in the hospital with acute renal failure and the last possible option of Dialysis had been attempted and proven unsuccessful.. His nephrologist had very gently and kindly broken the news to me that unfortunately Daddy wouldn’t be coming home from the hospital this time..

Daddy was singularly the most practical person I have ever known and although we never told him what the doctor had said, he was intelligent enough to realize that all was not well.. visits from long missed but not forgotten people and associates.. calls from overseas.. notes of gratitude from people he had mentored and given their “first chance” in life etc..

When I was eating lunch at home that afternoon, an old schoolfriend called me from the US and said “I know your Dad is very unwell and all of us are praying that he goes peacefully.. but he’s lingering on because of you! He is worried about you.. how you will manage alone.. cope with losing him.. live your life.. and I know this because the same thing happened with my mother a short while ago.”

She went on to tell me “You need to LET GO.. and how will you do that? Sit down quietly and thank him for all that he did for you.. taught you.. gave you.. shared with you and blessed you with. Tell him (in your heart) that you’re “all grown up” now and will be fine and that he should stop worrying about you and just “let go” so he can move ahead on his soul journey”. Easier said than done.. it was heartbreaking in the extreme and but I didn’t want to prolong his suffering and so I did as she said..

Reaching the hospital, I sat quietly while Daddy gave me a long speech about what a good daughter I’d been and how he was so proud of me.. and how he wanted me to live the rest of my life.. how very much he loved me and so on.. He insisted that I attend a family birthday party that night despite my protests.. typical of him.. always putting my happiness on priority!

The fateful call came at 3:35 am from Breach Candy Hospital on the 3^rd of February saying that he had passed away.. and I was shattered! The loss of a parent is always devastating but for me, it was like someone had yanked my heart right out of my body.. it felt like I would never smile again and there was an abyss of sorrow and loneliness that would never be filled! He had been the centre of my universe for so long that getting used to his absence was a physical pain!

I grieved.. cried.. wept.. spent sleepless nights.. and as time went by.. took comfort in the care and concern of friends and family.. The realization dawned (and stayed with me) as to how such a (seemingly) quiet and uncommunicative person had built relationships with so many people and garnered so much goodwill.. Gratitude overwhelmed me when people made remarks like “You are so much your father’s daughter” or “Narendrabhai would be so proud to see you today” and “If God ever gave me a daughter, I would have wanted her to be just like you”! Not the praise for me – the praise for qualities I inherited from him!

The 3^rd of February is the saddest day of the year for me.. and at the same time joyful.. for it is a chance to thank you Daddy.. for teaching me to be punctual.. polite.. organized.. generous.. thoughtful.. helpful.. sympathetic.. shrewd.. thinking.. hardworking.. and yet in all this.. to retain a child-like innocence and a gentle sense of humour! Thank you for insisting that I study well.. exercise neat penmanship.. give free rein to my sometimes wild imagination.. for bringing me out of a completely abusive and dysfunctional marriage and always being my biggest cheerleader and one man army! 

There isn’t a day goes by that I don’t think of you.. and miss you.. and love you even more than I did the day before.. but I know you’re finally in a better place.. your suffering is over.. and no matter what.. you will always be with me.. and a part of my soul.. and.. in the absolutely immortal words of Whitney Houston..

“And I.. will always.. love you.. and I.. will always.. love you..”