WHO'S BRINGING WHAT TO YOUR LIFE.. make sure you understand!

 One of the nicest feelings in the world is putting a smile on someone's face and making them happy.. right? Definitely.. for sure.. I agree 100%.. BUT.. Have you ever stopped to go out of your way to do something to make YOURSELF happy? Most of us would plead "Not guilty your Honour" to that accusation.. and THAT is such a sad thing! 

The way I see it, we grow up as children with everyone pampering us and doing things to make US happy and making US feel special (because we are children).. and then.. all of a sudden (and this holds more true for women as compared with men, particularly in India).. you're "all grown up".. old enough to be married.. old enough to take on the responsibilities of keeping not merely a husband.. but often the in-laws.. the staff.. children.. friends of the family.. etc. looked after comfortable AND happy as well.. That's what I call a really tall order! AND.. you're expected to just hop into the saddle and do it all brilliantly!

Okay.. so here you are.. at any and every age and stage in life.. trying your best to be super efficient obliging understanding and helpful to anyone and everyone around you! Overwhelmed? Exhausted? Irritated?  Frustrated? That's a given.. and here's the reason why (in my head at least)..

 This has everything to do with being aware about the people you have in your life.. and more importantly the people you ALLOW in your life!  Also.. do take some time to introspect about the people in your life in terms of WHAT they bring to it.. Are they bringing security and comfort.. stress and tension.. negativity and sorrow.. love and laughter? 

For the longest time I had this tremendous "need to be needed" and it overshadowed everything else.. I was a people pleaser and would go to any and all lengths to do things for others and make them happy.. at the cost of my health.. of displeasing my parents.. of people laughing at me.. it was almost like being desperate for a word of approval or a smile or a kind word.. I just WANTED to be liked and have people say nice things about me!

Not being exceptionally academically brilliant good looking or creative especially as compared with others.. it was an uphill battle.. I realized that I had the ability to communicate my thoughts and feelings clearly.. and to connect with people that way.. so I concentrated on making good friends! The good thing that happened was that my good side and good qualities came to the surface.. but the bad qualities still stayed put.. and I didn't realize that THOSE were the ones I needed to work on.. impatience.. being intolerant egotistical and having a short temper.. for a long time..

Life teaches us so much.. if we choose to learn and fortunately for me.. some people came into my life and helped by accepting (and rejecting) me JUST the way I was.. warts and all! They gently (and not so gently) held up a mirror to my heart and I realized that unless I was happy and accepted myself.. no one else was going to! 

A bad marriage taught me not to depend on anyone for my happiness.. good friends taught me to be optimistic.. some heartbreakingly difficult conversations taught me that it was time to change NOW.. and my good friend Porus taught me it's all about getting in touch with your inner self and your energies! 

He gave me two books.. some very insightful and thought-provoking conversations.. asked some deep questions and created the stepping stone to my journey of personal spiritual growth.. Ever since I started.. there has been no looking back.. every day is a day of some new thought.. a small realization.. some decision based on a better understanding.. for all of which he has been the catalyst and I will be eternally grateful..

We are surrounded by people.. friends family neighbours staff colleagues etc.. and EVERY single one of them brings something different to our lives! I have been hurt and learned the hard way that there are people who are "energy vampires".. seemingly very nice on the surface but am just drained after meeting them! They feed off our energy and go away energized and leave us completely depleted.. and others who are a quiet presence but who boost our confidence without seeming to do anything except believing in us! There are also the people who can bring a twinkle to our eyes and a spring to our step with just a message or a two minute phone call..

A doctor once told my father "Remember that lifetime medication doesn't mean lifetime dosage.. you need to check every six months because your body may start reacting differently".. and am going to draw a parallel here.. Human beings are dynamic and so are their relationships and energies.. so it's a good idea to sit down quietly perhaps once in six months.. think about the people in your life and the energies they bring to it.. and analyze who is bringing what to your life.. realize.. recalibrate your mind and heart.. and  THEN.. lift your chin.. square your shoulders.. be at peace with yourself.. and carry on being your highest spiritual self and live the most beautiful life imaginable because you KNOW.. you just KNOW.. and you come always from the space of consciousness and awareness! 

ACCEPT YOURSELF.. FOR EVERYTHING YOU ARE.. and aren't!!

"When I was just a little girl.. I asked my mother "What will I be?

Will I be pretty? Will I be rich? Here's what she said to me..

Que sera sera.. whatever will be will be..

The future's not ours to see.. Que sera sera.."

Doris Day's iconic song comes to mind so often especially in times of uncertainty.. which we're getting an overdose of these days! Is is the Delta? Is it Omicron? etc.. 

All little girls and boys dream of growing up to be pretty or handsome or rich.. meeting Prince Charming or their Queen of Hearts.. falling in love.. getting married.. and living happily ever after! Is it really that simple? Is it?

Let's start at the very beginning.. What will I be? The great big all-important I.. I.. ME.. and MYSELF.. Before we think of what we WANT to be.. let's think of what WHO and WHAT we are today! A number of us (including me sometimes) don't like looking at ourselves in the mirror.. We invariably end up thinking thoughts like "Ohmigod.. I've put on so much weight.. my nose is too big.. my skin is a mess.. my dark circles are even worse than they were a couple of days ago.. I'm having such a bad hair day etc.. etc.."

There is another mirror I want you to look at yourself in.. the mirror that shows you your soul.. your mind.. your thoughts emotions.. faults and failings and fears.. concerns.. insecurities.. and your deepest feelings.. look at the mirror WITHIN you.. and.. What do you see? When you sit quietly with yourself, do you see yourself as a happy well-adjusted and calm person.. or do you see a nervous wreck who's terrified of change.. the unknown.. possible illness.. a looming financial crisis.. or do you see yourself as someone who is lost insecure and struggling to cope with whatever life is going to throw at you next? Do you see a person who you wish was a little smarter.. better looking.. confident.. efficient.. a person who is ENOUGH? Or do you see your inner beauty.. your kind heart.. sensitive soul.. your organizational skills.. your cheerful disposition.. your wellspring of positive energy.. and all your incredible qualities that set you uniquely apart from others? 

The "gyaan gurus" (motivational speakers etc..) are always telling us "You can do it.. if you try.. You are capable.. just focus and make it happen.. To my mind, they're forgetting to ask us a couple of simple questions.. the first one is.. Do you love yourself? Do you think people accept you for who you are? Given a choice, what are the three things you would change about yourself? And THAT"S when you fall into the trap! The trap is self-doubt and it's a horrible place because it's infested with nasty things like low self-esteem.. insecurity.. tension and diffidence.. none of the things you need to live a happy fulfilling life! A number of us (including me until sometime ago) would often get the feeling of "I wish I was as confident as ABC.. or Why can't I tell jokes like XYZ or.. How come I'm not exceptionally good at anything?"

STOP!! Stop it right now!! Please know that the MOST important emotion in life is love.. and to be very specific.. self-love! Self-acceptance is the only way to truly experience self-love. To achieve this, you need to accept who you are and always be true to yourself. Then and only then will you be able to fully love yourself the way you deserve to be loved. Through self-love and self-acceptance, you will be able to set boundaries to determine how others treat you. If you show them that you are worthy and love yourself, they will treat you that way. This in turn ensures that they see that you won’t accept any treatment other than kindness and love.

Each and every one of us have some amazing qualities.. maybe we are fantastic cooks.. or have perfect bodies.. or are magicians with the computer.. have elephant-like memories.. are super high on empathy.. and ALL of us have areas that we need to work on.. maybe we need to be more organized.. lose weight (me).. remember to pay our bills on time.. are awkward in formal social situations (me me).. have two left feet on the dance floor (me me me)!! Just remember that you need to be AWARE of your strengths.. and challenges.. and ACCEPT them.. Once you accept them, the next steps of working on them and seeing things fall into place will just happen magically! Obviously, keep your goals and targets realistic and achievable.. and do it one step at a time!

In the words of Steve Maraboli "Love yourself.. enough to take the actions required for your happiness.. enough to cut yourself loose from the drama-filled past.. enough to set a high standard for relationships.. enough to feed your mind and body in a healthy manner.. enough to forgive yourself.. enough to move on.." You must do what it takes to be happy. This means cut the people out of your life that cause drama and let go of the situations caused by that drama. Expect your relationships to be fulfilling and joyful. Be willing to live a healthy life, both emotionally and physically. Forgive yourself for things that you’ve done wrong, and move on from the past.

Last, but by no stretch of the imagination is this the least.. start expressing love through your thoughts.. deeds.. AND words.. It worries me that people are so uncomfortable and reluctant to say "I love you" to their parents, spouses, siblings, family members and friends.. WHAT IS IT?? WHY?? Speaking for myself, it makes me very happy to hear these little words from the people I love! Indians are generally not brought up to be emotionally expressive.. and men even more so.. but this is something we all NEED to learn to do! It's so simple.. when we part from friends, we usually say things like "See you soon.. Drive safe.. Take care.. all you need to do is add a heartfelt "I love you" before leaving parting or hanging up!

I sign off hoping you didn't find my first blog of 2022 very preachy.. but it was a message I wanted to share with you all.. As always.. thank you for reading.. and know that you are loved and your presence in my life is cherished! God bless.. stay safe.. and keep loving yourself.. and those around you!